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MacAshford
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#1171

Posted 24 September 2013 - 04:34 PM Edited by Vice President, 24 September 2013 - 04:35 PM.

I just thought I'd post this here and see if I can get a bit of feedback, here's a bit of the first mission from the 18 Months remake. Thanks for reading :D

 

 

 

PWs4xy1.jpg

 

BsUP64L.jpg

 

ymt43hj.jpg


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#1172

Posted 24 September 2013 - 04:43 PM

Got the second half of that short story mapped out but probably won't write it as the first part was not well received.

Vercetti42
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#1173

Posted 27 September 2013 - 07:19 AM Edited by AceKingston, 27 September 2013 - 07:19 AM.

I'm writing a novel called The Italian Mafia. I've taken a lot of inspiration from The Godfather film triology (especially the first part). It's the story of a Don, he has three sons. He wants one his sons (Toni) to take over the empire after his death but his other son (Jose) doesn't want Toni too take over since he feels that he is too weak. However, the Don feels the exact opposite saying that Jose is the weak one. It isn't just that though. The businesses of the empire and others are also described in the story.

 

I hope to finish it and publish it someday. I might share an excerpt here.


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#1174

Posted 28 September 2013 - 11:47 AM

It all sounds very familiar, and a lot has been written about the mob, but that doesn't mean that you can't throw your own ideas into the mix. Try to find something unique about your story and really emphasise that aspect.

 

You gotta change that title, though.


MacAshford
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#1175

Posted 01 October 2013 - 04:49 PM

Ahoy, WD. How's life everyone? :D 


Mokrie Dela
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#1176

Posted 02 October 2013 - 09:44 AM

Life? What's that? This thing called GTA V had eradicated that.

Haven't written for weeks.


Eminence
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#1177

Posted 02 October 2013 - 12:10 PM

Currently taking my masters in creative writing. Don't have my PS3 with me. Have yet to play GTAV.

 

It hurts, believe me.


Ziggy455
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#1178

Posted 02 October 2013 - 09:46 PM

Damn, man. With GTA V out, everybody's sort of slipped away from writing. I've been writing a short story. I'm getting back into my groove. Holy Christ, you haven't played it yet!? :O 

 

Sweet Jesus...


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#1179

Posted 02 October 2013 - 09:59 PM

Earliest I'll play it is Christmas haha. And even then I might not. :p


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#1180

Posted 03 October 2013 - 02:54 PM

*Cries for Em*
At least GTAO should be stable by then.


Also, RIP Tom Clancy

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#1181

Posted 04 October 2013 - 04:57 AM

Also, RIP Tom Clancy

Was about to post this :(


Mokrie Dela
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#1182

Posted 04 October 2013 - 01:34 PM

 

Also, RIP Tom Clancy

Was about to post this :(

 

Yeah, kinda came out of left field.
As i'm sure you all know, he's my favourite author.
New book's due out in a few months (I'm sure Grant Blackwood or someone will fill in the holes if need be), i bet they'll dedicate it to him - would be weird, his own book dedicated to himself.
I will also bet the upcoming JAck Ryan movie will be in his memory.

Such a shame.

At least he's left behind one hell of a legacy.


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#1183

Posted 04 October 2013 - 02:05 PM

Can't believe that. Currently reading Without Remorse. R.I.P, man. He was a big part of my childhood with his books and games. 


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#1184

Posted 04 October 2013 - 07:46 PM

Had no idea. It is a shame. Just purchased two of his books last weekend. Greatness on paper forever.

R.I.P. :(

Mokrie Dela
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#1185

Posted 05 October 2013 - 12:02 AM

Without remorse is a damn fine book. Rainbow six fans will love it to see John Clark's origin.

Clark and Ryan are essentially the same character, but contrasting variations thereof. I like that.

Currently reading "Dead or Alive" (NOT written by clancy, i'm sure), nearing the end of reading ALL of his Ryan/Clark novels.

When i read the last one, I hope there's an END to it. Would be fitting, but sad too. Once I get there, It'll sink in that he's gone.

"Hi, I'm Tom Clancy; I wrote the book they ignored" - Clancy on THE SUM OF ALL FEARS commentary.

The man who said "no" to Sam Fisher's multi-goggles because it wasn't realistic. 2 years later, a company made them for real!


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#1186

Posted 05 October 2013 - 03:30 PM

It was my birthday yesterday. Here was my cake! I don't want to cut it! 

 

28cmruc.jpg

 

LOOK AT IT. OH MY GOD, LOOK AT IT. 

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#1187

Posted 05 October 2013 - 04:54 PM

Haha, that's awesome. Kudos to whoever got that for you.


Vercetti42
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#1188

Posted 06 October 2013 - 11:31 AM

Happy belated birthday Ziggy!

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MacAshford
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#1189

Posted 07 October 2013 - 10:15 PM

Guys, I made a FaceBook profile for one of my characters, is that too far?

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Mokrie Dela
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#1190

Posted 07 October 2013 - 11:23 PM

GOD DAMN Ziggy. That's a sweet ass cake.


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#1191

Posted 08 October 2013 - 10:28 PM

Guys, I made a FaceBook profile for one of my characters, is that too far?


Which character? Does he/she have any friends? Might be an interesting way to come up with story ideas.

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#1192

Posted 09 October 2013 - 04:06 AM

Happy late birthday, Ziggy.

 

I truly am sorry for everything I did to you, and countless other people around here. I can only hope that you all will believe me.

 

Take care, and stay classy.


Ziggy455
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#1193

Posted 09 October 2013 - 02:04 PM

Happy late birthday, Ziggy.

 

I truly am sorry for everything I did to you, and countless other people around here. I can only hope that you all will believe me.

 

Take care, and stay classy.

 

What the sh*t? How the hell did he get banned? 


Eminence
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#1194

Posted 09 October 2013 - 03:32 PM

Breaking Bad ended so he probably felt his time was at an end too.


Mokrie Dela
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#1195

Posted 09 October 2013 - 03:40 PM

he probably exposed himself to some kids.

 

Or he made a new account, and deleted it for a fresh start.

Who cares?


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#1196

Posted 09 October 2013 - 04:02 PM Edited by AceKingston, 09 October 2013 - 04:03 PM.

He requested a ban but he's probably browsing through the forums with an unknown new account, he's always whining for attention so it won't be long until he is back.

 

Anyways, haven't touched the novel I wish to publish sometime in the future because of school but here is an excerpt, thoughts? I only took the conversation part because I feel it's the most interesting:

 

-----

 

As Rocchi seated himself, he placed a file in front of Pazzini before saying, who took one quick look at it before saying:

 

"An offer?"

 

"Not just an offer" replied Rocchi "An offer you can't refuse"

 

"Well what is it?"

 

"I'm in need of drugs, I have the money but not the drugs"

 

"If you have the money why not buy the drugs?"

 

"I don't know any trustable drug dealers Mr.Pazzini"

"How do you know that I can be trusted?"

 

That's it.


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#1197

Posted 09 October 2013 - 04:13 PM

Breaking Bad ended so he probably felt his time was at an end too.

 

That is kind of pathetic, in a deranged sort of way.


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#1198

Posted 09 October 2013 - 04:27 PM Edited by Eminence, 09 October 2013 - 04:28 PM.

As Rocchi seated himself, he placed a file in front of Pazzini before saying, who took one quick look at it before saying:

 

"An offer?"

 

"Not just an offer" replied Rocchi "An offer you can't refuse"

 

"Well what is it?"

 

"I'm in need of drugs, I have the money but not the drugs"

 

"If you have the money why not buy the drugs?"

 

"I don't know any trustable drug dealers Mr.Pazzini"

"How do you know that I can be trusted?"

 

That's it.

 

An error in the first sentence means I'm thinking you need to proofread a little harder! :p

 

I also think you need to go back to the drawing board a little in terms of what your unique take on the mob is. This is very cliche, bland stuff at the moment - I'm certain you can come up with something more exciting!

 

The "how do you know I can be trusted" is a nice line, and an interesting little idea/reversal to explore. But it's not enough on its own.

 

And never, ever, ever, ever, ever use "an offer he can't refuse" seriously in any story, especially not one about the mob. Reasons should be self-explanatory.


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#1199

Posted 11 October 2013 - 10:13 AM

It's only the start of the story and I don't write this on my PC, I write it in a notebook, hence the error. :p


Mokrie Dela
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#1200

Posted 11 October 2013 - 12:28 PM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 16 October 2013 - 10:56 AM.

I'm working on something new. I'm tempted to upload the first chapter now, but i think I'll hold off and proof read a few times first.

 

 

EDIT:

The idea is a spoof of something, and I've hit my first obstacle; I'm not funny! Anyone written spoofs? If so, any tips?

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