So I decided to write this poem, sonnet, whatever you wanna call it. I did it based on something my buddy did on their profile. Don't take it too seriously, since I wrote this to vent some stuff. On a lighter note, try to count how many song references you can find.
"I am free, like a bird in the sky"
"I am free, I forgot what fear means"
Plays on my ipod as I walk home.
I do not know the language
but I know the words
because we'd listen to them all the time
It used to be our favorite song
It's just words to a tune
We had perfect days together
She made me forget myself
She made me think I was someone else
Someone worth being loved
Someone worth spending time with
Someone worth eating Chinese food with while watching Adult Swim repeats
Someone worth something
You would never expect it when it happened
In a dark corner by the utility shed
She kissed my lips and closed my eyes
Took us out of this world to paradise
To make everyone see that I love you
And you love me
Never again will I have that pleasure
That privilege, that chance
Her head tilted to the right, as I did mine
And our lips made contact
The ecstasy surrounded us
The feelings came like a truck load of bricks
Or an unwanted guest who wouldn't leave after a party
I wanted to make love to her
Since everything was possible at that point
We felt no pain together
No sorrow together
For her, I was the always the one I could never be
"Never be" is the right word right now
As I sit in my bedroom in front of a computer monitor
Listening to the music we would listen to together
Uncertain of my future
Out of a future
No more forklifts
No more shenanigans
I lay quietly awake in my bed
In complete darkness
Waiting to go to sleep to face a new day
But I cannot with her racing through my mind
Her golden blonde hair and doppelganger personality to me
They say "opposites attract"
But I say those who believe that are the lucky ones
My luck ran out a long time ago
We got caught doing things we shouldn't have been doing
With our mobile phones
With our emotions
With our future
"You cannot see her" the elders said
"She is bad news"
I foolishly listened.
For weeks, I hid from her
Even though she wanted to see me
I could not see her
Even though I wanted to
The elders rewarded me for not seeing her
And I foolishly relished the rewards
But I still felt empty inside
Not being able to share and enjoy the rewards
Why am I so alone?
Where is the girl I once called my everything?
Have I driven her away?
Is she gone?
No more blue skies with her
No more dates at the Chinese takeaway with her
No more hugging each other and telling ourselves everything will be okay
No more kisses
No more walking down the hallway with our arms wrapped around each other
No more imagination brainstorming for video game ideas and ridiculous porn plots
No more running off the school bus at the beginning of school just to see her before anyone else does
No more watching the world through her eyes
No more finishing what I begun with her
No more happy endings
No more "I love you"
This was three years ago
Three years later
The devils in my head cry
The devils scratch
Wanting to be out
I try to talk to her to apologize
She does not notice me
I do not exist to her
I am dismissed
I passed on
I am no more
This Phil has ceased to be
Sometimes I dream a dream
A scary dream
I'm being led through a cemetery in a coffin
With a flag draped over it
And honor guards carrying me to my resting place
As they chant a familiar tune
"From a big bird in the sky""All will jump and some will die""Off to battle we will go""To live or die, hell I don't know"
That dream mirrored who wanted to be
And was scared to become
I was a paratrooper like my father was
I fought for my country's freedom like my grandfather did
And I'm being laid to rest like my brother is
Everyone in the crowd is crying
Perhaps this is all I wanted all along?
To die with something meaningful?
To die with a parachute on my back?
To die with a rifle in my hand?
To die with an enemy in my sights?
But in the crowd
In my dream
I can see her
Her golden hair reflecting the sunlight from the sun
Watching the service with a careful eye
It's finally a reality
This Phil has ceased to be
I am stardustI am golden
I am back in the garden
But that is neither here nor there
I have tried to move on
I have met new people
But none are the same as her
I am clingy
I am obsessive
But at the end of the day, the old adage rules true
She introduced meThrough a Joni Mitchell song."We're captive on the carousel of time""We can't return we can only look behind""From where we came""And go round and round and round""In the circle game"