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2012 (Story)

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Dr. John
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#1

Posted 16 March 2012 - 05:48 AM

2012


Introduction

Hello, guys. Well, um, you know I like 2012 sh*t but this time, I am just going to express my views in a story so don't lock this. The story is based on San Andreas (California) for making the story non-confusing. Hereís a brief look of the story.

Story

John, living in San Fierro is now having harsh trouble in finding what money is. He has some few guys he knows but they canít be trusted. Now he needs money, friends who can be trusted and a life. To get them, he starts working for some un-official agents. They led him to ĎThe Big Earí for some investigation. John was junior so he was forced to investigate a cave near a river. After entering the cave, a tremor came and rocks fell which closed the entrance. John thought it was over for him. After few minutes, a sound came and a light appeared at the end of the cave. John ran to that light thinking that he can escape. Everything went black and nothing but John was teleported. When he got consciousness, he found himself in Ganton, Los Santos. The weather was creepy and polluted. He has no idea how he reached there, no idea what happened and no idea what to do. What happened? To know, please read the whole story.

Notes:
1) Strong language just like for GTA games.
2) You will understand this pretty easily as I used many things from GTA San Andreas.
4) I will be updating this topic daily with each chapter.
5) I might double-post if no one posts after a chapter.
6) Itís truly fictional.
7) Thanks for reading guys!

Please wait for the first chapter.

Ziggy455
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#2

Posted 16 March 2012 - 09:55 PM

QUOTE (Dr. John13 @ Friday, Mar 16 2012, 05:48)
2012


Introduction

Hello, guys. Well, um, you know I like 2012 sh*t but this time, I am just going to express my views in a story so don't lock this. The story is based on San Andreas (California) for making the story non-confusing. Hereís a brief look of the story.

Story

John, living in San Fierro is now having harsh trouble in finding what money is. He has some few guys he knows but they canít be trusted. Now he needs money, friends who can be trusted and a life. To get them, he starts working for some un-official agents. They led him to ĎThe Big Earí for some investigation. John was junior so he was forced to investigate a cave near a river. After entering the cave, a tremor came and rocks fell which closed the entrance. John thought it was over for him. After few minutes, a sound came and a light appeared at the end of the cave. John ran to that light thinking that he can escape. Everything went black and nothing but John was teleported. When he got consciousness, he found himself in Ganton, Los Santos. The weather was creepy and polluted. He has no idea how he reached there, no idea what happened and no idea what to do. What happened? To know, please read the whole story.

Notes:
1) Strong language just like for GTA games.
2) You will understand this pretty easily as I used many things from GTA San Andreas.
4) I will be updating this topic daily with each chapter.
5) I might double-post if no one posts after a chapter.
6) Itís truly fictional.
7) Thanks for reading guys!

Please wait for the first chapter.

Ahem.


Unless you're posting the first chapter, please don't start a topic telling us you're going to write a story. 90% of the time people that do this, do not return and so this category gets filled up with topics spouting 'I'll write it next we-mon-year. smile.gif '

So unless we see a chapter up, I'm afraid somebody will just lock this topic.

monocle.gif

Dr. John
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#3

Posted 17 March 2012 - 04:54 AM

Chapter 1


Preparing for a Heist

(In a room, two people were laughing)
???: Yeah!
???: What the... Hey that's cheating!
???: C'mon John, you are a loser!
John: Let me tell you what is chess, you can't f*cking move the king anywhere. It's impossible to do check-mate in first turn!
???: My king has an helicopter. Hahaha!
John: f*cking Max.
Max: What did you said?
(Bell rings)
John: Whose is there?
(John goes and opens the door)
???: Hey, bitch, what's up?
John: f*cking Tom? Where did you go?!
Tom: Hey dick. I am not sitting like you and eating that damn food.
John: Unh, OK, Come in.
(Inside the house)
Max: Hey, Tom, did you get the info?
Tom: Yeah, I did. I have got some cool places in San Fierro where we can finally meet our fate.
Max: Shut the f*ck up! Is it in Juniper Hills?
Tom: Yeah, near the Gant bridge. I heard they have some jewels which they bought from Egypt.
Max: Cool, with this, we will be a infamous group known as Power of 4! By the way, where is our 4th member?
(Phone rings)
Max: Whose it is?
John: It's Tom phone.
Max: Hey, fat f*ck!
Tom: Taking it out motherf*cker!
(Removes a Banana from the pocket)
Tom: Hello? (Checks it) THe phone is not working guys.
Max: Idiot, it's a banana!
Tom: What? Then what did I eat today?!
(Max looking at Tom's stomach) I can hear sounds from your stomach.
(Facepalm)
John: You sh*thead! You ate you own phone?!
Max: You fat f*ck! Now make that motherf*cking toilet sparkle!
Tom: f*ck you!
(Tom goes to the toilet. Just then Max phone rings)
Max: Hello?
???: Hey Max,it's me Ron! I have got the info about the van!
Max: For f*ck's sake, oh it's you!
Ron: The van which we need for our heist is at Tram terminal place.
Max: Good, come back now. Tom will also come after making that motherf*cking toilet sparkle.
Ron: Not again!
(Hangs up)
Max: OK, now listen to me John. If you steal that van and bring it here, I will take back my king and I will let you win.
John: What?! Stealing is a sin!
Max: This whole is full of sh*t!
John: If cops catch me, you will bail me out!
Max: That's why I am telling you if bring that here in one piece, I will bring back my king and you take your move.
John: What type of sh*t is this?
(John goes out of the house)
Max: (in a lover voice) Yes, these fools are helping to make me rich. Who said I will give them a cut? Hehehe.
(Outside the house)
John: Those dicks are surely gonna backstab me. Alright, let me see what I can do.
(John goes to Chinatown.)
The End. In the next part, you will know what happened in the heist.

Thanks for reading folks!

Ziggy455
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#4

Posted 17 March 2012 - 02:27 PM

QUOTE
(In a room, two people were laughing)

???
Yeah!


???
What the... Hey that's cheating!


???
C'mon John, you are a loser!



I've read this whole thing and prepare for some feedback. One, your format is weak. Take a look at what I've done with the fist three lines. They are centred. Also, notice how I've placed the top line in Bold?

If you're going to write a script, you have to give some kind of insight into the scene. A screenplay is 50% imagination. What room are they in? Is it a back room? What does John look like? You're giving us this dialogue fuelled story but we don't even know if these are two men or two f*cking shemales. You've got to give the reader some kind of insight.

Also a few other things.

After each comma you use, a space should be taken before you write the next word.

QUOTE
Hey Max , it's me Ron! I have got the info about the van!


You've not ran this through a word processor. I doubt you even planned this. There's a few grammar and punctuations errors that can easily be fixed with hindsight and a word processor. Also check some of your spellings.

smile.gif


Dr. John
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#5

Posted 17 March 2012 - 02:53 PM

Indeed, thank you. Well, I use comma after a quick pause so it looks like the men are really chatting. smile.gif I will adopt your points. Also, it was not required to post (at first) reminding about that. As I said, I will update this topic daily. This time, I didn't use MS word to write. Exepect more tomorrow.

Ziggy455
  • Ziggy455

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#6

Posted 17 March 2012 - 03:00 PM

QUOTE (Dr. John13 @ Saturday, Mar 17 2012, 14:53)
Indeed, thank you. Well, I use comma after a quick pause so it looks like the men are really chatting. smile.gif I will adopt your points. Also, it was not required to post (at first) reminding about that. As I said, I will update this topic daily. This time, I didn't use MS word to write. Exepect more tomorrow.

You don't really need to use Word. Just slow down, take a breath. Read your work slowly and you'll find out the errors yourself. In time you'll find it easier to locate those mistakes and eventually learn to not make them in the first place. icon14.gif




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