Something I'm deliberating doing for the next mission is to have two separate missions branch off afterwards depending on the actions of the crew you use to take down the Hustler's Convention. I know a lot of people disliked that it didn't really effect anything the people you chose to do heists with in GTAV, other than that the weaker ones would die. Would everyone like to see such a thing or would it complicate the story too much?
The sheer depth of your knowledge of all of the little places in the south Florida area never ceases to amaze me. For some reason Lorna sitting at the bar talking to Ariel reminded me of Chloe Grace Moretz's character (also a young postitute) talking to Denzel Washington in the movie The Equalizer although I doubt it was intentional. I liked the mission overall it was a classic chase but done really well with enough twists and turns to keep the reader interested. If I had to hazard a guess as to who those guys were I'd say they were either DEA or FIB (or some kind of government agency at least). If old Moe is based on who I think he is then it makes sense that he would be under their protection.
Thanks a lot man, I snagged one of those Florida travel guides not long after you encouraged me to give the location a second look and gave it a read I haven't actually seen The Equalizer to know the scene I just based Lorna on a friend of mine, I did also base Moe on someone I remember reading about being a smuggler in Alabama and tied to a government agency, though the name eludes me... who were you thinking of?
I actually had him confused with Saul Saperstein I thought you had replaced him with Moe Magnussun which I now realise is not the case. I do know why though.. it's because you seem to have based Saperstein on Max Mermelstein (with a little bit of Frank Lopez thrown in) and Moe Magnussun also has the double M and seems to be mixed up with the government. I'm actually glad he hasn't been killed off because from the few lines of a description you have given him in the characters section I can see him being a good character when you eventually introduce him.
As far as the branching missions go I think it seems like a good idea and would add a lot more to the depth of the stories than the simple choice between a Smart or Load approach we got in GTA V. The Equalizer is a decent movie and puts a good spin on the old TV show with which it shares its name and premise. You can get a good sense of both Denzel and Chloe characters from this trailer here
Like Gara, Denzel's character is a badass with a somewhat mysterious past and Chloe Grace Moretz is a young abused prostitute with a hoarse vocal range who seeks to have revenge on her former pimp. The similarities are subtle but enough for me to instantly make a link between the two.
I actually had an idea the other day in relation to this story while listening to the story of a former mob associate who spent time in a notoriously heinous Brazilian prison. He doesn't speak much about it but does say that he spent a lot of time with a knife concealed in his ass for his own protection.
Basically my thought was this.. you know the way you spoke of your plans to have Gara do prison time during your story, well what if some of this time were served in a harsh Colombian jail as opposed to a comparatively soft American version of it. You could possibly flip the Tony Montana situation and have him perform a murder for somebody in power on the inside in order to buy his extradition to America where the rest of his time would be served. For a sweetheart deal a lot of men in his position would rat on all in sundry but for a simple tranfer he would probably carve some poor f*cker up real nice. This could also be his buy in to the Cartel, much like Johnny Depp who went into prison with a bachelor in marijuana and came out with a doctorate in cocaine, only to be shaking hands with Pablo Escobar a couple of scenes later. While you're at it why not have him do his time through a cheesy 80s style montage including a scene of him hammering away at a pig carcass in the snow Seriously though is the prison thing something that you might consider or are you dead set on his whole stint being served in America?