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The Heist

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EDDYHarris
  • EDDYHarris

    한국어조선말

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#1

Posted 24 September 2013 - 05:15 PM Edited by EDDYHarris, 24 September 2013 - 05:17 PM.

Mark: You ready...

 

Eddy: Yea

 

Mark: Don't mess this up Eddy....

 

Eddy: ....I won’t (Eddy pulls  back the pin of his AK47)

 

Carson: Good news the alarm is good let’s move

 

Carson pulls in front of the Jewelery and diamonds plaza he then exits the van and reached the back of the van. knock knock knock. Eddy, Mark and Kain exit. The dress up as exterminators wearing a dark blue jumpsuit and gas mask. They all have assault rifles with silencers.  They approach the jewelry store guns pointing at the store. Carson kicks down the door.

 

Carson: Everyone Get down!!!!

 

(The crowd panics hits the floor in terror.)

 

The rest all enter Eddy goes to the right as Kain & Marc go straight to the second floor. Eddy then shoots the alarm to the right of the glass table filled with diamonds. He then holds the AK in the middle by two hands and smashes the glass into pieces and grabs the diamonds and puts it in his backpack. Carson reaches over Eddy

 

Caron: Eddy go and help Kain and Marc I’ll get the rest of the diamonds

Eddy then go upstairs and helps out with the Jewelry section of the second floor. As He approaches the second floor Kane is kneeling planting charges to the safe which contains money.

 

Eddy: Where's Mark?

 

Kain: The boss told me to eliminate him because he appeared to be FIB.

Eddy: It’s funny because he told me to eliminate the other one as well.

Kain: Really funny….. WAIT!!! WAIT!!! WAIT!!!! (Silencer shot)

Eddy then shoots Kain in the back of the head. He then plants the charges and then hits the detonator blowing the safe. Eddy checks pointing his gun around and then put nearly all the money in his black combat backpack.

EDDY: Okay everything’s goodhujui
Mark: And Carson?

Eddy: As you said he dealt with

Mark raises his gun

Mark: I bet you killed Carson because you will eliminate yourself being an undercover

Eddy: No… NO… No… I eliminated Carson because they were not that wanted that’s why you don’t have a clip in your handgun.

Mark fire his gun its empty FIB tactical response team enters the bank

FIB Tactical Officer: FIB DO NOT MOVE!!!!!!

Eddy takes the gun off Clay and puts a clip into the empty gun and points it at Carson.

Eddy: You are under arrest by the federal government.

 

Part 2 coming soon.


Ziggy455
  • Ziggy455

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#2

Posted 24 September 2013 - 09:14 PM Edited by Ziggy455, 24 September 2013 - 09:17 PM.

I knew it was a matter of time before the GTA V fanfics would pop up. Also, this isn't that good. The presentation, lack of punctuation overall, and somewhat similar links to V's plot makes me think that a part 2 won't be coming any time soon. 

 

Also, The Dark Knight-esque dialogue and action is noticeable. Can we see what you'd do away from the cliche's of bank-robbing?

  • TonyZimmzy likes this

ASIAN LAWYER
  • ASIAN LAWYER

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#3

Posted 09 October 2013 - 10:01 AM

EDDY: Okay everything’s goodhujui

what in the?

 

also, why is eddy -the fbi/fib(?) agent- killing the "not that wanted" bank robbers? why is he even testing his cover? why not just take him out non-lethally without alerting him that you're going to kill him? doesn't seem very "tactical".


TensaZangetsu
  • TensaZangetsu

    That guy who eats pizza at flea markets

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#4

Posted 15 October 2013 - 01:22 AM

Not really that great tbh. 2/10

 

 

Please don't make a part 2 because it's cliche like all hell.





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