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A Tale of a Little Boy's Dream

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Vormek
  • Vormek

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#1

Posted 10 January 2012 - 11:25 PM Edited by Vormek, 10 January 2012 - 11:31 PM.

This is a tale of Vormek. Vormek is not a little boy, even though that's what the title of the thread suggests. But whenever a new GTA game is released Vormek is no longer the mature, responsible adult. Far from it. Vormek somehow turns into a little boy because GTA has a certain power over him. He becomes very happy and excited when he picks up his pre-ordered GTA game from the store close by. It's like the whole world doesn't exist when he puts that recently released GTA game in his Playstation 3.
This is how Vormek will spend his day upon the release of GTA5. First of all, nothing must interfere with his 20 hour gaming session! Absolutely nothing! He will turn off his cellphone otherwise some jerk might call him and tell him that something extremely important has come up and that would mean I have to quit playing. I will lock all my doors to prevent friends from entering the house a la Cosmo Kramer style. I will lock all the doors, seal all the windows and put a big sign on the front door saying "Get da fu** off!" That's the first step... to prevent all interferences.

And Vormek also feels like his gaming environment must be absolutely perfect. That means, all the dirty underwear must be thrown into the washing machine! All the filthy socks must go as well! Every single empty pizza box laying around must be thrown! Vormek will vaccum the entire gaming statio,n as I refer to it, a.k.a. my gaming room. The gaming station must be completely free from germs! He will literally go down on his knees and use a freakin' toothbrush to clean every square inch on his dirty floor. The bed will get brand new sheets for the first time in five months. When playing GTA5 he will spend his time laying comfortably on his bed while playing GTA5 on a big ass High Definition TV. But laying on the bed all day long might make your ass go to sleep so Vormek must get a hold of five extremely comfortable mattresses so his butt will be satisfied. He will then proceed to move the TV about 8 feet away from where he is laying so it's at a perfect distance. Not too far, not too close. Just perfect. So now you might think that Vormek is done with all his preparations? No way Josť! He's far from being done! After vaccuming, mopping the floors, fixing the bed, removing dirty laundry and throwing away all the garbage he will then proceed with opening all the windows. You see, Vormek doesn't smell very nice, and it's not very nice to play a brand new GTA game in a smelly gaming station. So all the windows will be opened for about two hours and he will top it off by spraying a nice scent in the room. Now the next step is to get a few empty bottles so he can take a leak when it's an emergency. Leaving the gaming station to go to the bathroom will result in one horrible minute of less gaming. About 25 bottles should be enough.

After doing all this Vormek will then proceed buying 10 bottles of Red Bull, a few bags of potato chips, a couple of frozen pizzas so all he has to do is putting it in the microwave and resume gaming after only three minutes of preparing food. And a few bottles of Coca Cola is also essential so he doesn't get too bored by drinking Red Bull only. All this should last the entire day so now it's time to pick up the pre-ordered GTA5 game. After picking up the game Vormek will stare at the cover for approximately 15 minutes so his hype will build up. After purchasing all the items he needs he will now proceed to put his drinks in the fridge and his pizzas in the freezer. He will bring one bottle of Red Bull and one bowl of chips into his gaming station. A towel is also essential so he can wipe his fingers from all the oily chips. After having everything prepared and ready he will now spend about one hour in the loo taking a dump so he won't get cramps or anything during gaming. While in the bathroom he will analyze the entire map and learn all the streets even before playing. He will also quickly browse through the manual. And now it's time to take a shower. He's been sweating all day long from cleaning and preparing and he will not allow any nasty smells to take away his concentration while playing the game. A nice, long shower will do the trick! And at last! Finally! He can start playing! He will spend the next 20 hours doing nothing but playing this hopefully, amazing game!

Now people. Share your visualizations of your first experience of GTA5! I don't want any boring people here saying "Baaaah, I will only buy something to eat and play the damn game, no need to do all the things you've listed" or "this thread sucks, you're too obsessed with the game. That's no fun! This thread might give you a couple of laughs and some ideas what you could to when you start playing GTA5 for the first time. It's also a great way to pass the time while we wait for new information! Well...? How will your first day of playing GTA5 look like? And yes, I might have over exaggerated just a tiiiiiny bit. And yes, I'm speaking about myself in third person.

WhitValid
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#2

Posted 10 January 2012 - 11:32 PM

I think I do a little nesting too before big games. You changed from 3rd to 1st person in your narrative.

HOTMILFDAD
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#3

Posted 10 January 2012 - 11:34 PM

pick a perspective!!

WhitValid
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#4

Posted 10 January 2012 - 11:41 PM

^ icon14.gif

Los Santos Pedestrian
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#5

Posted 10 January 2012 - 11:43 PM

IB4 "tl;dr"
EDIT: I read the entire thing, don't worry

Black Sunshine
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#6

Posted 10 January 2012 - 11:46 PM

The lack of official info around here is making people insane.

NYC PATROL
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#7

Posted 10 January 2012 - 11:48 PM

QUOTE (Black Sunshine @ Tuesday, Jan 10 2012, 19:46)
The lack of official info around here is making people insane.

rather see stuff like this than:

"OMG CJ, Tommy...Dolphins!!! V will include te vice city, liberty city oh mah gawd!!"

Racecarlock
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#8

Posted 10 January 2012 - 11:54 PM

I'm just going to put the game in, put on the spoony experiment while it's installing, then play it. It's going to be awesome though.

MIKON8ERISBACK
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#9

Posted 11 January 2012 - 12:04 AM

Thanks to "REGZA-LINK" HDMI, I can turn on my PS3 which automatically turns on my TV and automatically switches it to the HDMI input that my PS3 uses. It's 2:50 PM Toronto time, I just got home from school, my pre ordered copy of Grand Theft Auto V arrived in the mail via USPS. I unbox the game, open it up, take out the instruction booklet, the game itself, and soundtrack CD. I hurriedly toss that aside on my bed. I take the time to videotape the opening screen. I hardly got any work done at school that day, as I was fixated on playing that damn game and my work periods were spent searching the few gaming related websites which aren't blocked for every scope of information, trying to determine which parts of my wishlist were fulfilled. After I get some grub to eat, I contemplated skipping my 4th period class and taking the transit bus to my home 3 miles down the road. The whole day I was anxious to know whether it actually got to my house on the particular release date. I'm one of the few people who vow not to purposely skip classes or take too many liberties at the possible expense of my assignment/test preparedness. Nonetheless, when I get home that day, I can't stand to listen to listen to conversations regarding anything other than Grand Theft Auto V. I still don't know too much about the protagonist, I pray that the rumors of a 50 year old protagonist are false. I know that it won't be a San Andreas remake, and that the cities of Las Venturas and San Fierro technically won't exist on this island of sorts. But I hope that it will be a game along the same mass and continuity as San Andreas.

As revolutionary as Grand Theft Auto IV was, it's main turnoff was a lack of firefighter, paramedic, and vigilante side missions, it's small map size, and it's repetitive layout of skyscrapers, flat land, a cold climate, and an overall low level of brightness.

KanapkaPoland
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#10

Posted 11 January 2012 - 12:10 AM

I won't play this game...

Jacko427
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#11

Posted 11 January 2012 - 12:17 AM

Some of those tasks, makes me to need an extra hand to do a triple facepalm.
Maybe two extra hands.

TrialzGTAS
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#12

Posted 11 January 2012 - 02:19 AM

Go to the local store, buy a BFC can of Monster, buy Beef Jerky, and LOTS of candy and soda! Once all of my refreshments are dealt with in my cave, I will head to the midnight release, buy a wawa half gallon of peach iced tea, and come on home. Once I reach my home, I will run to my basement, and put the game in my console. Beat the first few missions and head straight to multiplayer with my friends and be up ALL NIGHT!

Zee
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#13

Posted 11 January 2012 - 02:35 AM

Throw this wanker in the loony bin. His mind's gone f*cked. At any rate, we'll probably get more V info next month after the max gayne coverage has died down.

WhitValid
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#14

Posted 11 January 2012 - 02:37 AM

I hear GTA V is out. I will buy it next week when I'm done playing Max Payne.

coin-god
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#15

Posted 11 January 2012 - 02:39 AM

Stop repeating your name. Seriously learn how to narrate.

Chukkles
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#16

Posted 11 January 2012 - 02:39 AM

I will get the game, put in the console, load it up, then exit (the worst part) so I can install it to my HD, glance the map and read the manual while installing, roll a doob and then play for hours.

Jeeebuuus
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#17

Posted 11 January 2012 - 02:48 AM

QUOTE (Zee @ Wednesday, Jan 11 2012, 02:35)
Throw this wanker in the loony bin. His mind's gone f*cked. At any rate, we'll probably get more V info next month after the max gayne coverage has died down.

I love you Zee. inlove.gif

That was an entertaining read. Thank you for putting some thought into it unlike many others.

I will make sure that I get at least two days off in a row from work and sleep only 6 hours. Thats all I will need and all I will be able to accomplish. The rest of the time will be spent eating, drinking, pissing, sh*ting, and playing. Playing 95% of the time. Oh come on, you know you will too. cool.gif

Static94
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#18

Posted 11 January 2012 - 03:29 AM

QUOTE (Zee @ Wednesday, Jan 11 2012, 02:35)
Throw this wanker in the loony bin. His mind's gone f*cked. At any rate, we'll probably get more V info next month after the max gayne coverage has died down.

British people these days -.-

MotjoBoss
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#19

Posted 11 January 2012 - 07:59 AM

QUOTE (WhitValid @ Tuesday, Jan 10 2012, 23:32)
I think I do a little nesting too before big games. You changed from 3rd to 1st person in your narrative.

Thats what I wanted to say.

locolow2011
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#20

Posted 11 January 2012 - 08:38 AM

I remember the first time i played GTA, i was 9 i think, every time i play a new GTA i feel like i'm 9 again, its something magic.

I have changed a lot since IV, maybe i will feel different but who knows, chances are that i will definitely feel like im 9 again.

Skrillex_69
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#21

Posted 11 January 2012 - 08:55 AM

Im going to take No doze for 48 hours while i play this game i might even polish off 15-20 redbulls if i die i would die a happy man

HydraulicWaRiOr
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#22

Posted 11 January 2012 - 10:37 AM

QUOTE (Static94 @ Wednesday, Jan 11 2012, 03:29)
QUOTE (Zee @ Wednesday, Jan 11 2012, 02:35)
Throw this wanker in the loony bin. His mind's gone f*cked. At any rate, we'll probably get more V info next month after the max gayne coverage has died down.

British people these days -.-

He's from New Zeeland

bluesboyjr
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#23

Posted 11 January 2012 - 10:57 AM

QUOTE (Static94 @ Wednesday, Jan 11 2012, 04:29)
QUOTE (Zee @ Wednesday, Jan 11 2012, 02:35)
Throw this wanker in the loony bin. His mind's gone f*cked. At any rate, we'll probably get more V info next month after the max gayne coverage has died down.

British people these days -.-

I blame New Labour.

I had a dream about GTA V. Rockstar promoted the game using footage from GTA SA, which I felt wasn't very clever, presenting their game as "GTA San Andreas 2". San Fierro and Las Venturas were in the game too, which I wasn't particularly happy about. I don't know how relevant that is to your post, Vormek, but I stopped reading when you mentioned pissing in bottles.

GtaVComments
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#24

Posted 11 January 2012 - 11:11 PM Edited by GtaVComments, 11 January 2012 - 11:13 PM.

"When the day finally comes, i will be prepared. The day before i, just like Vormek will completely cleaned my "game station" so to speak. I will organise all my PS3 accsesories, OCD style and refresh the room because, hey you want Gta V to feel good right? I will pop on here to build up any last minute hype before i rest and dream of the day that is about to unfold before me.

When I finally wake up on the almighty day, i shall proceed to the shopping centre where my copy is being confined. Before i actually purchase the game i will stock up on some goods to add to the experience. These goods being..
1. Doritos ( preferably 7 packs ) hot flavour.
2. Some once off fizzy drink for all my minerals needs.
3. A tube to channell the p*ss into containers, because i dont want to leave the expierence on hault,again like Vormek here
4. Some water to sober up from a mindblowing journey.

I will then check out of hospital for overdosing on Gta V playing time, only to stock up again and repeat the process countless times cool.gif

FranticFatality
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#25

Posted 11 September 2012 - 06:22 PM

QUOTE (Static94 @ Wednesday, Jan 11 2012, 03:29)
QUOTE (Zee @ Wednesday, Jan 11 2012, 02:35)
Throw this wanker in the loony bin. His mind's gone f*cked. At any rate, we'll probably get more V info next month after the max gayne coverage has died down.

British people these days -.-

Hood rat wannabes these days -.-

Csabi98
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#26

Posted 11 September 2012 - 08:34 PM Edited by Csabi98, 11 September 2012 - 08:39 PM.

First of all, I am going to grow up in order to play a R* 15+ game. After some years, I will most likely get a house from my parents since I am the inheritable. I will try as much as posible to get a job and some money. GTA V will hopefully not be too expensive when I'll be grown up. I will get the game from a second-hand shop, making sure that it works, it has no scratches, it is an original CD and it has everything that comes with it, the book and anything else. Next step will be to go home and cry because I wouldn't have a PS3 or PS4. I would re-install San Andreas on my PC and play Ryder's robbery missions. I will quit the game and head to the graveyard. I will open up one of the tombs. Next step, I will wait for General Appleton to arrive to the graveyard to his long dead father. I will take the shovel with which I force opened the tomb and hit the general in the head and in the chest, lastly in the feet. I will drag him to and in the tomb and close the tomb. I will rush to his house and take everything that he got. I will notice that he got a PS3 and I will cry from hapiness. I leave everything and take the PS3. I rush back to my house and set the PS3 up, making sure it works. I go to the nearby store and buy a potty, bread, vegetables and fruits, a gallon of water and head back home. My friend, Adam, will most likely call me and remind me to turn off my phone. Soon enough, an alarm called "Time to play" would sound on my phone. I will throw my phone to the ground and smash it with my feet, afterwards throw it in the loo and let it go. I will get back to my room and notice that I am dead broke and have no TV. I visit General Appleton once again to take his HDMI TV and I will head back to my house. I sit down on the potty and take a sh*t. I will throw the sh*t over to my neighbours garden over the fence which is between our houses. I will take a long deep look at the awesome map of Los Santos V Version. I will put the game into my PS3 and... "IT WORKS!". I would set up the game options to my preferences and run the game. I would see a cutscene with an old man, around 50, staying in the background, while police officers are the ones that the cutscene focuses on. I would see animations never seen before in any game. I will hear "Get out of your cover! Throw your weapons so we can see them!" - I will stop the game and shout and make a strange dance of happiness for a few minutes. When I stop the dance I notice the police officer voices still shouting. I look out on the windows and see a full squad of SWAT, FBI and Police Officers. I go back and resume the game, I will play as much as possible. Bullets will fly through the stolen TV and SWAT breaching the doors. I will act hard and attack them. They will knock me out and I will wake up in the jail for murder, burglary and "15+ games having too much influence on me", whatever would that mean.. I start crying and I will hit a guard. I will get shot by the other guards and I will lie on the floor. I will soon die from heart attack and well, thats all. I guesse I would be too old(60) to play GTA games.. I didn't even notice how time past. At least I died in battle and will leave to Valhalla where my fathers await me.

Don't take this seriously, this is just because I was bored, I am not a -15 year old child and I will not murder anyone, I will not commit any crime, and I will not go to the jail. Ohh, and games won't have too much influence on me. Thanks for reading.

Ziggy455
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#27

Posted 12 September 2012 - 04:56 PM

Whenever a topic like this pops up, we get a sudden influx of members who have never been here before giving such sh*tty responses as:

icon14.gif OR

COOL!!!! POST MOAR.

I'm just curious, what is this? dozingoff.gif

QUOTE
QUOTE
QUOTE
Throw this wanker in the loony bin. His mind's gone f*cked. At any rate, we'll probably get more V info next month after the max gayne coverage has died down.


British people these days -.-

Hood rat wannabes these days -.-


I'm British. All of you should not define a douche by his slang. Otherwise I'd brand all of you morons and call it a day.




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