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Medicate Me

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EDMEISTERX
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#1

Posted 10 March 2012 - 01:36 PM Edited by EDMEISTERX, 10 March 2012 - 02:02 PM.

Intro


We all want to see a comedy sitcom about doctors and nurses.We don't know why,but as always,let's blame it on the goverment.So here's a comedy show about 10 hospital employees: James,Glen,Sarah,Meg,Greg,Dr.Boldman,Zuckerberg (yea a jew,you probably saw that coming),Nathan and Lisa.


Episode 1

Doctors in training.


James and Glen were sitting on a old,yet comfy couch in the trainee lounge.

James:Well I'm getting used to this place,and I like the couch.

Glen:Yeah,me too.Although if we screw up we will have to stay here for the whole nigth,on a nigth shift.

James:Harsh...

Suddenly Nathan walks in,moaning and holding his chin.

Nathan:God,that doctor is a jerk...

James:Which doctor?

Nathan:The doctor that fixed my teeth...

Glen:Why is he a jerk?

Nathan:Only one tooth of mine was hurting,but he ripped out 2...

James:Why did he do that?

Nathan:He didn't have change for 20 bucks.

Glen:Well I know I'm quitting candy now...

Suddenly Meg runs into the room.

Meg:Hey everyone!We gotta go and pass a little test NOW!

Everyone follows Meg to a room which has some bags in it,and of course,Dr.Boldman and Zuckerberg are waiting for the young doctors there.

Dr.Boldman:Alrigth you kids!Time to see how much you studied for this!

Everyone:Studied?!What is this school?!

Dr.Boldman:Not really,but some research could help you pass this.

Everyone takes a seat and Zuckerberg passes a bag full of organs to Greg.

Dr.Boldman:Now pick an organ and don't look at it,then examine it with you'r hand.What organ is it?

Greg:A kidney...

Dr.Boldman:Pull it out!

Greg pulls out the organ,and it really is a kidney.Dr.Boldman puts in tested in his journal.Greg passes the bag further to Sarah

Sarah:A heart

She pulls it out,and it was a heart.Sarah gives the bag to Glen.

Glen:A...sausage

Dr.Boldman:Don't fool around !

Glen:I'm serious...

Dr.Boldman:OK pull it out then!

Glen pulls out the thing,and it really is a sausage.

Dr.Boldman:What?!A sausage?!Then what did I eat at lunch?

Dr.Boldman gives everyone ''tested'' and he quickly runs to the toilet to puke his guts out.

Glen:That was odd...

Zuckerberg:Thank God I stick to my good old oatmeal and whiskey.

Nathan whispers to James

Nathan:If Zuckerberg keeps getting piss drunk on duty,the head of the hospital,Lisa,will declare a ''dry law''.

James:You mean no more alchohol?

Nathan:Yes...

James:The ''dry law'' is death to Zuckerberg.

Nathan:True dat...

And everyone heads back to the small lounge.

Glen:That test was nerve wracking.

James:No it wasn't.

Glen:Do you know what happens if you fail one of these tests?!

James:Nigth duty?

Glen:No!A week of torture in the old people section of the hospital!

Nathan:What you gotta play chess with them and constantly listen to the phrase ''Back in my day..."

Glen:No you shuffle their s**t.Yeah,you gotta hold a small bowl under their asses and let them make some ''brown rain''.

Nathan:And a stomach virus is raging in LC rigth now...

James:A week of catching ''brown rain'' in a bowl...That would suck really hard...

And suddenly the smart geek Greg comes in.

Greg:I have saw the horror,but not expierinced it...

James:And you didn't want to pour bleach on you'r eyes?!

Greg:Strangeley enough,yes.

Glen:Yea I'm gonna get a bottle of beer and some horse tranquilizator,and take a nap,from the horror.

James:Yeah,my shift is over anyways.

Greg:I belive we all can call it an day.

TinTinn
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#2

Posted 17 March 2012 - 12:53 AM

Reminds me of 'Scrubs'.

EDMEISTERX
  • EDMEISTERX

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#3

Posted 17 March 2012 - 12:57 AM

QUOTE (TinTinn @ Saturday, Mar 17 2012, 00:53)
Reminds me of 'Scrubs'.

Well actually it's based off a Russian version of scrubs that they show in Latvia.The russian show is called ''Interns''.I will make some more episodes soon.

Ziggy455
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#4

Posted 22 March 2012 - 03:33 PM

I'm sorry but I don't mean to be rude, but this just seems, dull? Unplanned and rushed? I know this wasn't put through a processor and it definitely wasn't proofread by yourself or anyone else.

You've posted this almost two weeks ago and not returned. Do you think you'll continue it?

Craig
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#5

Posted 22 March 2012 - 03:45 PM

Aside from there not being much going on, the way it's formatted makes it almost impossible to follow. I understand first episodes of anything are designed to set things up and there may not be a great deal to go into without some character development, but you still need something to draw an audience in.

As for formatting, that's an easy thing to fix. One way is to change the colours of names and post direction in different styles. Here's an example:

QUOTE
Nathan: The doctor that fixed my teeth...
Glen: Why is he a jerk?
Nathan: Only one tooth of mine was hurting, but he ripped out 2...
James: Why did he do that?
Nathan: He didn't have change for 20 bucks.
Glen: Well I know I'm quitting candy now...

Suddenly Meg runs into the room.


Meg: Hey everyone! We gotta go and pass a little test NOW!

Everyone follows Meg to a room which has some bags in it, and of course, Dr. Boldman and Zuckerberg are waiting for the young doctors there.


It isn't perfect, and it's still set out a little wrong, but with a little effort in formatting you can make something that flows well and is easy to follow.


TenEightyOne
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#6

Posted 29 March 2012 - 02:47 AM

I hate to be negative about anyone's creative efforts... so this is only MY opinion, okay? Audiences are a strange beast smile.gif

It didn't work for me, it seemed very rag-mag - it tried to hard to be nudge-nudge-wink-wink-funny and fell far short. It struck me as one of those comedies that would be filmed "in front of a live studio audience" and then specify canned-laughs in the small print.

You've clearly got the right idea and personally I couldn't better your efforts! That said, I feel that this is a piece that you should consider as an example of your learning rather than as an example of your actual talent (which clearly has great potential).

I hate giving negative reviews... sorry sad.gif

Ziggy455
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#7

Posted 29 March 2012 - 04:53 PM

QUOTE (TenEightyOne @ Thursday, Mar 29 2012, 02:47)
I hate to be negative about anyone's creative efforts... so this is only MY opinion, okay? Audiences are a strange beast smile.gif

It didn't work for me, it seemed very rag-mag - it tried to hard to be nudge-nudge-wink-wink-funny and fell far short. It struck me as one of those comedies that would be filmed "in front of a live studio audience" and then specify canned-laughs in the small print.

You've clearly got the right idea and personally I couldn't better your efforts! That said, I feel that this is a piece that you should consider as an example of your learning rather than as an example of your actual talent (which clearly has great potential).

I hate giving negative reviews... sorry sad.gif

QUOTE
I hate giving negative reviews... sorry


How do you expect them to learn? I too have had to go through the motions of having my hard work dissected and given back in a mushy pulp. You are not being negative, you are being constructive. monocle.gif




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