90 replies to this topic

[Viscosity]

Mission 1: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/27952

Mission 2: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/27964

Mission 3: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/27975

Mission 4: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/27997

Mission 5: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/28013
Mission 6: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/28067

Mission 7: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/28107

Mission 8: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/28114

Mission 9: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/28732

Mission 10: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/28766

Mission 11: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/29865

Mission 12: http://dyom.gtagames.nl/show/30365

[Revolver1]

lol you should not have used someone's name as your main character. It makes start some conflict and end up an arguement, then ban, sh*t like that.

Just change your main character's name.

Beside that everything is good.

[Terano]

Story is Modern and Graphics are Ancient Style,

I like it!....

 

@Revolver

Abeer is her friend so I don't think he mind it!

 

 

Spoiler

Everyone like his/her names in missions

 

[KingFZ]

lady mission designer cool and name of main character name is also good lol.

[Target13]

Eh...Abeer? Hahaha.

Anyway, I'm curious to see the gameplay of this cause it doesn't look like it will contain any shooting or stuff.

[Revolver1]

Eh...Abeer? Hahaha.
Anyway, I'm curious to see the gameplay of this cause it doesn't look like it will contain any shooting or stuff.

You don't need shooting to be happy. Just some scary gameplay is fine for me.

[Viscosity]

I have uploaded my first mission

Please give your feedback about it (its my first mission so please don't be rude)

 

@Target13: It will have action missions in future and a twist too.

@Revolver: I know the graphics make it look like that its a scary story but its not (I used the pictures from a game)

[Abeer]

Removed

[Revolver1]

I was about to say all the best to you for your mp, until I noticed my name...in your story!

 

Who...What...Why...Ah I don't know how to react!

 

Hope this is not another joke on me, You should told me first that you are using my name...never mind...

 

"Brutal Embarrassment"??? All the best for brutally embarrassing Abeer

Eh don't be mad dude, I thought you two were friends.

I told you Visco, don't use other designers' name, especially in missions like this. If it was a hero or military or something else, it would have been great. But these kinds of mission... not so much I guess.

[Viscosity]

If anyone is interested in telling their real name, I'll make them one of the characters in the mission too. 

[Terano]

@Revolver: He's never minds, he is like water, makes noise when boiling then diffuse like steam.

@Abeer: I already made one mission and started working on 2nd one, please let it go this time. Next time, I'll ask first.

If anyone is interested in telling their real name, I'll make them one of the character in mission too. 

 

I want to give my name in this story!

[Chips237]

I played the mission. You have nice designing skills, but improvement on spacing and coloring would make the MP better.

Pretty nice story, but I didn't get what happened at the end.

Spoiler

So Abeer goes to college because his parents don't want him to end up like his father, he drives to college and he is late the next day. Then he somehow sits on the girl section of the class then is humiliated, then all of the sudden it switches to Whetstone and someone started talking about this "cute new boy" in class.

Overall: 8.7/10

P.S my real name is Karl if you are interested on using it.

[Target13]

Don't even think of using my name is this story.

(For those who know my name, Don't say it.)

 

Anyway, I'm gonna play your mission after homework.

IF I HAVE ANYTIME LEFT...CURSE YOU GEOMETRY TEACHERS!!! 

[Viscosity]

@Chips: Thanks for rating, I really did expect this high rating for my first mission. I tried to give color coding like...

• Dialog with purple is what  "Abeer" character is thinking. (Sometimes talking to himself)
• Green is Time, year and place.
• Yellow, red and white are for objectives.

@Alokik and Chips: There are characters such as a cop, gun dealer, bank manage, bodyguard, Mafia boss etc (I may have missed some, but its most of them, some may appear in only one mission other may in more then one)

 

Now you decide either I assign you randomly myself or you would like to choose by yourself.

 

@Target: Oh really,

Spoiler

Can someone please tell me his name

 

 

Edit:

Second mission uploaded, Feel free to give feedback or point out areas which could be improved

[kk.]

@Target: Oh really,

Spoiler

Can someone please tell me his name

 

 

 

Mohammed Ismael (if I remember/spelled correctly).

[Terano]

Yeah! T13's name is good for any mafia Character LOL!

 

@Viscosity

I want my name for that character that appear in more missions!

and you can assign it according to yourself .

 

Mission#1 and #2 Review

 

Mission#1

Its just simple mission and good as first mission

 

Mission#2

The Idea of subconscious mind is totally surprise for me! I like it Very much!

[Viscosity]

LOL, I won't use Target's name without his permission, I was just kidding.

@Alokik: Thanks for your feedback, Is Alokik your real name?

Then So far I got two name 

Karl and Alokik

[kk.]

You can use name Lukas, it's mine.

[Viscosity]

Mission 3 uploaded and now Chapter 1 is completed. Please tell me how you like the story so far.
Here is a quiz for all of you regarding Chapter 1, please take part
What do you think will happen next
1. Abeer will go back to his home.
2. He'll commit suicide.
3. He'll make a plan to rob a bank.
4. He'll kill the Dean.
5. He'll find a job.
6. He'll join a Gang.

[The Odyssey]

My names Trent, if you want to use it.

[Viscosity]

Topic update,Check out the character list.

[Alexander]

Cool topic, Viscosity. I'll play this when I got sometime and I'll tell you what I think.

Just a question, why the font size of the mission names and links are so big?

Anyway, good luck. 

[Martin_GDF]

Abeer and Alokik ^^ YEY 

 

I will check it out :3 it must be cool

[Abeer]

Removed

[Viscosity]

Removed

[Terano]

 

 

Will I get the girl in the end? Just asking

 

I think, You not get the girl because You never insinuate that girl.

[Viscosity]

Removed 

[Terano]

I played 1st Chapter and I like it because this type of mission never created nor played by me.

 

What Happened next Quiz Answer:- 

1. Abeer will go back to his home.

 

Spoiler

If I am the author of the story then I will do this In the last of Story.
but for now, he will not return his home because he have 495 dollars.

2. He'll commit suicide.

 

Spoiler

This question have very simple answer if author wants to end the story she can do this.

3. He'll make a plan to rob a bank.

 

Spoiler

Without support this cant be possible so first he join the gang then he will plan to rob the bank.

4. He'll kill the Dean.

 

Spoiler

It may be possible after joining the Gang.

5. He'll find a job.

 

Spoiler

I think will try to find a job but not get the job then he will join the gang.

6. He'll join a Gang.

 

 

Spoiler

May be possible.

[Revolver1]

Ok, I've played this, and here are some feedbacks from me:

Pros:

1. Colour text (Good use of colour)

2. Nice cutscenes.

Cons:

1. Long drive (from Dillimore to Santa Maria Beach, omg)

2. Not bad but not excellent grammar (if you know what I mean)

3. Random Capital Letters (what's up with it anyway)

4. Not using '. It's hard to tell weather it's ''its'' or ''it's'' (if you know what I mean)

Tips:

1. Use Notepad++ to add  ', etc

2. Whatever you do, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, NEVER EVER EVER make long driving. It's very frustating. People mostly play DYOM for shooting, not for driving (mostly that is)

 

Overall, it was a fine chapter.

 

Now I answer the questions:

1. Abeer will go back to his home.

Spoiler

Nope, I feel that this way is too simple, it won't make twists and exciting details in the story

2. He'll commit suicide.

Spoiler

Sure, if you want to end this mission pack right now (if you know what I mean)

3. He'll make a plan to rob a bank.

Spoiler

He's a college student, not a mastermind criminal. He's not smart enough to plan a bank robbery, which is a very hard and complicated thing to pull out. Plus he needs more people, and where will he get that?

4. He'll kill the Dean.

Spoiler

Again, he's a college student, not a mastermind criminal. Taking another life means taking your own life, and there are other options for Abeer to choose, so I don't think he'll want to end his life for now.

5. He'll find a job.

Spoiler

Nope, he didn't pass college meaning he must be terrible in learning, and he doesn't have a degree or a diploma to find a job, a good job that is.

Spoiler

But if you mean a low-life job, then I would say yes.

6. He'll join a Gang. 

Spoiler

Why would he join a gang? That's already like ending his life

[Viscosity]

@Revolver: Thanks for feedback and tips, I made a lot of mistakes didn't I, sorry. I'll try to improve in future.

Thanks to all who answered, now I know whats your perspectives are.

 

Edit:

New mission uploaded please try it and let me know how it was. And really sorry to action seekers, I promise there will action in the next mission