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Weirdest thing you've put your dick in

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orbitalraindrops
  • orbitalraindrops

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#1

Posted 16 February 2013 - 10:36 PM

In the quest for sexual fulfillment I've put my below average member in many things.
1) A warm banana skin
Review - Failed in being a simulation of a vagina. What did happen was that my dick stunk of bannana and there was some weird curdled yellow sh*t in the microwave

2)The back end of a hoover
Review- It doesn't feel like a blow job and if done too much it can burst blood vessels. Not good.

3) Sophie Aspey
Review - Half my height and twice my width. Managed to last longer than 2 minutes but fell short of the golden 3. A pitiful way to see in the new year.

4) Rise of the Ogre (The Gorillaz "biography")
Review - Orbital - 14 years old. On one of the pages there is a cartoon breast on a prostitute. I proceeded to make love to this cartoon breast repeatedly. This was my masturbatory fantasy for about 2 months or so.

5) Fleshlight
Review - None of the intimacy of a real life sexual encounter with all the despair and disgust associated afterwards. Waste of £70.

6) Ella O'Reillys pillow case
Review - I wanted to have intercourse with her. She declined me. She threw an end of sixth form party though. At this Party I was half tempted to steal a ton of sh*t tell everyone I hate them then get some of my meow head mates to crash the party. I didn't. Instead whilst everyone was getting off with one another I snuck off and raped her pillow case. To this day she doesn't know who procured the glob of semen on her bed sheets.




Sef
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#2

Posted 16 February 2013 - 10:40 PM

Beer.

whatsthat.gif

Linc.
  • Linc.

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#3

Posted 16 February 2013 - 10:44 PM

QUOTE (Sef @ Sunday, Feb 17 2013, 08:40)
Beer.

whatsthat.gif

You mean the beer bottle, right? I putting your dick in beer, whether it be a small puddle or a pool filled with beer, isn't exactly what I would call pleasurable. turn.gif

orbitalraindrops
  • orbitalraindrops

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#4

Posted 16 February 2013 - 10:46 PM

Give us some reviews I want in depth stories here guys. I want to bask in your embaresment and maybe if the story is hot enough have a cheeky fap.

Sgt. Foley
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#5

Posted 16 February 2013 - 10:47 PM

A Listerine Mouthwash bottle. It was empty.

crispypistonx8
  • crispypistonx8

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#6

Posted 16 February 2013 - 10:49 PM

Weirdest thread on gtaf...

2281
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#7

Posted 16 February 2013 - 10:54 PM

Reusable water bottle. confused.gif

Mockage
  • Mockage

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#8

Posted 16 February 2013 - 10:55 PM

yo mamas pussy

Typhus
  • Typhus

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#9

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:04 PM

My high school sweetheart, Katie Vick.
I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. Her expression didn't change much either. Honestly, halfway through I started wondering if she was even human at all or if she was just wearing human skin and was filled with sawdust and embalming fluids or something.

Ryda King
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#10

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:08 PM

QUOTE (Typhus @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 23:04)
My high school sweetheart, Katie Vick.
I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. Her expression didn't change much either. Honestly, halfway through I started wondering if she was even human at all or if she was just wearing human skin and was filled with sawdust and embalming fluids or something.

icon14.gif

HUGOHL
  • HUGOHL

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#11

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:10 PM

Damn, guys. I thought my dick wasn't big, but if some of you can fit it in such places...

Sef
  • Sef

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#12

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:10 PM

QUOTE (lzw3 @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 22:44)
QUOTE (Sef @ Sunday, Feb 17 2013, 08:40)
Beer.

whatsthat.gif

You mean the beer bottle, right? I putting your dick in beer, whether it be a small puddle or a pool filled with beer, isn't exactly what I would call pleasurable. turn.gif

Lol, no !
Beer in a plastic cup smile.gif

orbitalraindrops
  • orbitalraindrops

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#13

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:11 PM

QUOTE (Typhus @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 23:04)
My high school sweetheart, Katie Vick.
I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. Her expression didn't change much either. Honestly, halfway through I started wondering if she was even human at all or if she was just wearing human skin and was filled with sawdust and embalming fluids or something.

Fairplay to typhus! tounge.gif . I thought you were a sexless robot aha.

Moonshield
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#14

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:12 PM

QUOTE (Typhus @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 18:04)
My high school sweetheart, Katie Vick.
I thought she'd be dynamite in the sack, but she just lay there, motionless. Her expression didn't change much either. Honestly, halfway through I started wondering if she was even human at all or if she was just wearing human skin and was filled with sawdust and embalming fluids or something.

And then you filled her body with sawdust and embalming fluid. She sits in the corner of your study to this very day. Just sitting there, staring blankly out of the window. Just staring.

blitz
  • blitz

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#15

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:21 PM

QUOTE (Sef @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 17:40)
Beer.

whatsthat.gif

If your penis fits in the peak of a beer bottle you should be worried.

Also, my view of men has slightly lowered with this thread.

Typhus, are you sure she wasn't a blow up doll?

Marwin Moody
  • Marwin Moody

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#16

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:47 PM

Milk carton:
worse than fapping

iPad smart cover:
worse than fapping

guitar:
weirdly pleasurable

vagina:
10'000'000 times better than fapping

Flynny
  • Flynny

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#17

Posted 16 February 2013 - 11:55 PM

an empty plastic carton/bottle

I was in hospital at the time and that was its purpose, to piss in, as I was attached to the wall via chest tubes

universetwisters
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#18

Posted 17 February 2013 - 12:06 AM

This thread has made me change my opinions of all of you guys.

theNGclan
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    ey b0ss, cen u gibe me de peprment pls?

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#19

Posted 17 February 2013 - 12:08 AM

A blender. Now can we end this topic?

matajuegos
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#20

Posted 17 February 2013 - 12:09 AM

my tennis shoe, it was wonderful icon14.gif I'm gonna do it again some day, when i have the time, it smells good smile.gif

edit: forgot the comma, lol

Joseph Cooke
  • Joseph Cooke

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#21

Posted 17 February 2013 - 12:11 AM

My friend's Jager Bomb. Shifty41s_beerhatsmilie2.gif

Chunkyman
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#22

Posted 17 February 2013 - 12:28 AM

My own mouth. I ended up cracking 3 f*cking vertebrae in the attempt.

While technically it was a successful effort, having my parents find me a few hours after the fact while I was crying on the ground in pain with my nothing but a T-shirt on sorta outweighed the benefits.

Review: Certainly gives one an interesting life story, but the damage to your body will seriously outweigh all of the pleasure.

I left out the more morbid details of the story, but feel free to read them below.

Just kidding, the weirdest (and only) place has been my own hand. Since I want the spoiler part to look like it has some meat to it, I will tell you history trivia. Did you know that president Ulysses S. Grant's real name was Hiram Ulysses Grant? He hated that his initials spelt "HUG" and adopted his new name after a typo occurred when he was applying to West Point.

orbitalraindrops
  • orbitalraindrops

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#23

Posted 17 February 2013 - 12:42 AM

I can put the tip of my penis in my mouth easily and thats just because im pretty flexible. My dick aint even that big and I can do it. The whole sucking oneself off is a myth i can easily give my self some bellend action.

Marwin Moody
  • Marwin Moody

    u in da mood?

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#24

Posted 17 February 2013 - 12:48 AM

oh yeah forgot that completely:
my own mouth:
very very pleasurable. Never tasted my own (or anyone else's for that matter) man juice

AH64Hunter
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#25

Posted 17 February 2013 - 01:12 AM

Nobody said "your mother" yet?

Sneakerhead.
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#26

Posted 17 February 2013 - 01:23 AM

QUOTE (AH64Hunter @ Sunday, Feb 17 2013, 01:12)
Nobody said "your mother" yet?

Mockage did.

BrownBear
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#27

Posted 17 February 2013 - 01:23 AM

Really guys? We're really doing this?

GTAb0yWonder
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#28

Posted 17 February 2013 - 01:55 AM

One of these...

user posted image

It's still in there to this day.. I have to use the vacuum if I want to pee..

GTA-King
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#29

Posted 17 February 2013 - 01:58 AM

A pile of mud.

moto_whistle.gif

WhatsStrength
  • WhatsStrength

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#30

Posted 17 February 2013 - 01:59 AM

Well this is....interesting.

My hand I guess.




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