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Anyone in here suffer from depression?

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Rafae
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#451

Posted 2 weeks ago

I have pretty severe depression. I'm just waiting till I have enough money


To move out or what?

Scaglietti
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#452

Posted 2 weeks ago

Bro do you really think you can beat me up? I can deadlift over 600 pounds, you think I can't kill you with my bare hands? Think about it, think about that for a minute. I'm a big strong man.

And I can deadlift 700 pounds. Try me.

 

:sigh:

 

lol you can claim anything on the internet, I don't really have to believe it.


Murdick
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#453

Posted 2 weeks ago

Occasionally. Being on this forum with moronic keyboard warriors just makes it worse which is why I barely come here lol.

To be honest, coming here to vent only to be ridiculed by a bunch of immature teenagers and man children with superiority complexes has been a major turning point in regards to my activity on this forum. The last time I was this inactive, I wasn't even here I had avoided the forum altogether.

Do snide forum comments to/about me really put me down? Not really, as if some dumb socially awkard random who doesn't even know me spouting crap about me means anything other they're really an ugly person or have problems they don't know how to deal with. I dare someone to say some of the sh*t they say to me here in real life though. I beat his ass.

But I used to go here a lot because I'm not gonna lie, it was a bit comforting. And then some great memories sort of. Kind of disappoints me what has happened. Not many places I feel like venting on the internet. If I vent somewhere I'm obviously comfortable being there but when people confuse venting with just bitching it says a lot.

People like to put other people down because of their own insecurities.

Whenever someone on here annoys you, just parody their name. 😄

It's an internet forum. 
 
Everyone here suffers from depression.


Or just bordom.
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Rafae
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#454

Posted 2 weeks ago

I'm so good at hiding it you wouldn't even know I had depression
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Irish45455
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#455

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by Irish45455, 2 weeks ago.

Talking to someone for four years that I just jive with emotionally, spiritually and mentally and then them just not talking to me anymore has made me realize just how lonely I am, and doesn't help the depression. Especially when it's just out of the blue. I go from having conversations that I've never had with anyone before to just silence... Really f*cks me up, especially when she is/was my only friend... Sure I have "friends" to play GTA with but it doesn't extend to real life. It's a shame, really. I suck at keeping friends because I hate being outside. I hate dealing with people. Having a huge dislike for most of the population has made me picky about the kind of company I keep. I don't know why I lose so many people, especially when I try my hardest to make things work with people. Too clingy maybe? I guess. Anxiety doesn't help. It's always a constant "They haven't replied. They must hate me. Did I say something I shouldn't have? Let's re-read the message. No, I didn't say anything bad... Am I boring? I must be." and it makes me feel like a clingy ex girlfriend who can't let go... Jesus, what's wrong with me? Really doesn't help the ultra low self esteem. If people don't want to talk to me I must be a really sh*tty person. Maybe I just don't deserve friends, and to be happy. Maybe I don't deserve to be like everyone else. I see now why so many take the easy way out. When you've got nothing left to lose, what is there to live for? I've tried to do right and outweigh the bad I've done with doing a lot of good... Maybe I'm just doomed to be in the red; doomed to be in the negatives karma wise. I don't know anymore. Perhaps I should just shut people out entirely and drift through the rest of this life not trying to get to know anyone. Can't get hurt if there's no one to hurt you, right? I don't really see a purpose in this life and haven't for a good ten years. Maybe doing good doesn't outweigh the bad one has done in life and nothing matters. Quite a nihilistic view on things but in all honesty, what else is there? I don't think I'll ever know. Anyways, keep scrolling. Ramblings of a man who has no life, no clue on how to make things better and especially no future.
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Murdick
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#456

Posted 2 weeks ago

Talking to someone for four years that I just jive with emotionally, spiritually and mentally and then them just not talking to me anymore has made me realize just how lonely I am, and doesn't help the depression. Especially when it's just out of the blue. I go from having conversations that I've never had with anyone before to just silence... Really f*cks me up, especially when she is/was my only friend... Sure I have "friends" to play GTA with but it doesn't extend to real life. It's a shame, really. I suck at keeping friends because I hate being outside. I hate dealing with people. Having a huge dislike for most of the population has made me picky about the kind of company I keep. I don't know why I lose so many people, especially when I try my hardest to make things work with people. Too clingy maybe? I guess. Anxiety doesn't help. It's always a constant "They haven't replied. They must hate me. Did I say something I shouldn't have? Let's re-read the message. No, I didn't say anything bad... Am I boring? I must be." and it makes me feel like a clingy ex girlfriend who can't let go... Jesus, what's wrong with me? Really doesn't help the ultra low self esteem. If people don't want to talk to me I must be a really sh*tty person. Maybe I just don't deserve friends, and to be happy. Maybe I don't deserve to be like everyone else. I see now why so many take the easy way out. When you've got nothing left to lose, what is there to live for? I've tried to do right and outweigh the bad I've done with doing a lot of good... Maybe I'm just doomed to be in the red; doomed to be in the negatives karma wise. I don't know anymore. Perhaps I should just shut people out entirely and drift through the rest of this life not trying to get to know anyone. Can't get hurt if there's no one to hurt you, right? I don't really see a purpose in this life and haven't for a good ten years. Maybe doing good doesn't outweigh the bad one has done in life and nothing matters. Quite a nihilistic view on things but in all honesty, what else is there? I don't think I'll ever know. Anyways, keep scrolling. Ramblings of a man who has no life, no clue on how to make things better and especially no future.



Do you talk to your gta friend regulary? Invite them over one time for a gaming marathon, anything. Or book a holiday together. Chances are, they are in the same boat as you and don't have many friends. Maybe plan to go to some idk wtf they called, a gaming convention? Lol. If things aren't going well for you with friends irl then there's nothing stopping you from making them online. :) It's how I met my bf haha. Not that I have trouble meeting people irl, believe me. Ha. But yano.

Irish45455
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#457

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by Irish45455, 2 weeks ago.

All of my GTA friends only get on when something good is happening like double money on Heists. They moved on to Destiny, Ark, DBZ and other games I don't play. They all live too far away to hang out in real life. Virgina, Maryland, and Florida to be exact. And that girl I sometimes talk to lives in Alabama. We both want the same things but she isn't the "talk about feelings" type so there's never a way to know what she's thinking or feeling. She's said if we were closer things would be different. I just don't know anymore. Everytime we stop talking for a while it feels like I did something wrong. I know people have different coping mechanisms and deal with sh*t differently but would a, "Hey, I'm going through some sh*t at the moment. It's not you, it's me and I got some sh*t I'm going through and gotta deal with but I'll get back to you when things change." really be too much to ask? Jesus, I sound like a f*cking psycho. I mean, if I was going through some rough stuff and couldn't talk right away, I'd let someone know. I just... I don't understand why people can't be upright and forthright with sh*t. She's an awesome person and I see that she has flaws but why does not getting back to people have to be one of 'em? I feel like I've gotta walk on eggshells and watch what I say because I really don't want to f*ck things up and lose the last actual friend I have because I fell for this girl, man... And I can't just tell her that. F*ck man. I don't know. I give up. *death metal bellows long and loud internally*

Synthol
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#458

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by Buckminsterfullerene, 2 weeks ago.

Being extremely close to someone and being cut off all of a sudden is something I've experienced and I deeply empathize with you, I'd say it's the next best thing to being cheated on.

 My advice would be to seek new friendships and learn to be more fun to be around (i.e improve social skills) so people are willing to befriend you, WAY easier said than done I know but it's something you need to work on regardless, you could establish friendships with people you never think you'd with.


russeler97
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#459

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by russeler97, 2 weeks ago.

Yes, pretty sure I do have it. I know what triggered it, when I was about 15 everyone was getting girlfriends and girls fancying other guys and girls asking guys out and whatever, no one ever asked me out at all. So I asked some girls out, the answer they gave me was no. I started going down hill, seeing everyone with girls kissing and hugging etc and I started asking myself "what's wrong with me?" "Why am I being left out?" I went deeper and deeper into this dark dismal state. Among other things... )-:

Synthol
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#460

Posted 2 weeks ago

Yes, pretty sure I do have it. I know what triggered it, when I was about 15 everyone was getting girlfriends and girls fancying other guys and girls asking guys out and whatever, no one ever asked me out at all. So I asked some girls out, the answer they gave me was no. I started going down hill, seeing everyone with girls kissing and hugging etc and I started asking myself "what's wrong with me?" "Why am I being left out?" I went deeper and deeper into this dark dismal state. Among other things... )-:


If you validate yourself based off of attraction from the opposite sex then idk bro, your priorities aren't right.

russeler97
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#461

Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by russeler97, 2 weeks ago.

Yes, pretty sure I do have it. I know what triggered it, when I was about 15 everyone was getting girlfriends and girls fancying other guys and girls asking guys out and whatever, no one ever asked me out at all. So I asked some girls out, the answer they gave me was no. I started going down hill, seeing everyone with girls kissing and hugging etc and I started asking myself "what's wrong with me?" "Why am I being left out?" I went deeper and deeper into this dark dismal state. Among other things... )-:

If you validate yourself based off of attraction from the opposite sex then idk bro, your priorities aren't right.
You have a good point, but it was mostly the feeling of being unloved I guess.

Synthol
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#462

Posted 2 weeks ago

Yes, pretty sure I do have it. I know what triggered it, when I was about 15 everyone was getting girlfriends and girls fancying other guys and girls asking guys out and whatever, no one ever asked me out at all. So I asked some girls out, the answer they gave me was no. I started going down hill, seeing everyone with girls kissing and hugging etc and I started asking myself "what's wrong with me?" "Why am I being left out?" I went deeper and deeper into this dark dismal state. Among other things... )-:

If you validate yourself based off of attraction from the opposite sex then idk bro, your priorities aren't right.
You have a good point, but it was mostly the feeling of being unloved I guess.

Most relationships are shallow and aren't based off of 'love' anyways. Just love yourself, focus on self improvement and a later on the girlz will want you to slowly coress them.

Travedge
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#463

Posted A week ago

I am deeply depressed because we all gonna die an nothing f*cking matters. In the big scheme of things. So I take alot of vacations physically an mentally. Get the most out of this one known shot at life. Live it up.

Irish45455
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#464

Posted A week ago Edited by Irish45455, A week ago.

^ That's all you can do. Live life while you can, and try and do as much good as you possibly can before you go. Or not. Nothing matters. Nothing we ever do will make a difference. We were born to go to school to have our individuality stripped from us so we can become obedient, soul dead conformists who will go on to work until we physically can't, possibly popping out and polluting the world with babies and getting stuck in a loveless marriage with someone who hates you and drinks to forget how much he/she hates you along the way, and when you can't work anymore, you get a measly pension and sh*tty health insurance until you finally breath your last ragged breathe, where you'll rot in the ground, becoming worm, maggot and rat food. Life is just a series of sh*tty events, with only brief interludes of happiness just to remind us how good things could be but won't be because we're all sh*tty people who can't get along with others. Maybe if racism, homophobia, sexism and all these wars, atrocities, rapes, murders and seriously heinous sh*t stops, and people start going more good than bad, our karma will rebalance itself and things will be good. But until then, do whatever you want because it really does not matter.

Scaglietti
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#465

Posted A week ago Edited by Scaglietti, A week ago.

The fact we're all gonna die sone day has never really phased me tbh. Hard for me to understand why some people get really scared of that. I just try to enjoy life now though. It kind of makes me feel stupid to make big plans/dreams for the future and throw away my life now just so I can enjoy it then. Sounds like religion and trying to get to heaven, which is not promised lol. Yes you should have a plan but you should still enjoy life. You could die tomorrow. Whoops. There goes your plans, should've lived life to the fullest while you could. Or something else could happen and there goes your plans. Diseases, blindness (or fear of it in my case), something that just changes everything and makes you realize life is short...

Travedge
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#466

Posted A week ago Edited by Travedge, A week ago.

I just try to stay comfortable while pursuing my goals. If that means drinking kratom twice a day an smoking herb whenever, no different then taking anti depressants or whatever it takes to gets ones ass out of bed an living to the fullest with the situation handed or crafted by you.

No matter wut one living stylzle,being happy no matter what the rest of your life is like. Thats #1 for me. I aint gonna live in misery over things I cant control. Get medicated get endorphins, do yoga, drink pina coladas an f*ck easy women. Fin.

Whatever it takes in a logical method of sorts. I aint gonna buy a kilo of cocaine an rob a bank thus live to the fullest. But I will cheat the system to get my happiness. Use the system dont let it use u.

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#467

Posted A week ago

Sometimes I get depressed and when I do I become very philosophical.. Like some others on the thread have said, nothing really matters and we all die in the end.

Yeah that's sad but then I think about why we're here in the first place. Regardless if you have a religion or not, I believe something put us here for a reason. We all have a purpose in the universe whether it's to change the world or to change someone else's world. 

Just do what you have to do and live while you still have life is how I like to look at it sometimes.


gtamann123
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#468

Posted 2 days ago Edited by gtamann123, 2 days ago.

Yeah I have depression. But not the "chemical imbalance in the brain that can be helped with medication" kind. The kind that is the result of realizing that you're life isn't of any value. I plan on committing suicide after both of my parents pass away and no longer need me to take care of them. At Which point I will have no purpose in the world and my existence is only a drain on the useful inhabitants of the planet. Which is probably in about 15-20 years.

Switch
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#469

Posted A day ago

Yeah I have depression. But not the "chemical imbalance in the brain that can be helped with medication" kind. The kind that is the result of realizing that you're life isn't of any value. I plan on committing suicide after both of my parents pass away and no longer need me to take care of them. At Which point I will have no purpose in the world and my existence is only a drain on the useful inhabitants of the planet. Which is probably in about 15-20 years.

What if you find a new purpose? Or are you totally unconvinced that you will not? I think looking that far into the future is not a good way of living, but whatever makes you comfortable i guess...


gtamann123
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#470

Posted A day ago Edited by gtamann123, A day ago.

Yeah I have depression. But not the "chemical imbalance in the brain that can be helped with medication" kind. The kind that is the result of realizing that you're life isn't of any value. I plan on committing suicide after both of my parents pass away and no longer need me to take care of them. At Which point I will have no purpose in the world and my existence is only a drain on the useful inhabitants of the planet. Which is probably in about 15-20 years.

What if you find a new purpose? Or are you totally unconvinced that you will not? I think looking that far into the future is not a good way of living, but whatever makes you comfortable i guess...

I'm convinced I won't. I'm not very intelligent or skilled in anything. So academic, scientific or artistic pursuits are pretty much never going to come about. I'm too inherently lazy to start a business or do anything like that. And I'm one of the ugliest human beings alive so fathering children and raising a family is pretty much out of the question as well. Like I said once my parents pass on i basically will have no reason left to even exist. My presence on earth will have only negative impact because of my consumption of resources without the return of any value to society.

Scaglietti
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#471

Posted 20 hours ago

Tfw people give condescending unhelpful "advice"...

Irish45455
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#472

Posted 5 hours ago

Tfw people give condescending unhelpful "advice"...


"Just go for a walk! Get out more, it works for me!"
"Have you tried thinking happy thoughts?"
"Aww, you just aren't trying hard enough to be happy!"

Seriously, f*ck off. Get that garbage outta mah house. It's hard to feel happy when I'm numb inside. When thinking about my own death, the end of the line, is the only thing that settles the white noise in my head. I'm hoping to get into therapy and see a therapist soon... I'm hesitant because I have a strong feeling that I'm not what she signed up for, that there's some pretty heinous sh*t clanging around in my head that I'm 110 percent sure should stay locked away deep in a vault in the dark recesses of my mind, where no one can get to them.

I really hope the vileness in my head won't scare away any potential therapist. Just thinking about it is making me sweat and have anxiety. How do you tell a therapist that you like it when people die, because human beings are deeply flawed creatures who just refuse to learn from their own mistakes and like to rape and murder their own young, their spouses, and even total strangers...

I want to see things collapse. I want to see people under pressure, because I think that's the only way people will set aside differences and f*cking band together. No more of this "Black people are trash, white people are superior, no gays allowed, queers shouldn't be allowed to marry!" bullsh*t. I'm seeing more and more that peace is not, and never will be possible. Even if we got rid of everything we fight about these days, racism, religion (which should have been eradicated eons ago), sexism, wealth, greed, all of that scumf*ckery, we'd just find new sh*t to go to war over. "That guy is wearing a blue shirt! I'm gonna kill him!" Sh*t like that... I know we're a war-like people but Jesus H. Goddamn Christ... Are we ever going to learn? Why does it always have to get to the point of no return, to when it's too late for us to learn our lesson?

I gotta stop right there, otherwise I'm gonna give myself an embolism or something. Human beings just piss me off. We are not a species designed to survive. Between our Jagerbombs and Viagra plus all the other sh*t we do, we are not built to last. And thank f*ck for that...




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