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A poem with no title and no meaning

3 replies to this topic
Lexty.
  • Lexty.

    action without satisfaction.

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#1

Posted 15 August 2013 - 02:38 AM

The tambourine rattles on the sheriffs dusty porch
While the wind and sun shine brightly to the north
And the boy who runs back and forth all day
Just to keep the town alive
He is made from sticks and clay

So when the tambourine rattles on the old mans porch
Take it with a grain of salt
And be sent back where you came from
Through the dense and sorrow valleys
Which cry in pain and laugh in emptiness

When the harshest of the terrain takes all you got
Don't rest and wait for gain - do not stop
As the wind and the sun shine brightly to the north
Take free for everything you still have
And make it back with your shoes and socks

And if you don't may God have mercy
As the rest of your life will be living in ash & debris
And your shoes will no longer fit
And your socks will burn with the sweet smell of the past
Now go on boy, don't stop until dusk

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

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    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#2

Posted 21 August 2013 - 08:17 PM

I'm not gonna try to give the inevitably wrong feedback but I did enjoy this. Shame it had no replies.

Ziggy455
  • Ziggy455

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#3

Posted 21 August 2013 - 08:27 PM

I liked it. Sorry I didn't notice it before. It sets a vivid image of a young boy, alone, persistent. And it's got a very old-fashioned sort of vibe to it. It's got style, but the rhyming of the stanzas are a little off, but then again, maybe that's what your initial aim was! I like it, you've got skill. biggrin.gif

Failure
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#4

Posted 21 August 2013 - 08:48 PM Edited by elanman, 21 August 2013 - 09:07 PM.

QUOTE (Coat. @ Thursday, Aug 15 2013, 02:38)
The tambourine rattles on the sheriff's dusty porch
While the wind and sun shine brightly to the north
And the boy who runs back and forth all day
Just to keep the town alive
He is made from sticks and clay

So when the tambourine rattles on the old man's porch
Take it with a grain of salt
And be sent back where you came from
Through the dense and sorrow valleys
Which cry in pain and laugh in emptiness

When the harshest of the terrain takes all you got
Don't rest and wait for gain - do not stop
As the wind and the sun shine brightly to the north
Take free for everything you still have
And make it back with your shoes and socks

And if you don't may God have mercy
As the rest of your life will be living in ash & debris
And your shoes will no longer fit
And your socks will burn with the sweet smell of the past
Now go on boy, don't stop until dusk

Really liked this, and resonated with me for personal reasons. Well-crafted I'd say, and certainly possessed of meaning, at least to me.




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