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Pit of Snow, Death Without Sorrow (poem)

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TinTinn
  • TinTinn

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#1

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:37 AM Edited by TinTinn, 27 March 2012 - 09:04 PM.


Stakes are high
I lay low
Shadows filled with complete sorrow

In my mind
The truth stays bare
For those who succeed
Don't really care
Don't really know
Don't understand, from the pit of the snow

So I lay my hands
Far away from the hindges
In an invisible cell
Making shelter for them whingers

When the steaks are high
and we all decend low
I lay dead with a bullet in my head, street corner painted red
No sympathy, respect, no tomorrow
Pit of Snow, Death Without Sorrow

Ziggy455
  • Ziggy455

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#2

Posted 27 March 2012 - 06:20 PM Edited by Ziggy455, 27 March 2012 - 09:12 PM.

QUOTE (TinTinn @ Tuesday, Mar 27 2012, 09:37)
This poem is about people who don't put any effort into something but get great results and peopl who don't try, and whinge and pull you down. And if you put no effort in, you'll end in the pit of snow but if you are pulled down by the whingers, you'll end up dying as a whinger. The poem says 'be an individual.



The whole idea of putting the poem in the post is to let the reader interpret your message. You shouldn't have to explain the poem, it should do that itself.

QUOTE
Stakes are high - Not Steaks.
I lay low
Shadows filled with complete sorrow

In my mind
The truth stays bare
For those who succeed
Don't really care
Don't really know
Don't understand, from the pit of the snow

So I lay my hands
Far away from the hindges
In an invisible cell
Making shelter for them whingers

When the stakes are high
and we all decend low
I lay dead with a bullet in my head, street corner painted red
No sympathy, respect, no tomorrow
Pit of Snow, death without sorrow


It is not a bad piece, some words that were in made it seem clunky but I can understand what you wanted readers to see.

TinTinn
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#3

Posted 27 March 2012 - 09:04 PM

Thanks Ziggy445.




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