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Quitting Porn Altogether

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Mister Pink
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#1

Posted 15 February 2013 - 11:32 AM Edited by Mister Pink, 28 February 2016 - 09:53 PM.

snip
 

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orbitalraindrops
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#2

Posted 15 February 2013 - 11:36 AM

Yeah man I agree. I stopped having sex and my confidence shot down when I started looking at porn daily. I need to change that.

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#3

Posted 15 February 2013 - 11:38 AM

QUOTE (orbitalraindrops @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 12:36)
Yeah man I agree. I stopped having sex and my confidence shot down when I started looking at porn daily. I need to change that.

I know the feeling. Also, having something bad like a break-up can lead you to watch more porn. It happened to me. After I broke up with my ex, I started watching more. I was in a sort of depression that I was repressing. A quick fix would be porn. And the dopamine that your body releases when looking at porn can be stimulating enough that you'd go back for more sooner than you'd hoped.

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#4

Posted 15 February 2013 - 11:40 AM

I'm gonna sound really cheesy but heck, when you have a girlfriend and you really love each other and have a healthy relationship. Porn is the last thing you'll or at least I think about. When watching porn you get a completely distorted view of the reality of sex.

I've quitted porn altogether a few years ago.
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#5

Posted 15 February 2013 - 11:44 AM

QUOTE (Raavi @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 12:40)
I'm gonna sound really cheesy but heck, when you have a girlfriend and you really love each other and have a healthy relationship. Porn is the last thing you'll or at least I think about. When watching porn you get a completely distorted view of the reality of sex.

I've quitted porn altogether a few years ago.

Yes, this is true for me too. Only for the first couple of years though. After about 2 years I started watching it again when I was with her.

I just hope it doesn't have to be this way for me. When I meet a nice girl, I don't want to be tempted to watch it 2 years in to our relationship only to find myself watching it regularly and possibly getting lazy.unmotivated in the sack.

EDIT: Raavi, why did you quit?

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#6

Posted 15 February 2013 - 11:56 AM

Some things I have witnessed whilst rummaging for porn on the dark recesses of the Internet have left me with mental scars that will never fully heal.

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#7

Posted 15 February 2013 - 12:02 PM

If you watch it too much it has a negative effect I think, in that you get bored of it and look to find something else. It's then when you should probably stop.

Wanking all the time kills your sex drive as well, you lose interest in finding someone to bang, and in-turn finding a partner.

That being said, I don't think I could stop watching porn while wanking unless I was having sex regularly, otherwise it's f*cking boring, staring at the wall for 30 odd minutes or longer because you have nothing to get you off.

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#8

Posted 15 February 2013 - 12:25 PM

Piffle... porn is as natural as being born.
Until that Pope went mad and chiseled the penis off the statues at the Vatican; who cared, they just put plaster fig leaves over the spot. Which started a trend we still suffer from today.
The Religious use the natural act designed by 'God' to prove their control over the sheep.
Abstention is the unnatural act.
Guess what the Priests do when they hide away in the Monasteries? Bet they would condemn you for doing it.
Looking at nudes doesn’t make you blind, or put hair on your palms, unless of course you have read some old Psychiatry papers.
Ballet was the Porn for the Rich.
I’ve read that Shakespear did porn for the poor.



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#9

Posted 15 February 2013 - 12:42 PM

If you have to masturbate when you have a partner, you either have the wrong partner\are in an unhealthy relationship or you are a jackass.

Either way, you have to do something about it.

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#10

Posted 15 February 2013 - 12:48 PM

QUOTE (_____ @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 12:42)
If you have to masturbate when you have a partner, you either have the wrong partner\are in an unhealthy relationship or you are a jackass.

How would it make you a jackass?

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#11

Posted 15 February 2013 - 12:53 PM

Porn started to bore the life out of me years ago. There are only so many ways people can f*ck before it becomes repetitive and dull to watch. The tits can only get so fake, the asses can only get so round, the dicks can only get so big, the moans and screams can only get so loud and limitations are met and then where do you go from there? Face sh*tting and chili dogs? Then once you've exhausted all the perverse fetishes, you're back to nothing again.

It's a bullsh*t industry, but I suppose it's debatable whether it's healthy or unhealthy in today's society. Certainly the negative aspects include how it objectifies women and often portrays them as mindless sluts devoid of intelligence, confidence and self respect. Not to mention the unrealistic expectations people begin to place on the sex act.

But give up masturbatory habits as well? I don't use porn to blow my load. Why not think back to the great f*cks you may have had and what you remember about them? I don't know, for me, it's probably not the orgasm that gets me hard. Some broads forearm on your neck, something her eyes did. There was this sound she made. I'll tell you... me lying in bed, the next day she brought me café au lait. She gives me a cigarette. My balls feel like concrete.

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#12

Posted 15 February 2013 - 12:57 PM

QUOTE (_____ @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 12:42)
If you have to masturbate when you have a partner, you either have the wrong partner\are in an unhealthy relationship or you are a jackass.

Either way, you have to do something about it.

Please tell me a single thing is wrong or unhealthy with masturbation?
Maybe frequently watching porn whilst in a relationship is a bit weird, but masturbation relieves stress, makes you happier and overall improves your health and attitude, of course sex has the same effect but there's nothing wrong with having a wank at the end of a long day if she's not about, is there?
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#13

Posted 15 February 2013 - 01:01 PM

QUOTE (Typhus @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 15:48)
QUOTE (_____ @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 12:42)
If you have to masturbate when you have a partner, you either have the wrong partner\are in an unhealthy relationship or you are a jackass.

How would it make you a jackass?

What's the point of having a partner if you have to masturbate? You (not you) obviously have a problem and you are a stupid person if you can't figure it out.

QUOTE (brownbear @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 15:57)
Please tell me a single thing is wrong or unhealthy with masturbation?

There are some disadvantages, some listed in this topic and you might find more on the internet. Also, you misread my post.

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#14

Posted 15 February 2013 - 01:05 PM

QUOTE (_____ @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 07:42)
If you have to masturbate when you have a partner, you either have the wrong partner\are in an unhealthy relationship or you are a jackass.

Either way, you have to do something about it.

Quite wrong. Masturbation while in a relationship is not only natural, but very healthy. Both partners should explore themselves, find out likes and dislikes, then help guide the other to a more enjoyable experience. Hell, masturbate together, do it alone, have phone sex, etc., but denying yourself a basic human urge is unhealthy. And if your partner isn't willing to be open to the idea of being in tune with their sexuality and open enough to communicate what gets them off, that's the unhealthy relationship.

Addiction to porn is altogether a different thing.
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#15

Posted 15 February 2013 - 01:08 PM

I do see where you're coming from, but I see masturbation as an absolutely natural thing.
Now obviously if you masturbate all the time and don't pleasure you're girl there is obviously something wrong, but what's wrong with having a wank to relieve some stress once in a while, it's just like a natural cigarette.

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#16

Posted 15 February 2013 - 01:14 PM

QUOTE (_____ @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 13:01)
QUOTE (Typhus @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 15:48)
QUOTE (_____ @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 12:42)
If you have to masturbate when you have a partner, you either have the wrong partner\are in an unhealthy relationship or you are a jackass.

How would it make you a jackass?

What's the point of having a partner if you have to masturbate? You (not you) obviously have a problem and you are a stupid person if you can't figure it out.

QUOTE (brownbear @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 15:57)
Please tell me a single thing is wrong or unhealthy with masturbation?

There are some disadvantages, some listed in this topic and you might find more on the internet. Also, you misread my post.

False. You seem to believe that masturbation is a substitute for sex. When in a relationship it is only that in certain circumstances. I would only say one has a problem when it is the only way to get off and you are turning down actual sex because of it.

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#17

Posted 15 February 2013 - 01:15 PM

QUOTE (geomy @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 16:05)
QUOTE (_____ @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 07:42)
If you have to masturbate when you have a partner, you either have the wrong partner\are in an unhealthy relationship or you are a jackass.

Either way, you have to do something about it.

Quite wrong. Masturbation while in a relationship is not only natural, but very healthy. Both partners should explore themselves, find out likes and dislikes, then help guide the other to a more enjoyable experience. Hell, masturbate together, do it alone, have phone sex, etc., but denying yourself a basic human urge is unhealthy. And if your partner isn't willing to be open to the idea of being in tune with their sexuality and open enough to communicate what gets them off, that's the unhealthy relationship.

Addiction to porn is altogether a different thing.

I fail to see how solo masturbation will improve your sex skills or whatever. Masturbating to porn or imagining having sex with someone seems to indicate that you would want to have sex with multiple partners. That's why I think it's wrong to do it while you are in a relationship.

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#18

Posted 15 February 2013 - 01:43 PM Edited by ThePinkFloydSound, 15 February 2013 - 01:50 PM.

QUOTE (Xcommunicated @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 13:53)
Porn started to bore the life out of me years ago.  There are only so many ways people can f*ck before it becomes repetitive and dull to watch.  The tits can only get so fake, the asses can only get so round, the dicks can only get so big, the moans and screams can only get so loud and limitations are met and then where do you go from there?  Face sh*tting and chili dogs?  Then once you've exhausted all the perverse fetishes, you're back to nothing again. 

It's a bullsh*t industry, but I suppose it's debatable whether it's healthy or unhealthy in today's society. Certainly the negative aspects include how it objectifies women and often portrays them as mindless sluts devoid of intelligence, confidence and self respect.  Not to mention the unrealistic expectations people begin to place on the sex act.

But give up masturbatory habits as well?  I don't use porn to blow my load.  Why not think back to the great f*cks you may have had and what you remember about them?  I don't know, for me, it's probably not the orgasm that gets me hard.  Some broads forearm on your neck, something her eyes did.  There was this sound she made. I'll tell you... me lying in bed, the next day she brought me café au lait.  She gives me a cigarette.  My balls feel like concrete.

Exactly man. I just want to return to a more innocent time of my life when whacking off was thinking about a previous girlfriend or sexual experience rather than something that raises this unrealistic bar when it came to sexual experience.

What the guy talks about in the article and what I said to my friend the other day is where the act escalates that you are watching porn and you're looking for that 'perfect' girl to finish to and you have multiple tabs open, haha. She never really comes. It's this cycle that pushes you to click more links and after a few minutes you've trawled through 30+ women. Then you need to look at something a little more kinky to get off. I'm just sick of it.

My issue is not that porn is bad for people. I think excessive use of it, is an issue. Like anything, really. It's way more accessible to people than it ever was. If you have internet in your house, porn is only a click away.

@_____: I know plenty of people that masturbate that are in relationships, male and female. It certainly doesn't mean they are jackasses. That's a bit naive to believe. Or maybe they are. Maybe they should only have sex with one another but I'm not sure I agree with that so much.

@lil weasal:That's fine. Porn is fine. But they didn't have access to millions of types of porn back then. I talking about excessive use of it. I think the pros outweigh the cons. My thoughts are if I want sex (in the broadest term covering masturbation to an extent) I'm going to seek it in reality. As in, I'm going to get it from a woman, not a computer. I will still masturbate but only when I really, really need it. No luxury wanks. No procrastinating over work wanks and no bordem wanks hahaha tounge.gif


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#19

Posted 15 February 2013 - 01:46 PM

QUOTE (_____ @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 23:15)
Masturbating to porn or imagining having sex with someone seems to indicate that you would want to have sex with multiple partners. That's why I think it's wrong to do it while you are in a relationship.

"If we were meant to be monogamous, why weren't we born already married?"
— Maurce Chavez, Vice City
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#20

Posted 15 February 2013 - 01:50 PM

I find myself agreeing and then disagreeing with all of this, basically conflicted. One side is going "Well, you're single, what else are you going to do?!", then the other is along the same lines as yourself, saying "Get the f*ck out there and get yourself a woman!". The thing is, I don't have any belief in myself that I'm able to do that, so porn, being as easily accessible as it is, will always be the easier option. This leads to a slow, downward spiral of taking the easy road every time. But, as has been mentioned, there's only so much porn you can watch before it becomes something boring and I fully agree that this is where it can become damaging.

I also agree that it can make us more picky with women. Personally, I was always the kind of guy who was more turned on by what a woman could say and do rather than what she looked like and this lead me to a rather brilliant sex life (if I could have a woman who spoke like Stephen Fry, I wouldn't even need to touch her to get off). But after my last break-up I started watching porn more and more. This really altered the way I saw women. I went almost exclusively for slim, tall women. Whilst that may not be the worst thing on Earth, I actually got bored with them almost instantly and ended up just staying away from women altogether for just over 18 months. This was an attempt to fix myself (not that there was technically anything wrong, I just didn't like the way I was thinking). I did as you're about to do and stayed away from porn but I kind of went one step further and just stayed away from women, too. I don't know whether my mindset has changed or whether it was through sheer desperation, but I now find that I'm nowhere near as fussy and I've gone back to loving what women can say or do to get my attention.

So yes, it's obvious that porn has its pros and cons, but it's up to us as to how much we let them affect us.
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#21

Posted 15 February 2013 - 01:57 PM

QUOTE (TheGreatGig23 @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 14:50)
I find myself agreeing and then disagreeing with all of this, basically conflicted. One side is going "Well, you're single, what else are you going to do?!", then the other is along the same lines as yourself, saying "Get the f*ck out there and get yourself a woman!". The thing is, I don't have any belief in myself that I'm able to do that, so porn, being as easily accessible as it is, will always be the easier option. This leads to a slow, downward spiral of taking the easy road every time. But, as has been mentioned, there's only so much porn you can watch before it becomes something boring and I fully agree that this is where it can become damaging.

I also agree that it can make us more picky with women. Personally, I was always the kind of guy who was more turned on by what a woman could say and do rather than what she looked like and this lead me to a rather brilliant sex life (if I could have a woman who spoke like Stephen Fry, I wouldn't even need to touch her to get off). But after my last break-up I started watching porn more and more. This really altered the way I saw women. I went almost exclusively for slim, tall women. Whilst that may not be the worst thing on Earth, I actually got bored with them almost instantly and ended up just staying away from women altogether for just over 18 months. This was an attempt to fix myself (not that there was technically anything wrong, I just didn't like the way I was thinking). I did as you're about to do and stayed away from porn but I kind of went one step further and just stayed away from women, too. I don't know whether my mindset has changed or whether it was through sheer desperation, but I now find that I'm nowhere near as fussy and I've gone back to loving what women can say or do to get my attention.

So yes, it's obvious that porn has its pros and cons, but it's up to us as to how much we let them affect us.

Great post man.

That downward spiral you speak of is all too common for me this last year. There is plenty of times I could have played the longer game and gone out on a few dates with some nice women but instead I was doing it the quick-fix way until something may just fall on my lap.

Recently, I've been definitely being picky too. I thought it could have been that my ex raised the bar so highly in women I seek. I was in love and I do love her still in many ways but I realised I've become picky in a sense that the girls I want have to be this, that and the other.

So, I'm going to give it a knock on the head for a while. I'll see where it leaves me in one months time. And if anyone gives a rats arse, I'll post any positives and negatives of the experience in this topic.

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#22

Posted 15 February 2013 - 02:05 PM

QUOTE (Melchior @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 16:46)
QUOTE (_____ @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 23:15)
Masturbating to porn or imagining having sex with someone seems to indicate that you would want to have sex with multiple partners. That's why I think it's wrong to do it while you are in a relationship.

"If we were meant to be monogamous, why weren't we born already married?"
— Maurce Chavez, Vice City

We are socially monogamous. Sexually monogamous? I don't think so.

It's fine to masturbate if you are in an open relationship and your partner doesn't mind, but it's not so fine when you do it behind his\her back.
It doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship when you desire someone else.

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#23

Posted 15 February 2013 - 02:12 PM

Like most products of Consumer Capitalism, porn is designed to reel you in and keep you coming back for more regardless of whether it is useful or beneficial for you at all: it is a manipulative process that exploits both the actors, and the consumers and it is designed to do so meticulously, consciously and intentionally.

It targets men who have issues with women: essentially, society assigns women what we call the "passive role" in courtship, meaning they are discouraged from actively seeking partners, and men are encouraged to try to impress women, and as such, men view women as a judge of their competence; someone who just sits back, looking pretty, judging you for your low school marks, daggy shoes and pimples and so men view them as having a certain sexual and social power. In porn, the women's enjoyment is depicted as secondary to the man's, she's nothing but an object to be used that sits back and gets pounded with no active participation and while this is a generally appealing fantasy in and of itself, it robs women of their "power" over men. That's why to certain men, porn becomes highly addictive, eventually leading to a desensitisation towards the content, leading to "harder" stuff, until they can only get off to Brazilian fart porn or whatever, which probably comes from pay per view sites. It's a disgusting industry with an appalling business model.

I haven't been down this road myself When I was 17 I got into left-wing politics and started to question gender roles and the like, eventually forming a passionate distaste for the objectification of women, so I stopped watching porn then and there.

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#24

Posted 15 February 2013 - 02:13 PM

QUOTE (_____ @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 12:42)
If you have to masturbate when you have a partner, you either have the wrong partner\are in an unhealthy relationship or you are a jackass.

Either way, you have to do something about it.

lol what?

My parents have been married for more than twenty-five years, and unfortunately I know that my father still masturbates (squeaky chair upstairs) -.-

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#25

Posted 15 February 2013 - 02:15 PM

QUOTE (_____ @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 00:05)
It doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship when you desire someone else.

Oh? Says who? By who's authority was it decided that a relationship is unhealthy if one or more actors desires someone else- either emotionally or sexually? Open relationships are a real thing that people engage in, it is not your, nor your religion, society or ideology's role to determine whether or not they are "healthy."

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#26

Posted 15 February 2013 - 02:23 PM

QUOTE (Melchior @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 17:15)
QUOTE (_____ @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 00:05)
It doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship when you desire someone else.

Oh? Says who? By who's authority was it decided that a relationship is unhealthy if one or more actors desires someone else- either emotionally or sexually? Open relationships are a real thing that people engage in, it is not your, nor your religion, society or ideology's role to determine whether or not they are "healthy."

I said before, if your partner is OK with it then it's fine. It seems that in most cases this sort of thing is done behind the other one's back.

Edit: Though I can't put the two together: being fully satisfied with your partner and desiring others.

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#27

Posted 15 February 2013 - 02:36 PM

QUOTE (_____ @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 00:23)
QUOTE (Melchior @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 17:15)
QUOTE (_____ @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 00:05)
It doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship when you desire someone else.

Oh? Says who? By who's authority was it decided that a relationship is unhealthy if one or more actors desires someone else- either emotionally or sexually? Open relationships are a real thing that people engage in, it is not your, nor your religion, society or ideology's role to determine whether or not they are "healthy."

I said before, if your partner is OK with it then it's fine. It seems that in most cases this sort of thing is done behind the other one's back.

Edit: Though I can't put the two together: being fully satisfied with your partner and desiring others.

So even if you have you have sexual urges for other people- whether they be based on respect, emotional connection or physical attraction- if your partner (who almost definitely has similar urges) arbitrarily deems them inappropriate, it's wrong to express those urges healthily through fantasy or masturbation? It sounds like you're saying that, because our society says we should have one partner, it's okay to constrain people with concepts like monogamy. Well our society also says that we should be restricted to one gender for no apparently reason, and that we should exclusively like thin women and muscley men. Society's sexual rules are arbitrary and pointless; all natural sexual behaviour, as long as it isn't forced or exploitive, or based on restrictive and coercive "standards of beauty" should be deemed healthy, and a decent society should accommodate them.

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#28

Posted 15 February 2013 - 02:45 PM

QUOTE (Melchior @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 01:36)
QUOTE (_____ @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 00:23)
QUOTE (Melchior @ Friday, Feb 15 2013, 17:15)
QUOTE (_____ @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 00:05)
It doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship when you desire someone else.

Oh? Says who? By who's authority was it decided that a relationship is unhealthy if one or more actors desires someone else- either emotionally or sexually? Open relationships are a real thing that people engage in, it is not your, nor your religion, society or ideology's role to determine whether or not they are "healthy."

I said before, if your partner is OK with it then it's fine. It seems that in most cases this sort of thing is done behind the other one's back.

Edit: Though I can't put the two together: being fully satisfied with your partner and desiring others.

So even if you have you have sexual urges for other people- whether they be based on respect, emotional connection or physical attraction- if your partner (who almost definitely has similar urges) arbitrarily deems them inappropriate, it's wrong to express those urges healthily through fantasy or masturbation? It sounds like you're saying that, because our society says we should have one partner, it's okay to constrain people with concepts like monogamy. Well our society also says that we should be restricted to one gender for no apparently reason, and that we should exclusively like thin women and muscley men. Society's sexual rules are arbitrary and pointless; all natural sexual behaviour, as long as it isn't forced or exploitive, or based on restrictive and coercive "standards of beauty" should be deemed healthy, and a decent society should accommodate them.

_____ Needs to learn when to admit he is wrong, stop arguing, he is going to be stubborn and not take anyone's words into his stride until next time.

Dude just admit you said something stupid and retarded, you're trying to justify it and not really making any sense or headway, everybody has points against you, solid points.

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#29

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:01 PM Edited by _____, 15 February 2013 - 03:04 PM.

@Melchior I agree with you for the most part. All I know is that it wouldn't feel right for me to engage in sexual activities with multiple partners at a time.
I don't think it's that much about what society says than what constraints feelings bring in a relationship.

I don't think you should let your urges gain control over you. You should study their causes, figure out what you and your partner can do about it. Unless you are willing to suggest that nobody is really ever satisfied with their partner alone, and I don't think that's true.

@finn4life My initial post was a bit nonspecific, but I think most people aren't in open relationships.

Melchior
  • Melchior

  • The Connection
  • Joined: 16 May 2009
  • Vietnam

#30

Posted 15 February 2013 - 03:15 PM

QUOTE (_____ @ Saturday, Feb 16 2013, 01:01)
I don't think it's that much about what society says than what constraints feelings bring in a relationship.

Oh? If it's not about society than why does our society see a huge prevalence of monogamous, heterosexual couples, where as relationships in antiquity were more open; if you weren't born into modern, Christian Europe, and instead were born a Roman aristocrat, you'd probably think its okay to love your wife, while also engaging in passionate sex with men, women and even children. It's all about society's constraints. If it wasn't, why do you think certain sectors of society are more prone to adultery, is it because their relationships are less satisfying? Or could there be other, external factors...

QUOTE
I don't think you should let your urges gain control over you.

Gain control? Where did this come from? This might ostensibly be somewhat reasonable if sexual urges only came from physical attraction, but they don't: they come from emotional connection, respect and admiration and a myriad of other factors. If you feel sexually attracted to someone else while in a relationship, whose role is it to decide whether or not that's a reflection on the nature of the relationship? It's not a question of whether those urges should be allowed to "control you" its a question of why they should even be repressed in the first place.

Let me ask you this: are you really claiming that open relationships must inherently be unsatisfying otherwise they would be monogamous relationships? Really think about that.

QUOTE
Unless you are willing to suggest that nobody is really ever satisfied with their partner alone, and I don't think that's true.

You're assuming that sexual and emotional satisfaction are some quota that has to be met: this is an obvious fallacy. I'd say that our need for emotional connection and sexual stimulation are infinite. Or do you really think that any sexual thoughts about someone else are a sign that a relationship is "unfulfilling" despite the fact that every relationship is intrinsically different?

It's not that you're getting something you should be getting from your partner from other people, it's that you are getting something completely different from what they give you. wink.gif




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