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An old folk once told me

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Coat.
  • Coat.

    Coz' imma rocket scientist

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  • Joined: 21 May 2012
  • Australia

#1

Posted 29 July 2013 - 05:29 AM

Clappers of laughter and applaud
Sand dunes burn and hill tops call
With no growth or equal matter
Forgive him son
For he is just a mad hatter

Sentimental value is rather faint
But what moves between the trees
Can not call or solve what's to be gone
And the chimes that jingle on the old ranch's awning

It's none of their fault and it takes them there
For we be the next of them
And the next to care

Opinions are dead and the right just sit
Not laughing, nor booing
Just there and that's it

They applaud to dull and cherish them dearly
Knowing that their own knowledge only blossoms
Because of their missing-ness

So be it here and for now to see
That the world itself may return to what was
And what will be
Which sails for on ever and can be on the watch
Then the lights of the city
Can finally stop and return to total prosperity

An old folk once told me
Do not take the path I give you
But choose the bunch of flowers that fluster



GoldenBlade
  • GoldenBlade

    Hustlin'

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#2

Posted 30 July 2013 - 03:52 PM

Nice one. icon14.gif You've gotten better length-wise, I see.

Coat.
  • Coat.

    Coz' imma rocket scientist

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 21 May 2012
  • Australia

#3

Posted 31 July 2013 - 09:41 AM

Thanks. I did try to extend the lines a tad longer.

Zugzwang
  • Zugzwang

    Snitch

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#4

Posted 04 August 2013 - 09:16 AM Edited by Zugzwang, 04 August 2013 - 09:18 AM.

I am absolutely horrible at deriving meanings from poems. I just can't do it very well. But in terms of sound, the poem flows very well. A lot of the lines end in words that sort of rhyme but don't exactly and I think that has a really nice effect, whether it was intentional or not. I'm sure there's some reason for the last line, feel free to fill me in, but it's kinda interesting how the word 'flusters' just completely ends the flow that has developed. It's like there's this poem, that I get sucked into in a sense, and I get used to the nice, comfortable flow, and then at the end I'm hit with 'flusters'. Perhaps this is to draw my attention to this line? I don't really know, but I like the poem. Wish it got some more attention, but that's just how WD is I guess. Nice work.

Edit: I like this line especially 'Can not call or solve what's to be gone'. Again, I can't really place my finger on why, but when you put those words together it makes a good line.




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