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Calling it quits... or not

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Xyn
  • Xyn

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#91

Posted 11 May 2014 - 06:26 AM

That was deep.

Sadly, I don't agree. People only change to suit their needs.

Besides, what good does it do for the relationship if they change...the damage has already been done.
 

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central805
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#92

Posted 11 May 2014 - 08:36 AM Edited by central805, 11 May 2014 - 08:36 AM.

That was deep.

Sadly, I don't agree. People only change to suit their needs.

Besides, what good does it do for the relationship if they change...the damage has already been done.
 

 

... At the end of the day, leaving her is the most noble thing you can do ...

 

... She will either change her ways so she never has to be faced with this situation again, or she will change her methods of deception ...

 

 

I realize the point may have been muddled in the wall of text, but that was precisely what I was trying to say.

 

Great minds think alike.


am30
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#93

Posted 11 May 2014 - 05:12 PM

A leopard never changes it's spots.

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McGyver55
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#94

Posted 11 May 2014 - 07:32 PM

Hmm... I was perusing the forums looking for something fun to comment on and came across this...

No, I don't actually think this is a fun topic, but I invested about ten minutes reading it, so I figured "in for a penny, in for a pound"... 

First off, I'd like to say that after having read your post, I could think of a lot better places, filled with a lot saner people where one could ask about or ponder such a topic... but I'm gonna assume you feel comfortable here and trust the judgement and opinions of the random strangers here... which is cool... I suppose... well...  to be honest, if you are not making this up and you are really comfortable here its still a rather odd choice... 

But, anyway... I can see that when you made the original post, this issue was probably bothering you quite a bit... so heres my semi-unsolicited take on this...

 

The real question here seems to me to be... do you actually like her?

Or are you just annoyed that you trusted her and she came home with another guy?

Do you actually want a relationship with her, or is the possibility of sex that you are used to, more of the lure?

Do you miss her if she is not around (her, not her naughty bits)?

Do you share mutual interests?

What would you actually want from a relationship with her (beside DNA swapping)...?

Do you feel you aught to be in a relationship "so what the hell, this is close enough"?

 

You said that line about about a weed growing into a flower over time... which is an interesting choice of words... perhaps poorly chosen, or perhaps expressing a deep feeling...

 

I can't give you any answers, but sometimes putting forth a question for someone to ask themselves is useful in putting things in perspective.

Too many people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons... and are never really happy... they spend years plowing along and one day it hits them... and either they hurt someone or the other person hurts them... eventually, it becomes less about love lost than time invested..

 

There is that old cliche' were a girl spends her time trying to change her douche-bag boyfriend only to learn there is no changing someone like him... but that concept can be applied to both genders...

Basing any relationship on the premise of the other person changing into someone more likable, is a relationship prone to disappointment... 

Most people who base a relationship on that idea, are sorely disappointed and more often than not end up just getting used to the things they dislike and learning to adjust... not to say that even perfect matches are immune, but at least you are starting the race on four good tires and not bald flats... you have a far better chance of success and happiness if there is a mutual attraction, shared interests and respect...

Lacking such a foundation is a huge problem to overcome.

I've known numerous people throughout my life who have made such a bet and for the most part there has never been a surprise in the outcome.

 

Then there is also one other critical point you mentioned... you seem disinterested in partying and clubbing, yet the young lass feels the opposite... In my experience, this is a huge stumbling block, where one person is going into an environment where nine out of ten males there are only looking to hook up with someone for the night... even if the young lady is just there to dance and have fun, she is putting herself into a situation that can only lead to problems and breed jealousy and discontent... I've seen it a thousand times, where the girl enjoys the attention the free drinks that get sent her way, the music, the excitement, and eventually something bad goes down and everyone is sorry... promises are are made, mistakes forgotten... till they happen again...

Clubbing is like S&M... either you are both into it, or someone gets hurt eventually.

 

I'm no qualified consultant, but I have paid attention in life somewhat and much of what I point out is based on observing people I've known and even some past relationships I've had...

But ultimately the real answer lies with you, what you want and expect from a relationship...

Good luck with whatever path you choose...





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