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Claude Speed's mind in GTA III

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Dr-Mayhem111
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#1

Posted 19 February 2012 - 12:42 PM Edited by Dr-Mayhem111, 10 March 2012 - 03:55 AM.

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Mission 1: Give me liberty.


8-Ball: I know a place on the edge of the Red Light District where we can lay low, but my hands are all messed up so you better drive, brother.

[8-Ball enters the blue Kuruma]

Claude's mind: First of all, how the f*ck the explosion happened? Second of all, how come this is the only car survived the explosion? Third of all, How did your hands get messed up, what happened you jerk off too much or what?

[Claude gets in the car and starts driving to the safehouse.]

Claude's mind: Look at you back there all relaxed, bet you're glad you don't have to go to prison huh? God this is just great, I was looking forward to go to prison because knowing that I was free I probably would've fight the urge to go on a rampage! But maybe I'll try to live a different life, with a meaningless job, a sh*tty apartment and no money, maybe I'll continue this life because I'll just kill myself if I live a normal life. I wasn't always like this, I used to be a real nice guy from San Andreas, but I did have a temper as a teenager like this one time I went to a Clucken Bell to get some chicken of course and this Fat Bastard look a like from Austin Powers cuts in front of me and I said "hey you just cut in front of me" so then he says "f*ck off" so I get mad right away and pull out my 44. Magnum and then... oh we're here.

[Claude and 8-Ball arrive at the warehouse]

8-Ball: This is the place right here, let's get off the street and find a change of clothes.

[Claude and 8-Ball get out of the car and go in the warehouse]

Claude's mind: Yeah this is nice, I'm liking this look, well I look good you look look a dumbass with mummy hands.

[Claude and 8-Ball return to the car]

8-Ball: I know a guy, he's connected, his name's Luigi. Me an' him go back so I could probably get you some work. C'mon let's head over there.

Claude's mind: I hope this isn't Luigi Goterelli I met met a few years ago. We had this little misunderstanding in '98 involving a car he wanted me to steal but it belonged to some guy named Toni and he started yelling at me so I pull out my .44 Magnum and then I... damn it we're here.

[Claude and 8-Ball arrive at Luigi's club]

8-Ball: This is Luigi's club. Let's go round the back and use the service door.

[Claude and 8-ball walk to the back of the club to meet Luigi]

Luigi's girls.


Claude's mind: This alleyway is a sh*thole, jesus what the hell am I about to get into.

8-Ball: Wait here man, while I go in there and talk to Luigi.

Claude's mind: I swear to god if this is.........

[8-Ball goes in and Claude stays, Mickey gets out and so does Luigi]

Claude's mind: F*CK!

Luigi: 8-Ball got some business upstairs. Maybe you can do me a favor. One of my girls needs a ride so grab a car and pick up Misty from the Clinic. Then bring here back here. Remember no one messes with my girls! So keep your hands on the wheel! If you don't mess this up, maybe there be more work for you. Now get outta here!

[Claude walks away and gets a vehicle to pick up Misty]

Claude's mind: Who the hell does he think he is, yelling at me and telling what to do. I could have killed him now but he gave me a job and he's paying. He wants me to pick up a girl who probably has AIDS and herpes and other diseases. A woman who I think is a prostitute, was in a clinic. Hmm I wonder why and I am being sarcastic.

[Claude arrives at the clinic and picks up Misty]

Misty: Hi I'm Misty.

Claude's mind: Of course you're Misty and not some unwanted prostitute from the clinic. Can you or someone remind me why I'm doing this and not shooting somebody with my .44 Magnum, which I don't have at the moment, god I can't wait to get my hands on that backstabbing bitch Catalina. Hey Misty you better hope Linguini pays me for this because you smell like you just blew a hobo in a sewer for a nickle.

[Claude arrives at Luigi's and drops off Misty]

Claude's mind: Okay we're here, now when do I get paid.


Reward
$1500


Claude's mind: Alright, I could get used to this. What the f*ck this bitch took the pack of cigarettes that was in the car.

Ziggy455
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#2

Posted 19 February 2012 - 03:27 PM

No. Just No.

The idea of Claude is that he seems cool calm and collective throughout most situations, and you're just giving him a real douchebag attitude. Your English is a little off too. All in all the layout was good, and the punctuation was alright. smile.gif

Dr-Mayhem111
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#3

Posted 19 February 2012 - 04:07 PM

QUOTE (Ziggy455 @ Sunday, Feb 19 2012, 11:27)
No. Just No.

The idea of Claude is that he seems cool calm and collective throughout most situations, and you're just giving him a real douchebag attitude. Your English is a little off too. All in all the layout was good, and the punctuation was alright. smile.gif

Actually that's me in Claude's mind because I still have GTA III for the PS2 which I have just finished recently pretending to be Claude's mind throughout the entire game.

Ziggy455
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#4

Posted 19 February 2012 - 04:30 PM

QUOTE (Dr-Mayhem111 @ Sunday, Feb 19 2012, 16:07)
QUOTE (Ziggy455 @ Sunday, Feb 19 2012, 11:27)
No. Just No.

The idea of Claude is that he seems cool calm and collective throughout most situations, and you're just giving him a real douchebag attitude. Your English is a little off too. All in all the layout was good, and the punctuation was alright.  smile.gif

Actually that's me in Claude's mind because I still have GTA III for the PS2 which I have just finished recently pretending to be Claude's mind throughout the entire game.

I know he's the silent type and your taking on the persona of his mind but even in his head. He wouldn't think like this. Otherwise it would be evident in his actions.

Los Santos Pedestrian
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#5

Posted 19 February 2012 - 04:36 PM

There's also a Machinima on YouTube that is eerily similar to this, except it actually tries to be funny.


Dr-Mayhem111
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#6

Posted 19 February 2012 - 05:30 PM

QUOTE (Los Santos Pedestrian @ Sunday, Feb 19 2012, 12:36)
There's also a Machinima on YouTube that is eerily similar to this, except it actually tries to be funny.


That video inspired me to do this, but that video only shows one mission and I'm planning on doing the whole game.

El Zilcho
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#7

Posted 19 February 2012 - 05:42 PM

He's coming off as a flippant, arrogant douche. You've got an opportunity to make Claude's mind interesting, surprising, funny or whatever you like. Don't squander it with a sh*tty, unlikeable attitude and action B-movie dialogue. The dialogue is essentially terrible (tough love here), he's stating the obvious, or directly informing the reader in a manner that is almost concise narration. Who thinks like that in real life? Give it a bit of life, break it up.

When writing convincing dialogue, sometimes it's "less is more" and that makes it realistic and interesting to read. This also applies to the mind; make it a bit more frantic, but grounded in real thought. Have his mind wander, but keep his thinking appropriate. Simply filling his head with words doesn't make this any good, especially when he talks in a confrontational manner all the time. I want him dead in the first few seconds.

You can do something great with this. Think it through.

orbitalraindrops
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#8

Posted 19 February 2012 - 07:12 PM

Well I actually quite enjoyed it, made me chuckle a bit. I kind of like that he's a douche I mean to kill as codly and effectively as he did in GTA 3 he must have some sort of personality disorder and being a bit arrogant at least in his mind suits him.

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#9

Posted 20 February 2012 - 02:17 AM

Hi friend, I don't imagine Claude like that, I always thought, like some people has said, he was more focused and intelligent. But it's always interesting to read things about Claude!

Dr-Mayhem111
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#10

Posted 23 February 2012 - 10:26 PM Edited by Dr-Mayhem111, 10 March 2012 - 03:56 AM.

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Mission 2: Don't spank my bitch up.


[Claude knocks on Luigi's service door and Mickey comes out and hands Claude a letter from Luigi.]

Mickey: Luigi said to, to give you this so... here, here take it.

Claude's mind: Well hopefully it's not a love letter, that would be really uncomfortable. Oh it's from Luigi.

[Claude begins reading the letter.]

"There's a new high on the street goes by the name of SPANK. Some wiseguy's been introducing this trash to my girls down Portland Harbor. Go and introduce a bat to his face! Then take his car, respray it. I want compensation for this insult!"


Claude's mind: Man, that Luigi has some bad hand writing, he was probably in a rush. Okay so I have to pick up a bat and introduce it to some SPANK dealer's face, hopefully this goes well, I can't really fight a group of people with guns and I only have a bat. If I get him by surprise I could easily take him down and take his car, or just walk to him and say something cocky yet cool like "say hello to my little friend" or "here's johnny". It's just so typical that a dealer would be doing his drug distributions in a place like Portland Harbor, that is so predictable. Okay here he is, let's do this.

[Claude exits his vehicle and walks toward the SPANK dealer.]

Claude's mind: Say hello to my little friend, Johnny.

[Claude begins hitting the dealer with the bat and takes his car.]

Claude's mind: That was too easy, okay now I have to respray this car and take it to Luigi's garage, no problem. I have always been ruthless with a bat, I don't know why I just am. When I was a little kid playing baseball I always use to bash the neighborhood bully, his name was Tracy, HAH what a loser. Poor old Tracy, I killed him a few years ago, he was doing good for himself, he was a supervisor for Zaibatsu. Men like that always got on my nerves, like this one time I was cashing a check at this bank for $200 and this prick called me poor, so I pull out my .44 Magnum then...

[Claude enters the Pay n Spray, and continues talking.]

Claude's mind: [Claude mumbles on and on]

[Claude exits the Pay n Spray]

Claude's mind: ..and there was money everywhere and some dollars had bloodstains. Those were good times, now on to the garage. I assume the money will be at the garage and not back at Luigi's, I just want to get paid that's it. Which reminds me I have to get some weapons if I'm going to continue working for Luigi, maybe he'll give me a job that involves killing someone because I am ready to start a rampage.

[Claude arrives at the garage.]

Reward
$1500


Claude's mind: Well job well done and money well paid....... wait where's the bat.....oh f*ck I left it at the Pay n Spray.

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#11

Posted 26 February 2012 - 05:26 AM

Ah, great idea. I really love how you make Claude's mind about every mission. icon14.gif
Love reading it.

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#12

Posted 06 March 2012 - 04:06 AM Edited by Dr-Mayhem111, 10 March 2012 - 03:57 AM.

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Mission 3: Drive Misty for me


Luigi: Hey I've gotta talk to you.. All right Mick I'll talk to you later.

[Mick leaves]

Luigi: How you doing Kid. The Don's son, Joey Leone, he wants some action from his regular girl Misty. Go pick her up at Hepburn Heights... but watch yourself that's Diablo turf. Then run her over to his garage in Trenton and make it quick. Joey ain't the kind you keep waiting, remember, this is your foot on the door... So keep your eyes on the road and off Misty!

[Claude begins his mission]

Claude's mind: Oh great another job given to me like I'm a f*cking chauffeur, but I'll do it anyways 'cause I need the money. Okay so I have to pick up Misty once again and take her to the son of a mafia boss. What family does Luigi work for again..... oh yeah the Leone's. Their doing pretty well for themselves, at least now I know I'm working for a respectful crime organization I mean Catalina wasn't really respected because she shot anybody who got in her way... even me, but all that's over and I'm gonna try to forget about it. I wonder why Italians say "forget about it" all the time in a way only they can understand, the answer remains unknown to me.

[Claude arrives at Misty's and honks the horn.]

Claude's mind: Is she really walking that slow? This is gonna be a long drive. She better not start talking to me or I swear....

Misty: You working regular for Luigi huh?

Claude's mind: I spoke to soon.

Misty: It's about time he got a driver he can trust.

Claude's mind: Hey hey... I am not a driver, I am a professional killer I can kill anybody in a very professional way. That right there was really stereotypical of her calling me a driver because I've done a few jobs for Luigi involving me driving from one place to another to either to pick up someone or drop off someone. So, FYI or for your information in case you didn't know because you look like you made it through high school because you blew the principle, ADMIT IT! Haha I'm just joking but yeah back to what I was saying, I am not a driver, I am a professional killer. What you don't believe me, so this one time I was hired to kill some Cuban in Vice City by Tommy Vercetti, he told me to be creative and professional and I did just that. I found the Cuban in some club called the Malibu, so I took a minute of deep breaths, had him in my sights, as I was reaching for my weapon I was thinking "hey he told me to be creative" so I'm pulling out my .44 Magnum and...

[Claude arrives at Joey's garage.]

Misty: Joey... Am I goin' to play your big end again?

Joey: I'll be with you in a minute spark plug.

[Claude walks up to Joey]

Joey: Hey I'm Joey.

Claude's mind: Oh good because I was afraid I had gotten the wrong garage.

Joey: Luigi said you were reliable so come back later, there might be some work for you. Alright.

Claude's mind: Well no guns yet but I have a good feeling about Joey. I'm sensing a contract coming up... I can't wait.

Mission passed
$1000


Claude's mind: Alright time for me to have a nice little smoke...... Did she just took my cigarettes from my pockets....... THAT BITCH!

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#13

Posted 08 March 2012 - 10:59 AM

Keep it up!

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#14

Posted 10 March 2012 - 11:25 PM

Okay, not to be a raging dick hole, but this doesn't seem like Claude at all. Claude was generally portrayed as cool and collective, not some jackass who thought about killing everyone of his employers at every moment. He seems like the Protagonist circa Saints Row 2 rather than a GTA character. I mean, even CJ wasn't as whiny as this guy. And god, that .44 Magnum thing is getting really old. It's kind of comedic how ridiculous this whole 'story' is, really.

Again, I don't mean to crum on all of this. Just take it with a grain of salt. It's just my personal take on it. smile.gif

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#15

Posted 11 March 2012 - 08:44 AM

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Mission 4: Pump- Action Pimp


Luigi: Some Diablo scumbag has been pimping his scuzzy bitches in my backyard. Go and take care of things for me. If you need a piece go around the back of AmmuNation opposite the subway.

Claude's mind: Okay finally some real action. I gotta think about how I'm gonna do this, I mean if the Diablo's have enough balls to be doing their pimping right under the Leone's noses then this might be difficult. If I remember correctly, they usually drive Stallions with flames on them and hang out around the Red Light District, but that doesn't exactly mean that they'll be doing just that. In order for me to complete this job, I need a gun of course and Luigi left me a pistol but I'll make it work.

[Claude spots the black Stallion with flames driving past him, Claude quickly goes after them.]

Claude's mind: I know these mafia families are all about sending messages so I'll make this public. I just have to pull up besides them to shoot at their engine, but their car is way faster than mine. I know, I'll just cut them off over at the bridge because they're going past there anyway so I'll have to be quick.

[Claude reaches the bridge and the Stallion is arriving and Claude begins shooting causing the two Diablo gang members to exit the vehicle to shoot at Claude. Claude kills them immediately.]

Claude's mind: Wow that was crazy, he almost killed me. I think I'll just reward myself by taking their car.

Mission passed!
$4000


Claude's mind: Maybe this time I can buy some cigarettes and smoke in peace. It's been pretty stressful lately but fun at the same time.

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#16

Posted 11 March 2012 - 01:59 PM

Make it a little bit funny, Like Freeman's Mind.

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#17

Posted 13 March 2012 - 08:45 AM

Not really a fan; the first few missions appear to be pretty gimmicky and now it appears that after Danni's advice you've just written it in the point of someone playing the mission. Maybe if you presented this in narrative format where you describe Claude's actions, the characters around him and the environments that he is involved in this could prove to be an interesting read.

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#18

Posted 13 March 2012 - 08:52 AM

There's a lot of Claude stuff floating around recently.

Okay, so I'm back in here after what seems like ages. I'm going to try and give more feedback to other pieces later today. I'm sorry but I really don't enjoy this. Far be it from me to echo opinion, but this doesn't seem like Claude at all. I know this is meant to be you in Claude's shoes somewhat, but then you could have just substituted yourself in Claude's place and taken the story somewhere else. Imagine 8-Ball's surprise when his obedient little chauffeur snaps back and says "no, hang on, we're going to do it this way instead". The way you're telling it, it's like he's aware his mind is being read. When he's driving the car into the Pay N' Spray and talking about Tracy, it's like I've just asked him how good he is with a bat and he's gone off on a spiel about his neighbourhood bully. It'd be uncomfortable to listen to in person, let alone read in someone's thoughts.

Just my opinion though, don't take it to heart. You're putting effort in and you actually got a little better the second time round. Don't be scared of changing it though. Do you think 8-Ball should have died on that ship? Luigi keeps on giving you missions? Maria as a suicide bomber? Do it.

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#19

Posted 22 March 2012 - 12:50 AM

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Mission 5: The Fuzz ball


[Claude knocks on Luigi's service door, Mick comes out then Luigi comes out.]

Luigi: The Policeman's ball is being held at the old school hall near Callahan Bridge and they'll be looking for some "old school" action. Now I got girls all over town walking the streets. Get'em to the ball, they'll make a bundle. Get as many of them as you can before the cops drink away their green.

[Claude leaves and starts the job.]

Claude's mind: It just amazes me that cops in this city are always busting hookers but when it's time for a pig fest also known as the policemens ball they pay them loads of money to have a good time, I guess the laws of hypocrisy is the only thing people obey here.

[Claude is looking for a car that could fit four people.]

Claude's mind: I need a sedan, a quick one.

[Claude sees a taxi]

Claude's mind: Alright a taxi, it's perfect.

[Claude runs to the taxi and highjacks it]

Taxi Driver: Hey what are you doing?

Claude's mind: Sorry Habib I'm taking this taxi.

[Claude speeds away and the taxi driver runs after.]

Claude's mind: Haha what a loser, that was too easy.

[Claude stops to pick up the first girl.]

Claude's mind: Milady, your chariot awaits.

[Claude then sees the taxi driver running and screaming at him.]

Claude's mind: Oh sh*t are you kidding me!

Taxi driver: GIVE ME BACK MY TAXI YOU MOTHER- BITCH!

Claude's mind: Oh the hell with this sh*t.

[Claude goes reverse hitting the driver, killing him instantly.]

Claude's mind: Jesus, that guy was not gonna stop. Aww damn his face made a dent on the rear bumper. Whatever let's just get this over with.

[Claude quickly picks up two more hookers and drives them to the ball.]

Claude's mind: Never in my life have I ever imagined having three hookers in my car and getting paid for driving them to a pig fest. I don't really like hookers because they demean women in so many levels, and I'm a women loving man haha..... that one girl in the back sure is pretty, I guess I'll be needing her services later on tonight. Haha no I'm just kidding but really she is a beautiful woman and she needs a strong man in her life to take care of her, like me.

[Lips 106 plays the song "Forever" and Claude reacts to the song quite differently than many other males who have heard this song.]

Lips 106 Radio Host: Remember, Lips 106 is the home of the short hot mix. Because we believe music should be short... and hot.]

Claude's mind: Oh my god...... I love this song.

[Claude sings the song...... in his mind of course.]

Claude's mind: (singing) Yesterday is gone forever, tomorrow will never be here so live for todaaaaaaayyyyy. The days they come and go so fast, we sometimes wonder how long they all going to laaaaaaaaasst.

[Claude arrives and drops off the girls. After driving away he puts the volume up and continues singing.]

Claude's mind: (singing) Wasting time and you would see, how you can lose the precious time, so did to mmeeeeeeeeee.

[Claude picks up three more hookers and drives them to the ball, little did he know the hookers loved that song as well.]

Hooker 1: Oh my god I love this song.

Hooker 2: Oh my god I know right, it's so beautiful.

Hooker 3: I love Lucy she is a talented singer with many feelings.

[All hookers start singing.]

All hookers: (singing) Yesterday is gone forever, tomorrow will never be here so live for todaaaaaaayyyyy. The days they come and go so fast, we sometimes wonder how long they all going to laaaaaaaaasst. Wasting time and you would see, how you can lose the precious time, so did to mmeeeeeeeeee.

[Claude starts singing in his mind along with the girls/]

Claude's mind: (singing) Everyday is a beautiful day, don't waste your time doing things you wouldn't die to doooooooooo.

All hookers and Claude's mind: Everyday is a beautiful day, don't waste your time doing things you wouldn't die to doooooooooo.

[Claude arrives at the ball and drops off the hookers.]

Mission passed!
$4000
$2000 bonus


Claude's mind: Well that had to be the best driving ever. I have to buy that CD. Wait a minute wheres my wallet! Oh here it is.... oh she gave me number well my luck is changing for the better.

Craig
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#20

Posted 22 March 2012 - 03:08 PM

There's something really hollow and empty about this. I don't mean to be rude because it's a pretty unique, fun concept, but there's not really any substance. I like how you're incorperating unique aspects of the gameplay (running over the taxi driver) but aside from that, there aren't any inciting incidents that makes this any different or better than playing through III's storyline at a leisurely pace. The more I read these, the more I think that this isn't Claude, but perhaps the goofy sidekick who puts off a mercy killing because a good song has come on the radio, or his gun jams and he laughs to himself. Maybe it's my defense of Claude as a character flaring up, but it just doesn't feel like him at all.




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