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Men's Issues

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Melchior
  • Melchior

    The blood of our martyrs will water the meadows of France

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  • Joined: 16 May 2009
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#1

Posted 29 July 2013 - 05:07 AM

Since every discussion of feminism and women's issues tends to yield a lot of responses to the tune of "yeah, well, men have issues too y'know!" I thought it would be good to have a place to discuss them. I'm strongly of the opinion that the issues facing men don't get anywhere near enough attention.

Men don't seek help for their mental health problems- for women, getting up and seeing someone is the (comparatively) easy part. Where as men's problems fester. In conjunction with that, men by and large can't talk about their problems, they're discouraged from crying and the idea of learning healthy coping mechanisms is alien to most men. There's also really only one mental health issue that disproportionately affects men, and it's not even in the bloody DSM! Obsessive love is pretty comparable to eating disorders; the former affecting men, driving them to self hatred and suicide, and the latter affecting women. Only one is given sympathy and even given the courtesy of being considered a touchy subject. In fiction, stalkers and persistent men are depicted as irredeemable villains or they're the butts of joke, rather than people suffering from a legitimate mental illness. You can't tell me with a straight face that obsessive love's exclusion from the DSM isn't the result of discrimination against men.

Men face legal discrimination. They're given harsher sentences. It's also quite scary that a particularly vindictive woman could accuse you of rape and you'll have a permanent black mark against your name. Hell, someone could just tell people in your social circle that you're a stalker or something and you'll be stigmatised heavily.

It's also not a particularly nice feeling when you walk into an alley behind a woman, and she hits the legs. "Do I look creepy or something?" Or when, after a nasty breakup somebody who was once your close friend cuts off all contact in case you go nuts and try to choke her. And you can't blame them, men- seemingly ordinary men- do nasty sh*t in those situations, everyday. Yet gender violence is called a "woman's issue." Living in a society where no matter how gentle or sensitive you are, women have to be scared of you (and they're actually being pretty sensible) isn't easy or fun. There's a guy called Jackson katz who talks about how gender violence isn't just a woman's issue, it affects all of us.



When a woman is beaten by her husband, nobody talks about how traumatic it must be for the couple's son, or how his interaction with women will permanently be hindered. When a woman is raped, nobody talks about how powerless her husband, father, brother, son and male friends must feel. I'll concede this to those people who bitch about feminists: they do make gender violence sound like it's "them vs. us" and if they do that, how do they expect men to have a role in combating it?

And what I feel is the most important issue facing men, is that they're stifled. Not just emotionally, being discouraged from opening up is one thing, but women can talk about their day in great detail, they can express more opinions (in certain contexts at least), they're expected to give praise more and complain more, and generally talk more. Men are expected to be silent and stoic and isn't this a massive issue that should be given just as much attention as the gender pay gap or the objectification of women? I think so.


Eris
  • Eris

    Ghetto Star

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  • Joined: 04 Mar 2013
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#2

Posted 29 July 2013 - 05:24 PM

Given your posting history I'm assuming this some sort of attempt at satire. But whatever, I'll bite.

QUOTE
Men don't seek help for their mental health problems- for women, getting up and seeing someone is the (comparatively) easy part. Where as men's problems fester. In conjunction with that, men by and large can't talk about their problems, they're discouraged from crying and the idea of learning healthy coping mechanisms is alien to most men.

This much is true. Men are encouraged from a young age not to express their emotions, as doing so is a sign of weakness. This can only lead to negative consequences in the future. However, I wouldn't say that women are encouraged to seek help with their mental health issues anymore than men are. There is still a taboo that having mental health issues makes you "weird" or "broken", and this affects women just as much as it affects men.

QUOTE
There's also really only one mental health issue that disproportionately affects men, and it's not even in the bloody DSM! Obsessive love is pretty comparable to eating disorders; the former affecting men, driving them to self hatred and suicide, and the latter affecting women. Only one is given sympathy and even given the courtesy of being considered a touchy subject. In fiction, stalkers and persistent men are depicted as irredeemable villains or they're the butts of joke, rather than people suffering from a legitimate mental illness. You can't tell me with a straight face that obsessive love's exclusion from the DSM isn't the result of discrimination against men.

Obsessive affects women and men equally, and you can find both women and men equally ridiculed for it in media. (the obsessive girlfriend for example) The reason men are more vilified for it is because men are physically stronger than women, and thus women are much more likely to feel intimidated by a man than a man is a women.

QUOTE
Men face legal discrimination. They're given harsher sentences. It's also quite scary that a particularly vindictive woman could accuse you of rape and you'll have a permanent black mark against your name. Hell, someone could just tell people in your social circle that you're a stalker or something and you'll be stigmatised heavily.

Do some women use rape blame as a way to get back at a man? Yes, but given the fact that most rapes go unreported, I'd say most women don't go around trying to shame men for rape.

QUOTE
When a woman is beaten by her husband, nobody talks about how traumatic it must be for the couple's son, or how his interaction with women will permanently be hindered. When a woman is raped, nobody talks about how powerless her husband, father, brother, son and male friends must feel. I'll concede this to those people who bitch about feminists: they do make gender violence sound like it's "them vs. us" and if they do that, how do they expect men to have a role in combating it?

What about how the victims daughter will grow up fearing men? Or how the victims sister or daughter will have to think about rape every time they walk outdoors at night? People tend to focus on the victim because the victim is the one actively getting hurt.

QUOTE
And what I feel is the most important issue facing men, is that they're stifled. Not just emotionally, being discouraged from opening up is one thing, but women can talk about their day in great detail, they can express more opinions (in certain contexts at least), they're expected to give praise more and complain more, and generally talk more. Men are expected to be silent and stoic and isn't this a massive issue that should be given just as much attention as the gender pay gap or the objectification of women? I think so.
I don't know about you, but I'm a loudmouthed motherf*cker and no one ever gives me any slack about it. I think you were running out of thing to satirize and just tacked this on to make the post seem longer. I can think of many situations were women are encouraged to be silent and let the man do the talking.

Melchior
  • Melchior

    The blood of our martyrs will water the meadows of France

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 16 May 2009
  • Unknown

#3

Posted 30 July 2013 - 12:41 PM

I'm afraid I don't really understand your response. The point of my post wasn't "it's easier to be a woman", or that "feminism is bullsh*t and men are the real oppressed gender" it was just that men's issues get no attention.

And I'm actually quite surprised that you don't think men are under pressure to be stoic, or that the taboo against getting help for metal health problems affects women and men equally.

Eris
  • Eris

    Ghetto Star

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 04 Mar 2013
  • None

#4

Posted 30 July 2013 - 03:15 PM

QUOTE (Melchior @ Tuesday, Jul 30 2013, 12:41)


And I'm actually quite surprised that you don't think men are under pressure to be stoic, or that the taboo against getting help for metal health problems affects women and men equally.

That actually exactly what I said.

QUOTE
This much is true. Men are encouraged from a young age not to express their emotions, as doing so is a sign of weakness.

and
QUOTE
There is still a taboo that having mental health issues makes you "weird" or "broken", and this affects women just as much as it affects men.




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