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Epsilon email

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Jodito
  • Jodito

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#1

Posted 22 April 2013 - 10:58 PM

I sent an email to [email protected], the email address on the Epsilon website. Here is what I received:

Thank you so much for contacting the Epsilon Program. You just made a brilliant decision. The decision to challenge conventional orthodoxies and lots of entirely false and disgusting stories in the press (in response to which, trust us, we are preparing some very exciting law suits). While we cannot personally respond right away to each email, please know that we do read it and your information is cherished. For a long time. To obtain response faster, please provide your name, age, headshot, and some simple information regarding your gross income and exactly what it is you are searching for, so we can point you in the direction of the correct further study program (remember even though some of the study programs may seem expensive, how do you put a price on the kind of knowledge that will make life a lot better? The simple fact is you don't, unless you are a fool and Epsilonists are not fools. So ask yourself: am I a fool? And if I am not, I won't worry about investing in my future in a well reasoned study program in order to know literally everything about everything, just like lots of top celebrities and thinkers and the fact is by contacting us, you've proven you're not a fool, so you should really consider this an investment you've already made. By the way, while we are on that subject, we have some great financing opportunities available in case you cannot afford the truth but really want to know it competitive rates and exciting investment what could be better about salvation?). We promise based on your response we'll answer in an appropriate timeframe.

To get answers even faster, might we recommend visiting an Epsilon Center? We have houses of worship in cities around the world. Our headquarters is in Vinewood, though in an effort to not mix business and spirituality, we're also incorporated in the Cayman Islands as dictated to our leader Cris Formage by the great Lord Kraff in a dream. Lots of top politicians and celebrities use the Cayman Islands for investments, proving what a wise decision this is.

Why exactly did you email us today? Are you seeking truths? Truths about yourself? In today's rat race of capitalism, we often forget the important things in life. Why horde possessions or squirrel money away in a savings account when none of that brings happiness? We can show you how to use your possessions and life savings towards a better understanding and a better life! It's a life with equally minded individuals seeking approval and, through a convenient payment system, easy to understand levels of enlightenment to attain. That's the truth and it's also a fact and facts are what make Espilonism such an exciting scientific-based belief system. You've already proven you're not a fool, so now prove you're a scientist. Are you ready?

There are truths so simple, so powerful, but you have to acquire the right tools to understand them. We can give you those tools. Look at many of our most famous members and you will see they have the tools to make you believe they are someone they are not. They have fame and fortune and multiple partners. This is the core of Epsilonism. Seek, invest, and this time, you shall find the answers you are looking for. Or if not quite this time, then as soon as our online services program is updated to reflect a very minor argument with the IRS. *

Won't you join us? Together we can Learn your own truth.

Cris and the Epsilon team

*= Dear friends at the IRS - We're a religion! In FACT, we're the fastest growing religion in America, growing by lots of people recently and that is a FACT, so please don't embarrass yourselves by taking us to court. Give us the same tax breaks you give other religions or we will do something really nasty, without you even knowing it was us, even though Epsilonism is a religion of truth and understanding, we also know how to set fire to things remotely and cause lots of other bad problems.

Jodito
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#2

Posted 22 April 2013 - 11:01 PM

You guys can also try, I didn't try the phone number though.

reform
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#3

Posted 22 April 2013 - 11:08 PM

You should reply, with a false name, age, headshot, and salery, and say you are searching for hope. Tell them you're having a rally in the park.

Apex.
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#4

Posted 22 April 2013 - 11:24 PM

I REALLY want a couple of missions in Vinewood with these guys, all dressed in robes and sh*t. If not then that's such a wasted opportunity! tounge.gif

RichyB
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#5

Posted 22 April 2013 - 11:37 PM

Great email.

No point in emailing them anything else because it's probably an auto-response.

Thanks for posting, though. It makes for interesting reading.

Red XIII
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#6

Posted 23 April 2013 - 12:11 AM

Yeah its the same response every time, there is an epsilon thread and a few people have tried emailing them but get the same email back.

AuSsIeThUnDeR36
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#7

Posted 23 April 2013 - 04:27 AM

I think Epsilom will be a place that we can find maps showing all health, armor and weapons. I saw the clue there - 'What exactly is it that you are looking for?'
There is also the hint that this place will show us how best to use our money in game

abottig
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#8

Posted 23 April 2013 - 05:13 AM

I just got the same e-mail.

I replied with the requested info. Let's see what happens...

EDIT:
Same thing.

TheSmutPeddler
  • TheSmutPeddler

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#9

Posted 23 April 2013 - 05:56 AM

Did anyone here seriously not catch the mail talking about "The Cayman Islands" ????

L.A. has the Channel islands off the coast. It seems likely there is islands off the coast in GTA 5.

RoadRunner71
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#10

Posted 23 April 2013 - 06:08 AM

QUOTE (TheSmutPeddler @ Tuesday, Apr 23 2013, 05:56)
Did anyone here seriously not catch the mail talking about "The Cayman Islands" ????

L.A. has the Channel islands off the coast. It seems likely there is islands off the coast in GTA 5.

Cayman Islands is a fiscal paradise, ovbiously is where they are seending the money they get via the fools of the cult. A reason why they are having problems with the IRS. I don't think it has nothing to do with Catalina Island.

SmoothGetaway
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#11

Posted 24 April 2013 - 08:36 PM

QUOTE (Jodito @ Monday, Apr 22 2013, 22:58)
To get answers even faster, might we recommend visiting an Epsilon Center? We have houses of worship in cities around the world.

Multiple cities confirmed, calling it now biggrin.gif

Getzmunney
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#12

Posted 24 April 2013 - 08:40 PM

Imma burn that vinewood hq sh*t down with trevor.. f*ck (gta parody) Tom cruise.

r0eladn
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#13

Posted 24 April 2013 - 08:45 PM

This epsilon thing is getting scary sad.gif

C4RR4NZ4
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#14

Posted 24 April 2013 - 08:48 PM

I love how Rockstar Games has really gone detailed with making Epsilon seem so real. This truly confirms it will play a pretty big role in GTA V. It just has to, or else all this stuff the twitter, website, shirt, screensaver, etc. Is in vain.

Noclue_42
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#15

Posted 24 April 2013 - 08:48 PM

@r0eladn
Nah man it's getting exciting really. KIFFLOM. I want in on that. #fact

W2B
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#16

Posted 24 April 2013 - 08:52 PM Edited by Werebot85, 29 May 2013 - 12:46 PM.

<Deleted>

grandthefthoughto
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#17

Posted 24 April 2013 - 09:05 PM

insanely wild speculation:

one of the common complaints about scientology (which in some ways episilonism seems to be parodying) is that essentially it is a "pay to win" system, the more money you pay for "educational courses" the higher you seem to rise in the religlious structure.

could this be one of the opportunities for one of our characters (michael?) to spend ill-gotten cash? is there a chance part of gtav's plot will invlove one of the protags joining the epsilon movement?

rsgtafan
  • rsgtafan

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#18

Posted 24 April 2013 - 09:31 PM

There could be a couple of missions where U have to get dirt on the people that Epsilon are suing.

Getzmunney
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#19

Posted 24 April 2013 - 09:32 PM

QUOTE (grandthefthoughto @ Wednesday, Apr 24 2013, 21:05)
insanely wild speculation:

one of the common complaints about scientology (which in some ways episilonism seems to be parodying) is that essentially it is a "pay to win" system, the more money you pay for "educational courses" the higher you seem to rise in the religlious structure.

could this be one of the opportunities for one of our characters (michael?) to spend ill-gotten cash? is there a chance part of gtav's plot will invlove one of the protags joining the epsilon movement?

Michael fits the profile

KevinR1990
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#20

Posted 25 April 2013 - 02:57 AM

QUOTE (grandthefthoughto @ Wednesday, Apr 24 2013, 16:05)
insanely wild speculation:

one of the common complaints about scientology (which in some ways episilonism seems to be parodying) is that essentially it is a "pay to win" system, the more money you pay for "educational courses" the higher you seem to rise in the religlious structure.

could this be one of the opportunities for one of our characters (michael?) to spend ill-gotten cash? is there a chance part of gtav's plot will invlove one of the protags joining the epsilon movement?

Yes. Oh yes. Michael joining the Epsilon Program would be awesome, especially if there are certain in-game perks. Not superpowers, obviously, but as you climb the ranks of the program, you should be able to have lower-ranking members perform favors for you. Cutting down a wanted level for free, getting you discounted weapons and/or vehicles, even sending a group of "legal associates" (i.e. Sea Org goons) to back you up in a firefight.

Alternatively, there could be a plot thread involving Amanda being a member of the Epsilon Program, and this being where a lot of Michael's money has wound up. From here, you start robbing the cult's buildings in order to get your money back, while also coming into close contact with some of Vinewood's biggest stars.

Chekoloco
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#21

Posted 25 April 2013 - 03:00 AM

Nice! cookie.gif

C4RR4NZ4
  • C4RR4NZ4

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#22

Posted 25 April 2013 - 05:47 AM

QUOTE (KevinR1990 @ Thursday, Apr 25 2013, 02:57)
QUOTE (grandthefthoughto @ Wednesday, Apr 24 2013, 16:05)
insanely wild speculation:

one of the common complaints about scientology (which in some ways episilonism seems to be parodying) is that essentially it is a "pay to win" system, the more money you pay for "educational courses" the higher you seem to rise in the religlious structure.

could this be one of the opportunities for one of our characters (michael?) to spend ill-gotten cash? is there a chance part of gtav's plot will invlove one of the protags joining the epsilon movement?

Yes. Oh yes. Michael joining the Epsilon Program would be awesome, especially if there are certain in-game perks. Not superpowers, obviously, but as you climb the ranks of the program, you should be able to have lower-ranking members perform favors for you. Cutting down a wanted level for free, getting you discounted weapons and/or vehicles, even sending a group of "legal associates" (i.e. Sea Org goons) to back you up in a firefight.

Alternatively, there could be a plot thread involving Amanda being a member of the Epsilon Program, and this being where a lot of Michael's money has wound up. From here, you start robbing the cult's buildings in order to get your money back, while also coming into close contact with some of Vinewood's biggest stars.

Nice tounge2.gif

DarrinPA
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#23

Posted 25 April 2013 - 06:11 AM

QUOTE (Jodito @ Monday, Apr 22 2013, 17:58)
Dear friends at the IRS - We're a religion! In FACT, we're the fastest growing religion in America, growing by lots of people recently and that is a FACT, so please don't embarrass yourselves by taking us to court. Give us the same tax breaks you give other religions or we will do something really nasty, without you even knowing it was us, even though Epsilonism is a religion of truth and understanding, we also know how to set fire to things remotely and cause lots of other bad problems.

Read Operation Dynamite. Scientologists set up a person buy getting a hold of a pad of paper that had her finger prints on it and they [the scientologists] wrote a bomb threat on it and sent it out. Thus, successfully got the person arrested/indicted for the bomb threats. It was later found out that she wasn't guilty and the scientologists had set her up.

More crazyiness about the scientologists that Epsilon will probably recreate or reference....

Operation Freakout attempted to make a person look insane so she would be committed to a mental institution.

Operation Snow White was a conspiracy during the 1970s to purge unfavorable records about Scientology and its founder L. Ron Hubbard. This project included a series of infiltrations and thefts from 136 government agencies, foreign embassies and consulates, as well as private organizations critical of Scientology, carried out by Church members, in more than 30 countries; the single largest infiltration of the United States government in history.

Just read the whole list of crazy things they committed.

Currychips
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#24

Posted 29 May 2013 - 12:26 PM

I received my email response from the Epsilon programme this morning...

"Dear friend,

You've just made the best decision of your entire life. In fact, you've made the best decision anyone has made for a trillion years or more. If you were to live for another billion years, you would not make a better decision. In fact, you will now live for a billion years. You've become an Epsilonist. Kifflom! It's officially America's fastest growing religion and you've just proven what an independent thinker you are, by jumping on board. Prepare to be in 37,000 (yes, 37,000!) places all at once. Prepare to be amazed. This is the best thing you've ever done. You've joined an organization so powerful the government just tried to ban us. Of course, they failed. Nothing will stop us, in this Paradigm or the next. Welcome, brother-brother or sister-sister (delete as appropriate - but this is not a form letter - we're testing you - knowledge IS power, so we hope you know if you're a brother-brother or a sister-sister, because knowledge, just like charity, starts at home!)

A very small number of of our recent recruits, (based on Cris' unique intuition), will be invited to join a special scholarship program of advanced Epsilonism in Los Santos - should you be one of them, Cris or another senior Epsilonist will contact you personally in a month or so. Either by telepathy or email or probably both!

You have much to be excited about your new life. The most exciting thing of all is that you are about to get literally hundreds of opportunities to invest in your future by studying one of our reasonably priced courses in personal learning and salvation.

Most top celebrities and intellectuals have joined us on this journey. Now you have too. Soon, you may be one of them.

Kifflom one and all,

Your new best friend,



Cris Formage"




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