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Best and funniest GTA V quotes!

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  • ChiroVette

    GTA V = The Anti-Snore (IV) AKA The Snore Killer!

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Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by ChiroVette, 2 weeks ago.

Michael to Trevor and Patricia: "Yeah. I hear Stockholm syndrome is nice this time of year."


Simeon to Franklin: "You tell me exactly what you want, and I will very carefully explain to you why it cannot be."


Trevor: "You can jerk me off if I get bored. I'm kidding! You can suck me off."


lol Love this scene when Trevor explains his psychotic reasoning for the kidnapping:


Trevor: I asked for a fair day's pay for a fair day's work. Well, he kinda got a little angry. So, I admit, I kinda got a little angry too.

Michael De Santa: Did you kill him?

Trevor: What kinda f*cking animal do you take me for? No, I didn't kill him!

[Michael sighs with relief]

Trevor: But I did kidnap his wife.



This whole Michael analyzing Trevor segment in the car on the way to Paleto Bay:


Michael De Santa: You... are a hipster!

Trevor: What?

Michael De Santa: You're a hipster.

Trevor Philips: I hate hipsters.

Michael De Santa: Classic hipster denial.

Trevor Philips: I abhor hipsters. I eat them for fun!

Michael De Santa: Hipsters love saying they hate hipsters.

Trevor Philips: Well, I really f*cking do!

Michael De Santa: Self hatred. Common hipster affliction.

Trevor Philips: Only because I'm living out here away from the Bean Machines, and the bankers?

Michael De Santa: You're gentrifying. Soon, the skinny jeans will show up, then the skinny lattes, and then the bankers. And you'll be somewhere else starting the cycle all over again. Maybe you're not a classic garden variety hipster, but you're what the hipsters aspire to be. You, Trevor, are the proto-hipster.

Trevor Philips: I don't know what you're talking about. I don't agree with what you're saying. You're talking bullsh*t. And you're trying to wind me up. But I'm very, very angry, and I want this conversation to stop right away.

Michael De Santa: Hipster.

Trevor Philips: f*ck you! f*ck you, Michael! Say it again!

Michael De Santa: I've made my point. I'm not a sadist.




This is one of my FAVORITE humorous scenes in GTA history. Unfortunately it loses something without Trevor mocking Cheng's Asian accent:


Trevor Philips: [flying back from North Yankton. Phone rings] Trevor Philips Industries.

Mr. Cheng: Mr. Philips, this is Wei Cheng. You know my eldest son, Tao.

Trevor Philips: Yeah, the X nut. Back out of a contract we agreed on. How is he?

Mr. Cheng: Still learning the ropes. Thank you. My friends missed you in North Yankton. I was hoping we could talk.

Trevor Philips: Oh, was that your people?

[in mock Chinese accent]

Trevor Philips: Oh, 'course. so sorry I hadta cut out.

Mr. Cheng: Your operation causes problems for me. I want to expand into Blaine County. But your business and your temperament prevent me from making inroads.

Trevor Philips: Oh, well, too bad. I don't know what you can do 'bout that.

Mr. Cheng: I've already done something. We have your lover.

Trevor Philips: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, my lover?

Mr. Cheng: Michael De Santa. You live in your trailer together, with the maid. And then you were alone in that big house. Why you're clearly very close. How much will you give up for his safety?

Trevor Philips: Ha. My lover? Yeah, right. That's a tough break. I'd never want to double cross a friend and put him in danger, but you gotta do what you gotta do. My business ain't goin' anywhere.

Mr. Cheng: I am serious about this. He will die!

Trevor Philips: Tell him I love him dearly.

  • ACM-Jan

    Usually helpful, BUT very defensive upon disrespect

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Posted 2 weeks ago Edited by ACM-Jan, 2 weeks ago.

brilliant scenes, chirovette, i can even imagine the sound to each line just by reading it, i can hear them in my head when reading them.

Only true fan can appreciate those and remember what made them good! BTW if i repeated those lines with trevor-ish voice IRL you would laugh yourself into pieces.

  • FozzQuaker

    Player Hater

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Posted 2 weeks ago

Not really that funny to be honest

But I love the start of the torture mission, if you start the mission as Michael, Trevor is randomly squatting, curling one out, he will say to Trevor something like

Are you taking a dump...Whats wrong with you...

I say curling one out, judging by the farts, he is probably squirting one out

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