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Murder, Rape, Therapy

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Zugzwang
  • Zugzwang

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#1

Posted 04 August 2013 - 07:07 AM Edited by Zugzwang, 04 August 2013 - 08:12 AM.

"You look thirsty, Xela" Ward smirked at the woman, sitting down, tied to a tree. She just cried and looked away. "No, no it's alright. Lemme help you out here." He went over to one of the bodies from earlier. It was very fresh of course, the whole thing hadn't taken very long. "Hmmm.... You think this'll work?" He held the corpses arm just in front of her face. She had a look of morbid confusion. "I'll have to make the incision, of course, but it's probably still good". Ward took out his knife, the one he'd been using all day, and made a deep cut into the corpses forearm. The blood wasn't rushing out, but it was coming. Bit by bit. "Here you are!" Ward said excitedly. He pushed the dead limb next to her mouth. She just cried harder.

Mike was heavy. Mike was sweaty. Mike was everything that he couldn't afford to be up here. Ward was by his side, trying to make sure he wouldn't collapse. There was only so much he could do. "You f*ckers know what happens if you don't keep the pace up!" Tristan called from about twenty feet behind. He was the worst instructor. 'Mike you gotta hurry the f*ck up' those words echoed inside of Ward, but in his fatigue it wasn't clear if he was saying them or if they were just loud, painful thoughts. Mike crashed. It wasn't a fall in any sort of conventional sense; it was a disaster. The 200 pound, 16 year old 'student' was broken. '"Mike." Ward couldn't yell as he rightfully should. In such a surreal pain, emphasis isn't always possible.

"Maybe you don't know after all!" Tristan walked up to Mike's fallen body "That's alright." Mike began to cry "No, no Mike it really is.... It's alright. We'll just show you what happens, and next time..." He looked up at Ward, who was still standing on the path "Well next time maybe you'll get this chubby ass going just a little faster, wontcha?" Tristan began to kneel on Mike's back, pinning him to the rocky trail. He picked up a a thick stick off the ground. With a smirk, and immense enjoyment, he began to penetrate Mike.


"Xela... Xela, Xela, Xela" Ward repeated her name as if she was a child, and he a condescending parent "You never learned... Really, much of anything at all!" It wasn't really clear if she could hear him or not. She had stopped crying but she wasn't looking his direction, and her breathing was very heavy. Ward grabbed her head and forced her to look at him. "Where did you go to school?"

"Arizona" she said. The words came like work, and there was even a speck of relief evident in her face when she was done with speaking that one word.

"I expected you to say 'I can't remember where I took my GED' but I guess that works too." Ward shook his head, and took a brief look at the ground inbetween them before looking back at her "Anyway, Xela. I know you've heard all my stories," He squeezed her head tighter "about Mike getting raped," he closed his grip harder, pressing against her bones and teeth "about Gaz getting frostbite" his grip was as tight as it was going to get "or about how I almost died getting out of this Hell" He punched her in the nose, it felt as if it broke.

Ward and Gaz were packing up for the night, moving quickly to make the 20 minutes Tristan allotted them. Gaz stopped. Ward continued packing mechanically, until he noticed that Gaz had stop. "What is it?" "I don't have my sleeping bag" They were both mortified. This form of wilderness therapy didn't allow for mistakes; and being without a sleeping bag, in December, in the Adirondacks, was a big one. They tried to find it, they failed. Eventually, the time had elapsed.

"Ward and Gaz... Times up. Get back to camp." Tristan was marching down the hill beside them.
"I don't have my sleeping bag." Gaz managed.
".....Ward and Gaz...." Tristan gave Gaz one of his usual condescending looks "Time is up. Get back to camp" Gaz was angered.
"I will freeze." He said defiantly. Tristan chuckled.
"Perhaps you will. That'd be a nice change of pace for a sandni**er like you though, wouldn't it?" Gaz charged at him, furious.


"My biggest regret, if I had to pick one, is not helping Gaz when he went one on one with Tristan," Ward was still sitting close to Xela, too close for her comfort "I mean when Mike got f*cked... I guess there wouldn't've been a point, really... I'd've gotten the jump on him but he'd still win. You hire some pretty big dudes to keep your patients from running away," Ward wanted to chuckle but couldn't "Anyway, Gaz was tough. I guess, partially, I thought he could kick the sh*t out of Tristan on his own... and he came close... But if I'd just helped him... Well maybe Tristan's heads wouldn't be littering the wilderness right now." Ward stood up and turned around, as if to take a walk. Now he chuckled "What am I saying? Of course they would be."

Gaz was told to sleep on a sheet of ice that night. In the morning, he had left. He had escaped their part of the Adirondacks to die in some part of his choosing, a cold way to go. Ward woke up, the only 'student' left.
"Guess he didn't like being called a sandni**er, huh?" Tristan was bruised up from the struggle, but he was still as sadistic as the day before. Ward had changed however. He was alone, in the most profound sense. There was nothing familiar to him, there was no one there he cared about, and nothing there he enjoyed. All of his worlds pleasures were in his mind only. He ran.


"Now, Xela... I know I keep talking and talking... You're probably wondering what I'm gonna do aren't you?" He was pacing, back and forth, stepping over his various other victims as he went. Now he was approaching Xela. "Well Xela, this is the way I see it. When I reported Tristan's abuses to you, what did you do?"

He stared at her, pressuring a reply.

"Nothing..." She said through her sobs.
"Close!" Ward actually smiled "You forced me to live with the pain forever, without vindication. So here's what I want you to do... Take a look around. Look at all the bodies I've brought back to my old camp site. Look at all the dead instructors. Look at the gore, Xela." She actually complied, fearing for her life.

"Good... Now look down at that pregnant belly of yours...." She did so, terror evident. "You're going to name that child Ward, after me. So that everyday, even in the things you love, you're reminded of pain." Ward cut the rope tying her to the tree, and began to walk back to the road. "Just like me."

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    Killed by drones.

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#2

Posted 05 August 2013 - 12:09 PM

If i'm honest, I start reading these, and I'm tired of this "Ward" guy. You're not a bad writer, but every now and then I see you've written something new, but it's the same character. In my opinion, i'd keep one story going, or if writing a new one, create new characters. It's always Ward. Why not think up something new?

I'm aware most will probably lay in to me for this, but i don't care, it's uncreative in my eyes - new story, same old character.

Zugzwang
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#3

Posted 05 August 2013 - 01:02 PM Edited by Zugzwang, 05 August 2013 - 01:55 PM.

QUOTE (Mokrie Dela @ Monday, Aug 5 2013, 12:09)
If i'm honest, I start reading these, and I'm tired of this "Ward" guy. You're not a bad writer, but every now and then I see you've written something new, but it's the same character. In my opinion, i'd keep one story going, or if writing a new one, create new characters. It's always Ward. Why not think up something new?

I'm aware most will probably lay in to me for this, but i don't care, it's uncreative in my eyes - new story, same old character.

It's not the same character. The only similarity is the name. It's like if every story of yours had a character named 'John'. Also I don't consider the way I name my characters to be an important part of my stories, so why not just stick with a name that works?

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    Killed by drones.

  • The Yardies
  • Joined: 01 May 2009
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  • Most Talented Writer 2015
    Most Talented Writer 2014
    Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#4

Posted 05 August 2013 - 02:00 PM

Because it doesn't work.

Names are important. As said, I read and get to "ward" and that's it. I'm bored.
If it's not the same character, and you're sticking to the same name, than that's just lazy and... well, not very good. Sure, some names may reoccur, but if you're writing a new short with 2 characters, why do they have to have the same names as before? IT fails to be a "new" story. Imagine if GTA V had the three main characters as "niko, Johnny and Luis" - it would be sh*t.

Zugzwang
  • Zugzwang

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#5

Posted 06 August 2013 - 02:27 AM

QUOTE (Mokrie Dela @ Monday, Aug 5 2013, 14:00)
Because it doesn't work.

Names are important. As said, I read and get to "ward" and that's it. I'm bored.
If it's not the same character, and you're sticking to the same name, than that's just lazy and... well, not very good. Sure, some names may reoccur, but if you're writing a new short with 2 characters, why do they have to have the same names as before? IT fails to be a "new" story. Imagine if GTA V had the three main characters as "niko, Johnny and Luis" - it would be sh*t.

I don't think anything I write in my other stories can make this one worse. Again, they are not connected. I don't think names are important, and I think Ward is a fine name. What do you think about the rest of the story?

Regardless, you're like 20% of WD's audience or something at this point so I'll probably switch it up anyway.

Mick.
  • Mick.

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#6

Posted 06 August 2013 - 07:07 AM

I don't exactly know what the make of this. What is happening at the beginning, and why?

I don't think I get the story and I'm not sure if I've missed something.

Zugzwang
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#7

Posted 06 August 2013 - 09:57 PM

QUOTE (Coat. @ Tuesday, Aug 6 2013, 07:07)
I don't exactly know what the make of this. What is happening at the beginning, and why?

I don't think I get the story and I'm not sure if I've missed something.

Anything in italics is happening in the past, anything in normal font is happening in the present. The normal text mostly describes Ward getting his revenge whereas the italics normally shows why he wants that revenge.




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