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Heartforms [Poem]

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Danni
  • Danni

    Withered to death.

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  • Joined: 21 Jun 2008

#1

Posted 27 February 2013 - 10:18 PM

heartforms [poem]

It's the 12th hour on the 6th of June,
and my heart is now a shade of snow
My mind is damaged, like shattered glass
Worth less than just the day before

Can I remember the day? Can you remember the dawn?
Can we remember what ever happened to the dusk?

He can remember the day, he does remember your love.
Just a teardrop in the rain of life.

It's the 9th hour on the 23rd of May,
and my mind is a color of blossom pedals
A game of chess in the warm city park
Life was worth more than what I had ever known

The spring held all our love, the summer folded the cards,
Autumn burnt it all down like Nero to Rome

By winter's cold dawn, your fate was finally sealed,
24th of January night, my heart seven times colder.

Do I care enough? To shed a tear?
Scorned so deeply, I may never even
Come back to life, a cold slumber so eternal.

Didn't you ever wonder, that I'm only content with you?
Five years, three months, six days, only to lead to this.

It's the final hour on the 8th of June,
and my soul is blacker than midnight.
The flood of neon blinds my sight,
The asphault, a crimson blemish.

She can remember the blade, I do remember the stain
Just a punctuation mark at the end of our lives.

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

    МОКРЫЕДЕЛA

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  • Joined: 01 May 2009
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  • Most Talented Writer 2013
    Best Story/Poem 2013 "The Storm"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#2

Posted 27 February 2013 - 11:57 PM

I really like this. I like the language, the theme, and the FEEL. It's got soul. Okay, it doesn't rhyme much at all, and there's some imbalance with the lines, but on the whole i enjoyed that.

The contrast in the opening two lines, and "a tear drop in the rain of life" - i like that bit too.

Then the ending, a darkening of it all, and it fits, though i did think of max payne a little!


One thing i don't like though is that font. my eyes hurt sad.gif




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