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You're on a desert island

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#1

Posted 25 May 2013 - 02:22 AM Edited by GTA_stu, 25 May 2013 - 02:30 AM.

Ok here's the deal. You're flying across a big ocean, doesn't matter which one. It's the Indian Ocean. You went for one of the lesser known airlines like AirLaos because it saved you a lot of dollar. Big mistake. The pilots are drunk off their tits and the landing gear is jammed with elephant dung. You're going down, way down. As everyone around you screams the oxygen masks descend, turns out they're party hats, with the horrible string that itches your chin. Everyone's screaming in some foreign language and you go along with it, wishing that you'd payed attention to the stewardess with the lazy eye when she gave the safety demonstration.

Then you get thrown out of the plane, and you lose consciousness. An indeterminate amount of time passes and you wake up on some beach with sea water in your ears and sand in your crack. It's right in there, you try to scrape it out but you just push it further in. But what's this! It's <insert one person> and they've got the latest edition of Hustler under their arm.

They're towing along one of those red cart thingys that you always see kids pulling in movies when they go from house to house hawking their cookies and other sh*t that nobody really wants. The wheels are getting stuck in the sand, and they're struggling. So they call you over and when you get close you realise it has your favourite book in it, and your favourite film, and a DVD player with precisely enough battery to watch the film you chose. Well, what luck! You examine the book and realise it's pages are made of sandpaper and would cause serious pain should they be scraped along the surface of the skin. How weird.

Ok I've dragged this out long enough. The idea of this is to basically choose one person, whoever you want, to stay on a desert island with. There is no chance of escape, so choose wisely, you're going to be spending the rest of your castaway ass life with them. Then you choose your favourite film and book. No you can't use it to wipe your ass when you sh*t, just go splash it in the sea.

Choose a person, a book and a film. Simple. Maybe add in a few details about how you imagine your life would be on this desert island, just so it's not a boring list of your favourite sh*t.

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#2

Posted 25 May 2013 - 02:32 AM

I've actually discussed this in length with my girlfriend. We decided we would love the thought of living on a deserted island; what are the odds of that? The book I'd take with me is the Boy Scout Handbook. I was one all the way to Eagle Scout, and that book has massive knowledge that can help you out in pretty much any situation. My movie choice would probably be something funny like Zombieland.

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#3

Posted 25 May 2013 - 02:53 AM

Charles Manson, 120 Days of Sodom, Lost Highway.

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#4

Posted 25 May 2013 - 03:46 AM

Vince Gilligan, 1984 and Moonrise Kingdom.

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#5

Posted 25 May 2013 - 04:09 AM

Christina Hendricks, Wilderness Survival for Dummies, and Saving Private Ryan. All that and I'd be a happy camper. colgate.gif

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#6

Posted 25 May 2013 - 04:15 AM

Tom Hanks, the bible and Cast Away. HAHA.

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#7

Posted 25 May 2013 - 05:33 AM

OP, that had to be one of the funnier posts I've read in awhile, great topic. icon14.gif

Anyhow for what I have with me:

Person: Charlie Sheen (He's exactly who poped into my head when you said Hustler so I'll go with him)

Movie: Back to the Future

Book: This one is harder...I think I'll go with Wizard's First Rule.

So after whatching the Movie Charlie and I realize we're pretty much f*cked up sh*t creek without a padle and that we shouldn't have flown AirLaos.

After that we modle small shelter with what shurbs are there on this god foresaken island and call it home, make some fishing spears and so on.

Lifes good for the first few months but then we promptly start going slowly insane, each of us forming multiple persona's and making a full village out there...with just two people with no less than 100 Personalities between the two of us. Eventually we turn on each other, or so we think because we're both Paranoid as sh*t by the end of the third year, so we go our seprate ways on this small island and begin plots of War. Making makeshift Catapults that break after their assembled for the rest of our days before we both finally die at the end of natural causes...neither of us realizeing that we really didn't want the other dead.

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#8

Posted 25 May 2013 - 06:21 AM

Caligula Caesar, Disco Bloodbath and Pink Flamingos.


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#9

Posted 25 May 2013 - 06:40 AM

QUOTE
Maybe add in a few details about how you imagine your life would be on this desert island, just so it's not a boring list of your favourite sh*t.


So far all but one missed that point.

The person?
Well as much as I would like to have a woman such as Zooey Deschanel (however the f*ck you spell it) so I would have someone to sex while i'm there, I would have to choose a guy for practical reasons like strength. Also I would get along with a male companion better, I mean at least if I have a fight we can punch on and get it over with, even If I don't like the guy I could handle being around him. A woman however, unless by miracle Zooey Deschanel and I happened to love each other, I could see huge arguments arising and rifts being created because that's just what women can be like, Man-to-man relationships/bromances are much easier to maintain.

Anyway, as to who the actual person is, that's a really f*cking hard question, probably go with someone funny, let's go Jim Carey.


The film?
I would have to go with "The Benchwarmers" Or perhaps "Yes Man."
Both are lighthearted comedies that made me cry with laughter the first time I watched them. Yes Man at the cinemas absolutely killed me, I have never ever laughed so hard at a movie, it was ridiculously hilairous. Benchwarmers is just a stupid B-Grade comedy, but it's quotable and funny, Yes man has a longer run time so It would probably provide more value, it's a tough choice really. I'll decide On Yes Man if I had to choose (Only downside is Jim Carey might not Enjoy watching his own made film, perhaps he'll bring his own comedy to watch). Having a sad depressing film to watch is the last thing you need on an Island.


user posted image


The Book?
I would choose; Star Wars, Rogue Squadron, Book 1/8 of the X-Wing series.
This was the first proper Star Wars Novel I read, it is action packed, it has some of the best action sequences I have ever seen in a book, it is so exciting! And it leaves you wondering the fate of the star pilots, I have imagined and dreamed time and time again about these pilots and envisioned them flying around, it leaves plenty of questions to keep asking after reading, perfect to keep you entertained on an Island, it keeps your imagination ticking over, something to think about on those lonely days, and if the other person reads it, something brilliant to discuss, I love Star Wars so so much.
Like most of my book collection I have read this book 3 times already, and each time it has been just as good as the first time.

user posted image






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#10

Posted 25 May 2013 - 06:57 AM

Hmm, I'd probably pick a comedian also. I was thinking Conan O'Brian but I'd hope he has enough strength to do everything. Plus he is a musician, so I'd have somebody to jam with on the coconut drumset and coconut ukuleles.

As for the book, I would say a ship building book but the rule is "There is no chance of escape". So I'd just go with the Bible. It's always a conversation starter and allows for interesting debates that have gone on for 2,000 years. So I think it would keep us occupied longer than any other book.

Movie... tough choice. Dumb and Dumber so I could say "atleast we'll be better off than those guys" while allowing for a positive outllok on the situation.

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#11

Posted 25 May 2013 - 07:00 AM

Person- Freddie Mercury
Movie- Donnie Darko
Book- The Stand by Stephen King

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#12

Posted 25 May 2013 - 07:01 AM

Can we pick dead people?

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#13

Posted 25 May 2013 - 08:35 AM

QUOTE (DarrinPA @ Saturday, May 25 2013, 08:01)
Can we pick dead people?

Take your necrophilia elsewhere, freak!

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#14

Posted 25 May 2013 - 09:46 AM

@dead people. Hey, whatever tickles your pickle.

I was personally thinking of going for maybe a Ray Mears/Bear Grylls type of person. A survivalist type who knows their stuff and would piss on your wounds or build you a shelter made of tortoise shells. Then I thought that maybe they're just too survivalist and when the going gets tough they wouldn't think twice about killing you and roasting your carcass over a fire and eating your tenderised flesh. So I would probably just go for some really hot woman like Scarlett Johansson. I dunno, maybe not her though. She seems like she has quite fair skin and would burn a lot, turning her into some grotesque lobster woman.

If I had to go for a film, it would be one I've never seen. I'll say Goodfellas. I've always wanted to see it and never got round to it. If I'm disappointed then so be it. Then the book, well I haven't read that many books but I'll say 1984. I just really loved it.

I imagine that Scarlett and I would probably have a lot of sexual tension going on, 90% of it would probably be mine though. Eventually after a few months, there will be one particularly strenuous day where we don't catch many fish and our fire goes out. We have this big argument and then, we just come together and start kissing and groping each other. I throw her onto the sand, destroying the crudely built sand castle, her buttocks smashing the drawbridge into smithereens. And we just hump the night away under the stars.

I'd die after about a year, she'd probably kill me and eat my tenderised flesh.




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#15

Posted 25 May 2013 - 10:07 AM

NateShaw92 -- Scarface -- The Da Vinci Code

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#16

Posted 25 May 2013 - 11:13 AM

Bear Grylls
• As an expert survivalist, he would be an ideal candidate and he will share his knowledge with me. Which allows me to survive after he passes away.

• As for a book, I would like some thick ass book on Maths. Might as well get some knowledge in me before I die. That or Grapes of Wrath.

Lord of the Rings
• Being one of the longest ass movies. I would like to watch it to kill some time during the time of monsoons and extreme boredom.


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#17

Posted 25 May 2013 - 12:17 PM

For the person, I'd go with Seth Rogan. Similar to the reasons of finn4life, a woman would be difficult to deal with after a certain amount of time and there's the very likely chance that I'd become some sort of rapist. I'd rather die a good man. Also, Mr. Rogan seems like a pretty chilled out dude who also has the bonus of being hilarious.

The book would have to be "The Life And Times Of The Thunderbolt Kid" by Bill Bryson. It's one of the books I've enjoyed the most in the last few years so it'd be good to read it again.

My film choice is the most difficult part. Off the top of my head, I'd love to go with something by the Coen Brothers. The Big Lebowski would be my preferred choice, but I'd happily settle for any other.

Most of my time spent on the island would involve doing nothing at all besides chilling out. Every now and again I'd go and try to catch fish but my paralyzing fear of crabs would prevent me from doing anything, so Seth and I would mainly live on a diet of dried seaweed. We'd probably explore a lot of the island and see what it's like, but apart from that I'd like to spend my remaining day doing bugger all.

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#18

Posted 25 May 2013 - 12:47 PM

Ok so guess who's pulling the f*cking wagon? Why it's that lazy eyed bitch stewardess from the plane! Lucky! Even better, shes pregnant! Who's the father? No one cares! Shes got the book "Where's Waldo?" it must be hard for a chick to find waldo with only one good eye. I look through the pages and Waldo is f*cking circled on all of the pages with a pen! That pisses me off! Don't you hate that?! The movie she has is Earnest goes to camp. f*cking terrible movie and it's the VHS copy obviously!

I make the lazy eyed bitch blow me from time to time, one of her eyes is always looking at my junk and the other crooked eye is looking up into the air for a rescue helicopter. One never shows up. So I promote myself to King of the island and the bitch (she don't deserve a name because that's how I roll) has the job of building a great raft out of coconuts and palm trees. This can take a long time to make such a great water craft so of course the time comes when her baby is due. I don't help with it at all because I was too god damn busy looking for pirate loot that may have been buried here many a time ago.

The baby was slow cooked, garnished and the greatest meal ever. Finally after days of screaming orders she finally makes a great water craft made out of coconuts, palm trees and parts taken from that stupid wagon all roped together from the film from the VHS tape. I cropped out the scene from the movie where that kid says "you're going to learn the Stennis way" because that was the theme of our water craft.

While I was napping, the bitch tries to desert me there and take off on the water craft all by herself and the craft doesn't make it no more than 30 feet out into the ocean and it falls apart and sinks! The stupid bitch was yelling at me because she couldn't swim and as I flipped her off with my half boner she's attacked by a shark and torn in half! Awesome scene! I wish I could have taken a pic and made a post card out of it.

I swam out to the bloody mess and the f*cking shark comes back! I tell the shark that he's coolest shark in the work and he high fives me with his shark fin swims underneath me and gives me a ride back to the United States.


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#19

Posted 25 May 2013 - 01:11 PM

Death, 1984 and Inception.

Yes I chose death, Who the f*ck wouldn't? The force/guy has seen so many people and taken them all to their graves imagine the conversations you could have with him were he to be a sentient being.

1984 is my chosen book to take, Orwell's take on a totalitarian Britain's just such a good read and I myself have a tradition where in I will read the book once every year.

Inception's the film I choose if only because it's a film that I can watch a dozen times over and still see a dozen different and hidden things, the story itself is captivating and Leonardo DiCaprio's performance in it is one of the best I've ever seen.

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#20

Posted 25 May 2013 - 01:26 PM

QUOTE (lzw3 @ Saturday, May 25 2013, 18:07)
NateShaw92 -- Scarface -- The Da Vinci Code

lol.gif dude, you really have some good times with Flynny.
Right now I'm still looking or finding out whom or what I will bring, still looking into the details.

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#21

Posted 25 May 2013 - 02:10 PM Edited by zoo3891, 25 May 2013 - 05:32 PM.

Some kid at my school who I want to get to know better (Won't give his name because he knows my PSN name). He's one of the smartest people that I know, he's got more than enough muscle to break open coconuts with ease, and he's also introverted enough that he wouldn't try to talk all day, but not enough that he wouldn't try to talk with me about our situation when the need arises. (Also other irrational reasons.)

The movie I would bring is Pi or "π" as it's supposed to be written as. It's cheesy enough to be funny because of it, but not cheesy enough to not have any mental value. It's also got some theological theory which is always interesting to think about.

And the book I'd take would be some thick textbook on economics or theoretical computer science, neither would be practical, but I never got around to learning either despite being interested.

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#22

Posted 25 May 2013 - 02:10 PM Edited by Max., 25 May 2013 - 02:14 PM.

Mila Kunis, once she realises that we're never leaving the island I'll be her only choice and I'll be happy with that, not to mention I'm a handsome chap so she won't be dissappointed...and if she is? f*ck her I'm her only option.

Books wise I'm bring Catch-22, probably my favourite book. If not then maybe the Lord of the Rings, that is a very big book so it would give me quite a lot to go over for the rest of my life. For the film I'd take 'The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford' Such a beautiful book and it would show me a time and a place that was so different from my desert Island.

I don't need a Bear Grylls tye character or a book on Wild Plants, I back myself to figure it out.

EDIT: @lzw3...that's p gay you're bringing NateShaw92 man...

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#23

Posted 25 May 2013 - 03:18 PM Edited by rudy., 25 May 2013 - 03:23 PM.

I'd choose Rihanna and bang her pussy until it becomes free of Chris Brown's cum, urnie, foreskin, and all his other penis' contents. As for the book, I'd pick some Twilight book containing the most number of pages, and it's not because I'm a twilight fan but to wipe the cum off me after I'm done wanking. And finally for the movie, I'd choose one which feature no black man in it, so that my bitch never looses interest in me and starves for black cocks again.

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#24

Posted 25 May 2013 - 05:06 PM

Well I'd go with hot lass who's got strength so we could actually build a boat to get the hell off the island, obviously we'd take our time because for all we know the plane crashed due to some end of the world scenario and we could be the only ones left. Which on the flip side isn't hopeful for the future of mankind as being the only two left our kids would have to procreate and it would just be our luck that in our lifetimes we would finally be visited by aliens and they'd see that we have teeth growing out our arses and have noses for nipples, take one look and high tail it back home. Anywho this lass would be familiar to those who watch wrestling, and her name is Kaitlyn (or Celeste Bonin is her real name, if you google her proper name you'll get some pictures of her body building days which are not that pretty, but she's smoking now.) Anywho it would be her as she hot and she's got the strength to help build the boat.

As for the book well I'd take some big ass encyclopedia or massive "How to Build a Boat from Scratch for Dummies" well you can guess how to build a boat, but if you've got a guide then bonus. The encyclopedia would be better because then you can rip all the useless pages out and use them to make a hat, a brooch or a pterodactyl, or you can use them as kindling to scare the polar bears away... it is the Lost island right?.

As for the film well if that isn't the most obvious thing it would have to be Gigli, this would act as our encouragement to build the boat and get the hell away from the island... I ain't watching that film... ever... least... not again ph34r.gif

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#25

Posted 25 May 2013 - 08:04 PM

QUOTE (Harley @ Saturday, May 25 2013, 03:35)
QUOTE (DarrinPA @ Saturday, May 25 2013, 08:01)
Can we pick dead people?

Take your necrophilia elsewhere, freak!

lol.gif It's NOT for me. The person above my old post chose Freddie Mercury who is dead. I was asking if that broke the "rules".

@Gareth Croke - There is no building a boat and escaping. "There is no chance of escape, so choose wisely, you're going to be spending the rest of your castaway ass life with them."

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#26

Posted 25 May 2013 - 08:11 PM

QUOTE (DarrinPA @ Saturday, May 25 2013, 21:04)
@Gareth Croke - There is no building a boat and escaping. "There is no chance of escape, so choose wisely, you're going to be spending the rest of your castaway ass life with them."

Chances of being on that plane in the first place are about 1,000,000/1 so I'll take my chances of beating those odds again by escaping by boat... plus the chances of Kaitlyn being there even bigger. wink.gif

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#27

Posted 25 May 2013 - 08:19 PM

Person: Morgan Freeman.
Movie: The Shawshank Redemption.
Book: The Shawshank Redemption.

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#28

Posted 25 May 2013 - 09:12 PM

QUOTE (GTA_stu @ Friday, May 24 2013, 20:22)
You're flying across a big ocean, doesn't matter which one. It's the Indian Ocean.

but you JUST said that it doesn't matter which one lol.gif
make up your mind!

ok but seriously...
QUOTE (GTA_stu @ Friday, May 24 2013, 20:22)
Choose a person, a book and a film.


person: Natalie Portman

user posted image

she's a Harvard graduate.
not only would I never get tired of f*cking her, but we could actually talk between f*cking and she could hold an intelligent conversation. as if this wasn't enough, she also has a great sense of humor.

book: I wouldn't bring a "book" to read.
I'd bring one of those DIY survival guides with information on how to find/prepare food, maintain shelter, and use makeshift medical supplies in case of an emergency, etc.

movie: I don't know how you plan to watch a movie on a deserted island, but I guess I would bring the Lord of the Rings trilogy box set.
is that cheating? I don't care. the box set comes with all 3 films so technically it's 1 item.

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#29

Posted 25 May 2013 - 10:05 PM

I'd probably just steal a baby and mould him into my very own... I forgot the film and who it is, but the point is he'd do anything I say.

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#30

Posted 25 May 2013 - 11:34 PM

QUOTE (theomenofficial @ Sunday, May 26 2013, 07:19)
Person: Morgan Freeman.
Movie: The Shawshank Redemption.
Book: The Shawshank Redemption.

Morgan would die very soon, you'll be alone before long.
Also the same book and the same movie? Come on dude, that would suck, even if they are terrific.




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