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pvt trevor phillips

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confederatestatesgta
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#1

Posted 26 October 2013 - 06:56 AM

hello this is my first story so understand i dont know how to make fancy font like the other storys. this is my story of how i think trevors story in the air force. i hope you enjoy and please give feedback.

 

 

 

 

chapter 1 the suprise             were have you been?   i have a suprise for you mom and ryan gather round. what is it son? ive decided to join the air force!! what? i know its unexpecting but you know how i love planes. yes we know son. when do you leave? next week. wow bro that sounds cool. yea BRO i thought so to. you dont have to say it in that tone trevor. SHUT UP! trevor leave your brother alone. whatever im going to bed night ma. goodnight son.     one week later   goodbye ma take care of stupid ryan over here. thats enough son. goodbye son be safe.

 

 

 

chapter 2  new faces            hey you!! what? drop and give me ten. why? you do not adress me like that you address me as captain lopez. ok. are you ready to address me properly now? yes sir capatain lopez. what is your name? private trevor phillips reporting for duty sir. private i will take you to your barracks. this is it? yes now go upstairs and get you uniform on. yes sir. hi you must be the new guy. yea so what? we want to help you we saw you get hammered by the captain. i dont care i only sucked up to him to get him off my back. hahaha.the names corpral james. thats funny you look asian. im japanese but we adopted a new name when we moved. ok so what do i do now? put your uniform on. ok. so when do we get to start bombing? i havent done any bombing yet and im a corpral. you have to pass basic training. thats gonna be fun. yea and im halfway through it its a pain.

 

 

five months later              alright you sisies!!  really he needs a bullhorn? why? theres only ten of us. private phillips is there something you would like to share with us? no sir. good. now today we will be working on how to work on...  WILL YOU STOP SCREAMING ON THE f*ckING BULLHORN!!!!!!!! trevor beats the crap out of the drill sargent and grabs the bullhorn and screams on the  HOW THE f*ck DOES IT FEEL NOW MUTHERf*ckER!!!!!!!!!!! then he puts the sirens on and puts it right on his ear. it makes the sargent go deaf. then trevor gets on the megaphone again and screams DONT YOU EVER BULLY ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!! ILL PUT YOU IN THE GROUND LIKE THIS SARGENT!!! his words echoed while the rest of the trainees just stood there in shock he kept yelling and screaming until a lady drove up next to him and she tells him to put the megaphone down but he refused she told him he was being dishounorably discharged and talked more about it. then trevor just stopped and for that second realized how big of a dick he was and realized this is it no more army so he dropped the megaphone and was forced out.           a new life              trevor was was in a department store drunk and walked up to the customer service clerk and pulled a gun on her and told her to put him on the in the intercom and she obliged. so he started talking and then as he was rambling a man was listning to to trevor on the intercom so he found him holding the girl at gupoint and saying his stuff. and this man got his gun out. put your gun away. who is this some hotshot who wants to be a hero eh? yes i am. as the two were holding guns at each other trevor thought this guy might be the person he was looking for. ok ive had my fun im leaving. and dont think im done cause you scared me. hey are you a criminal to?  i take scores but i dont murder people unless they get in my way. yea so do i wanna lift? i guess. whats your name? trevor phillips yours? michael townly. ok michael townly were are we going? to my place to set up a score.

 

 

 

 

ok guys that is it i know its short and probably has mistakes but again please realize its my first one please give feedback or any tips on how to do another one i hope you enjoyed

 

 

 

 

 


universetwisters
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#2

Posted 27 October 2013 - 01:11 AM

The way you worded it...it's...what?

 

It's just a run on sentence with no way to tell who's talking or what


AceRay
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#3

Posted 30 October 2013 - 02:14 AM

No you don't get it. Its a stream of consciousness. What we're getting is Trevor's immediate reaction and thoughts. 
We're delving into his mind. Its so smart I couldn't believe I haven't done it yet. Story of the Year 2013 right here.


universetwisters
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#4

Posted 02 November 2013 - 10:04 PM

No you don't get it. Its a stream of consciousness. What we're getting is Trevor's immediate reaction and thoughts. 
We're delving into his mind. Its so smart I couldn't believe I haven't done it yet. Story of the Year 2013 right here.

I hope you're trolling.

 

 

WILL YOU STOP SCREAMING ON THE f*ckING BULLHORN!!!!!!!! trevor beats the crap out of the drill sargent and grabs the bullhorn and screams on the  HOW THE f*ck DOES IT FEEL NOW MUTHERf*ckER!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Aside from he misspelling, how are we supposed to tell between dialogue and actions?


athande
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#5

Posted 03 November 2013 - 01:16 AM

You do realise that this is probably a troll universetwisters?

universetwisters
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#6

Posted 03 November 2013 - 03:18 PM

You do realise that this is probably a troll universetwisters?

Maybe. Then again, aceray isn't quite the person who usually trolls, as far as I know.


AceRay
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#7

Posted 03 November 2013 - 07:32 PM

 

You do realise that this is probably a troll universetwisters?

Maybe. Then again, aceray isn't quite the person who usually trolls, as far as I know.

 

I was joking. Although writing it as a stream of consciousness isn't totally unknown, I mean, Once Were Warriors was written that way and that was pretty great. The OP could have pulled it off.


confederatestatesgta
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#8

Posted 05 November 2013 - 04:49 AM

ok now aceray if you did like it thanks very much if your trolling i dont appreceate that. univers i know it is is a horrible writing keep in mind this is my first story. i just wanted to capture trevors military days and show how he was still crazy and how he met michael.





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