ATTN: This guide is meant to be humorous.
- If someone pulls up in car next to you and honks their horn, this means that the person is attempting to tell you they have a terminal disease and wish to be euthanized. You should calmly walk up to their car before putting a bullet between their eyes. You get bonus points for driving off in their car afterwards because no-one likes waste and since the original owner wont be needing it any more, you might as well take it.
- Everybody playing the games besides you is either a massive son of a bitch, a motherf*cker or c*nt. You have also had sex with the vast majority of other players mothers. Remember this advantage and use the information to pyshc out other players by frequently reminding them over the head set. This tactic also works with loudly played music and heavy breathing.
- Anyone entering a LSC is obviously doing so to make a bit of time to plan a trap. Get the jump on these sneaky players by ensuring you wait for them in car park outside and shoot them in the face the second they exit. The same goes with players inside apartments.
- When doing a co-operative mission always make sure to race as quickly as possible to the objective. If you should happen to die multiple times and the mission fails remember this is your team mates fault for taking so long to get to the objective. Make sure you let them know this over the microphone.
- When doing a co-operate mission you should always ensure you are the one to be completing objectives. If there is a helicopter or plane only you are capable of being the pilot. If for some reason someone else manages to get control of one of the objectives you should immediately do everything in your power to get in under your control. Attempt to smash the required helicopter or plane out of the sky. While you cannot shoot team members during missions remember you can run them over. This can help should another team member pick up a package and prevent you from delivering. It is better to fail a mission than to let someone else get all the glory.
- Upon returning to free roam on completion of a mission you should kill shoot anyone you just completed the mission with immediately. This is a great way to earn extra cash and RP and is another way to show off how good a player you are.
- When hosting a job always sets its joining status to open even when you only wish to play with friends. Setting jobs to open makes them run a lot more smoothly and gives you better rewards for completion. As host you have the kick button and can just simply kick anyone who joins who is not your friend.
- Crews are a great way of tracking down other players to kill. Make sure you join a crew and that way you can always select join crew members from the game menu to easily track down victims. The game helpfully highlights these potential victims with a coloured circle in your in game map.
- When modifying vehicles ensure that you only purchase the most expensive spoiler, horn, skirts and other body modifications. This is a great way to make your car unique and individual. Custom tyres on every car also make them go faster.
- If you see another player doing what you feel is wrong, you should punish them by spawn killing. You have awesome skills so will be able to do this until they rage quit and leave the server. An ideal session will have you doing this to all other players until you are alone. You can then spend the rest of the session repeatedly killing yourself as punishment for spawn killing.
- When racing always select either criminal records or down the drain. These are the two most fun and challenging tracks which is why they are always picked. You should only ever race super cars and leave immediately if the host changes class. You should then also send them a message calling them a fag.
- A chrome adder is the best car in every circumstance. If there are more than two people playing youre better off killing anyone who wont fit in the adder rather than taking a four door, such is the power of chrome.
If any one has any more tips, please add them below. Appreciate any help you can give.