Life for me lately hasn't been all that positive
I've got an abusive girlfriend who doesn't seem to respect or least appreciate what I do for but I still love her as much as one can but sometimes it feels as if the troubles we have are no longer worth it, it's sucked me away from a social life, depressed to the part where I am finding it hard to wake up or even attend my classes.
I'm doing a Course in Fitness, something I feel my heart as always wanted to do, to be fit, strong and look great and I've had a struggle doing it all my life with everything that revolves around it, my dream was at one stage to be a boxer until they told me I'd have to get surgery on my hand and at the time also I had to let me shoulder rehab a issue it had, which later on was found out to be a whole lot worse then it was
I ain't rich, my family isn't poor but it isn't stable either.. There isn't much to my family, my mum has never really been there for me, physically she is there (Don't be a f*cking smart c*nt on that one) but mentally.. No, she's always on Benzos and Painkillers along with my own Ritalin ever since I was 5, she'll fall asleep at 5AM wake up at 5PM and it's been like that since I can remember, my father would work till 7-5 so he'd have to wake me up right before he left but when I did I was usually alone and when I wasn't she was on her morning down (Coming off those drugs) and It wasn't pleasant, I remember days when I was 8 I'd sit at the Park just crying because I didn't know reality from what I was living in, I sore kids who had parents who'd take there kids on trips and holidays, bought there bikes and stayed together.. They did things, I felt like there was something wrong with me because I had none of it. My father is a good man, he works to keep a roof over our head which I appreciate dearly and deeply but even so I've been living under that exact same roof for 22 Years Now.. I've never left Melbourne (Australia) and the only Holidays I have been on are the ones when my father took me Camping to Yarrawonga which is a Lake across from NSW.. I feel I've been lucky enough to purposely swam across it which is about the length of half a football field or more, but it felt like a struggle doing it because I literally had to swim a distance just to have the feeling that I had escaped a place I'd been cooked up in for most my life. I appreciate life, don't get me wrong.. But I've been stabbed, bottled, beaten up and mugged and shot at and I ain't even a bad person. I've walked 50KM for Charity for Suicidal Teenages because I have had two of my friends fall victim to the misery, hurt and pain of life which made them kill themselves.. Lately, I feel as if my Dreams or Hopes are fading but at the same time I feel as if they are reappearing, I feel a bit happier as I am never at home I am usually walking, or trying to socialize with people without the one I love know, now.. I know when you read that, I sound whipped and under control, and your right.. But I feel as if I have been hooked and gutted, I wouldn't have troubled finding someone else if we broke up but I don't want to.. But, at the same time I think about breaking up each and every f*cking day.
I could had added a sh*t load more, but I need some advice.. I'm struggling with family, abusive misses and not having enough energy or concentration with all this sh*t happening to even attend or get anything from this course, I don't need no f*ck wit smart ass replies saying suck it up because I bet if you'd read this you'd have nothing close to compare it too, and if you do.. I hope you can share with me, but keep the hell out if you've got nothing constructive or positive to say.
Thanks. Hope you read and if you didn't and just decided to skip down the dialogue to post some stupid Gif with a Black Guy eating Chicken Dancing with the Words Didn't Read, may hell burn even hotter for you.