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I saw it.

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Mick.
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#1

Posted 03 January 2014 - 06:14 AM

It lead a wale through its mesa of depth like a bowl

The fir tippy tops becoming of it's surrounding

Bark type of red and pale white for it's baton & the river nile

Butchpaper on the raged stone prairie

The meridian captured in a time zone of the night bats splinter

A saloon of itself and nothing to keep an eye of

A weary eye puddles the light of the moon on the silk of the water

Leaning against it's wall of mud and clay and

inside

There, in the corner is a group of Apaches

Eyeballing down the nevertone of it's passion

But the men at the bar only speak of tongue they know

And they speak of old tales of the cottonwood forest

That stands on the for-line of El Paso and its border

A plateau of bleached bones not picked by any onlooking grool

And the juggler and his family merely con the hunters boy

They watch as packs of mule herd through past the cino wasteland

Before noon and the sun follows the west

Ontop

They watch the firepit glow as the Americans and their mules muzzle

Not seeing daylight again

The fall of it - and they fall through

I saw it. 

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Ziggy455
  • Ziggy455

    Ain't nothin' over til it's over.

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#2

Posted 12 January 2014 - 02:44 AM

Damn, a heavy Western piece. I get the image of a small wooden settlement similar to the places in Red Dead Redemption. It all works fluidly together and I get a sense of foreboding, and of no return. Perhaps it is the apache's resigned acceptance of his people's fate. To watch as the Americans continue on with their power --or mules as would have it-- and continue on. I sense that the American's don't notice the beauty of nature that you're trying to convey because as the Apache lingers on the river, the moon, the others just drink and don't savour the world they're destroying.

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Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

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#3

Posted 12 January 2014 - 01:24 PM

I love some of the imagery in this. In my mind it painted a very vivid picture, some nice use of language at times.


Mick.
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#4

Posted 20 January 2014 - 07:38 AM

Thanks for the feedback.

This poem is actually inspired by Cormac Mcarthy's western novel, 'Blood Meridian or the evening redness of the west'.
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Mick.
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#5

Posted 26 October 2014 - 09:13 AM Edited by Lexty., 26 October 2014 - 09:17 AM.

Wanted to bump this for anyone who hasn't read it. :)

 

Personally, I think this is the best piece of poetry I'll ever write.


Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

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    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
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#6

Posted 27 October 2014 - 12:33 AM

Be that as it may, please don't bump topics just for views.

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Mick.
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#7

Posted 27 October 2014 - 08:48 PM

Sorry dude. :p




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