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If Dan Houser was a doctor...

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  • AVIinfinity

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 08:43 AM

If Dan was an Army leader

Soldier : when are we going to attack them sir ?
Dan : in a few week or so....
Soldier :Its been over 4 weeks sir when are going to attack them ?
Dan :SPRING 2013 is confirmed
Soldier : Ok!


Soldier : Sir spring ends now when are we gonna attack them ?

Dan :we need to be more prepared September 17 soldier

September arrives

DAn : sorry for a short delay but we are going to attack them. In April 2014

Soldiers : We are leaving the job

  • hinti21


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Posted 15 March 2013 - 10:18 AM

Imaginary setting: if Dan was a Game-Designer

Dan: Yo, people! GTA V is going to cum out someday!
Fans: Yeah! Awesome! Tell us more!
Dan: Please, no questions. I can only tell that its coming in a few months or so.
Fans: Awesome! That's enough info, we wait a few months..

...a few months later...

Fans: Oi, Dan...WTF man?! You said a few months.
Dan: AH, yeah...I remember...totally forgot about that. Here, take some pictures and go fapping (that's gonna keep'em busy for some time)

...a while later...

Dan: Hey, I have some news: MY DICK'S ITCHIN!!!!.....oh, and by the way: GTA V is coming out Spring 2013.

...another while later...

Fans: Uhm...it's spring now...isn't it?
Dan: Yeah, well...(I used work-computer for watching porn and jizzed on keyboard-delete-button so hard that all the files went corrupt)...we have to polish the game abit...I...it'll cum september for sure
Fans: WTF mate?! We've been sucking your dick for the last few months and now you want to f*ck us up the arse?! Not really what I wanted, but do I have a choice? (bows down and drops his pants hoping not to get f*cked that hard)

  • DrippinJaws

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 02:09 PM

wow..some of them just cracked me up. Keep them coming guys biggrin.gif Just too lazy to make one though.
@OP: Maybe you could add some of the ones others contributed to your original post.

  • ExtremoMania

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 02:17 PM

I can't tell honestly how these people make me laugh lol.gif ... Keep up the good work. icon14.gif

  • Eagles

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 02:18 PM

Poor Houser, he takes all the credit from sh*t that their employees commit.

But whatever, the level of creativity in this thread is over my expectations for this section. Keep it going. smile.gif

  • AtomicPunk

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Posted 15 March 2013 - 03:45 PM

Dan Houser goes to a $10 hooker and contracts crabs from her.

When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

No, but seriously,
Mrs. Houser walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, ''I think you have the wrong room.''
''You put in my husband's teeth last week," the lady said. "Now you have to remove them."

Now we know what the hells taking so long!

  • goh13


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Posted 15 March 2013 - 03:53 PM

Dan Houser as a child in his mother’s womb:

Mom: So doc, when will we see little Danny?
Doctor: I....I...I do not know. I have never seen anything like this! He should have been out 1 year ago!

  • Travís.


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Posted 26 March 2013 - 05:51 AM

He didn't really do anything wrong, September -Spring in Australia..

  • ScottishHeist123

    After 5 years on the East Coast, it's time to go home...

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Posted 26 March 2013 - 10:47 AM

Dan as President

Adviser: Sir, North Korea has said they want to nuke the US east coast.
Dan: Okay, we'll deal with this in a few weeks or so.


Adviser: Mr President, it's been 8 months. North Korea have developed an ICBM ready to target New York. We must deal with them, sir!
Dan: It's okay. I'm ordering the military to get ready to attack by next spring.


Adviser: Sir, it's Spring. North Korea are about to attack and the military is not ready? For god sake, sir! We have to de...
Dan: Right, I'm not taking that abuse. Read the rules. If you speak like that to me again your advisory privileges will be suspended.

  • brwhizz

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Posted 22 May 2013 - 09:02 PM Edited by brwhizz, 22 May 2013 - 09:06 PM.

QUOTE (WildBrick142 @ Monday, Feb 18 2013, 17:27)
If Dan would be Hitler.
Nazi General:Sir! When are we invading Poland?
Dan: In a few weeks or so...
Few weeks later...
Nazi General:Sir! When are we invading Poland? We need more land!
Dan:Spring 1939
Nazi General:Sir! When are we invading Poland? We need more land and its spring already.
Dan: I've had some trouble! The invading will be delayed. We will invade on 17/9/1939

"We want this to be the best invasion that the German people expect and deserve. Trust us, it'll be worth the wait!."

  • Pwned.

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Posted 22 May 2013 - 09:21 PM

Quality thread.

  • Finite


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Posted 22 May 2013 - 09:26 PM

Is this really what the V section has been reduced to? Threads made for the sole purpose of telling unfunny jokes.


  • brwhizz

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Posted 22 May 2013 - 09:28 PM

QUOTE (Lightning Strike @ Wednesday, May 22 2013, 21:26)
Is this really what the V section has been reduced to? Threads made for the sole purpose of telling unfunny jokes.


I agree! I want to hear a funny joke: please tell us one!

  • Ben73


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Posted 23 May 2013 - 02:24 AM

Cancer patients always get pissed off at their doctors when they say they have 6 months to live and they end up living 2 years.

My Aunty with brain cancer was furious she survived for 6 months longer than the doctor said.

  • I<3GTAV


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Posted 23 May 2013 - 02:39 AM

QUOTE (Ben73 @ Wednesday, May 22 2013, 21:24)
My Aunty with brain cancer was furious she survived for 6 months longer than the doctor said.


  • DJ_McLovin

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Posted 23 May 2013 - 02:43 AM

I don't even know anymore...

  • MikeyBelic

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Posted 23 May 2013 - 05:15 AM

QUOTE (CJ killed Ryder @ Sunday, Feb 17 2013, 17:20)
Imagine an alternate reality where Dan Houser became a doctor instead of a videogame-designer....

(November 2011)

Dan Houser: "Sorry, mate. You've been diagnosed with terminal cancer."

Patient: "How long do I have?"

Dan Houser: "A few months or so!!!"

(A few months later)

Patient: "You have given me zero info about my disease in months time!!!"

Dan Houser: "I understand it's disappointing, but here have a few screenshots of the tumour!!!"

(A while later)

Dan Houser: "We are excited to announce you are going to die on spring 2013!!!"

(A while later)

Patient: "It's spring now, why am I not dead yet?"

Dan Houser: "Sorry, we made a mistake. Your day of death has been delayed to september 2013!!!"

This is just a joke, nothing serious. If you go flaming me for being not funny, shut up.

It wasn't really funny though lol.

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