Jump to content

» «

A Mistake

2 replies to this topic
  • DaKillaa

    Square Civilian

  • Members
  • Joined: 12 Oct 2008


Posted 15 January 2012 - 03:30 PM

"Please, don't!"

His voice shivered, making the beggary sound more pathetic than it should. This is it, he thought to himself as he clenched onto the dark blue pant leg in front of him. For James, It had been an unnervingly strange night that was about to come to a sudden end.

Victoria had never said anything about him - James was certain about it. He never knew of his existence. Unfair, really, that this was going to be the reason for his death. And why tonight? The night where he was going to tell her the truth - that he was looking for more than just a tad bit of loving, that he truly felt something for her. Perhaps, this was all for the better. Declaring your love for someone in a seedy motel room would most likely turn out underwhelming. Still, James wasn't interested in dying. Not tonight.

The idea of Victoria having a husband was beyond James. In all the time he had known her, she had been a wild girl - a person very unlikely to settle down with someone and get serious. Which is why the idea of telling her his true feelings had seemed all the more terrifying. And now she was sobbing in the corner of the motel room, her eyes closed so that she was unable to see the brutal outcome of the situation. Victoria had deceived a man in love, James had joined in, and now the consequences were going to be lethal. It all seemed like a practical joke, but the gun barrel pointing directly at James' face made it all much more convincing.

He had burst through the door, screaming and cursing like a madman, his breath reeking of cheap liquor and hate. Now he was calm. He was focused, ready to perform a rare act of violence. James had fooled around with the wrong woman and now he was going to pay. On his knees, with a broken nose and a blood-smeared face. Gun to the head, bullet to the brain. Messy, James would think, but that did not concern the hateful man looking down at him. He truly wanted this done, James could see it in his eyes. The man took a deep breath. So did James.


Victoria had stopped her sobbing. She was standing up, her eyes still wet, with a desperate look on her face. The man looked at her, intensely and longingly, reminding James of himself. He was awaiting her next words - they did not come. James did not hesitate. He got up from the dirty motel floor and grabbed onto the gun that had threatened his life just moments before. With all his will, he ripped it from the man's tight grip, closed his eyes, and fired the weapon. He heard a scream, a gasp, and a loud thud, then opened his eyes. The man lay on the floor, his face shattered from the bullet that had met it. He was no more.

James could hear sirens in the distance. Victoria stood still in the corner, silent and calm. Their eyes met.

She smiled. So did James.

  • Ziggy455

    The Writer

  • Andolini Mafia Family
  • Joined: 02 May 2007
  • United-Kingdom
  • Contribution Award [Expression]


Posted 15 January 2012 - 09:17 PM

A very simplistic piece I must say. It's a nice short epitaph of a drunken bastard. Of course the grammar is a little off in places - nothing to really go on about, I'd like to see you write a more deepened piece with your writing skills.

Keep it up. biggrin.gif

  • DaKillaa

    Square Civilian

  • Members
  • Joined: 12 Oct 2008


Posted 16 January 2012 - 03:08 PM

Thanks man smile.gif would you mind pointing out the grammar errors, that would help me a lot!

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users