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Need help faking my own death.

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Harley
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#31

Posted 27 February 2014 - 11:34 AM

Is she actually big and hairy? Or just a little beastly?

If she is in any way f*ckable, you could see how far she's willing to go. That might be fun.
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SingingEwe954
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#32

Posted 27 February 2014 - 11:47 AM

Is she actually big and hairy? Or just a little beastly?
If she is in any way f*ckable, you could see how far she's willing to go. That might be fun.

If she is that ugly she probably has STDs and then he would just be better off killing her unless he wore a bag over his head

Vlynor
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#33

Posted 27 February 2014 - 11:49 AM Edited by Vlynor, 27 February 2014 - 11:49 AM.

 

Is she actually big and hairy? Or just a little beastly?
If she is in any way f*ckable, you could see how far she's willing to go. That might be fun.

If she is that ugly she probably has STDs and then he would just be better off killing her unless he wore a bag over his head

 

 

If she's really ugly, why would she have STDs? That means someone would've wanted to f*ck her.

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I<3GTAV
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#34

Posted 27 February 2014 - 11:50 AM Edited by I<3GTAV, 28 February 2014 - 12:20 AM.

Tell her YOU'RE gay.


SingingEwe954
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#35

Posted 27 February 2014 - 11:58 AM

Is she actually big and hairy? Or just a little beastly?
If she is in any way f*ckable, you could see how far she's willing to go. That might be fun.

If she is that ugly she probably has STDs and then he would just be better off killing her unless he wore a bag over his head
 
If she's really ugly, why would she have STDs? That means someone would've wanted to f*ck her.
Doesn't have to be a stf she got from someone else it could be an undescoveeed one but you could also use protection

Criѕtian
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#36

Posted 27 February 2014 - 12:12 PM

Like the others have said, the best solution would be to be honest with her. She might end up hating you but she will probably hate you even more if you lie to her and that could backfire for you in ways that you may not be able to predict (it's not a good idea to become enemies with someone at work).

 

I don't recommend lying to people, but seeing as you don't actually owe her anything you could tell her that you have a girlfriend. If she keeps acting too friendly you could tell her that your girlfriend is kinda jealous so she should stop sending you messages and stuff. It would be a good idea to hide your relationship status on Facebook (unless you want to set it to "in a relationship", but that might make your friends curious so hiding it makes more sense).


Max
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#37

Posted 27 February 2014 - 12:37 PM

 

 

 

Is she actually big and hairy? Or just a little beastly?
If she is in any way f*ckable, you could see how far she's willing to go. That might be fun.

If she is that ugly she probably has STDs and then he would just be better off killing her unless he wore a bag over his head
 
If she's really ugly, why would she have STDs? That means someone would've wanted to f*ck her.
Doesn't have to be a stf she got from someone else it could be an undescoveeed one but you could also use protection

 

Wait, so you believe physical appearance is linked to disease? Are you a medieval physician? 

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Vlynor
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#38

Posted 27 February 2014 - 12:43 PM Edited by Vlynor, 27 February 2014 - 12:43 PM.

 

 

 

Is she actually big and hairy? Or just a little beastly?
If she is in any way f*ckable, you could see how far she's willing to go. That might be fun.

If she is that ugly she probably has STDs and then he would just be better off killing her unless he wore a bag over his head
 
If she's really ugly, why would she have STDs? That means someone would've wanted to f*ck her.
Doesn't have to be a stf she got from someone else it could be an undescoveeed one but you could also use protection

 

 

ChHNZ.gif

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Marwin Moody
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#39

Posted 27 February 2014 - 12:57 PM

tell her you're gay c'mon.


TheGreenSadler
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#40

Posted 27 February 2014 - 01:04 PM

Take a dump on her desk, problem solved.


theadmiral
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#41

Posted 27 February 2014 - 01:07 PM

Tell her you can't go out on any night of the week because you are the raid leader of a very successful World of Warcraft guild that operates on a fixed schedule. If that doesn't drive her away I don't know what will.

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F4L?
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#42

Posted 27 February 2014 - 01:25 PM

I feel compelled to advise you to seek help, as you are being stalked and harassed. Although, were it me, I would just have lots of nasty sex with her and leech off of her financially. Constant f*cking while she's home, buying pizza and beer on her credit card while she's at work. Oh, to be loved.

You're the biggest f*ckin' druggo aye.

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Melchior
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#43

Posted 27 February 2014 - 01:40 PM

Finno mate, s'goin' on?

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F4L?
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    Well I'm sorry, Princess.

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#44

Posted 27 February 2014 - 01:44 PM

Whaddiyatalkinabeet

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Hodgey.
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#45

Posted 27 February 2014 - 01:46 PM

Starting kissing another guy in front of her. That should put her off.


Rudy
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#46

Posted 27 February 2014 - 02:16 PM Edited by Rudy, 27 February 2014 - 02:17 PM.

F*ck all the 'tell her you're gay' posts, just tell her you're a member on a video game forum.
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Forty
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#47

Posted 27 February 2014 - 03:19 PM

Is she actually big and hairy? Or just a little beastly?
If she is in any way f*ckable, you could see how far she's willing to go. That might be fun.

If she is that ugly she probably has STDs and then he would just be better off killing her unless he wore a bag over his head

Wait, so wearing a bag on my head will prevent STDs?

Moonshield
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#48

Posted 27 February 2014 - 03:26 PM

 

 

Is she actually big and hairy? Or just a little beastly?
If she is in any way f*ckable, you could see how far she's willing to go. That might be fun.

If she is that ugly she probably has STDs and then he would just be better off killing her unless he wore a bag over his head

Wait, so wearing a bag on my head will prevent STDs?

 

 

Depends on the head to which you're referring.

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Slave Boy
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#49

Posted 27 February 2014 - 03:28 PM

Cry out and tell her You wanted to have a relationship, but it´s now impossible because You are friends.


Gilligan
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#50

Posted 27 February 2014 - 03:40 PM Edited by geobst, 27 February 2014 - 04:53 PM.

Tell her, "after discussing it with a bunch of forumers I have come to the conclusion that I'm not only gay, but you've got an STD because you have a terrible appearance."

If she doesn't lose interest after the forumers bit then you're f*cked!
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Forty
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#51

Posted 27 February 2014 - 04:20 PM

Tell her, "after discussing it with a bunch of forumers...


WHOA THERE SLOW DOWN DAT PUSSY TRAIN
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K^2
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#52

Posted 27 February 2014 - 05:07 PM

Just file a sexual harassment complaint with your company. Easiest and most effective thing to do. They'll basically do all the hard work for you.

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Black & White
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#53

Posted 27 February 2014 - 08:55 PM

Honestly, you have to be very blunt with someone like this in this situation. Use direct language and tell her that she needs to stop and that her actions are making you very uncomfortable. If she continues the behaviour and if it intensifies, yeah, you can report her for harassment. Also, maybe ask your friends to help you tell her to stop too. 

 

Exactly. I'm not up with the "fake death" so-called "solution". Just be blunt and tell her to f*ck off. She'll end up getting herself hurt because you don't like her.


Moonshield
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#54

Posted 27 February 2014 - 09:13 PM

Tell her your gay.

 

His gay what?

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anus
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#55

Posted 27 February 2014 - 09:29 PM

You deleted your Facebook? Why didn't you just remove her as a friend, make all content private, and remove all her posts?

That would've been more reasonable.

Myron
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#56

Posted 27 February 2014 - 09:31 PM

You deleted your Facebook? Why didn't you just remove her as a friend, make all content private, and remove all her posts?

That would've been more reasonable.

I don't know, deleting facebook seems like a reasonable solution. Not even for this, just in general.

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ILAK
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#57

Posted 27 February 2014 - 09:35 PM

Dude I got it! 

 

You should tell her your Gay!

 

O wait, did someone say that already? :sarcasm:


universetwisters
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#58

Posted 27 February 2014 - 09:48 PM

Here's what you do:

 

1. bring a bicycle and fake blood to work

2. tell her youre going on a biking trip to the woods after work

3. leave work before she does, MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT SEE YOU.

4. crush your bicycle under your car in the middle of a parking lot

5. pour fake blood all over wrecked bike

6. leave bloodied, wrecked bike in the middle of the parking lot, in full view of her exit, as you leave

7. move to Nova Scotia, adopt Canadian culture and a new lifestyle.

 

You can't go wrong, trust me!

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Mister Kay
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#59

Posted 28 February 2014 - 04:21 AM

f*ck her like a beast.

Vanzant
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#60

Posted 28 February 2014 - 04:40 AM

Forty, the best thing to do is tell her you are not interested in dating co-workers and make it clear that you do not want her touching you in a inappropriate manner. If she continues, file a statement of facts against her and sent it the human resources dept.





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