Quantcast

Jump to content

» «
Photo

What to do about rape?

196 replies to this topic
El Diablo
  • El Diablo

    "The Devil" ™

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 03 Aug 2002
  • Mars
  • April Fools Loser 2015

#31

Posted 20 February 2014 - 08:05 PM

she doesn't visit this forum.

it's fair game for him to ask advice on her behalf. it's not like any of us know who she is....

  • Finn 7 five 11 likes this

EphemeralStar
  • EphemeralStar

    fkyou

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 26 Dec 2013
  • Canada

#32

Posted 20 February 2014 - 08:09 PM

It's not fair game if she doesn't know/didn't give him permission and later finds out.I'd personally be a little pissed if I found out my boyfriend told a bunch of weirdo's on the internet that I was raped. I think it should be something dealt personally if it truly is a serious issue. 

  • na89340qv0n34b09q340 and MarshalMoo like this

Kristian.
  • Kristian.

    Dealux

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 26 Nov 2011
  • None

#33

Posted 20 February 2014 - 08:37 PM

^ It's not like anyone here knows who Finn is in real life, so I really don't think it matters as long as nobody can find out who his girlfriend is.

  • BnB likes this

Black & White
  • Black & White

    Homie

  • Members
  • Joined: 22 Nov 2013
  • United-States

#34

Posted 20 February 2014 - 08:38 PM

Do whatever you feel is necessary. If you have solid evidence that he actually raped her, then you should probably go to law enforcement about it. Without evidence, it is simply a waste of time and Jen won't receive any proper justice. Once the police are notified and you have serious evidence, he'll more than likely be convicted and receive a good beating from the inmates. My advice.. you should beat him. Rapists are scum.


El Diablo
  • El Diablo

    "The Devil" ™

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 03 Aug 2002
  • Mars
  • April Fools Loser 2015

#35

Posted 20 February 2014 - 08:44 PM

It's not fair game if she doesn't know/didn't give him permission and later finds out.

 

so it's only not fair game if she finds out?

I think he's perfectly within his right to ask us on her behalf because she's completely disconnected from this community and none of us know her (none of us even know Finn, for that matter).


EphemeralStar
  • EphemeralStar

    fkyou

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 26 Dec 2013
  • Canada

#36

Posted 20 February 2014 - 09:21 PM Edited by EphemeralStar, 20 February 2014 - 09:24 PM.

It's not fair game anything. Depending on the person they may not want this kind of information to be disclosed if they find it too personal, it's not really his right to tell people about her experience in my opinion, unless she said it was okay. BUT since he did say she got over it, she might not care any more..which also makes me wonder why the past is being brought up anyway over a potential video that neither of them have seen or can prove exists. Also, did you know your gf was raped before this all happened with the video? 


outlawfisherman
  • outlawfisherman

    link223-IGN

  • Members
  • Joined: 18 Feb 2014
  • United-States

#37

Posted 20 February 2014 - 09:23 PM

Um, if she knows who he is, I'd probably hunt him down and destroy him.  So props I guess on having more self control than I ever could.

  • Black & White likes this

Otter
  • Otter

    sea dwelling madman

  • Administrator
  • Joined: 30 Jan 2003
  • Canada

#38

Posted 20 February 2014 - 09:59 PM

Is she seeking therapy? I know like that seems like my go-to response these days, but if there was ever a watershed case for it...

 

If it's spreading around campus she's likely to have to confront it sooner rather than later.

  • Finn 7 five 11 likes this

El Diablo
  • El Diablo

    "The Devil" ™

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 03 Aug 2002
  • Mars
  • April Fools Loser 2015

#39

Posted 20 February 2014 - 10:10 PM

It's not fair game anything.

 

says who?

 

if anything, an anonymous forum is the perfect place to raise this sort of topic.

if Finn was to go around asking his friends and family about it, they would obviously be personally familiar with his girl and it would be much more awkward for them than it will ever be for us.


EphemeralStar
  • EphemeralStar

    fkyou

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 26 Dec 2013
  • Canada

#40

Posted 20 February 2014 - 10:33 PM Edited by EphemeralStar, 20 February 2014 - 10:35 PM.

It's not a perfect place unless his girlfriend is okay with him even bringing up HER own personal experiences. That is part of her life and it is up to her to tell people about it because it's a personal thing and could have been a traumatic experience for her. I know that finding out your girlfriend was raped is a hard thing to deal with, but that is still hardly comparable to her actually being raped. In this situation, I still believe it would be more productive to deal with it personally rather than a forum board where all sorts of people are going to have a say on it. Also, I don't think there is much he can do now unfortunately because it happened a long time ago and they have no solid proof that the video exists, which unfortunately happens all the time. People fail to report getting raped because they're embarassed, ashamed, etc. :( 

  • Rougarou, na89340qv0n34b09q340, BuyMeTheMoon and 1 other like this

trip
  • trip

    ~

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 10 Oct 2007
  • United-States
  • Contribution Award [Gen Chat]

#41

Posted 20 February 2014 - 10:54 PM

Finn, that is a tough story and position to be in. It is way too late to do a anything legal and official I'm guessing.

Can't you just confront the dude and scare the sh*t out of him with a thread of beating the sh*t out of him if you hear that he even looked at your chick?
  • Finn 7 five 11 likes this

Rougarou
  • Rougarou

    different colours made of tears

  • Members
  • Joined: 19 Feb 2010
  • None

#42

Posted 20 February 2014 - 10:54 PM

are you guys freaking serious? fair game?  what? this is some heavy stuff that   i would suggest finn deal with

 

  personally and  talk to someone he can trust in real life, i mean come on  why would you come on an internet

 

forum and seek advice for something so serious?  i  mean i can see why you would be seeking some kind of

 

advice as to what you should do, but this place is deffinatley not  the right place to ask this question.  and to

 

those of you saying "well it's not like we know finn or his gf in real life"  it doesn't matter it is still a personal

 

problem that should be dealt with  personally and not on a forum dedicated to a game. honestly that is the only

 

advice i can give is to talk to someone you are close with  about it  and ask them for advice as to what you should do, either that or  * typical wannabe tough guy post* BeAT hIZ AZZ bRO!  :dozing:

  • theadmiral and EphemeralStar like this

Raavi
  • Raavi

  • Moderator
  • Joined: 27 Jan 2012
  • None
  • Best Moderator 2014
    Winner of World Cup 2014 Prediction League
    Best Forum Ledby 2013
    Most Improved 2013

#43

Posted 20 February 2014 - 11:14 PM Edited by Raavi, 20 February 2014 - 11:19 PM.

It's never too late to go to the police, especially not when it pertains a crime as heinous as sexual assault. Don't lower yourself to his level, reconstructing his face might be painful for a bit but prison and being labeled a sex offender will ruin him forever. You have the opportunity to nail the sick bastard here and condemn him to many years of soap dropping, take it. You say he is still in possession of the video, good because not only is possession of such a material a crime in and of itself, it's incriminating evidence implicating him in the rape. More than enough to build a strong case against him.

  • Finn 7 five 11 and WBaker like this

theadmiral
  • theadmiral

    Founder And Opening Batsman: Vinewood Cricket Club

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 26 Sep 2013
  • Trinidad-and-Tobago

#44

Posted 20 February 2014 - 11:18 PM

All of these options are assuming that the story is actually true and not either A) Entirely made up or B) Being misrepresented by one or more party. But if it is true, the cops are the best choice.

  • Rougarou likes this

El Diablo
  • El Diablo

    "The Devil" ™

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 03 Aug 2002
  • Mars
  • April Fools Loser 2015

#45

Posted 20 February 2014 - 11:18 PM

It's not a perfect place unless his girlfriend is okay with him even bringing up HER own personal experiences. That is part of her life and it is up to her to tell people about it because it's a personal thing and could have been a traumatic experience for her. I know that finding out your girlfriend was raped is a hard thing to deal with, but that is still hardly comparable to her actually being raped. In this situation, I still believe it would be more productive to deal with it personally rather than a forum board where all sorts of people are going to have a say on it. Also, I don't think there is much he can do now unfortunately because it happened a long time ago and they have no solid proof that the video exists, which unfortunately happens all the time. People fail to report getting raped because they're embarassed, ashamed, etc. :(

look I don't disagree with any of that.

but I also don't see anything inherently wrong with him asking for advice here.

  • Finn 7 five 11 and EntretainMeOrDie like this

EphemeralStar
  • EphemeralStar

    fkyou

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 26 Dec 2013
  • Canada

#46

Posted 20 February 2014 - 11:23 PM Edited by EphemeralStar, 20 February 2014 - 11:25 PM.

 

It's not a perfect place unless his girlfriend is okay with him even bringing up HER own personal experiences. That is part of her life and it is up to her to tell people about it because it's a personal thing and could have been a traumatic experience for her. I know that finding out your girlfriend was raped is a hard thing to deal with, but that is still hardly comparable to her actually being raped. In this situation, I still believe it would be more productive to deal with it personally rather than a forum board where all sorts of people are going to have a say on it. Also, I don't think there is much he can do now unfortunately because it happened a long time ago and they have no solid proof that the video exists, which unfortunately happens all the time. People fail to report getting raped because they're embarassed, ashamed, etc. :(

look I don't disagree with any of that.

but I also don't see anything inherently wrong with him asking for advice here.

 

That's totally okay! We don't have to agree 100% on the same things. But yeah, there's nothing inherently wrong with him coming here for help, I just think something this personal could have been dealt with in a different way and more effectively. 

  • Rougarou likes this

Kirsty
  • Kirsty

  • Administrator
  • Joined: 05 Mar 2011
  • United-Kingdom
  • Best Moderator 2014
    Most Respected 2014
    Most Helpful 2014
    Best Moderator 2013
    Most Helpful 2013

#47

Posted 20 February 2014 - 11:24 PM

There's nothing wrong with sharing problems and asking for advice on the Internet.

 

However, there is something kinda wrong about sitting on the Internet and sharing a story with a gaming forum instead of comforting the person who happens to be your girlfriend and  just confessed to you she was date raped and there is a video that may exist of it and the rapist is on her campus. 

 

Pressing charges might not be the answer here have people have already suggested, but you need to find out the facts and find out how far she is willing to go with this in terms of naming and shaming him to the police as well. This is about how your girlfriend is feeling over this and dealing with it now it's become fresh in her memory again because of seeing him on campus. This isn't about whether you need to be all macho and go and beat the sh*t out of him and possibly get yourself in trouble.

  • Davo the Assassin, Rougarou, na89340qv0n34b09q340 and 2 others like this

El Diablo
  • El Diablo

    "The Devil" ™

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 03 Aug 2002
  • Mars
  • April Fools Loser 2015

#48

Posted 21 February 2014 - 12:27 AM

However, there is something kinda wrong about sitting on the Internet and sharing a story with a gaming forum instead of comforting the person who happens to be your girlfriend and  just confessed to you she was date raped and there is a video that may exist of it and the rapist is on her campus. 

well now you're making assumptions about Finn that are equally wrong.

why would you assume that he hasn't comforted her first?


Kirsty
  • Kirsty

  • Administrator
  • Joined: 05 Mar 2011
  • United-Kingdom
  • Best Moderator 2014
    Most Respected 2014
    Most Helpful 2014
    Best Moderator 2013
    Most Helpful 2013

#49

Posted 21 February 2014 - 12:31 AM

"Found out today"

I think it takes more than that to get over a traumatic experience. I didn't make assumptions about him, I made suggestions that he should be comforting her and finding out from her, the victim, about how she wants to proceed and support her in that. We can't answer that on her behalf.
  • D- Ice likes this

El Diablo
  • El Diablo

    "The Devil" ™

  • Leone Family Mafia
  • Joined: 03 Aug 2002
  • Mars
  • April Fools Loser 2015

#50

Posted 21 February 2014 - 12:33 AM

yes and perhaps he's also doing that.

it seems a little silly to assume that he came STRAIGHT here and has done nothing else.


vertical limit
  • vertical limit

    When in doubt don't pull out.

  • Members
  • Joined: 27 Aug 2010
  • None

#51

Posted 21 February 2014 - 12:43 AM

Finn, I am not familiar regarding such laws in Australia but there are a few things that could be done. 

 

Confront your girlfriend about this, does she really want to justice? From what you write, it's quite wrong that she hasn't told her parents yet. She got violated, and she should be able to tell her parents things that are too serious to ignore. My best judgement is that she is scared. Scared that her parents might disown her or she might disappoint her parents beyond repair. The only circumstance that justifies her not telling her parents is that she took the justice she deserves with her own hands. That is out of the question so let me get back to what I was saying. I don't know how well you handle multiple tasks/situations but try and get her to feel comfortable with the idea of telling her parents, instead of rejecting the idea almost immediately. Tell her that her parents care about her and if this happened to her daughter, wouldn't she want to know. Your girlfriend will think emotionally about this whole problem and not logically so you need to use your very best judgement without trying to force her to something she doesn't want. I don't know how old you are or the period you spent together but from what I see, you both seem relatively young. Have you been together long enough to do this?

 

 

Also ask her who was there when she was drinking. Ask for the people she still know or still in contact. Ask them what they remember of that night. Did any of them see her leave with him...etc. Does Jake the Rapist know you? If so, what does he know. Now this part is a tad "iffy" so proceed with caution. Does the friend of your girlfriend hang out with Jake the Rapist? She allegedly had the link before it got taken, so ever so kindly request that you see the conversation between her and Jake the Rapist. Have a friend tail him to a place were Jack the Rapist frequents. If he has his laptop, set up a ploy to distract him while one browses his computer. Now if he doesn't have his laptop, you can break in to where he left it or infect his computer with a trojan or something. Now here is where the iffyness rolls into place. Ask that friend if she could try and butter him up, flirt with him, have fun...etc. Sex doesn't need to happen between them. If she is hesitant, ask a male friend that you trust to become friends with him. Even better if your girlfriend and Jake the Rapist do not know him. Thus not associating yourself with him. Remember how I said infect his computer, your friend could say that he will fix it for free or he knows a guy that gives him a very special price. If that idea won't work with your given parameters, the friend could become close friends with Jake the Rapist and your friend could guilt trip to a confession by saying something like "I once knew a guy who had raped a drunk girl and he became depressed and committed suicide". Always have him wear a functioning recorder. If you can't find a guy and you are stubborn enough to not let this go away, hire a prostitute. Obviously this whole iffyness stage should be taken as a measure of last resort.

 

 

Please PM me for additional support or advice.


Eris
  • Eris

    hey bae

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 04 Mar 2013
  • None

#52

Posted 21 February 2014 - 12:53 AM

Jesus, that's some of the worse advice I've ever heard. If his girl friend doesn't want to tell her parents, she shouldn't have to. 

  • Davo the Assassin and Rougarou like this

arsenal_fan
  • arsenal_fan

    Homeboy

  • Members
  • Joined: 05 Apr 2008

#53

Posted 21 February 2014 - 01:32 AM Edited by arsenal_fan, 21 February 2014 - 01:33 AM.

I think you should get your girlfriend therapy first as if she does decide taking legal action then she is going to have to re-live through that night all over again and if she is not mentally ready then it might be quite traumitising for her. Also, if it does go to court, the defence team are going to do everything to discredit her, they are going to pretty much bully her so she has to be entally ready for that as well. But if she doesn't decide to take legal action, therapy would still be good to make sure she is fine and to avoid self medicating on drugs and alcohol. I can't tell you how many times I've watched Intervention and the a particular girl got into drugs or alcohol because or rape or sexual abuse, its really quite terrifying.

 

 

I hope you and your girlfriend the best though and I hope that guy gets what is coming to him.


Harley
  • Harley

    Cyclop 9

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 18 Jul 2003
  • None

#54

Posted 21 February 2014 - 01:50 AM

Finn, I am not familiar regarding such laws in Australia but there are a few things that could be done.

Confront your girlfriend about this, does she really want to justice? From what you write, it's quite wrong that she hasn't told her parents yet. She got violated, and she should be able to tell her parents things that are too serious to ignore. My best judgement is that she is scared. Scared that her parents might disown her or she might disappoint her parents beyond repair. The only circumstance that justifies her not telling her parents is that she took the justice she deserves with her own hands. That is out of the question so let me get back to what I was saying. I don't know how well you handle multiple tasks/situations but try and get her to feel comfortable with the idea of telling her parents, instead of rejecting the idea almost immediately. Tell her that her parents care about her and if this happened to her daughter, wouldn't she want to know. Your girlfriend will think emotionally about this whole problem and not logically so you need to use your very best judgement without trying to force her to something she doesn't want. I don't know how old you are or the period you spent together but from what I see, you both seem relatively young. Have you been together long enough to do this?


Also ask her who was there when she was drinking. Ask for the people she still know or still in contact. Ask them what they remember of that night. Did any of them see her leave with him...etc. Does Jake the Rapist know you? If so, what does he know. Now this part is a tad "iffy" so proceed with caution. Does the friend of your girlfriend hang out with Jake the Rapist? She allegedly had the link before it got taken, so ever so kindly request that you see the conversation between her and Jake the Rapist. Have a friend tail him to a place were Jack the Rapist frequents. If he has his laptop, set up a ploy to distract him while one browses his computer. Now if he doesn't have his laptop, you can break in to where he left it or infect his computer with a trojan or something. Now here is where the iffyness rolls into place. Ask that friend if she could try and butter him up, flirt with him, have fun...etc. Sex doesn't need to happen between them. If she is hesitant, ask a male friend that you trust to become friends with him. Even better if your girlfriend and Jake the Rapist do not know him. Thus not associating yourself with him. Remember how I said infect his computer, your friend could say that he will fix it for free or he knows a guy that gives him a very special price. If that idea won't work with your given parameters, the friend could become close friends with Jake the Rapist and your friend could guilt trip to a confession by saying something like "I once knew a guy who had raped a drunk girl and he became depressed and committed suicide". Always have him wear a functioning recorder. If you can't find a guy and you are stubborn enough to not let this go away, hire a prostitute. Obviously this whole iffyness stage should be taken as a measure of last resort.


Please PM me for additional support or advice.

f*ckkkkkkkkk you have seen way too many movies.

Just scare the guy, whether he really had a video or not he'll know not to f*ck with this anymore.
Did the rape happen two years ago or did her friend get the email two years ago?
  • Davo the Assassin likes this

CatDog96
  • CatDog96

    Dayman

  • Members
  • Joined: 14 Aug 2013
  • Australia

#55

Posted 21 February 2014 - 02:37 AM

f*cking hell, this makes me feel sick. If it was me I would get some friends, go kick in his door and beat him up and make him tell me where the video was and take it to the police. 


Finn 7 five 11
  • Finn 7 five 11

    Well I'm sorry, Princess.

  • Members
  • Joined: 31 Jan 2010
  • None

#56

Posted 21 February 2014 - 04:23 AM Edited by •ΏF‘ρρ4L‘ƒ£?•, 21 February 2014 - 07:33 AM.

Okay for pretty much everyone criticizing my decision to ask here. Go away. There are smart people here and people with common sense, and most importantly, people with opinions. I just need some perspectives on what to do/what I should recommend my girlfriend she do, either make a suggestion, or go away, I feel this is perfectly acceptable to ask here in anonymity, and my girlfriend knows I am asking on the internet.
When there is a problem that is tricky to manoeuvre around I think this is the best way to get advice (the internet) at least initially, to point the right direction, because I can't tell anyone in real life because my girlfriend doesn't want anybody to know, capiche?
I already talked to her about it for some time (like 3 hours) and she isn't sure what she wants do, I said she should go to the police for advice, meanwhile I'm here asking for other suggestions.

Also I never said I was going to beat him, I said I wanted to, but I'm not going to, and as others have pointed out it's not for certain the video exists, that needs to be established. But the guy still raped my unconscious girlfriend.

Also at the people who say I seem Non-Chalant, well you're not my head and getting context from a post in the internet is tricky so please don't comment on that, how i type doesn't necessarily reflect how i feel, that said however I am very level headed, I don't react to much instantly in real life, other than humor of course.

@Kirsty, pretty sure I've been spending all my reasonably available time trying to comfort her and play it down so she doesn't have to worry about it, so suggesting that I am not doing that is ridiculous considering I never even mentioned that at all, I like how you are jumping to conclusions.
Unfortunately I have work and she had uni so I can't be there every minute, this question took all of five minutes to ask and is a constructive way of trying to help In meantime before we can see the police/lawyer/therapist/whatever.

@the admiral, you're a troll, I don't want you in my topic making useless comments.

  • Raavi likes this

Irviding
  • Irviding

    If we're talking body, you got a perfect one so put it on me

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 06 Nov 2008
  • United-States

#57

Posted 21 February 2014 - 05:21 AM

I'm with TEoS here... to be brutally frank your girlfriend has really no chance to go after the guy. We know all too well how universities don't like to go after rapists due to the statistics and honestly the case wouldn't be that strong anyway. Your girlfriend was drunk and got taken advantage of. It's a sh*tty situation but from Thurs-Sat night at most universities, it happens. If I were you I'd reach out to the guy and ask if he still has the video and ask him to get rid of it. Don't go beating doors down like a lunatic.


Otter
  • Otter

    sea dwelling madman

  • Administrator
  • Joined: 30 Jan 2003
  • Canada

#58

Posted 21 February 2014 - 07:34 AM

I strongly disagree with the sentiment that it's a losing battle.

Whatever you (or she, rather) decide, don't do it to avoid the pain, because that sh*t isn't going anywhere.

The situation needs to be weighed but do NOT assume that taking this guy to task will be fruitless. And some would argue, it's rather important to protect future victims.
  • Davo the Assassin, D- Ice, Finn 7 five 11 and 1 other like this

D- Ice
  • D- Ice

    Gangsta

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 02 Aug 2006
  • None

#59

Posted 21 February 2014 - 08:24 AM Edited by D- Ice, 21 February 2014 - 08:27 AM.

I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to your girlfriend, •¿F¡ññ4L¡ƒ£?•, just shows how incredibly sick people like the rapist "Jake" can be.

I completely agree with Otter that you should not at all assume prosecuting the guy under law to be futile. Personally, I would strongly advice you that your very first course of action should be going to the police, to see if they would take on the case (the really should) - if your girlfriend agrees to it after talking it through of course.

 

I believe the vigilante justice/revenge option is absolutely terrible. Not only is it likely to land you in trouble with the law, but it is also very ineffective. With the time window you'll likely have for the break in, you might not have time to make sure his laptop is thoroughly smashed beyond all memory recovery. Then there is the large likelyhood he would have stored his non-consensual paedophile rape video(s) on flash drive well hidden in his room, or on a cloud server. So I think that option is both risky and ineffective in achieving anything meaningful. Not to mention also the inherently unethical nature of vigilantism.

 

I also agree with the advice given here of the importance of talking it through with your girlfriend to see what she wants and to comfort her, as well as the importance in seeking psychological or psychiatric help.

 

Sorry again to here what your going through mate. Hope you all the best. Also, feel free to PM me if you need any help. :^: 

  • Finn 7 five 11 likes this

TJGM
  • TJGM

    Politically correct.

  • GTA Mods Staff
  • Joined: 14 Jun 2011
  • Ireland
  • Helpfulness Award
    Contribution Award [Mods]

#60

Posted 21 February 2014 - 08:30 AM Edited by TJGM, 21 February 2014 - 08:52 AM.

Okay, so myself, Ivars and methodunderg all had a very serious discussion about this thread on Skype. Da deetz below.
 
xOqEOvv.png
vbaLy8A.png
MpbRyXz.png

Anyway, if you ask me. You should beat the guy up, he'd most likely get away with some sort of bullsh*t if you brought him to court, and nothing scares somebody more than getting the sh*t kicked out of them.

 

EDIT: Jesus Christ otter, calm down. You act like we just started hating on the guy for asking something. If we would've posted our opinions here one by one, I bet it wouldn't be a problem. I even told him what I think he should do too, so stop acting like we're going completely off topic.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users