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Big problem, need advice

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nitrousoxide
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#1

Posted 28 January 2014 - 10:44 PM Edited by nitrousoxide, 28 January 2014 - 11:00 PM.

hello people.

 

I'm here because of a problem, big problem. a very complicated situation created in my life and I need neutral peoples help and advice. there is no short or shorter version of this story because you will not understand it, thats why I will tell it in detail. I need real advice. here is a lot of wise people and I figured that this is good place to ask. To the problem situation. this includes me and 3 of my friends, kind of. anyways, for sake of this problem, I will change the real names of my friends because I dont want to get blamed for giving up real names. with me, 4 other people involved in this problem are my best friend Carl, my best female friend Jenny and my relatively new friend Harry. now to the details for you to understand everything. keep in mind I'm in the middle of my second year of high school because I will tell something that is important, but happened before.

 

Carl, Jenny and me have known each other since elementary school and we were going to the same elemetary school (and now we've been going to same high school). more importantly, we're all going in the same class now. since I'm an only child, I've always wanted a brother and Carl is like my brother. we've been known each other for so long and he's a real friend, not many of those in this world. we'd do anything for each other. both me and Carl met Jenny in elementary school and she's always been with us too. we went on birthday parties, regular parties, everything, since we were kids up until now. now when you know that part of the story, I can move on to where story gets complex. last year, Carl and Jenny finally started dating. Carl was telling me how he likes Jenny months before he actually tried something with her and I was so happy for them when they finally started dating. I never wanted to date Jenny, she is my best female friend, she is very pretty and everything, but we never had chemistry between us. anyways, here the problem gets bigger because in the story comes Harry.

 

Harry is a dude who we all met when we came to high school. he is as old as we are, but he doesnt go in the same class as we do. basically, we all have known Harry for a year now and he's been a nice guy to us. a matter of fact, Carl is very good with him, not as good as with me, but very good, they kinda have many things in common so.. I'm not as good with Harry as Carl is, but he's been a good friend to me too.. up until a week ago, but we'll get to that. anyways, since the beginning of the first year of high school, Carl, Harry, me and Jenny were all hanging out in free time, after school, last summer etc. basically, whole last year.

 

now, this second year of high school started well too, up until last week. since the beginning of the year, I started noticing Jenny and Harry talking a lot in high school hallways before classes, after school and everything, especially when Carl was sick and wasn't in school. at first I didn't pay attention since Harry became a 'part of our team' last year and at first, it looked casual and normal. that was back at the beginning of the school year though, we're now in the middle of it. and how time went on, it started getting real obvious. i didn't want to say or point anything out to Carl because as I said, at first it wasnt obvious, but in the last few weeks it became obvious how Harry isnt acting just friendly anymore and how Jenny isnt acting just friendly towards him anymore either.

 

Carl is clueless because he's really in love with Jenny since his wish became true after all time he wanted to be with her and now he is. about 4 weeks ago, Jenny came to me and told me she needs to talk with me and she insisted with a statement ''because you're Carl's best friend''. that was one of the days when Carl was sick and wasnt in school. after school that day, we went on a coffee break so she could tell me whats bugging her. when we got there, she just said to me ''I cheated on Carl''. by the moment she said, it was clear to me that she cheated Carl with Harry since as I said, from the beginning of this school year, they were both acting too friendly to each other. I asked her if it was Harry and she was stunned that I knew it and she asked me if it was 'that obvious'. I have to tell that everything Jenny and I talk about stays between us since we are best friends you know. that has always been the case. same thing is between me and Carl. thats what best friends are for, right?

 

now.. since Carl is up in heavens from the day Jenny and him started dating, poor guy didnt even notice something weird going on, but I did. Jenny told me everything about the night when she and Harry had a close 'lips-tongue marathon'. she was out with her female buddies and Harry happened to be in the same club she was that night. nobody, not even her female buddies didnt know she made out with Harry except her and Harry themselves.. not up until she decided to tell me 4 weeks ago. to clarify it right away, 4 weeks has gone by, we're still the only three people who know that happened between them, but the complex part of this segment is that Harry doesnt know Jenny told me about them. he thinks we're cool. now to continue the story from where I stopped.

 

Jenny told me how she has a thing for Harry, she has had since last summer when we all had fun and everything together, but she kind of pushed that feelings down because she is with Carl.. up until 4 weeks ago or so when she decided to make out with him. she told me she is in love with him.. but she is also in love with Carl (with who she still is dating). she said she didnt want to keep that secret anymore inside, but its too painful for her to tell Carl, so she said to me because she knew that everything we talk about stays between us. to make a point here, since the day she told me that, I've been very mad at her. I dont even know how I feel about her since she is/was my best female friend and everything. she also begged me not to tell Carl and I didnt. for the past few weeks I can see that Carl's and Jenny's relationship is slowly fading and its not as cool and sweet as it was. its making me feel like crap for still keeping my mouth shut and not telling Carl anything, but he's so in love with her and I dont want to sh*t over him by telling him. and besides, Jenny begged me not to tell anything and she's my best female friend and I'd break a promise if I told him. Carl is getting that something is wrong with his relationship with Jenny, but he thinks its his fault and over the past few days, he's a little down because of that. now where it gets even more complex for me.

 

a week ago, when I was out on a party with Carl to get him out of the 'down mood' a little since Jenny didnt want to go out, she said she's not feeling good, but I knew what was the problem, its just Carl didnt and I didnt tell him anything for the reasons I already explained. for my surprise, Harry was on that party too. and now, in one point of time, I went on the toilet. a couple of moments after I got in, Harry got in too. oh right, I didn't mention Harry is kinda a big guy, plays basketball and he is really fairly stronger than me. he stood on the door and told me he knows I know about him and Jenny. I was stunned. first I thought Jenny told him, but she didnt. Harry told me he'd break me if I told anyone, especially Carl about him and Jenny. to be honest, I've been in a handful of fights in my life, but this guy is really fairly stronger than me and I think I would be crushed by him. here comes one problem I forgot to tell. a couple of days after Jenny told me about her and Harry, she stopped talking to me like it was my fault. she doesnt want to talk to me or anything, she also cries from time to time (probably because she knows she screwed up) and I dont know if she told Harry to intimidate me or not, I dont think she did and I dont know how he even found out about me knowing about them, but.. he apparently found out and he's eager to seriously f*ck me up. now, here's the mindf*ck that's been happening with me for a week already:

 

I dont know what should I do. I think if I tell Carl about Jenny and Harry, he'd fall in depression and probably would be angry with me for not telling him right away and I'd also break promise I made to Jenny for not telling him. also if I tell him, then Harry will know and he will come after me. its giving me headaches.

 

I cant confront Jenny because she doesnt want to talk to me, she kind of avoids me and Harry is around her almost always when Carl isnt. she is still in a relationship with Carl which is falling down the stairs, but she also runs a thing with Harry apparently without Carl noticing. for me its easy to see that because when you see something, its hard to unsee. I obviously have no reason to confront Harry because he will f*ck me up and Jenny will probably get even more upset with me because I confronted Harry for something she thinks he doesnt know about and thats the fact that she told me about them behind his back too. so Harry thinks Jenny didnt tell me anything about them and that Jenny doesnt even know I know about them and Jenny thinks Harry doesnt know that I know about them. you see why I told you it was complex. just help me, I'm getting mad here. what should I do with this situation. I cant keep my mouth shut anymore, its driving me crazy that my best friend is getting in more depression because he doesnt know whats going on with Jenny, Jenny is already avoiding me, I dont know why exactly because she doesnt want to talk and Harry who seemed to be a nice dude last year has this look in his eyes for the past week, I get chills when I think about it. I just need an advice from neutral people. :panic:


Eris
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#2

Posted 28 January 2014 - 10:49 PM Edited by Nipperkins, 28 January 2014 - 10:51 PM.

I'm sure the first step, no matter what the problem is, is to break up this post into smaller paragraphs. 

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Jc_39a
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#3

Posted 28 January 2014 - 10:50 PM

inb4 "didn't read lol"


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#4

Posted 28 January 2014 - 10:56 PM

Alright, I only got up to the second wall of text. Tell your friend. Carl and/or Jenny might not like you after, but you won't have to live with the guilt of knowing that you just let it slide-by. You'll also be helping Carl out.

 

That's just my advice, but for the love of god, fix the paragraphs, please.


nitrousoxide
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#5

Posted 28 January 2014 - 11:00 PM

fixed paragraphs :)


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#6

Posted 28 January 2014 - 11:08 PM

Yeah, my point still stands. Tell Carl. 


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#7

Posted 28 January 2014 - 11:09 PM

didn't read lol

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#8

Posted 28 January 2014 - 11:10 PM Edited by Nale Dixon, 28 January 2014 - 11:11 PM.

 

I'd tell Carl, the poor fool. Start carrying around a baseball bat or billy club from now on and beat down on the meat head Harry at the next valid opportunity.

 

Also search for new friends.

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gn1992
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#9

Posted 28 January 2014 - 11:20 PM Edited by gn1992, 28 January 2014 - 11:21 PM.

bro......

 

 

dats some big problem you got there... so big that i can't even read it bro

 

 

 

 

 

 

*DAT TEXT WALL*

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#10

Posted 28 January 2014 - 11:50 PM

Telling to your boyfriend's brother that you're cheating on him? really? this can only be two things:

 

a. She wants to tell him but dont have the guts for it, so she told you so you could told him, but realising her mistake afterwards she send the guy to intimidate you.

 

b. They noticed you know about them and is playing on the "bff secret" to keep your mouth shut and mantain the status quo, but realising you have a stronger bond with Carl than with them they try to intimidate you.

 

Anyway, you are being manipulated like a puppet, she didnt had to bring you in this mess. And what's with Harry intimadating you? What is he going to lose? A friendship? Remember it was not you who was cheating on a friend behind his back. They may think you are the guilty one for knowing this but it were they who started it.

 

And for Carl, there's billions of woman(and man, who knows) in the world. Love , unlike attraction , doesnt come from nowhere and it must be build. If he is the only one building up the relationship then theres no mutual love.


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#11

Posted 29 January 2014 - 12:03 AM

10/10 great procrastination read. Would read again.

 

Plan A: Confront Jenny. It's the plan that would leave the least amount of damage on you and Carl's friendship. Find a way to do it. Tell her to tell Carl or you will. Tell her its sh*tty of her to be doing this to him, and to be ignoring you like it's not an issue. Give her a deadline. Tell her that if she doesn't either break up with Carl or tell him she's cheating on him and THEN break up, then you'll tell Carl about it. Don't be intimidated by Frankenstein, be a man and stand by your decision. If she does not tell him within the given time frame, go to plan B.

 

Plan B: Tell Carl. Tell him you thought she would break it off after she told you, and since you're all old friends, you felt you needed to give her the benefit of the doubt that she'd do the right thing based on the fact that you trust her. Comfort him. If he needs his space, give it to him, but be on full-on stalker mode in case of any severe depression. If Frankenstein would like to make you his punching bag, then either a) kick him in the balls/punch his ribs and escape b) do "a" but instead of escaping, beat the sh*t out of him as to make him not want to pursue you further c) deal with whatever he has for you.

 

Plan C: Get sex change, move to The Philippines, get job as prostitute for tourists.

 

Reasons: Jenny is being a c*nt to both you and Carl. She is ignoring you for someone she met last year who is obviously out for some free pussy. She is cheating on and making Carl depressed. She deserves no sacrifices from you.

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gn1992
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#12

Posted 29 January 2014 - 12:07 AM

10/10 great procrastination read. Would read again.

 

Plan A: Confront Jenny. It's the plan that would leave the least amount of damage on you and Carl's friendship. Find a way to do it. Tell her to tell Carl or you will. Tell her its sh*tty of her to be doing this to him, and to be ignoring you like it's not an issue. Give her a deadline. Tell her that if she doesn't either break up with Carl or tell him she's cheating on him and THEN break up, then you'll tell Carl about it. Don't be intimidated by Frankenstein, be a man and stand by your decision. If she does not tell him within the given time frame, go to plan B.

 

Plan B: Tell Carl. Tell him you thought she would break it off after she told you, and since you're all old friends, you felt you needed to give her the benefit of the doubt that she'd do the right thing based on the fact that you trust her. Comfort him. If he needs his space, give it to him, but be on full-on stalker mode in case of any severe depression. If Frankenstein would like to make you his punching bag, then either a) kick him in the balls/punch his ribs and escape b) do "a" but instead of escaping, beat the sh*t out of him as to make him not want to pursue you further c) deal with whatever he has for you.

 

Plan C: Get sex change, move to The Philippines, get job as prostitute for tourists.

 

Reasons: Jenny is being a c*nt to both you and Carl. She is ignoring you for someone she met last year who is obviously out for some free pussy. She is cheating on and making Carl depressed. She deserves no sacrifices from you.

 

that post will make me read the op tomorrow when I'm sober, i'm just posting this so I can see that tomorrow, edit incoming.

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nitrousoxide
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#13

Posted 29 January 2014 - 08:49 AM

10/10 great procrastination read. Would read again.

 

Plan A: Confront Jenny. It's the plan that would leave the least amount of damage on you and Carl's friendship. Find a way to do it. Tell her to tell Carl or you will. Tell her its sh*tty of her to be doing this to him, and to be ignoring you like it's not an issue. Give her a deadline. Tell her that if she doesn't either break up with Carl or tell him she's cheating on him and THEN break up, then you'll tell Carl about it. Don't be intimidated by Frankenstein, be a man and stand by your decision. If she does not tell him within the given time frame, go to plan B.

 

Plan B: Tell Carl. Tell him you thought she would break it off after she told you, and since you're all old friends, you felt you needed to give her the benefit of the doubt that she'd do the right thing based on the fact that you trust her. Comfort him. If he needs his space, give it to him, but be on full-on stalker mode in case of any severe depression. If Frankenstein would like to make you his punching bag, then either a) kick him in the balls/punch his ribs and escape b) do "a" but instead of escaping, beat the sh*t out of him as to make him not want to pursue you further c) deal with whatever he has for you.

 

Plan C: Get sex change, move to The Philippines, get job as prostitute for tourists.

 

Reasons: Jenny is being a c*nt to both you and Carl. She is ignoring you for someone she met last year who is obviously out for some free pussy. She is cheating on and making Carl depressed. She deserves no sacrifices from you.

thank you for plans. I think I will go with plan A, but will wait for some more advice before and decide what I should do.


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#14

Posted 29 January 2014 - 08:53 AM

So who is the baby daddy?  That's a tough call to make. I hope you all find peace.


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#15

Posted 29 January 2014 - 09:27 AM

I'm sure this post is valid but in all fairness; this is the first time I have ever posted this >>> TL;DR <<<

 

First time for everything I guess and what a great thread to use my first tl;dr.

 

Seriously whoever read this has serious boredom issues lol.


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#16

Posted 29 January 2014 - 09:45 AM

No tldr version
Me and me mate met this chick
we became friends
Friend starts going out with chick.
Chick cheats with new friend
...I can't be bothered to shorten the rest.
mates don't screw mates over. Ditch the bitch, have a beer with mate and move on

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#17

Posted 29 January 2014 - 10:29 AM Edited by F4L?, 29 January 2014 - 10:32 AM.

10/10 great procrastination read. Would read again.
 
Plan A: Confront Jenny. It's the plan that would leave the least amount of damage on you and Carl's friendship. Find a way to do it. Tell her to tell Carl or you will. Tell her its sh*tty of her to be doing this to him, and to be ignoring you like it's not an issue. Give her a deadline. Tell her that if she doesn't either break up with Carl or tell him she's cheating on him and THEN break up, then you'll tell Carl about it. Don't be intimidated by Frankenstein, be a man and stand by your decision. If she does not tell him within the given time frame, go to plan B.
 

This is the best plan. You need to confront Jenny, and say to her level headed.

"Listen, you can't keep stringing Carl along, if you have feelings for someone else, that's fine, these things happen, but please please let Carl go, don't tell him you cheated, just tell him that you don't want to date anymore, or see other people because you feel it's not working out. If you can't do this and break it off before you hurt someone, then I'm going to tell Carl you cheated on him, I don't care what Harry does, Carl is my best friend and if I have to tell him that then you can never be friends again, and we can't be friends either, Jenny, you have to break it off with him now, I'm giving you a week."

Then see what happens. If you have to tell Carl, don't tell him Jenny told you she cheated just say to him "Listen, Carl, I think Jenny is falling for Harry, they're always hanging out, and never see her break it off man, find someone else"

Chances are her and Harry will fall through, he'll disappear and you guys will become friends again in a few years, you'll still be holding your secret, but it's forthe best, sometimes a bro has to protect another bro by holding back, it's a lot of responsibility, but it's only going to cause hurt, nothing good will come of it, nothing at all.

It's like in Batman TDKR They preserve Harvey Dent's reputation, because it's for the best, to maintain him as the white knight of Gotham.
If there's an important lesson I've learned in life, it's that sometimes the truth fails us.

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#18

Posted 29 January 2014 - 12:14 PM

I read it and there is only one course of action.

 

Tell Jenny and Harry that if they don't tell Carl, you f*cking will. And when they don't, and they won't because you are all 14 and immature and cowardly, you tell Carl. And then you and Carl walk away from those poisonous people without ant violence for a hell of a long time. 

 

It doesn't matter that Harry is a big guy. It doesn't matter that Carl is your best friend and thinks he loves her. It doesn't matter that Jenny is your best girl friend. Set a precedent now for both yourself and Carl. Bring the cheating out into the open, and then make sure that you and Carl don't stand for it. Never stand for being cheated on, betrayed or otherwise hurt by your partner, this will save you a lot of heartache in later life if you stick to certain principles.

 

It all seems dramatic now but you'll all get over this soon enough. 

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#19

Posted 29 January 2014 - 01:38 PM

That was really depressing, I know what Carl feels.

 

 

10/10 great procrastination read. Would read again.

 

Plan A: Confront Jenny. It's the plan that would leave the least amount of damage on you and Carl's friendship. Find a way to do it. Tell her to tell Carl or you will. Tell her its sh*tty of her to be doing this to him, and to be ignoring you like it's not an issue. Give her a deadline. Tell her that if she doesn't either break up with Carl or tell him she's cheating on him and THEN break up, then you'll tell Carl about it. Don't be intimidated by Frankenstein, be a man and stand by your decision. If she does not tell him within the given time frame, go to plan B.

I agree with this guy here, tell her it's not cool and all to keep this guy depressed and all, It'll make him commit suicide eventually, go for what DeafMetal and Finn4Life said.


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#20

Posted 29 January 2014 - 01:58 PM

The best thing to do in this situation, and this is coming from experience, is to tell Carl. If Harry has a problem with that, beat his ass with some Kung-Fu moves Harry wouldn't expect you to do. You can learn some Kung-Fu moves on the internet, cause' almost everything is on the internet. If Harry has a problem with you again, do the same thing over and over again until he stops.

 

Trust me, I did the same thing years ago.


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#21

Posted 29 January 2014 - 02:06 PM

If I was u I wouldn't say anything if it's not going on anymore because that could destroy his trust in u knowing that u knew & didn't tell him but if it is still going on tell him he needs to know don't let the other guy intimidate if he starts just punch him a few times in his stomach stop him in his tracks then move on to his face but seriously if it's not going on anymore just leave it be if it comes out in the open just deny u knew anything because what reason would they have to blackmail u that's my opinion anyway do what u think is right though

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#22

Posted 29 January 2014 - 03:41 PM

Well buddy, you female friend is slut, that's what would everybody realize from reading your interesting and sad story. You know the saying ''bros over whores''? Tell your friend  about that biatch cheating on him and tell the slut to f*ck off.


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#23

Posted 29 January 2014 - 04:39 PM

I think the tips you got are good enough, just confront any fears you have, and talk with the girl. Also, I hope you'll continue this, eager to see how it turns out :^:.


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#24

Posted 29 January 2014 - 05:30 PM

I agree with the general consensus. You have to confront this girl and tell her to decide between the two. It will work out better for everyone involved if you do. 


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#25

Posted 29 January 2014 - 06:57 PM

This is really easy. Jenny's a cheating bitch, Harry's a douchebag and Carl's your best friend. Think again; who would you help?

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#26

Posted 29 January 2014 - 07:58 PM

Yep I agree with Girish 100%. Don't let your buddy go around being made a fool of.
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#27

Posted 29 January 2014 - 08:14 PM Edited by D- Ice, 29 January 2014 - 08:16 PM.

If I was in your shoes, I won't consider Harry a friend anymore. If he seriously threatened you, and with physical violence of all things, it is safe to assume he doesn't see you as a friend either. You owe him nothing in terms of holding his secret.

 

With regards to Jenny, I don't think it is fair to tell someone such a serious revelation without prior warning, then force them to keep silent. In your shoes, I wouldn't feel much guilt not giving her my word in the first place. If you have given her your word under such unfair and pressured circumstances, it is you doing her a favour.

It is also highly likely that she told Harry about your knowledge of the matter - there is no likely way he could have known otherwise. This coercion is more than enough justification for you to reconsider your word, even if the secret wasn't suddenly burdened on you, and you agreed to keep it voluntarily.

 

Carl is not only the one who's completely innocent here, he also has the most to lose if he continues to be unaware of the situation.

 

My advice is to talk to Jenny directly and frankly, with or without Harry present, regarding the threats you received. I would highly recommend in school where Harry won't attempt anything. Talk to them directly and frankly about how you feel and what you noticed (Jenny not talking to you etc...). I would give them a deadline to talk to Carl about it, or I'd tell him myself.

Afterwards, you'll probably need to have a talk with Carl about it, explaining to him the pressures you felt and why you didn't tell him earlier. I'd hope he'll understand.

 

Hope this helps, and wish you all the best in sorting this problem out.

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#28

Posted 29 January 2014 - 08:17 PM Edited by Los Santos Police Department, 29 January 2014 - 08:19 PM.

Tell Carl, or get Jenny to tell Carl herself. Harry is not your friend, after what he did to you an Carl.

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#29

Posted 29 January 2014 - 09:13 PM

If Carl is your so-called best friend, then why aren't you telling him the situation between Jenny and Harry. He is blind but you can see. Tell him. I'm sure Carl would tell you if your girlfriend cheated on you behind your back.


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#30

Posted 29 January 2014 - 10:09 PM Edited by haythem09, 29 January 2014 - 10:17 PM.

If you can't f*ck Harry up, get Carl to f*ck him up. If Carl can't f*ck him up, both of you f*ck him up.

 

This is all if Harry does go by his word and will supposedly 'Break you' if you tell Carl. Because you have to tell Carl.

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