Right so from time to time I start thinking too much about myself and about my future and I have to write it something so I can feel better. Especially now when I'd need some advices from elder people. Right so two months ago I've created a topic here saying that I'm struggling to a new city life. Well I settled down and it's feeling better I might say, even though it's still not fully good. And that happens because of me.
I have made friends on the road, hanged out with them but around this time I am not that concentrated upon that since I have a lot of tests at the university.
So that's my main problem that comes to my mind. The university that I am following doesn't guaranty any kind of big money job and sometimes people rate it as being an useless university. I am willing to graduate because it takes only three years to complete it and then I'll see what I will do.
The thing is that first I need to take the tests and with good results. Math has been the first important test where I've been average, can't really stress about it tbh.
But the thing is that I don't spend the right amount of time to study how it's supposed. I'm only spending two or three hours before the exam, trying to study the whole crap sh*t in the respective book and end up with average results. And the main problem here is the PC. It's eating my time, either free time or studying time, I've been caught again in the gaming world and it's killing my time real bad. The thing is that I cannot just put it away and start studying. My mind always goes away and makes me wonder, what the f*ck is going on around Facebook, what if I should start a new Football Manager team etc. I have no idea how to concentrate on studying and stop using the PC so much. I have no will to do well at school, just that I realize that it's definitely harder than in highschool and I need to put more effort in it.
Now the second thing that worries me is that, for example, this week I've skipped a lot of classes, either too tired of waking up (10 AM), because I felt asleep too late in the night (1 AM/2 AM), or that I would be like "f*ck it, I skip it today" and fall asleep again. Then after that, I eventually start feeling sorry for what I did and especially when I miss those tests, like today. I am living in a room, but there are more people that lives in the same building as me and they are playing loud music that wakes me up while I am sleeping.
Okay, second thing that worries me are girls. I am really depressed that I still haven't found a girlfriend. Not really found, because I've had so many opportunities to hang out with some girls, but always pussied out and didn't go to the date. I am really shy around girls and even if I try to f*cking stop that feeling I just can't, it's like trying to be calm right next to a viper or a lion. Now I don't know what the f*ck it takes to become a man and stop freaking the sh*t out of myself when I see a girl. Let me show you: sitting in a class next to a classmate, then a girl comes, looks around and asks me if the place in my left is free. I tell her that she can sit there. She asks me some random stuff about the previous classes, bla bla and that's the point where I should have started a conversation with her, she opened me, she was looking at me, I was afraid to look at her, no eye contact or so, then the conversation died. Felt really bad about it because IT'S NOT THE f*ckING FIRST TIME THAT HAPPENS THIS. Basically almost every girl that opened a conversation with me ended up being told nothing lol. So tell me what the f*ck should I do about it? I feel really awkward when I talk to unfamiliar girls, no matter what the f*ck I say.