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The Brown Brotherhood (My first Storyline)

10 replies to this topic
Leo28
  • Leo28

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#1

Posted 11 December 2013 - 04:27 PM

Hello, guys.

 

This is my first storyline which i've been working this week. And now i finished it. I can't know if it turned out good by myself, so i want you to play and rate it , give it some feedback etc.

 

 

 

 

Story

 

You are Nam. You want to be a gang leader. But being a gang leader is a hard task.You need to defeat the strongest gangs of Los Santos, which are The Grove Street Families, Los Vagos, The Ballas, Varrios Los Aztecas and others.Help Nam to achieve his objective.

 

 

Storyline Link

 

http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/29182

 

 

Note: This is Chapter 1.

 

If enough feedback appears, and people like it, i may continue. If not, it will be canceled.

 

 

 

 

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Target13
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#2

Posted 11 December 2013 - 04:59 PM

Isn't the name...egh..a bit racist?

Leo28
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#3

Posted 11 December 2013 - 06:55 PM

No, the name ''The Brown Brotherhood'' is related to the brown color, not with races.


Leo28
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#4

Posted 15 December 2013 - 08:02 PM

No Feedbacks?


Martin_GDF
  • Martin_GDF

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#5

Posted 16 December 2013 - 01:37 AM

Wow... cool story, really catching.

It needs a bit of work in some missions

But it's good to be a first storyline, i really enjoyed playing it :)

 

3/5


Leo28
  • Leo28

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#6

Posted 16 December 2013 - 12:46 PM

Wow... cool story, really catching.

It needs a bit of work in some missions

But it's good to be a first storyline, i really enjoyed playing it :)

 

3/5

 

Thanks for the feedback.


KD himan
  • KD himan

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#7

Posted 16 December 2013 - 01:27 PM

ooo ok storyline after soo much time! gotta play it now!  :lol:


dudeofSANTOS
  • dudeofSANTOS

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#8

Posted 16 December 2013 - 01:45 PM

I don't said that its the best but I can see your hard work,

after playing my review for this storyline  is 2.5/5.0


Leo28
  • Leo28

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#9

Posted 16 December 2013 - 04:38 PM Edited by Leo28, 16 December 2013 - 04:39 PM.

People are feedbacking.

 

Maybe i'll create an second storyline.

 

@dudeofSANTOS

 

Could you be specific on which parts of the storyline you didn't liked?So i can know which things i did wrong.

 

Thanks.


dudeofSANTOS
  • dudeofSANTOS

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#10

Posted 17 December 2013 - 05:22 AM

@Leo28

Cut scenes- Good 

Dialogs- Not so good (Dialogs are like Normal People not like gangs)

Story- Good (but I suggest you to show why Nam creating his own gang, This will increase interest)

Fighting- Awesome (Your Storyline doesn't have the lack of fighting.

Spoiler
)

 

Anyway, I am waiting for Chapter2........

Keep going and become the Best Designer...

I am with you on every step...:)


Leo28
  • Leo28

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#11

Posted 17 December 2013 - 04:17 PM

Well,it seens people liked TBB Storyline.

 

There will be a Chapter 2.

 

However,i'll only start designing Chapter 2 after i finish Hobo Wilson MP (which will finish at the 8th mission[7th already in progress])





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