so, the other day i was staying at my mothers place for the night. nothing fancy, just a small house at the edge of town with a spare room where i threw a matress on the foor to sleep on. i work late shifts this week so i got home at about 23:30, my mother was just heading upstairs to get some sleep. perfect timing i thought inside my head.
i like to smoke a fatty from time to time you see, and that night just felt like 'the night' you know? offcourse i had to be carefull not to wake up my mother because if she would have came down and caught me i would have to listen to a never ending rant again. so i took a nice hot shower, furiously soaping in my unresistable body.. clearing the white goo from between the foreskin of my penor and afterwards i brushed my teeth also. while doing that i came up with a masterplan.
my stash was hidden in my car, witch was parked up front. so my plan was to go trough the back door, use the little wooden gate to get to the street and roll a j in my car. then i would go to the back again, sit on my ass in the small wooden shack in the garden and enjoy a good toke. but no, it didn't go that well to be honest.
so i put on some clothes. my camouflage cargo pants and a black motorhead sweater with a hoodie to be exact. it is quite cold outside you see, just over freezing point this time of the year. so i make my way to the back door, trying not to bump into anything. and even if i say it myself, i'm quite proud of my accomplishments. i was silent as a dead baby up untill that point. then i remembered the lock on the back door makes a loud noise everytime you unlock it. actually, i didn't remember untill i opened it. 'CRACK'. great, i woke up the cat, who was peacefully sleeping on it's worn out fluffy blanket on the couch untill my ninja skills failed me.
so about the cat, it's a white male specimin with ginger stripes and spots who does nothing all day but eat, rub against your legs and roll on it's back only to bite your finger when you tickle it's belly. but at night it's a different story.. it's like a wherecat or something. as soon as the moon comes up that little f*cker goes batsh*t crazy, jumping at things that are not there, running across the room chasing imaginary mice and stuff like that you know.. so offcourse 0.666 seconds after i woke it up it was jumping across a table, nearly missing some empty whine bottles and it slammed it's head against a cupboard while jumping at the shelf where we keep it's food. out of instinct i preform a triple backflip, catching the cat in mid air and i proceed to press it down against it's blanket on the couch and rub him between his ears for a good five minutes or so.. it's a great trick it gets the little bugger to fall asleep. works every time.
good, the cat was asleep again. so i finally went outside. then i remembered that the wooden gate makes a terrible screetching sound when opening it and it's right below my mother's bedroom window. so without thinking my agile ass climbs over the fence in a fluid motion like only seen on tv at the female 'beauty diving contest' or whatever it's called in english. i made it to my car and proceeded to roll up while sitting in the passenger seat. paranoia was kicking in already. i swear i saw the neighbours curtains move i felt like i was being watched, so in a hurry i finished my little cone shaped masterpiece. after all the trouble of getting outside i made it extra spicy offcourse. i went back over the fence, sat my ass down in the shed. finally i could get blazed.
to keep it short i'm gonna skip the next 20 minutes or so. just sat there, nothing special.
so i want to go back inside now.. my hands were already getting really cold. when i got to the door however, i failed to notice the cat was awake again and sitting by the back door. offcourse, as soon as i opened it the little ginger bastard squiggeled itself between my legs and dissapeard into the darkness. kind as i am, i could not leave it outside in the cold for an entire night so i gently pushed the door shut and went after it.. but i was to late.. i saw it's tail dissapear under the fence already.
in a slightly less gracefull way then before - losing a shoe, cutting my hand and bumping my face into a wall - i climb over the gate again. but no matter how hard i tried, i could not get close to the cat.. it was tempting me. no, it was outright trolling me. every time i got closer it went a little further, clawing at imaginary flies along the way, dragging it's butt trough the gutter and i swear i even saw it moonwalking for a moment there as i was sneaking closer to grab it.. after a minute or 10 we were at the end of the street..
then i remembered.. my mother brought choclate chip muffins from the store. i don't know why i thought of that at the moment.. i guess the munchies were setting in.. so i want back, over the gate, picked up my shoe and got a muffin from the kitchen cupboard. headed back to the street nearly faceplanting myself when climbing that noisy f*cking gate again and i proceeded to throw pieces of choclate chip muffin at the cat.
guess what.. it actually worked. kind off.. (who would have thought a cat likes choclate chip muffin huh?) so i managed to lure it near the house again.. but every time i inched closer it would run off again. i swear that cat is a better troll than all these kids here at gtaforums stickyspermed together. so after a while i'm freezing and shivering and i be like.. 'f*ck THE CAT' so i went inside and played some gta:o