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Words replaced by simple action.

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Coat.
  • Coat.

    god bless the dead

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#1

Posted 10 May 2014 - 12:17 PM Edited by Coat., 10 May 2014 - 12:17 PM.

Damned eyes search the coast,
The on-looking skies move wayward,
Way below the hollow wood hills and everlasting light,
Colours of all spectrum dance -so bright.

Sand grains falls on the black long lash,
The eye blinks and yet no words are spoken,
Tears roll like waves throughout the land,
Sending vision - words, yet none of token.

Providing gestures and certain shrugs,
And gentle ways of bread crumb crisps,
Do the green hills that set out forth that thought stronger,
Yet a gentle grip.

Ziggy455
  • Ziggy455

    The vulgar, Irish, writer!

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#2

Posted 01 July 2014 - 10:33 PM

I get a vision of a woman, looking out towards land, as if she herself is unable to approach it. There's a tone of sorrow or desperation in the fact she looks out, as if begging for some form of attention or communication. The explanation of the wayward skies, the green hills, gives me an image of natural beauty, while the eyes of the woman must deal with coarse, dead sand. 

 

This is probably all wrong, but it feels to me as if there woman is trapped somewhere, or yearns to be away from where she is. The grass is always greener on the other side -or hills in this exception- and maybe that's the idea you were going for. 

 

I'm sorry if I got it wrong. I'm not exactly poetically savvy. 

  • Coat. likes this

Coat.
  • Coat.

    god bless the dead

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 21 May 2012
  • None

#3

Posted 02 July 2014 - 05:01 AM

It's up to the reader to create a meaning. And may I say, your one is beautiful. 

  • Ziggy455 likes this




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