Quantcast

Jump to content

» «
Photo

How to Win at GTA online - Jolly Swagman's guide

365 replies to this topic
Bodog999
  • Bodog999

    Calm Player

  • Members
  • Joined: 26 Dec 2013

#91

Posted 29 December 2013 - 11:35 AM

196. If you lose a car forever try to glitch it back if it doesnt work ask R* to get it back
197. If you have a tank make at least 7000 kills in the first 2 hours when you bought it.
198. When you have a tank joyride in it to show your swag.
199. Make sure to buy everthing you can even if you dont need it.
200! When you see someone with a bounty kill them and eveybode else who tries to get the bounty in style and with traps and airstikes.

Dann_47
  • Dann_47

    King in NFS, Noob in DOTA

  • Members
  • Joined: 04 Dec 2013

#92

Posted 29 December 2013 - 11:38 AM Edited by Dann_47, 29 December 2013 - 11:39 AM.

201. Next time you saw a kid in gta saying bad words just kill him, and the kid will please your ear after every kill.

202. For under level 10, you can open your engine hood while youre standing on it while shooting it with a shotgun

203. In race, if you are the host and about to lose, kick everybody. nobody will care for your win

204. God mode is possible without editing script. Go to a high building, jump 20-50 times at the exact location and soon you could see your god mode by living back

205. If you are playing on XBOX, you could also use just your CD to script hacking. Simply scratch the back of the CD near the edge of the circumference and GOD MODE is now on.


L33TxFuSIoN
  • L33TxFuSIoN

    Sweggy Sweg Holder

  • Members
  • Joined: 03 Nov 2013

#93

Posted 29 December 2013 - 07:26 PM

If you come across a modder:

206. If you see a modder in your game, Be sure to continually ask for them to boost your money and level. 

207. If they don't give you the things you requested, Call them something a little like this; "Modding, Hacking prick. I will get you banned you bitch!". Then be sure to report them over and over, In doing so, You will guarantee getting them banned.

208. If they do give you some money, Send them messages and friend requests and be sure to tell all your friends that and ub3r hax0r gave you money and then give them the modders gamertag.

209. If said modder has godmode, Shoot them OVER AND OVER until they drop down dead. This works 100%. I have had it done to me.


DannyJayMMM
  • DannyJayMMM

    Player Hater

  • Members
  • Joined: 08 Dec 2013

#94

Posted 29 December 2013 - 08:23 PM

210. Should you enter a lobby and are gifted with millions of dollars, immediately log out of game and log onto GTA Forum and start a thread to complain, saying that you are a 'legit' thief, bcause your plight is fresh and new. Since you are on the site, this is a good time to check if anyone replied to your threads of RP farming partners and car duping needs, because you are a 'legit' thief and legitimately see no irony.
  • Clueless Muffin, L33TxFuSIoN and Mikill4u like this

LukeMeister83
  • LukeMeister83

    British Collective

  • Members
  • Joined: 12 Nov 2013

#95

Posted 29 December 2013 - 09:46 PM

211 - Are you a child that has just received received your copy from Santa? Why spend months enjoying the game play when you can unlock and buy everything within 10 mins? Learn how to hack DNS servers and save time.

 

212 - Don't forget to tell everyone you have done this over your mic, they will worship you like the gaming protege you are. If 'the man' warns you of a ban, just start crying and ask the whole server not to report you. I promise they won't.

 

213 - If R* do issue you a ban then go crying to mummy who won't be annoyed at wasting her hard earned money on a game you now cannot play, then ask her to post a thread on the R* support website explaining her little angel would never cheat and it must be someone else's fault. No one will laugh.

  • L33TxFuSIoN likes this

Giantsgiants
  • Giantsgiants

    Boss

  • Members
  • Joined: 17 Nov 2013
  • Mauritius

#96

Posted 29 December 2013 - 11:54 PM

214. When choosing the license plate for your car, always pick the black and yellow plate.


Dann_47
  • Dann_47

    King in NFS, Noob in DOTA

  • Members
  • Joined: 04 Dec 2013

#97

Posted 30 December 2013 - 04:29 AM Edited by Dann_47, 30 December 2013 - 04:30 AM.

215. In mission killing your crew/ teammates is the best priority because they will appreciate it as you are the one who will be doing the objectives


tomuk3
  • tomuk3

    cake

  • Members
  • Joined: 04 Dec 2013
  • None

#98

Posted 30 December 2013 - 05:12 AM Edited by tomuk3, 30 December 2013 - 05:14 AM.

216. If you see a player with a low number next to their name kill them as it stands for their global leader board ranking and it proves you are MLG Pro.

 

217. Only try to quickscope and noscope when using a hammer.

 

218. If you are in a lobby and see someone using god mode, keep going towards him/her to show that you are not scared and not afraid to die over and over and over and over

 

219. Only buy super cars, these are the fastest and no other cars are good or look good or smell good or even taste good, super cars will get you hookers and other cars won't even get you lookers

  • Ultra Elite0, L33TxFuSIoN and Dann_47 like this

Dann_47
  • Dann_47

    King in NFS, Noob in DOTA

  • Members
  • Joined: 04 Dec 2013

#99

Posted 30 December 2013 - 06:27 AM

214. When choosing the license plate for your car, always pick the black and yellow plate.

What's up with black and yellow plate?

  • Mikill4u likes this

kilopm
  • kilopm

    The guy who pit-manuevered you the other day

  • Members
  • Joined: 14 Dec 2013
  • None

#100

Posted 31 December 2013 - 03:40 AM

220. If you are in a crew with less than 100,000 members, then you need to find a new crew!

 

221. I personally recommend the Los Santos Bangers. The LSB is a great crew because all of their members work  together on missions, don't shoot each other on sight, and definitely don't blow-up mission objectives!

 

222. Have you been gifted GTA$? Let the world know by buying the most expensive mods to the most expensive cars in the most expensive apartment while walking by everyone in the most expensive clothes! So what if your character's outfit looks stupid? Who cares when it's the most expensive one you could possibly own?!

 

223. Why not show everyone in the server that you're tough by killing everyone and everything that moves!

 

224. Every GTAO player must be modding, hacking, glitching, farming, or spawnkilling at all times!

 

225. Only Hackers and God-Moders are allowed to have fun.

 

226. Being bothered by the LSPD? No worry, just show them who's boss by killing a couple of them and they'll leave you alone. If this doesn't work, then just keep on killing them until it does.

  • L33TxFuSIoN likes this

L33TxFuSIoN
  • L33TxFuSIoN

    Sweggy Sweg Holder

  • Members
  • Joined: 03 Nov 2013

#101

Posted 01 January 2014 - 01:32 AM

227. If you're gifted money (Of any amount) Do not follow Rockstars rule and open a ticket. Instead, Spend, Spend and spend until you have everything in the game. Then brag to your friends about having the money. Once you are placed in a cheaters pool.. Be sure to complain on Rockstars support forum. They WILL get you out even although you have spent the majority of it and technically cheated. 

228. If you see anyone pulling out of LS Customs with a fully modified car, This means they are plotting to break your console. Quickly but sneakily sticky bombing the car and waiting until they're a fair bit away will protect your console and game.


kilopm
  • kilopm

    The guy who pit-manuevered you the other day

  • Members
  • Joined: 14 Dec 2013
  • None

#102

Posted 03 January 2014 - 08:09 PM

229. Whenever you call your mechanic, whether he spawns on a bridge, spawns on the opposite side of the road and drives away, drives your car into an ocean, or just leaves it in the middle of nowhere, do NOT kill him. If you do, he will quit and the game will break.

 

230. #229 also applies to the MW helicopter pilot. 


Clueless Muffin
  • Clueless Muffin

    Previously named Rockwheels.

  • Members
  • Joined: 06 Jul 2009
  • Canada

#103

Posted 03 January 2014 - 08:19 PM

229. Whenever you call your mechanic, whether he spawns on a bridge, spawns on the opposite side of the road and drives away, drives your car into an ocean, or just leaves it in the middle of nowhere, do NOT kill him. If you do, he will quit and the game will break.

 

230. #229 also applies to the MW helicopter pilot. 

 

I did both of the above to test it out and sure enough, my game downgraded to GTA: IV

  • Gantons Most Wanted and RowanSane like this

Jolly Swagman
  • Jolly Swagman

    Has a jumbuck in his tucker bag

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 18 Oct 2013
  • None

#104

Posted 07 January 2014 - 03:54 PM

231. Some user created content is not the greatest. To ensure you only get the best out there make your you pick Rockstar verified content. These missions which include future classics such as Jumps, Jumos, Jumps and Prison Thugz Fightz are the best of the best and not absolutely terrible at all. If you have played all the verified Rockstar creations and still want to play something you know is good, go for ones three letter names and descriptions (the creator obviously didn't want to waste time on fluff like that when they could be spending it making a better mission). Melee only death matches are also always great
  • WBaker and Ultra Elite0 like this

The Ost
  • The Ost

    Peon

  • Members
  • Joined: 08 Jan 2014

#105

Posted 08 January 2014 - 06:21 AM

232. Create a deathmatch with a large map, preferably with obstructions like tall buildings or mountain ranges. Then hide some a tank or two in a gully or parking ramp. Invite the bare minimum of people, and while they try to orient themselves with the layout, run over to the hidden tank and spend the next 10 minutes blasting them into smithereens. And be sure to complain vociferously when you get "Dislikes" at the voting screen.

 

233. If you flip off a ramp, miss a corner, or for any other accidental reason find yourself coming last in a GTA race, be sure to use your missiles on the person coming next to last, so you can obtain an extra $45 and 18 RP.


xInfamousRYANx
  • xInfamousRYANx

    Car Collector and Pegassi CEO

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 Nov 2013
  • United-States

#106

Posted 08 January 2014 - 06:27 PM Edited by xInfamousRYANx, 08 January 2014 - 06:28 PM.

234. Put sticky bombs on the inside of the passenger door of the high priority vehicle. Stay nearby and when It says "" has taken the high priority vehicle make sure to detonate the bomb. This will remind them that stealing vehicles is not nice.

235. Blow up personal vehicles especially rare cars. Sometimes the game will glitch and the owner will be unable to call the insurance company. They will appreciate you clearing their garage.

236. Get everyone together in your helicopter. Airlift them to the side of Mt. Chilliad and promptly crash leaving them on top with no way down. Everyone like rolling down the mountain for 10 minutes.

237. In missions always make sure to overkill the bad guys. Usually firing grenades or RPG's will destroy the objective ending the hideously boring mission.


RebelWithoutAPause
  • RebelWithoutAPause

    überberechtigt

  • Members
  • Joined: 10 Jan 2014
  • North-Korea

#107

Posted 10 January 2014 - 02:18 PM Edited by Doktor Gott, 10 January 2014 - 02:24 PM.

 

148: Female characters are always really girl gamers. If you follow them about constantly you will get lucky. Go get them, stud.

That's f*cking funny!
Some dude from jersey wanted me to text him and gave me his ph# I told him
my phone is on the screen jackass.
It gets real weird sometimes w/ a girl character
I've been seeing less and less chick characters online.
I'm not a chick btw..
I should've wrote his number and posted it here..

 

 

 

(Oooh my first post, so hi y'all!)

 

Seriously have to laugh at this one... I know the feeling.. my characters a bit Amy Blue out of Doom Generation (showing my age, I know..) and seriously the it's either constant apartment invites or gangs of French men hunting me down in packs to attempt to kick/feel my derriere!!

 

The wife watches me play a fair bit and she's gobsmacked at how much mysogny there is towards female characters, let alone actual women players!!

 

Loving the hints though.. Good to know I'm not the only person that finds soooooo much of these kind of things dickheadish...

  • Jolly Swagman likes this

Jolly Swagman
  • Jolly Swagman

    Has a jumbuck in his tucker bag

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 18 Oct 2013
  • None

#108

Posted 10 January 2014 - 04:19 PM


 

148: Female characters are always really girl gamers. If you follow them about constantly you will get lucky. Go get them, stud.

That's f*cking funny!
Some dude from jersey wanted me to text him and gave me his ph# I told him
my phone is on the screen jackass.
It gets real weird sometimes w/ a girl character
I've been seeing less and less chick characters online.
I'm not a chick btw..
I should've wrote his number and posted it here..
 
 
 
(Oooh my first post, so hi y'all!)
 
Seriously have to laugh at this one... I know the feeling.. my characters a bit Amy Blue out of Doom Generation (showing my age, I know..) and seriously the it's either constant apartment invites or gangs of French men hunting me down in packs to attempt to kick/feel my derriere!!
 
The wife watches me play a fair bit and she's gobsmacked at how much mysogny there is towards female characters, let alone actual women players!!
 
Loving the hints though.. Good to know I'm not the only person that finds soooooo much of these kind of things dickheadish...

Hey matey, it's nice to have you here.
  • RebelWithoutAPause likes this

The Ost
  • The Ost

    Peon

  • Members
  • Joined: 08 Jan 2014

#109

Posted 13 January 2014 - 01:23 AM

238. Boast over your headset while playing death matches, say things like "I got him again" and "I just shot ten guys" even though the on screen graphics say 11 vs 1 (and you're the 1) and everyone can see the stats.


WBaker
  • WBaker

    Acatalepsis

  • Members
  • Joined: 18 Sep 2013
  • United-States

#110

Posted 13 January 2014 - 01:54 AM

This has to be nominated for the best thread award!
  • Sugar Free Nos and kilopm like this

kilopm
  • kilopm

    The guy who pit-manuevered you the other day

  • Members
  • Joined: 14 Dec 2013
  • None

#111

Posted 13 January 2014 - 03:31 AM Edited by kilopm, 13 January 2014 - 04:16 AM.

 239. If you're young and own a mic, be sure to let everyone know by screaming at the top of your lungs over ever little thing. I.G. "OMG, I JUST CRASHED MY BUZZARD INTO THAT MOUNTAIN ROLFLMAOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!1!!!1!!"

 

241. Do not kill any young individuals playing the game and are talking over the mic; for children are the future of the world.

 

242. Dominators and Gauntlets are for noobs. Only Legit Pro 1337 players drive in Super Cars.

 

243. If you're afraid R* will take away your billions, send them a message begging them not to. Be sure to include your gamertag, Player info, and a bunch of other personal stuff so that they will have no choice but to let you keep your money.

 

244. Every vehicle you own must have all of the following-

  • Chrome Primary color
  • Chrome Secondary color
  • Dollar Sign Rims
  • Custom Tires
  • Tire Smoke other than White

245. All violators of  #244 must have their vehicles blown up immediately.

 

246. If your car is on fire, proceed to smother it out by jumping in and around it.

 

247. If #246 doesn't work, then just drive it into the ocean to put it out.

 

248. When in an aircraft, if you hear a beeping noise and start to panic, then just remain calm. It's probably just a blind bird that accidentally flew  into the engine of your vehicle.

 

249. If you do not like the game, be sure to let the people who do like it know by voicing your opinion about the game on the Forums for it. If anyone starts an argument with you, than be sure to prove them wrong. Even though you two just have two contrasting opinions, your opinion is definitely more important than theirs is!

 

*250*. GTAO is the most perfect game in the world, despite the hackers giving out free billions, god-moders in deathmatches, countless pit-maneuvering in races, tanks every corner you turn, Jets/Buzzards raining death from above, players destroying mission objectives, low mission payouts, players easily being spawn-killed, freeloaders doing nothing in missions/survivals, lack of heists, lack of jetpacks, lack of good developers, and a lack of a good community. Besides the mentioned above (and another 100+ problems with the game), GTAO is well designed and epic in every other single way!

  • WBaker and Mikill4u like this

xInfamousRYANx
  • xInfamousRYANx

    Car Collector and Pegassi CEO

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 Nov 2013
  • United-States

#112

Posted 13 January 2014 - 08:48 PM

251. Be sure to have teammates killed in survival by pushing them out of cover. Once they are dead run out with a knife and try to assassinate enemies.

 

252. Go get a Ratloader and fully mod it only to find it cant be stored yet. Then rage about wasting money on it when Rockstar said it would be coming back but you did not follow when it was happening.

 

253. Be sure to Pit everyone in a race.

 

254. The best race is Jumps Jumps Jumps so always vote for that track.

 

255. GTA races are no fun if you dont rocket somebody every 30 seconds.

 

256. When making races in content creator, be sure to spam random objects in the race.

 

257. If you see an abandoned Personal Vehicle you cannot get in be sure to blow it up.

  • kilopm, Mikill4u and !M4G3_N4T10N like this

2Chains4Bracelets
  • 2Chains4Bracelets

    aficionado.

  • Members
  • Joined: 07 Jan 2014
  • None

#113

Posted 14 January 2014 - 12:36 AM

46. You should buy a boat as soon as you can afford it. They are the most useful purchase any player can ever make. If anyone reading this has just finished the tutorial don't waste any money buying weapons or anything like that, just save every penny to go towards the most expensive boat. Note: the free boat you get with the beach bum pack does not confer the same bonuses as a purchased boat so don't waste your time.

I haven't done much beach bum DLC, so any pro gamers out there that have tips would be very welcome to add their views

Boats. Are. Vital. Can't stress this enough to my friends once they start playing online. It's always important to remind them that once you enter the water, your radar blip disappears to other players as long as you're in your boat (that's why they can never see other folks out there). Hence the most intensive teamwork always happens far offshore. It's like a high level, quality-player clubhouse. I like to let my friends know that they should just save up a good $100,000 as soon as possible to drop on all the models of boat. You never know what kind of crazy equipment your boating experiences will call for and it's vital to be prepared when things are going full blast on the high seas.

  • Jolly Swagman and !M4G3_N4T10N like this

The Ost
  • The Ost

    Peon

  • Members
  • Joined: 08 Jan 2014

#114

Posted 14 January 2014 - 01:49 AM

258. When you're on the voting screen with people you don't know, exclaim over your headset, "Freemode! Freemode! C'mon everyone, Freemode!". When you spawn in Freemode start killing everyone. You will get gunned down about 4 seconds later, but still...


Jolly Swagman
  • Jolly Swagman

    Has a jumbuck in his tucker bag

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 18 Oct 2013
  • None

#115

Posted 14 January 2014 - 04:14 AM

 239. If you're young and own a mic, be sure to let everyone know by screaming at the top of your lungs over ever little thing. I.G. "OMG, I JUST CRASHED MY BUZZARD INTO THAT MOUNTAIN ROLFLMAOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!1!!!1!!"
 
241. Do not kill any young individuals playing the game and are talking over the mic; for children are the future of the world.
 
242. Dominators and Gauntlets are for noobs. Only Legit Pro 1337 players drive in Super Cars.
 
243. If you're afraid R* will take away your billions, send them a message begging them not to. Be sure to include your gamertag, Player info, and a bunch of other personal stuff so that they will have no choice but to let you keep your money.
 
244. Every vehicle you own must have all of the following-

  • Chrome Primary color
  • Chrome Secondary color
  • Dollar Sign Rims
  • Custom Tires
  • Tire Smoke other than White
245. All violators of  #244 must have their vehicles blown up immediately.
 
246. If your car is on fire, proceed to smother it out by jumping in and around it.
 
247. If #246 doesn't work, then just drive it into the ocean to put it out.
 
248. When in an aircraft, if you hear a beeping noise and start to panic, then just remain calm. It's probably just a blind bird that accidentally flew  into the engine of your vehicle.
 
249. If you do not like the game, be sure to let the people who do like it know by voicing your opinion about the game on the Forums for it. If anyone starts an argument with you, than be sure to prove them wrong. Even though you two just have two contrasting opinions, your opinion is definitely more important than theirs is!
 
*250*. GTAO is the most perfect game in the world, despite the hackers giving out free billions, god-moders in deathmatches, countless pit-maneuvering in races, tanks every corner you turn, Jets/Buzzards raining death from above, players destroying mission objectives, low mission payouts, players easily being spawn-killed, freeloaders doing nothing in missions/survivals, lack of heists, lack of jetpacks, lack of good developers, and a lack of a good community. Besides the mentioned above (and another 100+ problems with the game), GTAO is well designed and epic in every other single way!

Thanks for the tips mate.

On a more serious note #247 actually works. Try it with a flaming car with the tide pool on the beach

xInfamousRYANx
  • xInfamousRYANx

    Car Collector and Pegassi CEO

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 Nov 2013
  • United-States

#116

Posted 15 January 2014 - 04:19 PM

259. When creating races be sure to be unoriginal and make a race going down the highway. Add so much objects and ramps that the race is unplayable.

 

260. If someone is in their apartment, be sure to sit outside with a tank. Blow up anyone who exits or tries to enter the garage.

 

261. Anyone near the Rockford Hills Los Santos Customs is an enemy. DO NOT LET THEM ENTER WITH THEIR VEHICLE!

 

262. Make your created races on narrow roads with no barriers.

 

263. Make a Hunger Games Deathmatch on an Island by the cove. Its a great Idea and has never been done before!

 

264. The best way to kill tank drivers is by calling in an airstrike. 


Giantsgiants
  • Giantsgiants

    Boss

  • Members
  • Joined: 17 Nov 2013
  • Mauritius

#117

Posted 17 January 2014 - 09:50 AM Edited by Giantsgiants, 18 January 2014 - 08:02 AM.

265. Send Merryweather mercenaries after low levels. They will appreciate the opportunity to get their shooting skill up, and can acquire a free off-road jeep as well.

  • Mr Pink1984 and !M4G3_N4T10N like this

mo-seph
  • mo-seph

    Cunning Stunt

  • Members
  • Joined: 31 Oct 2013
  • None
  • Most Helpful [GTA] 2013

#118

Posted 17 January 2014 - 09:53 AM

266. never play without your menu... its trusty, ... it has options.

  • Jolly Swagman likes this

xInfamousRYANx
  • xInfamousRYANx

    Car Collector and Pegassi CEO

  • Members
  • Joined: 20 Nov 2013
  • United-States

#119

Posted 17 January 2014 - 06:35 PM

267. Be sure to complain about your Shark card money being taken regardless of the fact that you spent billions of hacked cash 

  • Jolly Swagman likes this

Judge333
  • Judge333

    Player Hater

  • Members
  • Joined: 18 Jan 2014

#120

Posted 18 January 2014 - 01:33 AM Edited by Judge333, 18 January 2014 - 01:34 AM.

268. Once finishing a mission and killing your fellow spawned companions. Make sure to use passive mode to show them you are untouchable once they fire back. Also follow this act by constantly showing them the finger or jerking off in there face.

 

269. If you ever find yourself in the backseat of a fellow mission takers vehicle. Ensure that all cops are shot at on the way to any objective. Bonus points are awarded if the objective is to lose the cops. Constantly reminding the cops to follow you is your civil duty. Your new driver will then continue to drive you around for as long as you wish. 

 

270. Purchase a Tank by using the address bar. Normal rules and regulations don't apply to you. Then show off your Tank by driving around and blowing up anyone in your way. Note that wherever they are, is where you were planning on going. They can afford the insurance costs, so don't you freight.  

  • Jolly Swagman, The Ost and !M4G3_N4T10N like this




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users