I was recently banned for commenting on the newswire for life. I wrote this impersonation of a rockstar employee regarding the current situation and attitude rockstar has towards us right now. Trololol.
Hello! My name is Panjeet Gundas and I work at the R* New York office. I can assure you that we are too busy looking at random snapmatic pictures and commending them on the newswire. We are also too busy making crew cuts about some silly people in their silly gangs with their silly emblems. Can you say "Thug life!" The rest of our efforts go into making merchandise ideas. Like max payne shaped dildos, san andreas styled condoms and GTA V underwear. Do not count on us to make a port for any game for any platform except for iOS apps. This year we will release GTA LCS for iOS with enhanced features like 25 tiny buttons on a tiny screen and then release the android version after like 3 weeks. Using this logic you might think we will port GTA IV for ios in the future, but we wont. . P.S. For those wondering about the heists for GTA ONLINE it is delayed indefinitely. Just like the other stuff that got cut out of GTA ONLINE when we launched it like the unfinished garbage it is in October.
Remember to check the newswire everyday to see youtube videos we liked and jerked off to.