24 replies to this topic

[ONP]

 

 

Hello guys and welcome to my first storyline ever since I joined DYOM. I was thinking "Why not trying out my luck in storylines?". So I came up with this one hoping that you'll like and especially trying to fix my previous mistakes. All the missions are conntected to each other so I suggest you to play them by order which you are able to follow in this topic. Now, without wasting more time, let's go to business.

 

 

 

Gavin Carson, a 31 years old aged man, who came back one day to his house, found his wife slaughtered and surrounded by blood. And once he figured out the disaster, the cops breaked in his house and arrested him for murder and he's innocent. Nobody believed him. So, he was sent to Las Venturas prison, life there ain't like he expected it to be, he'll try to survive the life there with the help of his friend Leo Ethered. And this one will let Gavin in the prison wrestling after he found that Carson is a great fighter. But Gavin, wants to get out of the jail no matter what happens. He couldn't afford a lawyer. The rest is up to you! Figure it by yourselves!

 

Characters	Description
Gavin Carson	The protagonist/playable character. He is 31 years old. He got arrested for murder even though he's innoent. Nobody trusted him. He'll try to escape from that "sh*thole" as he call it. Spoiler In return, the goverment'll give him the status of "Enemy of the state" which will make him one of the most wanted in the whole San Andreas.
Darrin Berny	Gavin's best friend from the childhood. He's helping Gavin since they were children out of troubles. He sent him a message when he was in the prison telling him to contact someone he know in there named "Leo Ethelred" who is supposed to help him out of there.
Leo Etherled	A prisoner in Las Venturas prison, the same place where Gavin got imprisoned and an old friend of Darrin. And he's running the prison wrestling there. Spoiler After he'll find out that Gavin is a good fighter, he'll put him in the wrestling for exercicing, and to improve his abilities.
Titus Mick	A prisoner in Las Venturas prison, and the bodyguard of Leo. He's a professional at fighting, that's why Leo allowed him to join his group of fighters and assign him as his special bodyguard. He's a man that can bullsh*t his way out of everything.
Corin Dawson	A prisoner in Las Venturas prison, and the most powerful man out there. He's the most professional man in fighting. He's got his own group of fighters. Nobody can talk to him or even touch him. Corin got imprisoned one day while he was robbing a jewerly store. Gavin was with his wife there, so he called secretly the cops who arrested Dawson.

 

 

Chapter 1 : Wrongfully Accused

 

[align=right]

Missions	Status	Link
Behind the bars	Complete	http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/33320
Prison Jobs	Complete	http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/33321
Leo Etherled	Complete	http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/33322
Unexpected Offer	Complete	http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/33336
Gatecrashers	Work In Progess (10%)	Not available yet.

[/align]

 

 

 

A FEW NOTES

 

1. Don't cheat

 

2. Each time I make an update, I'll post it in this topic.

 

3. The first chapter won't have much gameplay, but the story is dramatic, i'll focus on cutscenes. The real action begins at mission 7 or 8. Stay tuned!

 

Dyom123 : Creating missions, topic design.

You : for your feedback.

Slave Boy : Logo and headers.

[nandack]

OK, bro. I will be waiting for it.

[Juice the Joos]

Here it is!

Can't wait for the missions, sounds awesome!

[ONP]

OK, bro. I will be waiting for it.

Wow! Thanks for the fast reply man! Stay tuned, when I finish mission 3, maybe tonight. I'll upload it with the 2 previous missions. 

@Juice The Joos: Thanks mate, It's my first storyline ever. And i'll try to make it as great as i can.

[Huzaifa khan]

Wow! Another Dyom123's MP. I'm sure it's 100% awesome seriously waiting for the missions Good luck

[ONP]

Wow! Another Dyom123's MP. I'm sure it's 100% awesome seriously waiting for the missions Good luck

Thanks huzaifa. The chapter 1 will show the life of Gavin at the prison. Especially how'll he survive the life out there. I'm sure that most of you will like it. 

[ProdigyX34]

So it's finally started. after seeing your "sad" trailer and your previous successful mp, i'm very interested to play this new mission pack because it looks interesting. will play it for sure when you released some. so good luck. 

[ONP]

So it's finally started. after seeing your "sad" trailer and your previous successful mp, i'm very interested to play this new mission pack because it looks interesting. will play it for sure when you released some. so good luck. 

Thank you very much ProDX34, I didn't think that my previous MP was successful that much. But anyway, thanks. i'll upload the first 3 missions tonight and as soon as i'm done with fixing the f*cking bugs.

[ONP]

The first 3 mission have been uploaded. Have fun, play them and gimme some feedback! 

 

-New 3 missions added : 

Behind the bars

Prison Jobs

Leo Ethelred

- New character added : Leo Etherled

[Gammoudicj]

Gonna play it right now, I hope it's great like the Intro.

[Revolver1]

Never really liked criminal theme MPs since I am a law-abiding citizen 

Still, I'll try this, 'cause I like the "wrong accusation" theme. Finish it fast and get back to NWO, I'm still expecting it.

[nandack]

Review for Behind the Bars Dyom123

Hi, this is my short review for the mission Behind the Bars by DYOM123
Before I say something, let me told you if you not play this mission that this is a cutscene only mission like an intro. So, here is what I want to say.
This is a cutscene mission, good story that a murderer kills Gavin's wife when Gavin is absent. Good dea too that two cops are coming and bring Gavin to a jail which is show the player that there are some other criminals inside the jail. But, you make a little mistake in most part of the cutscenes. Yeah, the actors are suddenly disappear like when Gavin walk upstair there is a short moment that Gavin become a ball and appear again. For others maybe it's fine because not easy to mix some actor animations on DYOM, but for me it's different. Just look at a cutscene that suddenly disappering the actor is make me confused. You make a good storyline but it will be better if you make a transition before hiding the actors. How? Easy actually, so let's say your actor is Gavin. If Gavin is the player, you can use it without using another actor (I mean you use the player, not spawning actor) although it's not easy to maintain tracks of player when there is no mark on it. You can make a transition before hidding the murderer and spawning a new one that has an animation (remember right?). In this case, you can hide the murderer, spawning another one with walking animation, then put a static cutscene to a floor (because you just shot his foot) where he is not in the screen for 1 second and make a linear / smooth cutscene for 4 seconds maybe that placed in his (the murderer) track / way. So it will not show the player something like suddenly appearing foot from nowhere but it will show something like hey, there is someone that walking inside the house.
That's what I can say, sorry for my language and sorry, It's just my opinion to make your intro better. Cheers!

[ONP]

Review for Behind the Bars Dyom123

Hi, this is my short review for the mission Behind the Bars by DYOM123
Before I say something, let me told you if you not play this mission that this is a cutscene only mission like an intro. So, here is what I want to say.
This is a cutscene mission, good story that a murderer kills Gavin's wife when Gavin is absent. Good dea too that two cops are coming and bring Gavin to a jail which is show the player that there are some other criminals inside the jail. But, you make a little mistake in most part of the cutscenes. Yeah, the actors are suddenly disappear like when Gavin walk upstair there is a short moment that Gavin become a ball and appear again. For others maybe it's fine because not easy to mix some actor animations on DYOM, but for me it's different. Just look at a cutscene that suddenly disappering the actor is make me confused. You make a good storyline but it will be better if you make a transition before hiding the actors. How? Easy actually, so let's say your actor is Gavin. If Gavin is the player, you can use it without using another actor (I mean you use the player, not spawning actor) although it's not easy to maintain tracks of player when there is no mark on it. You can make a transition before hidding the murderer and spawning a new one that has an animation (remember right?). In this case, you can hide the murderer, spawning another one with walking animation, then put a static cutscene to a floor (because you just shot his foot) where he is not in the screen for 1 second and make a linear / smooth cutscene for 4 seconds maybe that placed in his (the murderer) track / way. So it will not show the player something like suddenly appearing foot from nowhere but it will show something like hey, there is someone that walking inside the house.
That's what I can say, sorry for my language and sorry, It's just my opinion to make your intro better. Cheers!

Thanks nandack, for me everything's working perfectly. I want to fix your problem but damn, i don't have the backup file!  I'll use your tips in the future! 

[Vinesh AKA SanAndreasDYOM]

Played all the 3 missions.. The story is interesting and the missions are good.. My rating is 9.6/10!

[ONP]

Played all the 3 missions.. The story is interesting and the missions are good.. My rating is 9.6/10!

Thanks Vinesh! 9.6/10 ! i mean, that means the top for me !   Alright, stay tuned for one more mission today, it's 85% done. I know it took some time to make a lil' progress but since i'm working on my MOTW mission, i won't have much time to work on it.

[ONP]

UPDATE

 

- Topic updated : New logo and headers added (Thanks to Slave Boy for them)

[Huzaifa khan]

Wow! Awesome headers. Specially logo

[ONP]

Wow! Awesome headers. Specially logo

Thanks Huzaifa, Slave Boy is always doing his best to help this community ! 

[XxGrovexX]

Great one Dyom123 hope you make this MP like NWO Good luck

[@QaiserH@]

Great Story And Missions Waiting 7 & 8 Mission 

[ONP]

Great one Dyom123 hope you make this MP like NWO Good luck

 

 

Great Story And Missions Waiting 7 & 8 Mission 

Thanks guys. Yesterday night i had some internet issues so i couldn't upload mission 4. Hopefully, today i'm gonna release 2 more mission.

[ONP]

UPDATE

- New mission added : Unexpected Offer - Download + 2 characters added : Corin Dawson + Titus Mick

[@QaiserH@]

Yeah This Mission Is Also Great 

[ONP]

Yeah This Mission Is Also Great 

Thanks Qaiser for your support. Sorry of not making long missions, As you can see if you take a look at the statistics that i'm using almost 100 objects and almost 90 actors. and more objectives means more actors and objects and you know the dyom limitation. So that's it.

[ONP]

I'm resuming the work on this SL, as soon as I'm done with the exams.