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My Bad Dad

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Lombard Direct
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#1

Posted 11 February 2014 - 09:06 PM

Why are you so bad?

My little Dad :(?

 

YOU PUNCH AND YOU POUND AND YOU TEAR AT MY FACE,

It's a bloody disgrace

 

YOU RIP AND YOU ROAR AND YOU PUNCH OUT MY LIGHTS,

What about MY damn rights?

 

Why are you so bad.

My little Dad :(?

 

YOU STOMP AND YOU STAMP AND YOU SHATTER MY JAW,

That's against the law

 

NO MORE DAD

I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU SAD

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Ziggy455
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#2

Posted 11 February 2014 - 09:19 PM

Off-topic: I f*ckin' lost it at your username. Christ, I remember that advert. 

 

On-topic: As a whole piece, it seems very cathartic. Simplistic in prose, and it seems that you wrote it very quickly. It works as a whole piece but maybe it's a little too relative and a bit basic in terms of rhyme but what would I know? I'm not 100% on poetry.


Lombard Direct
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#3

Posted 11 February 2014 - 09:31 PM

Off-topic: I f*ckin' lost it at your username. Christ, I remember that advert. 

 

On-topic: As a whole piece, it seems very cathartic. Simplistic in prose, and it seems that you wrote it very quickly. It works as a whole piece but maybe it's a little too relative and a bit basic in terms of rhyme but what would I know? I'm not 100% on poetry.

Thanks. It feels great to have it out of my system.  I've been bottling this up since the 90s.


Mokrie Dela
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#4

Posted 12 February 2014 - 02:01 AM

user1367_1176089328.jpg

To give him the benefit of the doubt (9 posts since 2003... hmmm):

Simple piece, and it's quite childlike. Almost likable, but too basic, too bare. Rhyming is a little forced, and the whole thing's kind of vague.

It did make me think of the bridge of Down With The Sickness, though, so now i'm gonna listen to that.


universetwisters
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#5

Posted 12 February 2014 - 03:02 AM

I liked it! It's kinda relatable to me though, seeing as my mom's kinda like that. But overall, good read and nicely simple!


Mr. House
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#6

Posted 12 February 2014 - 03:34 AM

This is pure beauty.

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Coat.
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#7

Posted 12 February 2014 - 09:01 AM

My god. This is great.
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Build Up Your Survivor
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#8

Posted 12 February 2014 - 10:34 AM

Such raw beauty.

Vercetti42
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#9

Posted 12 February 2014 - 03:08 PM

This actually made me laugh a bit. But if I am serious here though, your use of rhyming words is decent but it's the format and the events that jump out of nowhere that make me rate this poem below par.


MMC_BITW
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#10

Posted 12 February 2014 - 03:28 PM

This reminds me of a piece I wrote in school about my dad when I was on Grade 3.

 

Nifty stuff.

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