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Anyone in here suffer from depression?

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PieFace2
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#511

Posted 17 June 2017 - 11:24 PM Edited by PieFace2, 17 June 2017 - 11:28 PM.

Im totaly void of all emotion now, dead on the inside.

I was raised to be a good person, do the right thing and all that horse sh*t.

 

People have been nothing but complete assholes to me, back stabbing, using me, laughing at and robbing me even my own family, no woman has ever been remotly interested in me at all, and that's when I used to stay possitive though all the bullsh*t.

I must of been a complete bastard in my past life.

 

These days at 31 years old I have completely given up I just dont have it in me anymore, have a job where I don't have to speak to anybody and the only thing keeping me going is video games and my good friends Jack Daniels and Coke, if not for that I think I would of just ended it years ago.

 

I even taken up smoking so maby the booze and cigarettes will do me in before I get to old to work :D

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ZillKentornoes
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#512

Posted 20 June 2017 - 07:12 AM

Bi polar or manic depression. I have suicidal thoughts sometimes. Last year I managed to quit my vices and get a somewhat, clear and balanced as I could have, mind. 2016 was my best year in so long. It took A LOT of will power and kind of brainwashing myself into positive thinking. Therapists did nothing for me. You have to change yourself imo. One trick I used was seriously not giving an F about anything anymore. Being suicidal I felt I was going to die anyways so that actually gave me the confidence to do literally anything. I was taking insane risks last year, good and bad but that seriously made 2016 one of my best, legendary years in this life. Fast foward to now I'm back to my vices and slowly slipping once again. My anxiety is much, much lower than what it used to be but the depression will return in full force when it wants to. Well...mainly due to my f*ck ups, addictions and lifestyle choices... so its all my fault. I hate myself when I think about my mistakes, how I let my family down and my girlfriend who is the only woman in the world I could ever have feelings for. I'm still optomistic with this life "I" just have to make the necessary changes...again. My mood is always up and down like a rollercoaster. Anyways, im pretty much dead inside, I hate most ppl and I'm highly desensitized to voilence and death

PsychoAnarchy666
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#513

Posted 25 June 2017 - 07:04 AM Edited by PsychoAnarchy666, 25 June 2017 - 07:07 AM.

Right here my friend. My life has been a rollercoaster ride but not a fun one. The recent past few years have not been kind to me for some reason. I'd love to share everything but to an outsider they'd probably just think differently and not understand. Ill say these couple things though. Haven't had a real life friend as suppose to an online one witch i haven't had either but as for a real life one,it's been some years now and for online about a couple months. Don't have a girlfriend,i'm 18 btw,just turned back in december. Don't go outside much. Basically i'm just a loner who keeps to myself and the only people i've talked to have been my mom,dad,aunt,grandmother,two cousins and my uncle but rarely. I have a sister but haven't spoke to her in over two years now cause she got into a huge fight with my mom cause she's got problems herself so she decided to disconnect from the family,definitely been missing her and yeah,that's pretty much what i can say so my life ain't pretty. I also got autism,high functioning. Annoys me that people use the term autistic as an insult to someone,just had to say throw that in there.

SonicTheSexhog
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#514

Posted 26 June 2017 - 03:04 AM Edited by SonicTheSexhog, 26 June 2017 - 03:12 AM.

I read that depression apparently is extremely common, like almost everyone has it at some point in their life. But I don't get it. Does that mean the high functioning, perfectly "normal" people I see every day have depression?
I don't know if I have depression myself I mean I guess I have the symptoms but my therapist never specifically said I do have it (I never asked him either). But I'm really worried that I compare myself to other people and I feel like I'm bad at being depressed since I'm always tired and lazy and have no motivation to do anything, and as a result I fail at almost everything, and I don't enjoy anything, etc. And I thought "well it just means I have depression and need to work on that, not that I'm a useless piece of sh*t" but I guess I must be since apparently the people I see on the street and my friends and everyone who seems to have their life worked out also has or had depression. And they are seemingly better at having depression than me.

I also wonder if depression is always just an attitude problem OR something you can fix with meds. I don't take meds but I don't imagine myself being able to change my attitudes and stop being depressed either. I think I've felt this way since I was 18, I'm in my mid 20s now. I wasn't particularly cheerful as a teen either but I guess I didn't care too much back then. But it got worse every year, when I think I'm hitting bottom and can only get better, it later gets worse. I have trouble moving my limbs, getting dressed, walking, paying attention to people who talk to me, etc. I have trouble falling asleep and I always wake up super tired. I stopped enjoying music and movies and videogames. I stopped liking food I used to love. My therapist just keeps telling me I need to find new stuff to do, like try new activities that I don't know yet that I will enjoy, and go out and enjoy life more, but I don't get it.


Scaglietti
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#515

Posted 27 June 2017 - 01:14 AM

I think most people get depression at some point in their life, it's pretty normal in that regard. Either mild or chronic or anything in between, over something traumatic, etc. The one that confuses me the most and that I have is the type that comes for seemingly no reason, can't even explain it, and kind of just comes and goes over the years. Whenever I try to explain why I'm depressed, it's just blah. Back in elementary I couldn't even pinpoint a reason but it was bad to the point where I needed to see a counselor. Boy, did that turn out well. :sarcasm: I get a year where I'm feeling great for the most part and then the next I'm all over the place. Rinse and repeat.


Murdick
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#516

Posted 27 June 2017 - 01:17 AM

Sat on my bathroom floor reading forums at 2am, ranting about the most embarrassing f*cked up situations Ive encountered recently, staring at a bottle of listerine that I don't even like the taste of. Just a tad depressed recently. 😔 lol.

anthony
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#517

Posted 27 June 2017 - 04:13 AM Edited by anthony, 27 June 2017 - 04:28 AM.

You guys should have a goal to reach, anything that you like and never get or manage to become then go for it. Whatever the goal, just do it for yourself and don't bother to even care of other peoples, be selfish (kind of) and trust yourself to become the best.

Don't let anything worry you. It sure sound easy but try to stay positive as much as possible.
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Scaglietti
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#518

Posted 27 June 2017 - 05:30 AM

You guys should have a goal to reach, anything that you like and never get or manage to become then go for it. Whatever the goal, just do it for yourself and don't bother to even care of other peoples, be selfish (kind of) and trust yourself to become the best.
Don't let anything worry you. It sure sound easy but try to stay positive as much as possible.

Believe me I try to have stuff to look forward to and stay occupied. I think I need to see a therapist or something. It just gets to a point where I feel like it just doesn't help. I have no real engagement in most of my interests anymore I feel like I just force it. I try tonchange things up I still feel the same.

anthony
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#519

Posted 27 June 2017 - 07:09 AM

You can try to meet people and clear your mind, remove all the lock inside. Travelling is a good idea I think.


Scaglietti
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#520

Posted 27 June 2017 - 03:08 PM

Travelling helps but it's definitely not something I can do, like, any time soon. And then third semester starts in August, definitely can't then.

ZillKentornoes
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#521

Posted 28 June 2017 - 03:12 AM

You can try to meet people and clear your mind, remove all the lock inside. Travelling is a good idea I think.

 

Travelling helps but it's definitely not something I can do, like, any time soon. And then third semester starts in August, definitely can't then.

 

 

In my experience, traveling doesn't help much. For me its nice for the first few days but I get homesick after that and when I think about home, it feels like I'm running away from problems rather than facing them which is the best thing to do. I believe the only way traveling would truly help me is if I visited a poor country and witnessed the impoverishment personally. Then my 1st world problems would feel ridiculous by comparison

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boyy
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#522

Posted 28 June 2017 - 06:15 AM

Am manic depressive, so maybe just a tad.

 

My life is in shambles for the 60th time and I'm totally choosing to ignore it for the moment.

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Milfrah
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#523

Posted 29 June 2017 - 05:02 PM

Been plagued with anxiety/depression on and off my whole life. Right now is particularly trying because I hate my job. Not so much the job itself but the company that owns where I work, the terrible construction-riddled expressway hour-long drive to get there, some of the people in management, the new unit, some of my poisonous co-workers who management let wreak havoc on our continuous crisis-level staffing shortage/rapid turnover rate. I just seethe and feel numb with anger on the way there, and cry in my car on the way home after a long 12 hour shift.

 

Only Xanax takes away the feeling of impending doom.

Only Norco takes away the stress-induced migraines I've been getting because NSAIDs flare my gastritis up so bad.

Uugh. I hate being this way.

 

Trying to get a position in a different place that's more laid-back, closer to home, and has less staffing issues. Problem is it's sort of a competitive place to get into and for one reason or another, all three times I've tried to get in so far have fallen through.

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overminded
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#524

Posted 30 June 2017 - 04:12 PM

Depression is a specific mental disorder. According to statistics, today every tenth person older than 40 years suffers from depression, and more so women. I think many people had this condition or something similar. I often experienced depression in my youth and it was often associated with personal life and study. I had to fight it. Since I had some problems with math statistics I used the resource Assignment.Essayshark. It helped me and gave me a push with other positive changes.


PieFace2
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#525

Posted 03 July 2017 - 08:15 PM Edited by PieFace2, 03 July 2017 - 08:29 PM.

Iv'e become an expert at hiding my depression, like today at work I could talk about random stuff, have a laugh and a joke with the few people I did meet.

 

Life is just too stressfull for me most of the time, most of my stress is money related, directly and indirectly.


jwdrinkwaterjr
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#526

Posted 04 July 2017 - 11:08 AM

Hi, my name is Jamie, and I have been labeled by a doctor as "depressed".

I was also raised by parents who said "Work hard, always do the right thing, look for the best in people, and you will succeed in life".

While this was good advice when their parents told them this, it is no longer true in today's day and age.

I married my gf when I got out of the army. I worked 80+ hours a week on the Golden Road up here where they filmed American Loggers. I dropped everything to help my friends whenever I was home even when it meant giving up my very precious spare time.

In 2012 I got in a wreck by St Just Quebec. I broke my neck and my back. Tore my brachial nerve group out of my spine. Damaged my inner shoulder joint, blew apart a rotator cuff. Severed bicep tendon and torn tendons in my hand.

My employer and his insurance company totally screwed me. After nearly 13 years on the job. My shoulder got fixed but that was it. Have to live with the rest of it.

My wife left as soon as I was no longer a 22 wheeled ATM machine. With probably my closest friend. Also turns out she was heavily into drugs.

I had two years of hell. I mean total, wish you were dead every day hell. I had made well over a million dollars trucking but lost everything in the divorce and everything I had left could fit in a duffel bag.

My ex and her family did everything they could to keep my kids from me. This was the absolute worst of it all. When you take away someone's reason for being, the very way they define themselves, what do they have left?

On the advice of a total stranger I took up weight lifting. It helped immeasurably. For both my body and my mind. I met somebody new. Somebody who I'm still with who is totally awesome. I got a new job. In the woods again, but a physically less demanding gig that pays better. One of the kids moved in with me.

Thing is, I am now a cynical, jaded, bitter mofo. And I don't see this ever changing. Even tho I am actually in the best place I've ever been.

Depression is not a chemical imbalance. It's what happens to good people in today's world.
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wosniies
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#527

Posted 08 July 2017 - 09:33 AM Edited by wosniies, 08 July 2017 - 09:33 AM.

No. Depression is for lazy people that don't know how or don't want to deal with their life situation.

I have to disagree with you on this, as I know much about depression. I have been depressed since I was 13 years old (im 26 now).
I can say that it all had a trigger from the past. 

 

Depression can be there for so many reasons and it can be beyond our knowledge, simply because we havent experienced them all ourselves. 
So lets say if a person with severe depression or bipolar, which is a depression that can come from traumas or events/happenings from when you were younger, its a kind of depression that might need therapy, and its not some kind of teenage insecurity/puberty depression.

 

And we have a depression who can come from a broken up relationship or marriage/loss of familymembers etc. 

 

There are so many triggers for depressions, that we can never really tell anyone to "get over it and move on" .. I know this very well myself.

But I see your point of the situation where you rather be stuck or do something about it, but some depressions needs proffesional help and therapy to learn to either live with it and deal with it or to get better in the future. 

 

But calling it lazy, is incorrect imo. 

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#528

Posted 08 July 2017 - 12:34 PM Edited by Scaglietti, 08 July 2017 - 12:38 PM.

Oh yeah, I'm lazy because I'm depressed. I mean even though I was able to get the grades I wanted to get into the college I wanted and still take the time out to do things I enjoy that should help me, I guess I'm very lazy.

f*ck logic right? People who say depressed people are lazy or need to get over it are better off just keeping their mouths shut because running it letting that unhelpful judgemental garbage out without knowing what they're on about is hardly motivational. Two kinds of people say this crap. Those who "got over" depression and think everybody is the same, and those who haven't gone through it and don't know what the hell they're talking about.

I'd be damned if I called someone depressed thinking about killinh themselves lazy. Where the f*ck do people get off saying that crap. Especially over the internet as some know nothing random?
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Mister Pink
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#529

Posted 08 July 2017 - 12:59 PM Edited by Mister Pink, 08 July 2017 - 01:02 PM.

Hi, my name is Jamie, and I have been labeled by a doctor as "depressed".

I was also raised by parents who said "Work hard, always do the right thing, look for the best in people, and you will succeed in life".

While this was good advice when their parents told them this, it is no longer true in today's day and age.

I married my gf when I got out of the army. I worked 80+ hours a week on the Golden Road up here where they filmed American Loggers. I dropped everything to help my friends whenever I was home even when it meant giving up my very precious spare time.

In 2012 I got in a wreck by St Just Quebec. I broke my neck and my back. Tore my brachial nerve group out of my spine. Damaged my inner shoulder joint, blew apart a rotator cuff. Severed bicep tendon and torn tendons in my hand.

My employer and his insurance company totally screwed me. After nearly 13 years on the job. My shoulder got fixed but that was it. Have to live with the rest of it.

My wife left as soon as I was no longer a 22 wheeled ATM machine. With probably my closest friend. Also turns out she was heavily into drugs.

I had two years of hell. I mean total, wish you were dead every day hell. I had made well over a million dollars trucking but lost everything in the divorce and everything I had left could fit in a duffel bag.

My ex and her family did everything they could to keep my kids from me. This was the absolute worst of it all. When you take away someone's reason for being, the very way they define themselves, what do they have left?

On the advice of a total stranger I took up weight lifting. It helped immeasurably. For both my body and my mind. I met somebody new. Somebody who I'm still with who is totally awesome. I got a new job. In the woods again, but a physically less demanding gig that pays better. One of the kids moved in with me.

Thing is, I am now a cynical, jaded, bitter mofo. And I don't see this ever changing. Even tho I am actually in the best place I've ever been.

Depression is not a chemical imbalance. It's what happens to good people in today's world.

 

Thanks for sharing this. Those events must have been very challenging. I'm glad you met someone new and you've taken up weightlifting. These sound like very positive things. I will say it's normal to feel cynical and jaded, especially after such traumatic events but I know from experience it doesn't stay like that forever. You'll always carry that little bit more caution in your choices due to the past but that's just wisdom and learning from life experience. The cynicism usually can develop in to a constructive cautiousness, personally speaking. 

 

Keep being mindful. You have the choice to make the present and your future something positive. :)

 

... 

 

As for ΣΓ's comments on laziness and depression, that comment was made 4yrs ago, so lets give him the benefit of doubt that his views may have changed since. 

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Gummy 
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#530

Posted 4 weeks ago

I've been feeling absolutely f*cking low these last few weeks.

 

I feel severe depression and it's due to my other mental illnesses. I'm motorically impaired somewhat (ADHD (diagnosed), possibly hebephrenic schizophrenia and probably others) and I'm just completely behind too many people, even to those younger than me. Others are more social in nature, bipolar, heavy anxiety, possible OCD and probably many others. Meds are too expensive, too ineffective, and too out of reach. High school wasn't pleasant at all, it was hell to go through with all social and academic problems. I'm quite skeptical about my future too. Facing adulthood and I'm only 2% ready. 

Been having suicidal thoughts non stop too lately.

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PieFace2
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#531

Posted 4 weeks ago Edited by PieFace2, 4 weeks ago.

I'm sure things will improve Gummy, your only 18.

Don't let anyone get you down.


Urban Legends
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#532

Posted 4 weeks ago

Being sad from time to time is good for you. Sometimes you need to reflect on things. Your allowed to feel your emotions whenever you want...not just once a month. Just take your situation into consideration and understand how we have grown over time and evolved.

How do you truly want to feel. How do sophisticated people handle things. This probably isnt the topic for me to read considering my life right now. Holy crap. Reading just two of the "posts". Well ya that does it. Just trying to have a good day thinking positive..knowing its a load a sh*t.

Im not talking to anyone specific so enjoy your day dont let me ruin it...
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#533

Posted 4 weeks ago

After reading some posts in this topic I think I am lucky to be where I am now after so many years of people being total assholes to me, I swear I didn't do sh*t to deserve that, but I managed to go trough and by now I forgot many things, I know sometimes sh*t gets really bad, and most of the times the people who suffer depression isn't their fault,but you really really need to put all your energy on getting out of the hole.

I wish all the people here good luck in getting out of there, and please don't lose hope, don't trust assholes, ignore bad people, and try your best at everything you like.
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MuntyJack
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#534

Posted 4 weeks ago

from time to time, esp it's hard in winter


PieFace2
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#535

Posted 4 weeks ago

I have nothing and nobody here in England and doing nothing with my life other than going around in circles looking for work, pay tax's/rent and repeat, im just so bored with this life.

 

In 2 weeks im off to Lille, France to join the French Foreign Legion on a minimum 5 year contract.

 

They do have some rigorous training but im in very good health so im sure I will pass without too much trouble.

 

Au Revoir


Gummy 
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#536

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by Gummy , 2 weeks ago.

I can't sleep and I feel like venting.

 

I'm bombarded with mental illnesses and disorders, many of which are probably still undiagnosed officially, probably because of the poor mental disorder awareness and treatment where I live. But the one I've been diagnosed with is ADHD and bipolar disorder. The psychiatrist gave me medication for those but they were useless and too expensive. I had to spent $100 just to diagnose ADHD alone. So I stopped taking medication as they are too useless and too far out of reach. I'm aware myself that I've got a lot more left. I probably have more learning disabilities than ADHD. High school was a total nightmare. I kept failing classes. Not only has the ADHD prevented me from focusing, but even when I do focus, information is extremely difficult to process in my brain. I've since finished high school and applied for college. Didn't pass engineering school so I just took animation. Easy right? No. I'm still unable to think normally, learn, and many more. In order to create art you have to be able to picture and perceive a lot of things, which I can't no matter how much I try. College is starting up real soon and I'm not sure if I'm able to handle it. These disabilities prevent me to move forward as a person. I've finished high school and I'm not ready for anything ahead of me, money, work, driving, and all that. I'm sure, and seen, kids younger than me that can do stuff that I'll never be able to do and are more ready. 

 

My bipolarity really gets me in a bad state, especially with myself and my parents. I'm possibly also facing autism or some sort of retardation, which I manage to hide and keep despite feeling like myself is about to go crazy any moment. Social anxiety is also a big problem. It's very difficult for me to socialize and keep conversation, no matter how much I step outside my comfort zone and try to steady things. I've failed a lot of people, and relationship. From having people leave me and disappointing them. I also have OCD that gives me seizure attacks every time a certain thought comes in me. This is also why I refused therapy. I can only talk to people around my age and someone I trust, which most therapists here aren't. I just can't. If someone locks me up in a room with one it'd be no different than having to speak on gunpoint. And probably many people I know have mental illnesses too but are still going through and not being diagnosed (like I said, poor mental illness awareness/system) life just says that I should not give in and use my mental illnesses as an excuse to be behind people in life, and work as hard as they do and go through challenges they face even with mental illness pushing back.

 

That's all I can think about and know right now. I'm sure there are even more that creates a huge barrier in my life. Of course, this all leads down to depression. I really don't know what to do anymore. With all these untreatable mental illnesses and losing everything that makes myself, me, I don't know what to do anymore. Suicide has been on my mind a worrying amount of times these past few months and there's a large chance that I'm going to go through it real soon. Also, being 18 doesn't mean anything at all, doesn't degrade the situation in any way.

I know with my history here people are going to dismiss me as just dumb, lazy and edgy here, but I don't care anymore.

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SprinklesMcFartza
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#537

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by SprinklesMcFartza, 2 weeks ago.

@Gummy Not dumb or edgy, just lost. I'm 42 now, ADHD my whole life, didn't know till I was in my early 20's. Everything made sense at that point. You can give yourself as many titles and sicknesses as you want. Your not a f*cking retard or autismo. The ADHD can be put on the back burner along with college, quit putting pressure on yourself. Learn to say f*ck it. Get your bipolar disorder under control and put effort into just getting a job. Manufacturing jobs pay ok and you can let your mind go blank while you put together sh*t, it's been therapeutic for me. Or maybe just washing cars at a dealer. No fast food...f*ck that. Focus on work, be on time, don't call in, don't bitch. Once you settle in, your coworkers become almost like family. You'll learn who to trust and who not to.
Just realize if you get diagnosed with this and that, a pill for this and that, they will make you crazy. You can function with ADHD, you can be productive. Suicide is just stupid, I've been there a lot. Had a gun in my mouth 7yrs ago. I was betrayed by my ex and best friend after we had 2 kids together, my mom, dog, and best friend died, then my boss decided I made too much money and fired me. Life isn't perfect for anyone, no one. Social networking would have you believe everyone is better than you. Some are smarter, some make better decisions, some have rich families. But everyone has flaws. Your 18, to be honest you don't know wtf your talking about, not yet. Trust me, keep pushing till your 25, then evaluate your life. At that point you should have an idea of what you want to do. Maybe start back to school or stay in the work force. Don't feel you have to live up to anyone, f*ck em all. Option 2 military, they'll pay for your medical and school after you get out. Or option 3 keep struggling in school, worrying about failure and how bad you suck. That's no way to live. My life has been a roller coaster, but I got 2 kids, my own house, a newer car. Only thing stressing and depressing me is being single and bills, but that's life. Just advice from a career f*ckup. Sorry if you disagree. I'm not judging you, I'm no doctor or visionary. Good luck.

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#538

Posted 2 weeks ago

For me, I don't even think it is linked to people. Or any sort of label that I refuse to identify with. It'a just there. When my mind goes blank. I'll do stuff be into it feel happy. Then I run out of energy and feel like I'm sinking. It's hard to describe. One week I'm so occupied the last thing on my mind are emotions. Then the next week "what if I disappeared?" It's confusing. I am where I wanted to be last year, I found a major I'm interested in. I am accomplishing things I have wanted. And yet I don't feel happy. Try new things. Short high. Try old things that make me happy to no avail. I don't even know anymore.




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