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We Will Never Know

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Squark
  • Squark

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#1

Posted 31 March 2012 - 10:11 PM

Here is a poem I wrote. I did it in about 15 minutes so it might not be very good...


What happens when life shuts down,
when you lose connection to reality,
do you get sent to Heaven?
Or do you get locked away in Hell?
Is life even real? Is this a dream?
A dream in a dream?

What happens when time ends,
when everything gets taken,
when the universe falls into nothing inside
of nothingness, when all the glistening
stars get wiped away in the
click of a finger

When we go, what happens?
What happens to our sad memories?
What happens to our happy memories?
What happens to the memories of our families?
Or the memories of that certain smell
that reminded you of your grandparents,
or the picture of your mother that always
made you happy

There are so many secrets,
secrets of evil beings,
secrets of good people,
secrets of the stars
I wonder how much
mysteries there are in this place,
this evil place,
probably an infinite number;
to big to comprehend

The Universe is a massive place,
it is forever expanding and
forever getting more mysterious,
there are so many things we do not
know of, like how many stars are there?
Is there life after death?
Are aliens real? Is God watching over us?
Is the Universe ever going to end?
Is our planet going to survive another billion years?
We will never know.

Ziggy455
  • Ziggy455

    The vulgar, Irish, writer!

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#2

Posted 01 April 2012 - 01:03 AM

QUOTE (Squark @ Saturday, Mar 31 2012, 22:11)
Here is a poem I wrote. I did it in about 15 minutes so it might not be very good...


What happens when life shuts down,
when you lose connection to reality,
do you get sent to Heaven?
Or do you get locked away in Hell?
Is life even real? Is this a dream?
A dream in a dream?

What happens when time ends,
when everything gets taken,
when the universe falls into nothing inside
of nothingness, when all the glistening
stars get wiped away in the
click of a finger

When we go, what happens?
What happens to our sad memories?
What happens to our happy memories?
What happens to the memories of our families?
Or the memories of that certain smell
that reminded you of your grandparents,
or the picture of your mother that always
made you happy

There are so many secrets,
secrets of evil beings,
secrets of good people,
secrets of the stars
I wonder how much
mysteries there are in this place,
this evil place,
probably an infinite number;
to big to comprehend

The Universe is a massive place,
it is forever expanding and
forever getting more mysterious,
there are so many things we do not
know of, like how many stars are there?
Is there life after death?
Are aliens real? Is God watching over us?
Is the Universe ever going to end?
Is our planet going to survive another billion years?
We will never know.

QUOTE
Oh god you're thirteen and you came up with this drivel? Give it up kid, I haven't read something this horrific since the Bible.


Happy April Fools. lol.gif

All in all -and this is a rarity- you have actually formatted this well. It's nicely written, no clunkiness of words. It's a curious little piece I'll give you that, and these are universal topics we all think of time to time. You have good grammar and your stanzas were quite well. I won't knock you on the theme because it's a nifty little piece here. The rhyming is off but I think you did this on purpose.

Not a bad little poem for fifteen minutes, not bad at all, poet. icon14.gif

Lochie
  • Lochie

    darkness washed over the dude

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#3

Posted 01 April 2012 - 06:26 AM

Good effort, I don't really dabble in poetry but this was formatted well. You've chosen an interesting subject matter and ask questions that I'm sure everyone has thought about from time to time. Some advice would be to add some more imagery into it. What is Hell and what does it look like, feel like, smell like etc, try describing things so the reader make a picture of your thoughts in their mind. Looking forward to more your work.

Mokrie Dela
  • Mokrie Dela

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    Story/Poem of the Year 2011 "Justice in Flames"
    Story/Poem of the Year 2010 "City of Lies"

#4

Posted 02 April 2012 - 10:36 AM

I fully support and encourage poetry. Especially with young teenagers - its often "not cool"


But fair play for going for it and it's not bad - some refinement needed but I can't offer anything that Ziggy hasnt already said.
Keep going and, if i give you any advice, it'd be to be patient with your works. it's not bad for fifteen minutes but future works might take days to get to the level of quality we all strive for.

keep writing them smile.gif




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