So..Its not starting an old topic if its less than a month old, right? Whatever..Anyway, about my friend situation. I lost a lot of friends..Most of it has to do with uh..Me being too nice. So I kinda asscociate myself with just about anyone and in the end, they're just bad friends..And it takes me awhile to realize that. I'm a counselor..Not professional..I was a counselors assistant in school, and it felt right..I helped a lot of people..So I kept doing that, freelance..You know? Except I dealt with more serious issues..Like people just a couple seconds away from killing themselves, people who got drug problems, people who drink themselves to death..You get the picture. In the past six years, I saved a lot of lives..Made them grow..Watch them really come into their own, you know? Change. But I think in the end, I was making a mistake. Because see, a friendship is supposed to be a two way street..and I thought I had that but I didn't. No, what I had was a.."I have a problem. Fix it for me! Okay, thanks." situation. A situation where they were all that mattered, and me? I had no business talking about my problems, or...What I feel. It was just about them.
So last year, I made another "friend". This real lonely shy quiet girl. Had some problems in her past..Lots of anxiety, no friends. Anyway, we got a little close..I thought it was a bond. Eventually, I made her sum up the courage to start making friends..I became like a "hero" to her and..Eh, it was an ego boost..I didnt pay attention to anything else. But then this year starts, and now shes got her own circle of friends..And we're starting to see eachother less and less..While this is going on, I'm out with my childhood friend smoking weed, getting high off ecstasy, doing shrooms, drinking my ass off. But then he leaves..Only explanation I can give is that lifes got a way of tearing people apart for awhile..But this guy was a REAL friend..
So when he left, thats when it started to click.. All I was to this person was their shrink. I made her all these friends, made her this brand new person that was happy..But in the end, I was the one who ended up alone. So I tried to change things..Tried to talk a little more about myself..Tried to actually hang out. And I noticed that she distanced herself more and more as time went on until finally...She left.
Instead of taking care of my own life, getting over my problems..I spent the past six or more years taking care of other peoples lives..And now look where its got me. I wasted my life for the wrong people. At least if they were friends and GOOD people, I could die tomorrow, proud of what I did.