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I wrote this when I was drunk.

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Ziggy455
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#1

Posted 11 August 2013 - 11:14 PM Edited by Ziggy455, 11 August 2013 - 11:16 PM.

“I jacked off into his burger,” the acne-covered man said with an elbow dig and sni**er. Cindy, young, petite with pink braces didn’t take the touch with a smile. With her red fingernails digging into the side of a carton of fries she stared into the reflective fryer. Oh God, gonna have to swallow RJ again if I wanna look fresh. As she stared at her bagged eyes, smeared makeup, she felt naked, like many others who found social satisfaction under ten pounds of makeup, prosthetics, and God knows what else slap companies pumped into their products.

Throughout the buyer’s end of Gooby’s, where the black tiles were stained with enough ketchup to drown a small child, the regular kind of joes walked in and out. Chantelle twiddled her thumbs as she looked down at her iphone that vibrated across the table, shaking her fries lightly. “Just. f*ck. Off,” she whispered to it.

Michael was in the same clothes he was wearing the night before. He was sat perched in a window view of the cars outside, the parking lot filled to the brim. He ran a hand through his sticky hair and sipped his coffee. Everything hurt, even thinking, and he certainly was doing a lot of that. Across from him, sprawled on the table was Michael, young, black, and half-dead from whatever he’d slipped into his coffee. sh*t man, this ain’t no natural sh*t, why ain’t none of these fools helping me!?

"Enjoy your deluxe Gooby Sperminator," Ronnie said as he waved off the last drive-thru bitch. She was a wide black woman that spilled into the handbrake area of her sh*tty Ford. He could imagine her now, chowing down hard, enjoying every bite, every drip. It made him smile bright to the next customer as he thought of it. As he picked up to Gooby shakes, he clocked RJ’s door shut, and as Cindy was nowhere in sight, he assumed she was chowing down on something similar to the fatty in the Ford.

RJ slipped his ring into the top drawer of the manager’s office drawer, watching over the store from the CCTV hubs. All of them were relaying delays of the store with grainy, blue trails. “I don’t see why you do that every time!” whined Cindy, feeling a little hurt but showing it in the way she was accustomed to.

“Don’t question, just do your thing, I’ve gotta check the deliveries in fifteen.” He rubbed his shaved head and leaned back in his fifteen dollar chair that was giving him sciatica. Cindy unbuckled his belt quickly, attempting a look of lowered eyelids, a
ploy of seduction. “Skip the sexy sh*t, just do it,” he said impatiently with a snap of his fingers.

“Fine,” she replied with a huff before she pulled it out. This is f*cking huge.

Ronnie went back to the drive-thru window just as Michael was escorted off the premises by Simmy, the only one of the joint
to never complain. Ronnie didn’t like that. Simmy didn’t sit right with him. As he watched the other black kid stumble away, he felt disgust at Simmy, and for what reason he didn’t know. Up here in Gooby’s it was school-yard tactics, even though Ronnie hadn’t been in school for seven years. He still found himself going back to them, and not for the teachers. As he slowly made his way back to the drive-thru window, he looked down at the cup-holders. “Gooby’s, how may I take your order,” he began with a boring drone.

“Give Marxis my regards,” said the man in the car, but as Ronnie looked up, his world went to black as the pellets of the sawn-off Remington shotgun tore his face off and left nothing but mushy pulp. The force threw him back and his hands landed in the fryer before he slipped to the floor, both life and all seven pints of blood leaving him at the same time.

“What was that?” said RJ as he looked at the screens, Cindy’s soft lips still all the way to the base. She gagged as he shot up and reached for the door. As he did, she clenched down.

Simmy heard the thunderous crack of the gun, and the screech of the black van that shot past the windows and through to the ocean of cars. As customers screamed and ran for the doors, he fought against the current and launched over the counter. Blood coated the floor, mixing with loose cup-holders. Jesus Christ. Ronnie’s face was gone, replaced by blood and bone: his plump body lifeless. Simmy put his hands on his head and looked to the window where Ronnie once stood. The back-door slammed open and RJ jumped out. “WHAT THE f*ck ARE YOU PLAYING AT YOU f*ckING BROKEN CON—“ he gasped as he reached the pools of blood.

He let out a yelp and sprinted off as Cindy walked past him and let out a shrill scream, one that scared Simmy more than anything in the world. As weakness spread over him, he gripped his head and took in deep breaths. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. What the f*ck!? WHAT THE f*ck!? WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!?


I have no idea when I wrote this but I did it when I was very inebriated I believe as a bet. It's just a one-shot. There's no follow-up or anything and it feels too action-orientated. I just thought I'd throw it up.

Vanzant
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#2

Posted 11 August 2013 - 11:21 PM

Sorry Ziggy. It wasn't very interesting. Hopefully you won't take it to heart since you said you was drunk.

Next time also make the size of your font bigger. icon14.gif

Mr Scratch
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#3

Posted 11 August 2013 - 11:22 PM

Ziggy, you have some of the best writing tips I've ever heard...brb with a bottle of rum.

Ziggy455
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#4

Posted 12 August 2013 - 12:09 AM

QUOTE (Vanzant @ Sunday, Aug 11 2013, 23:21)
Sorry Ziggy. It wasn't very interesting. Hopefully you won't take it to heart since you said you was drunk.

Next time also make the size of your font bigger. icon14.gif

Of course not. It was readable which I found funny enough. Thankyou for giving it a gander.

@ VF94: Thankyou, sir. smile.gif

Mokrie Dela
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#5

Posted 12 August 2013 - 10:22 AM

f*ck me. People get drunk and do stupid things, dance naked, sleep with random sluts, fall down stairs, think they can fly, play football in the dark....

...you write

HARDCORE!

Ziggy455
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#6

Posted 12 August 2013 - 01:04 PM

QUOTE (Mokrie Dela @ Monday, Aug 12 2013, 10:22)
f*ck me. People get drunk and do stupid things, dance naked, sleep with random sluts, fall down stairs, think they can fly, play football in the dark....

...you write

HARDCORE!

I've already done enough of that stuff. I wasn't completely sh*tfaced, but the night was a blur. A blur that gave me these words. I'm far from hardcore. cryani.gif

GTA-King
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#7

Posted 12 August 2013 - 05:52 PM

YOLO, right?

I actually grinned while I read it. So there's that.

Ziggy455
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#8

Posted 12 August 2013 - 06:21 PM

QUOTE (GTA-King @ Monday, Aug 12 2013, 17:52)
YOLO, right?

I actually grinned while I read it. So there's that.

If I needed an opinion on pointless sh*t within a pointless existence, I'd have asked for you. Otherwise, be gone, beggar.

Mokrie Dela
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#9

Posted 13 August 2013 - 09:52 AM

don't feed the trolls, Ziggs. Don't even bother replying to him.

Ziggy455
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#10

Posted 13 August 2013 - 12:54 PM

QUOTE (Mokrie Dela @ Tuesday, Aug 13 2013, 09:52)
don't feed the trolls, Ziggs. Don't even bother replying to him.

Cockroaches move fast on the internet. Whether I reply or not, he's still a knobjockey.

ASIAN LAWYER
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#11

Posted 15 August 2013 - 09:07 AM

QUOTE (Ziggy455 @ Tuesday, Aug 13 2013, 12:54)
QUOTE (Mokrie Dela @ Tuesday, Aug 13 2013, 09:52)
don't feed the trolls, Ziggs. Don't even bother replying to him.

Cockroaches move fast on the internet. Whether I reply or not, he's still a knobjockey.


your writing style is sexy.




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