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Wasted Potential

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Melchior
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#1

Posted 02 May 2013 - 01:43 PM

Not so much a venting thread for me, more an attempt at discussion of wasted potential. I'll start (ignore if I veer into tl;dr territory):

My brother left "toxic person" behind a long time ago and can now be described as "acidic." Or "a brat." Or "a whiny, agnsty young male who plays CoD and wanks 24/7 while antagonising everyone he meets." See, I've always had some begrudging respect for him. While I was always more intellectual and had a few close, female friends he was athletic and got on with all the lads, I thought my approach to life was much better, but I respected that he had something going for him and always assumed happiness and a fulfilling family life at the least were in the cards for him.

When he got to high school, he became a bit of a bully. He was suspended for it. We all thought it was completely normal, sporty kids have a bit of a gang mentality and like to pick on other people, but they grow out of it. Then, he started to bring it home with him. He started doing... annoying things, like turning off the TV while I was watching it and what not. At first I didn't mind, I thought he just wanted me to wrestle with him (I'd usually put him in a head lock or something after he did it). Then, he started doing it more frequently and seemed to see it as a sort of power game. Having had enough, I decided that every time he got on my nerves I'd knock him to the floor or punch him in the stomach or something, so he eventually stopped.

Then, as that died down he started throwing temper tantrums when he didn't get his way. Every time he started kicking off, screaming at the top of his lungs because he didn't get his way I'd come in and undermine him, calling him a whiny baby and making mock crying noises. He'd run at me swinging his fists and I'd push him to the floor and he'd run to his room crying or something. Eventually, he grew to a few inches taller than me and decided that meant he could do whatever he wanted. One day he was throwing his toys out the pram over some tiny, insignificant sh*t and I did the usual song and dance "aww, did the baby not get his way?" etc. He stood up and said "what did you just say to me?" He tried to punch me and I grabbed his fists put them behind his back and told him to cool it. With a bit of struggling, he got one his hands free and went in for another punch; I dodged it and pushed him aside. He then started spouting off about how I wasn't bigger than him anymore and how he's a "hard c*nt" and how he can smash me, and from this point on will be doing whatever he wants because there's nothing I can do about it. I knocked him down then picked him up again by the collar and heard my mum say "don't punch him." So I said "fine" and gave him a slap he'll never forget. He dropped on the floor and started crying.

This played out a few more times, him throwing tantrums and trying to fight me and me having to beat him up. I was sick of getting into fights on a weekly basis and one day I just grabbed him until he stopped swinging and told him "we're done. You aren't my friend and you certainly aren't my kin. Don't talk to me, don't ask for favours, consider yourself disowned." Everyone in his life soon followed suit. He lost all but two of his friends, was kicked out of school, and his soccer team all because he thought he could intimidate anyone who wronged him. He got away with a few months of being a dick to the teachers at school, yelling at the referee at his games and throwing temper tantrums at home, all because of the mistaken belief that he is a tough guy and "can't be f*cked with."

He's lost everything and maintains that none of it is his fault; that people should know better than to f*ck with him. He received an invitation to try out for a football scholarship at an American university, but that's not on the table since he has no family to support him and won't be finishing high school. Ironically, it was the same night we told him he's no longer welcome to live at home. If he would just sort himself out, he could receive a quality education without having to worry about his marks, mingle with all kinds of people, live outside of home comfortably at 18, see a part of the world that is a playground for the young and ambitious and everything is big and exciting, and unless my understanding of American education institutions is skewed: get enough pussy to finally show me just where I can shove my haughty, superior attitude. He sits seething with anger at everyone around him, while everyone is gradually forgetting him; his school don't care about him, my parents are done helping him, his friends think he's a joke and I've long since scraped the used gum of our relationship from the Doc Martins of my mind.

I guess my intention with this thread is to hear of other peoples' experience with lucky people throwing everything away so I know what's in his future. Do people like this get it together or is the most they can look forward to jail, homelessness and bar fights with a trail of wrecked relationships and missed opportunity behind them?

stu
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#2

Posted 02 May 2013 - 01:59 PM

Forgive me, but your brother sounds like a total dick. Does he have like a condition or something, and how old is he now? My sister had a kind of similar period, between the ages of 13-18 when she was an absolute bitch and horrible to be around. At least she didn't get physical though, which in a way is a shame because I would have loved to have given her a good backhanded pimp slap to the cheek. She matured out of it though. I'm sure your brother will eventually change his ways, most people do tend to grow out of these things.

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#3

Posted 02 May 2013 - 02:02 PM

Sometimes, people just don't get it together, but sometimes they do, man. Your brother sounds pathetic. I'm sorry, but it just is. He has not right to act in such a way unless he has some deep traumatic-based issues. But like 90% of kids today, it's like they're all born with f*cking spoons in their mouths. It's hard to say really. Some come back and realize they've dun goofed. Others sit and stew in their bitterness, hating the world, and they normally amount to being grumpy old bastards.

Melchior
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#4

Posted 02 May 2013 - 02:07 PM Edited by Melchior, 02 May 2013 - 02:16 PM.

QUOTE (GTA_stu @ Thursday, May 2 2013, 23:59)
Forgive me, but your brother sounds like a total dick. Does he have like a condition or something, and how old is he now? My sister had a kind of similar period, between the ages of 13-18 when she was an absolute bitch and horrible to be around. At least she didn't get physical though, which in a way is a shame because I would have loved to have given her a good backhanded pimp slap to the cheek. She matured out of it though. I'm sure your brother will eventually change his ways, most people do tend to grow out of these things.

He has Conduct Disorder (basically a junior sociopath), but that's just all clinical speak for "is a complete dick and doesn't feel any remorse."

Did you sister live at home during this? Because we literally can't have someone who threatens violence at home, not really scared of him but I can't have bruises on my face or people will think I'm our getting into pub fights. Plus I can't be getting into brawls every time he doesn't like what he gets for dinner. Though if he leaves home that's basically his future gone forever.

The Yokel
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#5

Posted 02 May 2013 - 02:15 PM

Can you force him into therapy?

stu
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#6

Posted 02 May 2013 - 02:17 PM

Yh she lived at home. She had a boyfriend(s) during this time though so she quite often stayed at their houses, which gave us some respite. Just to clarify she only had one at a time, she wasn't some "playa" with multiple boys on the go. At least as far as I'm aware. Maybe you should consider having your brother move out though, it can help sometimes. Gives that space that's sometimes needed, and living on his own or away from your family for a while might make him appreciate what he has and give him some sense of responsibility. Or send him onto World's Strictest Parents, I hear you guys have your own version now.

Melchior
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#7

Posted 02 May 2013 - 02:26 PM

QUOTE (GTA_stu @ Friday, May 3 2013, 00:17)
Yh she lived at home. She had a boyfriend(s) during this time though so she quite often stayed at their houses, which gave us some respite. Just to clarify she only had one at a time, she wasn't some "playa" with multiple boys on the go. At least as far as I'm aware. Maybe you should consider having your brother move out though, it can help sometimes. Gives that space that's sometimes needed, and living on his own or away from your family for a while might make him appreciate what he has and give him some sense of responsibility. Or send him onto World's Strictest Parents, I hear you guys have your own version now.

Well then he'd be completely on his own. The only real safety net are refuges (like the YMCA kind of thing) but since they're basically private organisations they don't have to let in anyone they don't like. One day of sharing a TV with 16 troubled kids who push him around and he'll spit the dumby and be told to pack his bags, then it's the streets.

He's on his last chance though, so he'll probably be out of here in no time. We've got a court order that says he can't interfere in our lives in any way, so that means no tantrums, no emotional blackmail, no speaking to us after we say "conversation over" and violating it can lead to a prison sentence and permanent removal from the house. confused.gif

GTAvanja: none of us speak to him now, so it's his prerogative. There's literally nothing more we can do.

Criѕtian
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#8

Posted 02 May 2013 - 02:43 PM

If he is that hopeless there might be something wrong with him, don't you think?

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#9

Posted 02 May 2013 - 03:35 PM Edited by Lightning Strike, 02 May 2013 - 06:07 PM.

QUOTE (_____ @ Thursday, May 2 2013, 14:43)
If he is that hopeless there might be something wrong with him, don't you think?

I agree, Melch you went the wrong way with this.

Your antagonizing behaviour and superiority complex don't seem to be helping him, if anything from what I've read above all you did is piss off an already broken man. I can't see how any person who considers themselves an intellectual would intentionally rattle the lions cage so to speak, if you know damn well what you're doing is only going to worsen the situation why do it?

Regardless he's not my brother so I can't really judge, if I were you though I'd attempt to get him checked out by a psychiatrist seeing as from how you described him he displays a large amount of autistic traits. Personally I'd say he's got some form of Aspergers Syndrome, though it may be something entirely different it'd still be beneficial to have him see some sort of mental help.

The other thing I've noticed is he sounds ever so slightly sociopathic, that may mean he's suffering from some sort of mental disorder. Then again this going off the basis that no-one's bothered to seek help for him prior to now. My advice to you is this, give the guy a break. Yes it may not fit your view of what is right, but your brother is in clear need of help and if he's not offered the chance to get and refuses to get it himself he'll end up going down a very dark path.

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#10

Posted 02 May 2013 - 03:58 PM

I read the whole thing.

I have an older sister who is all sorts of successful so I don't have any direct relationships to draw from (aside from one cousin who is just a general f*ck head).

About the only thing I can relate it to is a dude I went to school with. He grew into a chunky bully and played the part accordingly. We were on the same wrestling team and he did a lot of the same "you can't f*ck with me sh*t" to get his way.

Years and years later my aunt asks me if I know Joey Joey Joe Joe Shabado Jr.*? I said yeah. She said he now works for her and he is a great guy - super nice. I was a bit shocked since I knew the dude, and knew his history.

So anyway...a few years pass and I get a call from my aunt. Joey joey Joe Joe Shabado Jr.* went home during his lunch break and murdered his wife(newly married).


It kind of sounds like your brother might have anger issues. He also sounds like he is young enough to pull his sh*t together. Don't parents threaten their young sons with military school where you live? I know that threat is what kept me semi-honest in my teens. colgate.gif


*Name changed to prevent any sh*t.

The Yokel
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#11

Posted 02 May 2013 - 04:04 PM

Military actually sounds like a decent idea. He needs to be disciplined, and there's no one better than the military for that job. Not even the parents.

crispypistonx8
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#12

Posted 02 May 2013 - 04:05 PM

Everyone has a at least one family member that cannot seem to get there sh*t straight.
When it happens you just need to cut them out of your life like cancer. If they don't settle themselves at that point, then they will never be of any use to anyone an Deserve to die alone.

But If I lived with Melchior I'd probably become an extremely violent retard also.. erm maybe just more so.

Melchior
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#13

Posted 02 May 2013 - 04:50 PM

I thought people would chime in with their own stories rather than just commenting on my f*cked up brother, but this works out better I guess. tounge.gif

Lightening Strike: My brother is a bully. Molly coddling is not the way to go and I've never seen it as my responsibility to work through this sh*t with him (though my parents have tried, unsuccessfully). If he runs at me swinging his fists I'm not going to put my hand on his shoulder and say "I know you're upset, let's just hug it out" that would just give him the impression that I'm scared of him and that he trample over me to get what he wants.

I don't think it's at all fair to bring my attitude into this. It's not my job to coddle someone I don't get along with and who's always had a bit of an ugly personality. A lot of people have smug, belittling older brothers- some have siblings who outright torture them and they don't become sociopathic messes. I wouldn't say I "antagonised" him either, he was destroying the peace in my home and embarrassing me (the neighbours tend to hear his temper tantrums) and any attempts to defuse the situation or warn him are met with phrases like "what the f*ck are you going to do about it!?" Further, my parents have been very life-affirming towards him and that didn't seem to help much (where as they were always very harsh and stern with me, so luckily I never became an entitled brat).

And at the "he has a mental disorder, ease up" stuff: he does have a mental disorder, he's a sociopath. That doesn't mean he's "wired wrong" and has some disease that absolves him of any responsibility. It means he's used to getting away with running rough shot over people has deluded himself into viewing it has his right, has grown accustomed to the idea that he's a big tough guy who can't be f*cked with, and outright refuses to let go of it.

And I doubt that if you had to live with someone who brakes things, screams at the top of his lungs, cries, uses emotional blackmail and threatens physical violence because he didn't want prawn curry for dinner, you'd be too inclined to "give him a break." In fact, anyone would do well to be as tolerant as me.

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#14

Posted 02 May 2013 - 05:15 PM

I have a brother with ADHD (luckily there's medicine for that) and I feel where you're coming from (kind of).

My brother however, being smarter than us, doesn't use any physical ways to get what he wants, but attacks us emotionally instead which has made my parents cry on a few occasions. He's like a Sheldon, he has to sit on his spot, wants to go on the PC when he thinks he's entitled to and as soon as he turns off the PC, everyone should move away from the TV so he can watch his Korean weeaaboo crap and even when he does get all that, he's still not happy and prefers to start arguments over absolutely nothing instead of ignoring it.

He also decided that after finishing his university degree in Dutch Law (which my parents paid for, a whopping 10000 or so), hes now going to move to Korea and become an English teacher there, rather than doing something with his education. Hes been at home without a job for the last 9 months (he needs money to go to Korea).

Like I said its not the exact same situation but it just reminded me of him, kind of.

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#15

Posted 02 May 2013 - 06:09 PM

You want my opinion...kill him.

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#16

Posted 02 May 2013 - 06:55 PM

First of all, prawn curry is f*cking delicious. Don't let anybody tell you different.

I've been the sh*t brother myself albeit never as bad as yours. But I remember similar things going on with friend's little brothers. It's generally hormonal and something they'll work out themselves. I've seen some real little sh*ts grow up into responsible men over the past few years.

Buuuut I genuinely think there is something wrong with your brother. And I think what you are doing to him is f*cked up. I respect that I don't know your brother or about your relationship and it would be impossible for me to fully grasp what you and your family is going through, but from here it seems like you are being unnecessarily cavalier and actually malicious. He is definitely not going to turn his life around with his whole family being so callous and abandoning him. How old is he? He is going to resent you all for life unless you reach out with a stern olive branch.

He needs help. You say it's not your job to coddle someone you don't get along with. Except it is - he's your brother. I spent years fighting and hating my brother but no matter how bad it got I could never cut him out. Maybe you've never cared or had a bond, and he was just some brat that grew up in the same house as you. But I think if that was the case you wouldn't be making this topic.
If anything, realise that what you are doing to him is going to have a huge impact on his future. It's easy to cut him out and get on with your own sh*t, but can you live with that? You can't see it now but one day he could be thanking you for helping him when everything else in his life was f*cked. And he'll respect you more than any other man.

Again, I'll never know your brother or the situation like you do, regardless of how much you tell us, and I understand this has been quite the ordeal for your family.
I guess what I'm saying is, he isn't some random c*nt, he's your brother. If that means anything to you, don't give up on him. Get him therapy, be someone he can trust, get him on the right track. People do change.

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#17

Posted 02 May 2013 - 07:04 PM

QUOTE (Melchior @ Friday, May 3 2013, 05:50)
And at the "he has a mental disorder, ease up" stuff: he does have a mental disorder, he's a sociopath. That doesn't mean he's "wired wrong" and has some disease that absolves him of any responsibility. It means he's used to getting away with running rough shot over people has deluded himself into viewing it has his right, has grown accustomed to the idea that he's a big tough guy who can't be f*cked with, and outright refuses to let go of it.

Its sounds like a bad case of a big ego. I had a friend who was just like that but he's a lot better now. My suggestion is to get him beaten up. Get him outside a bar at night where lots of assholes ready for a fight and get him pummelled, not bad enough for anything serious but still pretty bad, just call in the cops when enough is enough. In a town over from where I live, some kids got murdered outside a bar on two different occasions during some fights. That will really scare the little runt just witnessing that. If he thinks he's so tough, tell him to prove it and get him to try some whack some burly biker.

That or just avoid him.

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#18

Posted 02 May 2013 - 07:33 PM

QUOTE (Harley @ Thursday, May 2 2013, 10:55)
Buuuut I genuinely think there is something wrong with your brother. And I think what you are doing to him is f*cked up. I respect that I don't know your brother or about your relationship and it would be impossible for me to fully grasp what you and your family is going through, but from here it seems like you are being unnecessarily cavalier and actually malicious. He is definitely not going to turn his life around with his whole family being so callous and abandoning him. How old is he? He is going to resent you all for life unless you reach out with a stern olive branch.

He needs help. You say it's not your job to coddle someone you don't get along with. Except it is - he's your brother. I spent years fighting and hating my brother but no matter how bad it got I could never cut him out. Maybe you've never cared or had a bond, and he was just some brat that grew up in the same house as you. But I think if that was the case you wouldn't be making this topic.
If anything, realise that what you are doing to him is going to have a huge impact on his future. It's easy to cut him out and get on with your own sh*t, but can you live with that? You can't see it now but one day he could be thanking you for helping him when everything else in his life was f*cked. And he'll respect you more than any other man.

Again, I'll never know your brother or the situation like you do, regardless of how much you tell us, and I understand this has been quite the ordeal for your family.
I guess what I'm saying is, he isn't some random c*nt, he's your brother. If that means anything to you, don't give up on him. Get him therapy, be someone he can trust, get him on the right track. People do change.

I agree with this approach. It's worth a shot and it's a hell of a lot better than leaving your brother out in the cold. I doubt you would really want to do the latter either as you clearly want your brother to improve himself. Can you really give up on your brother if you knew he didn't have to be a lost cause?

Since coddling doesn't seem to work with him, act like a father to him. Be the stern authority figure that his parents weren't to him, but respect him as well (even if this may be difficult since you see him as a piece of sh*t). He might suffer an inferiority complex so it would be best not to keep hammering the idea that he's a worthless baby into his head. You should respect him for him to learn to respect himself and others.

If this doesn't work, he'll probably have to figure things out on his own.

Melchior
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#19

Posted 02 May 2013 - 08:26 PM

QUOTE (Harley @ Friday, May 3 2013, 04:55)
First of all, prawn curry is f*cking delicious. Don't let anybody tell you different.

I've been the sh*t brother myself albeit never as bad as yours. But I remember similar things going on with friend's little brothers. It's generally hormonal and something they'll work out themselves. I've seen some real little sh*ts grow up into responsible men over the past few years.

Buuuut I genuinely think there is something wrong with your brother. And I think what you are doing to him is f*cked up. I respect that I don't know your brother or about your relationship and it would be impossible for me to fully grasp what you and your family is going through, but from here it seems like you are being unnecessarily cavalier and actually malicious. He is definitely not going to turn his life around with his whole family being so callous and abandoning him. How old is he? He is going to resent you all for life unless you reach out with a stern olive branch.

He needs help. You say it's not your job to coddle someone you don't get along with. Except it is - he's your brother. I spent years fighting and hating my brother but no matter how bad it got I could never cut him out. Maybe you've never cared or had a bond, and he was just some brat that grew up in the same house as you. But I think if that was the case you wouldn't be making this topic.
If anything, realise that what you are doing to him is going to have a huge impact on his future. It's easy to cut him out and get on with your own sh*t, but can you live with that? You can't see it now but one day he could be thanking you for helping him when everything else in his life was f*cked. And he'll respect you more than any other man.

Again, I'll never know your brother or the situation like you do, regardless of how much you tell us, and I understand this has been quite the ordeal for your family.
I guess what I'm saying is, he isn't some random c*nt, he's your brother. If that means anything to you, don't give up on him. Get him therapy, be someone he can trust, get him on the right track. People do change.

No, he needs to learn through negative reinforcement. If I go and sit next to him on the couch and act friendly he'll think "finally, everything is back to normal" then go back to throwing foot rests at the wall because someone taped over Jersey Shore, because he doesn't want to stop doing that and needs a reason to stop. He'll interpret it as me making peace with the fact that he gets angry over nothing and uses emotional blackmail.

I'm done with him, and there's nothing I can do anyway. In the future I'd like to have nieces and nephews and a sister in law that I see when I visit my parents, I'd like not have to explain to people that "I have a brother but we don't speak" when they ask about my family, but there's nothing I can do when any sense of normalcy in how we treat him positively reinforces his actions. Negative reinforcement is the only option and if he can't deal with it, well, we have to do what is best for us and throw him by the wayside.

I hope he gets it together, but I have no role to play.

QUOTE (Adler)
He might suffer an inferiority complex so it would be best not to keep hammering the idea that he's a worthless baby into his head.

Then maybe he could try not being a worthless baby? He is the aggressor and everyone else are the victims. Literally all I can do is give him negative reinforcement. If he wants to hate me for not accepting that he can do whatever he wants and never consider anyone else, then there's not really anything I can do.

In his mind relationships aren't even worth engaging in if he can't run rough shot over people. My only choices are yield or cut him off, at least with the latter I'm not enabling and he'll actually have some hope of changing.

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#20

Posted 02 May 2013 - 09:56 PM

Ruthless. If you don't want a brother and this topic is just to vent, then you can disregard everything I've said. Know that you can help and change him. I would've thought someone as pompous as you would relish in becoming the guy he looks up to.
I wasn't even saying act friendly and feign happy families, I was saying step up and show some guidance to a family member who is clearly in need of it. Getting pissy over the wrong dinner and throwing sh*t because someone taped over Jersey Shore is not normal and needs real counsel, negative (and positive) reinforcement is just gonna make things worse.
You are prepared to drop your brother, who has no one and already dancing with rock bottom, just because it's easier for you. That's f*cking shameful.

Melchior
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#21

Posted 02 May 2013 - 10:28 PM Edited by Melchior, 02 May 2013 - 10:31 PM.

Yes, avoiding fist fights in my own house is easier for me... I don't see how it can be considered "shameful" to want that. But do feel encouraged to explain how I can help him without talking to him in a friendly manner. I can't exactly bust in his room and be like "listen mate, I know how you feel, but you need to sort things out." It's been attempted multiple times and usually garners a reaction of "I don't need to do sh*t, f*ck you, I hate this house wah wah wah!"

So let's just say I do manage to engage him in conversation about it without him flipping out, and without giving the impression that I've forgotten everything he's done, and I get no where. Should I just keep trying forever since he's my brother and to do what's best for me is apparently "shameful"?

And yeah, if he does go nuts and so much as drop a swear word he'll be permanently removed from the house after spending a few days in jail. So he has to make the first move.

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#22

Posted 02 May 2013 - 10:43 PM

What would he do if he found out about this topic?

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#23

Posted 02 May 2013 - 10:53 PM

I'm gonna be honest, you just need to kick his ass, show him he's not as big as he thinks.

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#24

Posted 03 May 2013 - 12:59 AM

Look, if you can talk to him in a civil manner, make it clear you're on his side and want to help, stop exiling him and stop treating him like a criminal, then that's a start. From there you can try airing sh*t out, get him to see someone professionally, get him back on track with school, whatever. It'd get easier.
It'll only work if you sincerely want it to. Do you want a brother? I get the idea that even if I had a miracle plan to fix everything you'd still turn your nose up at it.
And yeah, it really is shameful you could be so callous to your own brother and would not want to try to help indefinitely. Your priorities are f*cked.

TEoS
  • TEoS

    High Priest of the Vootard Cult

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 13 Jul 2004
  • None

#25

Posted 03 May 2013 - 01:25 AM

My little brother is a giant waste of potential. Throughout our childhood, we were always on the move, never staying in a school for more than a few weeks. While I spent most of my time chasing girls, my brother hit the books, and somehow, despite our spotty attendance, managed to get a full scholarship to Stanford. I always kind of resented him for it, since I ended up sticking with the family business (my dad is sort of a migrant worker). My brother basically ran away from us and broke off contact.

Fast forward a few years, and my brother hooks back up with me after some trouble at the school. Things were instantly tense, as he considered himself better than me for going out and trying to do his own thing instead of staying loyal to our family. But still, we bonded while working and we grow close again.

Over the next few months, we went through some serious sh*t. Our dad died, we got slammed with a lot of work, and we got in trouble with the law. To top it all off, my brother hooked up with a really bad chick who basically turned him into a junkie. Eventually it became clear that he valued his relationship with her more than he valued his relationship with me, so I gave him an ultimatum. He chose her.

It's just unfortunate, because he's my brother and I love him. I just want to grab him by the neck and scream at him "SAM STOP DRINKING ALL THAT DAMN DEMON BLOOD WE HAVE TO STOP THE APOCALYPSE"

Mister Pink
  • Mister Pink

    ThePinkFloydSound

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 03 Nov 2004
  • None

#26

Posted 03 May 2013 - 03:02 AM

OP, Grow a pair of balls and stop whinging. icon14.gif

"And if a double decker bus..."

Chunkyman
  • Chunkyman

    Foot Soldier

  • $outh $ide Hoodz
  • Joined: 23 Jan 2012

#27

Posted 03 May 2013 - 03:27 AM

To diagnose this, getting more information on both of your childhoods would be extremely helpful, particularly on the issue of parenting.

What do you think your parents do right?

What do you think they did wrong?

Was there ever screaming, neglect, emotional manipulation, intimidation, belittling, projecting, spanking, hypocrisy, etc. that your parents engaged in?

Joe Chip
  • Joe Chip

    Ghetto Star

  • Members
  • Joined: 11 Jun 2010
  • United-States

#28

Posted 03 May 2013 - 03:29 AM

So the whole moaning about how sh*tty your life thing doesn't extend to family? biggrin.gif

(Warning: Rant about a family member below, It's not much of an intelligent rant either.)

Right now my little sister is in sixth grade and she literally spends her days on Facebook and watching TV. She doesn't study, do homework, or do any work around the house. I was the same way when I was her age, just replace Facebook with real friends (we live in a fairly isolated neighborhood now) and TV with Gamecube.

In her case it's especially bad though, because my dad is sort of apathetic about the whole thing. He lets her walk all over him, she's always convincing him to buy her new things that get left around the house or put aside almost immediately, despite receiving $10 a week for not doing any work. She also likes to leave papers, schoolwork, trash, and clothes all over the place. Imagine a hoarder's house, but with paper and snack wrappers all over everything. I've tried to clean it up multiple times before, but I prefer doing stuff like that all at once instead of doing it periodically, so it gets worse and worse as time goes on until either my dad or I loses it and cleans the whole house.

The reason I felt it was appropriate to post this in the "wasted potential" thread is because I've seen her do better. When she had one of her friends over they studied together and she did pretty good in school for a short bit. She's also good enough with art and making friends that she's not totally devoid of skills. It's just incredibly worrying to watch her grow up like this, and every time I try to intervene I either feel like I'm treading on problems that aren't mine, or I outright get told by either her or my father that it's not my place to be helping.

WHAT!?
  • WHAT!?

    The Ed One

  • The Precinct
  • Joined: 23 Aug 2002
  • United-States

#29

Posted 03 May 2013 - 01:00 PM

Honestly I don't think giving him rules and punishing him when he breaks them is "doing nothing" as Harley suggested. Right now he is still at home and can remain there if he doesn't flip his sh*t again (if I understand everything correctly).

The kid obviously doesn't know what he has and how life really is outside of school and home. If he thinks his family is cold wait until he has to make it on his own and runs into the police because Wal-Mart didn't have his favorite bag of chips on sale. Let him spend a night in the joint and see if he ever says "I hate this house" again. Some people just need a cold hard reality check and I think Melchior's brother is a prime candidate to receive one in the near future.

Personally I think he is doing the right thing. You don't teach anyone about life by coddling them, the world doesn't care. If he wasn't already over 18 I'd even suggest shipping him off to a military school.

018361
  • 018361

    Human

  • Members
  • Joined: 21 Jul 2010
  • None

#30

Posted 03 May 2013 - 02:50 PM

I really can't say much until I hear your brothers side. My brother was an abusive dick all the time to me and I started to hate him so when I grew roughly the same size as him or bigger and he would give me crap I would try to show him that he couldn't mess with me anymore. I wasn't going to tolerate his abusive behavior and be pushed around. I'm not calling you a liar or anything, it's just that his actions may be justified from his point of view. That doesn't mean I am taking sides, it just means I don't think we can get to a proper conclusion until be hear both sides. Maybe he is just going through a lot at the time and his teenage hormones are not helping him either. There is a lot of stuff that you may not know is going through his mind that could be making him depressed and has him lashing out at others because of self hatred. When I was in high school I realized I had no legitimate friends, I always kept to myself in the younger years and I was strange and didn't see the world as others do. Whenever I go somewhere I feel I have to put on an act to be considered normal. I had no friends, everyone I cared for was either dead, dying, or starting to hate me and I fell into depression and just gave up because what is the point of trying if I am only going to die young like everyone else in my family. Plus when the reality hits him that he will have to have a lot more responsibility soon and may not have a specific future or career in mind and will probably end up homeless anyway it will only make the situation far worse. If you are not there for him now he may not allow you to be there later. My point is, don't underestimate what he is going through and try to get him help.




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