|QUOTE (GTAction99 @ Friday, Jul 19 2013, 21:35)|
| None. |
I've flirted with a few, but that's as far as it ever went.
I'll use a previous experience as a example:
<Went to different school to take important exams
<Girl looks at me, I look at her
<Smile at her, she smiles back
<Repeat till last day
<Leave with other students, she only acknowledge me and winked at me.
<Never even got her name.
True story, dammit.
Do you want sympathy? You had a chance with a girl who clearly liked you, and you let your inhibitions prevent you from making a move. You're to blame, mate.
Just remember the experience and the regret which you felt when a similar such situation arises in future.
Anyway, I've had two girlfriends. The one whom I remember most fondly is Catherine. So I was in the garden one day and this glowing green orb hit the ground, naturally I was pretty surprised to be the finder of such a treasure so I put it with the rest of my rock collection, but I sort of forgot about it. A few weeks after, I was doing some electricity experiments in my room when lightning stuck the orb on my shelf through the window--then sh*t started to get very trippy indeed. Subject to an unexplained external force, I accelerated out the window and was subject also to an unalterable corporeal change, whilst being transported to this alien world which curiously had similar atmospheric conditions to Earth.
The corporeal change left me taller, much stronger, totally bald and stark naked, so I grabbed a nearby piece of cloth to crudely cover myself. I looked around and found that I was on some sort of temple, and on the ground was a large rectangular pool surrounded by hooded zealots chanting "Ula-Tech" or some sh*t. This hooded chick started spouting some crap about the Lok-Nar, an idol and a sacrifice--that's when I saw Catherine . Catherine was thrown into the water by these weird ape-like dudes--clearly she was the sacrifice! The orb from earlier was in the hand's of this statue, just out of reach. Suddenly noticing how hot Catherine was and how the orb had somehow done what hours at the gym could not do (make me completely ripped), I jumped into the pool, grabbed Catherine and swam away from her captors to the bottom of the pool. I noticed an opening near the bottom so used all my cardiovascular fitness to get us through and to safety. The opening led to this lush garden--I'd call it Eden if I were religiously inclined--and I let Catherine down and waited for her to get her breath back.
Turns out Catherine was from Earth too and was very
grateful for the rescue from the planet of the apes rejects and religious zealots. So grateful, in fact, that she was happy to f*ck me there and then. Sadly, however, we were encountered by a white ape and a bunch of armed dudes whom I can only describe as orcs, telling us both to accompany him. His tone suggested urgency, and I doubt that even my new roided-up body could take on all these dudes simultaneously, so off we went. We wandered out of the garden and into a vast desert, and given that things hardly improved for my Jewish ancestors after their wandering through the desert, I felt more than a little uneasy. So we finally reached this stronghold, whereupon my new lady was sent away by one of the orc-types--all I could do was mouth "touch her and you lose your bollocks" before being made to attend the court of this fellow called Ard. This guy was a real cocky prick--dressed in a toga for heaven's sake. Naturally I asked after Catherine, and he just told his guards to castrate me, so I dealt with them almost suspiciously quickly. He was pleased by this, so he was pretty clearly a sadistic little prick--I tried shooting him but he had crazy wolverine-esque healing abilities. He and the one guard left standing by him led me off down a corridor, where, to my horror, I found Catherine sealed in this glass container. He told me that she wasn't dead, and that if I wanted to see her alive again I'd have to do his bidding, and that if I refused, we'd all die.
He didn't ask for much to be honest--I only had to overthrow the queen of the planet on which he resided, who happened to be the same chick who had held Catherine prisoner earlier, by stealing the "Lok-Nar". A couple of ape like dudes and orcs helped me invade her fortress. So I roughed up some of her guards, though this was actually getting pretty boring now. Things picked up a bit when she told me that she ordered me to "satisfy" her, which proved pretty easy given the endurance granted by the aforementioned corporeal change. It was all part of my duty to save Catherine--normally I'd never be unfaithful--as the other dudes were able to steal the orb (which I guessed by this point to be the "Lok-Nar") whilst I did the "duty". Naturally the queen was pissed when she found out--I guess she sort of felt used. I managed to dispatch of the guards...again...and help Ard's forces fight against the loyalists. Catherine was eventually saved and, in their lust for power, both the queen and Ard died through a convenient turn of events. In the end, Catherine and I flew off into the sunset on this pterodactyl-like creature. She asked me if I wanted to keep the Lok-Nar, which was within my grasp in the end, to return to Earth--but why would I want to go back?
Catherine and I had a good few months. However, one evening I returned from the University to find her f*cking the gardener in the shower. Naturally, I was infuriated, but when she saw me she was so shocked that she slippped, hit her head and went unconscious. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, the gardener and I both shared a laugh, after which I broke both of his legs, pulled a bane on his back and threw him out of the window. Catherine was really apologetic about the whole thing and gave me the usual bullsh*t--"it's not you it's me", and, "I just want to be friends", and, worst of all, that the gardener was more "sensitive", which I found particularly offensive as it's not as if I killed the gardener, I only paralyzed him for life. Anyway, I was pretty sad after the whole thing but managed to get over the experience on the way back to Earth (whereupon I returned to my normal physical self) as the two guys on the ship were some of the funniest guys I've ever met, with a sh*t-ton of stoner metal and an endless supply of the best Narborg this side of the Milky Way.
The other girl was pretty cool too, but she's another story.
Edited by elanman, 20 July 2013 - 08:31 PM.