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[Storyline] The Unfinished Business

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alifjenius
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#1

Posted 04 January 2014 - 09:08 AM Edited by Alif Akbar, 04 June 2014 - 10:21 AM.

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Logo 1


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Set in San Andreas in 2013, this story take the view of Mike Leadley, an experienced criminal who , at first, pull off a job in the desert, San Andreas National Bank robbery. Unfortunate for him, he was double-crossed by his partner (who will be later revealed) and get caught in action by the local sheriffs. And what happened next ? 


In the other part of the state, the beautiful San Fierro, lived a retired successful business man name Scott Henderson, who has something missing in his life in spite of what he already had in his life. Live peacefully and wealthy before one day, a guy came to him, ask him to be a getaway driver, make this moment as his turning point of his life, forever

Take the eyes of Mike and Scott (other protagonist ? Will be later revealed) who make their way to live their life with danger surrounding around them. Determine your own choices through the story which has the different continuation of the story


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Coming Soon


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Protagonist
Spoiler


Antagonist
Spoiler


Friends and Neutrals
Spoiler

 


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GTAGarage link : http://www.gtagarage...ow.php?id=25418

Prologue 
http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/29578
 
Act 1
http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/29579
MP Version :  http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/30070 (Prologue Included)
Missions List :
Spoiler

 
Act 2
http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/32280
MP Version :  http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/32351

Missions List :
Spoiler

 


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Abeer's Review on Prologue & Act 1

MadMarshMallow's Review on Prologue & Act 1

MadMarshMallow's Review on Act 1 (cont.)

Abeer's Review on Act 2


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PatrickW and Dutchy3010 - For creating DYOM
Rockstar - For the wonderful game of GTA SA, and GTA V as inspiration
Everyone who posted a comment and read this topic - For all the support

 
Any opinion and review for this story is always be accepted here.
 
I need some guys to make a review whether a Video commentary or Written commentary and the trailer for this story. 
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The Odyssey
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#2

Posted 04 January 2014 - 09:35 AM

Interesting concept. Good luck with this
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Target13
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#3

Posted 04 January 2014 - 11:45 AM

Got to try this.


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#4

Posted 04 January 2014 - 03:24 PM

Goodluck with this. Might give it a try later!


alifjenius
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#5

Posted 05 January 2014 - 03:49 AM

UPDATE

 

There is a bug in the mission "Money For Your Misery" using the dumb way which after you exit the bank, mission failed will appear. I already fix the bug and reupload the .rar so if you find the bug, please redownload the .rar (the link is the same)

 

Thanks


Rytuklis
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#6

Posted 05 January 2014 - 11:25 AM

Might try this when I have time, though your title is kinda misleading, storyline is made using the DYOM Storyline function, what you're making is a mission pack :)


alifjenius
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#7

Posted 05 January 2014 - 11:38 AM

Might try this when I have time, though your title is kinda misleading, storyline is made using the DYOM Storyline function, what you're making is a mission pack :)

 

Actually, I'm using storyline function. Just try it and you might find it out by yourself

 

And thanks for the comments. Waiting for review and opinion from you guys


Rytuklis
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#8

Posted 05 January 2014 - 01:02 PM

 

Might try this when I have time, though your title is kinda misleading, storyline is made using the DYOM Storyline function, what you're making is a mission pack :)

 

Actually, I'm using storyline function. Just try it and you might find it out by yourself

 

And thanks for the comments. Waiting for review and opinion from you guys

 

Aight, my bad then.


Abeer
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#9

Posted 05 January 2014 - 01:29 PM

Cool, looks like you got a little inspired by GTA 5, expect feedback soon. Welcome back


alifjenius
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#10

Posted 06 January 2014 - 11:06 AM

Changed the headers a bit, because some of it are similiar with other mission pack's header

 

Anyway. Still working on the 3rd mission of chapter 2. And give review soon so I won't repeat the same mistakes / glitches in the next chapters


DChumber1
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#11

Posted 06 January 2014 - 03:43 PM

Please Check Out My Latest Mission Pack :- The Revenge

Abeer
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#12

Posted 08 January 2014 - 06:46 AM

Hi Alif Akbar,

Here are my feedbacks on Act 1 (I am not judging or anything, its just my opinion)

As expected these mission are great fun and full of entertainment. Intro was very well written and executed. The mission became a little regular (I won't say boring) after the intro. Its scenario after the intro felt like one of LnD storyline NRiTS probably because of the same location and character skin but its no big deal as the story was different.

 

Some of the drawbacks I believe were:-

Moving cutscene, well its a great DYOM 7 feature but I felt you overused it a little.

It was difficulty to read the dialogues in the cutscene as they were fast, I guess it was set to 3 seconds duration. Player has to focus a lot to read and understand it and because of the short duration, the linear cutscene moved fast and they also cause distraction while reading.

The few mission were hard, I don't know if this should be the added as pulse point or negative but sometimes it gets on the nerves if you know what I mean.

That's all I'm done my complaining. 

 

Now the things which I really like in the storyline:-

Story of being betrayed if very common but I still it was very unique.

I really like how you assign path rout and loops they were prefect every time (Specially in that drive by and first date mission, I came last just for the record).

I adore the last three missions of storyline which made the storyline cool and exiting again, best twist in the story. I would love to go in details but it will ruin other DYOM players fun.

 

These were my opinions, I recommend all the DYOM player to give this awesome storyline a try or you'll miss this best storyline of the year!  

 

I am really looking forward for the next act and those two way of robbing, I'll try them both. I am really curious how you'll make them.

Sorry for this long comments, thanks for your time in reading.

 

Kind Regards,

Abeer

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alifjenius
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#13

Posted 08 January 2014 - 11:49 AM

Thank you very much Abeer. That's the review I'm waiting for, such a detail

 

I keep in mind about that overuse of moving cutscene. And make the mission a little easier, since well, I already test the storyline many times and no problem passing it


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#14

Posted 08 January 2014 - 05:19 PM

Nice one man... really nice, I played the first mission and I really enjoyed it, good luck with this man :3

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alifjenius
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#15

Posted 09 January 2014 - 11:23 AM

Nice one man... really nice, I played the first mission and I really enjoyed it, good luck with this man :3

 

Thanks, was the first mission the prologue or the first mission of act 1 ?

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#16

Posted 09 January 2014 - 04:20 PM

 

Nice one man... really nice, I played the first mission and I really enjoyed it, good luck with this man :3

 

Thanks, was the first mission the prologue or the first mission of act 1 ?

 

 

The first mission of act 1...


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#17

Posted 10 January 2014 - 09:28 PM

I will try this tonight.Will give a review tomorrow i think,anyway im sure this is a great mission pack


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#18

Posted 13 January 2014 - 05:30 AM

It's been a LONG time since I have played any of your mission, Alif. I promise to give a review after you finish this mission pack. ;)


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#19

Posted 22 January 2014 - 12:03 AM

Played the prologue and the Act Before The Bank Job.

 

I love a story about 'revenge' eventhough it's been used too many times. I loved the storyline of this mission-pack very much. It's pretty smooth, and sometimes it's going too fast. But, it doesn't matter as long as I enjoyed them.

 

Indeed, you're genius and creative and have it's own way in making a mission. I just loved the part when I need to point my gun at the hostage to make they move in the prologue. Very creative. Loved the gang banging, though.

 

About the writing, I think I don't have anything to oppose since the dialogues is very good itself. Loved the humor you put in it, I had a lot of laughed.

 

Well yeah, in summary the missions in the Act 1 are great. For me, everything's fine except one thing.. it's the 'race checkpoints'. You gotta set the pointer to the right direction next time because it got me everytime lol. That's all I want to say. I'll play the SMART one soon.


alifjenius
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#20

Posted 22 January 2014 - 12:27 PM

@Marshmallow : Thank you very much, and thanks for the detail on the review. I try my best to not to repeat the same mistakes again. But I think it's a bug in the checkpoint pointer because I set the pointers normally, don't do anything other than that. I don't have any ideas about this

 

About the storyline, I'll upload Chapter 2A (not a really finish chapter, because it's cut when you make the decision) after this. Expect a change in the topic soon. Thanks


alifjenius
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#21

Posted 22 January 2014 - 03:32 PM

Act 2.A is already released. Download link available :

http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/29980

Story, Logo, Characters, Missions list has been changed. Also added MadMarshMallow's review

Enjoy and any review & opinion is always welcome

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#22

Posted 23 January 2014 - 05:10 PM

RIght. I've played both SMART and DUMB robbery.

 

For the SMART missions,  they were pretty good robbery. You steal the truck, the uniforms, the bikes for your teammates, and steal the documents, that's a well prepared robbery. I like how you set the protagonist's 9mm ammo to low.

 

For the DUMB robbery, I feel like playing Payday. Having everyone as clowns and rushed the bank like there's no tomorrow. Very excited missions. Pretty hard for me when I need to steal the car in the early mission. Honestly, I failed 4 times in a row lol. But, something I can give a suggestion is when Mike tells everyone there to put their hands up; it would be a better robbery scene if you give some suitable animations to Pat and his friends.

 

Anyway, both of them were very excited and has it own ways. Great missions, keep it up!

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Abeer
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#23

Posted 26 January 2014 - 05:00 PM

Hi Alif,
Here are my feedback's on Act II.A. I am not a reviewer and neither I am good with it but this act made me write one. 

I'm back, bitches !

 
Now you convinced me. To be honest, I wasn't too impressed with Act I as my expectation jumps very high when I play mission made by dyom legends such as you, but Act II.....I think I am in love with you and this storyline and now I see where its going.
 
As MadMarshMallow have already reviewed the SMART and DUMB robbery and my feedbacks are very much same as his so I wont waste any time on that.
 
Here are the things which I think were outstandingly impressive in the Act II.
First I would like to compliment the story. It was really unique and realistic. I believe it took a lot of planning and backhand work.Secondly compliment goes to your choice of selection. I must say you have a nice taste of selection weather its a car, character, weapon or place.
I don't have any complains this time regarding cutscene, gameplay or dialogues. Actually they were quite remarkable.
I am really liking where this going.....what next? let me guess.....OMG Alif Akbar is creating his own GTA like GTA 5 in GTA SA.  :r*:
Thanks for returning and making this lovely storyline.
 
I have so many questions in mind, I thought of waiting and see but my curiosity won't let me so I'll just ask one is there a third character in Los Santos...some black skin guy...Gorve street? ;)

 

Thanks for your time in reading.


alifjenius
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#24

Posted 27 January 2014 - 09:17 AM

Thanks Abeer, such a review and about your question, can't tell you right now, I'm keeping it as a surprise

 

Anyway, I decided to upload the missions pack version of this story since I think playing missions with storyline is such a pain in the ass because you keep playing and playing until the story is over, even though you have save storyline progress. So here it goes :

 

Act 1 - http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/30070

 

Act 2.A. - http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/30071

 

Enjoy :)


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#25

Posted 27 January 2014 - 09:23 AM

Hey! Man thats looks interesting good work :santa:

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#26

Posted 27 January 2014 - 12:22 PM

Amazing storyline, good luck with this :p


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#27

Posted 15 February 2014 - 04:18 PM

Hey man, is this cancelled or what? I saw that you didnt make any progress for many days. Please dont cancell it, it's a great topic. Good luck with this  :santa:


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#28

Posted 16 February 2014 - 12:34 AM

Man, because he's been inactive for a long time, this doesn't means it's cancelled. Geez. Probably he's busy with his school life or somethin'.


alifjenius
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#29

Posted 09 March 2014 - 02:43 PM

Man, because he's been inactive for a long time, this doesn't means it's cancelled. Geez. Probably he's busy with his school life or somethin'.

Like what he said

Anyway, I'm still on this thing. I'm just so busy with my life 


alifjenius
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#30

Posted 31 May 2014 - 11:52 AM Edited by Alif Akbar, 31 May 2014 - 12:06 PM.

Guys, the options (Subtle and Obvious) approach is ready to be uploaded, but I've got a problem while uploading the storyline in the DYOM website, can someone points me out which part did I do wrong ?

 

When I try to upload it I always log out before the upload become successful. Anyone know why ?

 

EDIT : Nah, I just uploaded it but it isn't the good one, I'm lucky I can upload it before the bug comes out again. Here's the link : http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/32280

 

Enjoy





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