Even though it's the number one center for politics, Monroe C.D. and the surrounding suburbs have their fair share of businesses and corporations. Here are the important ones:Monroe Post
The main newspaper serving the Monroe Metropolitan Area. They are best known for heavily exaggerating the news, lacking important details, and uncovering scandals, both on the streets and in the government. Let's look at today's headlines:Civil War in Scotland Rages on for it's 7th Year
EDINBURGH-It's just a regular day in the Edinburgh, Scotland's capitol city. Soldiers are drinking heavily in the pubs, not to be seen in daylight for the next few hours, tanks and armed troops parade up and down the streets, and the Scottish Congress fights over whether or not they should bomb Southwest Scotland.
For those who've been living under a rock for the past decade or so, ever since Scotland gained independence from the United Kingdom in May 1997, and since then, there has been many opposition. Out of the 74.3% of voters who were pro-independence, the rest slipped into the shadows, specifically the regions of "Dùn Phrìs is Gall-Ghaidhealaibh", or what we call "Southwest Scotland".
After an attempt by Southwest Scotland to secede from Scotland and join the United Kingdom in 2007, Scottish troops rolled in and shut down all the borders in and out of the United Kingdom. This act has been justified by commander Duncan McCowel, stating "Tá sé greannmhar, i ndáiríre. Chuir tú seo trí aistritheoir, ag súil a fháil ar roinnt ráiteas a dhlisteanú ár gcuid gníomhartha, ach ina ionad sin, fuair tú seo". A gaelic translator was currently unavailable.Bank Robber Stopped by Vigilante
ALEXANDRIA-The Lombank in Alexandria was robbed by an armed robber earlier this morning. The robber, finally identified as Floyd Devon, a member of the Celtic Crosses Motorcycle Club, entered the bank at 11:46 and began waving a sawn-off shotgun at employees and patrons, demanding money. He escaped a few minutes later on a motorcycle with over $100,000 in stolen bank notes.
Luckily for society, a local vigilante now identified as Neil Myall was attending a miniature wargaming convention, when he heard the news VIA Police Scanner app on his FruitPhone. "When I hard tae news, I Knoo som'tin' was oop, and whoot if tey reached me home-me street?" Neil Myall told a reporter in his thick Scottish Accent, while smoking a pipe. "I goot in me car and droov doon tae street, hooping I can coot 'im off". Witness later reported Myall's grey Willard Opus driving eratically down the streets with Gaelic Folk Music blaring from the Interior, before violently ramming into Devon's motorcycle head-on. Myall calmly exited the car, adjusted his flat cap, and called the police. Devon, on the other hand, was flung onto the roof of the 24/7, violently deformed.
"Do I hete tae police? Aye, they're oll a boonch o' fookin' pigs. But in these parts, I'm tae police." Myall said with a grin and a laugh. Myall was a former officer in the Scottish Civil War, leading a fireteam to victory numerous times throughout the Western Highlands & Islands against the British.Gun Laws About To Be Loosened, Again
MONROE-Gunshots are heard in the distance and bullets ricochet off parked cars in Monroe Highlands. Of course, this is a normal day, but thanks to a new bill to be passed by the end of the year, this could happen anywhere at anytime.
The new bill, the "Gun Control Act Of 2012", will loosen gun laws, making fully automatic weapons and certain explosives available to the average consumer. Lamar Thompson, a senator from Florida who first introduced the bill, states "This bill must be passed in order for us to triumph over the terrorists! I mean, if they can get their hands on RPGs, why can't average Joe, who wants to fight the terrorists, but can't because all he has is a golf club".
Ammu-Nation, the national Sporting & Hunting goods chain store has openly expressed their joy for the bill, stocking every one of their stores with assault rifles and rocket-propelled grenades, despite the fact that the bill hasn't even been passed yet. Jacob Issacs, the CEO of Ammu-Nation, stated earlier today "Why waste our time waiting for the damn bill to get passed when we can start stocking now?"Violent Shooting At Nightclub
COLFAX-Tragedy struck last night in the suburbs of Colfax as the nightclub "Eurobeat" as an unknown assailant entered the club and opened fire into a crowd of people doing "para para" with a heavily modified AK-47, before destroying nearby parked cars with an underbarrel grenade launcher. Luckily, nobody was hurt, except for a few ravers, who were killed due to excessive blood loss. According to security tapes, the shooter had a heavy limp and appeared to have a hard time fighting against the gun's recoil. The suspect is possibly an escaped mental patient.
The club owner, Trey Stevens, was nowhere near the club at the time of the shooting, as he was hosting a wild orgy of sex, drug, and video games in his Alexandria Penthouse. "I was eating out Jessica, my ex girlfriend, while being screwed by Raven, my current girlfriend, with a strap-on when I got the call. I sent my friend Neil to check it out while I got a BJ while playing 'Motor Vehicle Theft 5' on Acid".
The shooter has yet to be captured.KT-3 Brought Up From Potomac, Only to be Sunk Again
COLFAX-Many years has passed since KT-3, a ferry boat owned by KT Ferry, sunk to the watery depths of the Potomac River in 1997, thanks to some arab trying to make a name for himself. Still, a group of engineers hired by the Shaw Corporation have taken the task of towing the ferry up onto a barge and taking it to a salvage yard, where it would have been restored to working order.
Unfortunately, things didn't go as planned. Right after the rusted-out wreck of the KT-3 was placed on a barge and tied to the side of a tugboat, the pilot of the tugboat, Antonio Benvolio, left the pilothouse to stand on the side of the tugboat in order to wave to some friends on the shore. The tugboat then veered into a dock, sinking instantly, along with KT-3's remains.
Benvolio retreated into the river and swam to shore, before entering into a karaoke bar in Oakwood and ordered a Sandwich & Beer as his boss frantically tried to call him, before giving up and calling the police. The police arrived 10 minutes later, arresting Benvolio in the middle of him singing karaoke to, ironically, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald".
In other news, a Tugboat and a barge carrying the remains of KT-3 have sunken to the bottom of the Potomac River.Nerve Gas Threatens Metro Station; Disposed Of Properly
U.S.D.D.-Terror struck Monroe C.D. commuters as they found nerve gas cleverly disguised as a discarded coffee cup earlier today at the U.S.D.D. Metro Station. After shutting down the Metro station and evacuating residents within five miles of the station, a N.O.O.S.E. bomb squad took the canister, which was found near a trash can, placed it in an armored van, and drove it to Leonard County, Maryland, where it will be placed in an undisclosed location in the mountains and detonated safely.Blue Dragon Mall Arsonist Caught, Released
BRADDOCK - The person behind the Blue Dragon Mall blaze that killed a family of five last week has been arrested, local authorities say.
LaShawn Davis, 25, was spotted outside a nearby Pizza Stack starting to ignite a pile of garbage. Police arrested Davis and confiscated a cigarette lighter and a spray bottle filled with gasoline. After admitting that he is a member of the Huztlerz gang, Davis was promptly released and given only a warning.Injuns Drop 6th Straight After Blowout Loss to Hitmen
COLFAX - The Monroe Injuns fall to the bottom of the league standings with a 56-14 loss to the Las Venturas Hitmen last Sunday.
Las Venturas star quarterback Terrance Barrow threw for 264 yards and four touchdowns, two of them in the fourth quarter, for their third straight win and a 9-2 win-loss record.
The Injuns fell to 1-10, their lone win coming against the Alderney Wyverns three weeks ago. They will be facing the Wyverns again on Saturday.
"It was painful", Injuns running back Todd Brandon said. "We played like sh*t today. Hopefully we'll be able to win against those Alderney motherf*ckers for the second time."Discarded Trash Terrorist Strike Again
MONROE-In shocking new developments, NOOSE is now releasing that earlier today, a terrorist who may or may not be linked to the discarded coffee cup a few days ago, planted a nerve gas canister in a trash can near the Capitol Building, once again, disguised as a coffee cup. "We've had damn well enough of this!" said Jack Michaels, the head of directors for NOOSE in a press release earlier today. The canister, once again, was taken to the forests of Leonard County, Maryland, where it will be detonated later today.The Übernahme Group
The Ubernahme Group was founded in 1973 by Edward Henschel. At first, it was a small record store in Avariya, but as the economy changed, so did his business-he became a multi-millionare by 1977, building their multinational offices in the middle of Monroe C.D.
Since then, the Übernahme group has become a huge corporation, consisting of:
-A chain of megastores that sell Electronics, Video Games, and other things that hipsters, yuppies, and computer geeks can't live without.
-Founded in 1986 to cater to the new and emerging "Video Game, "Übernahme Games" is a booming company now, having created successful titles such as the controversial Criminal Germany
, a sandbox game revolving around a German thug working his way up the criminal ladder. It is currently headed by lead writer Marcus Henschel.
-After purchasing Northern Virginia's derelict rail line in 2008, the Übernahme group has rebuilt it, turning it into a commuter rail lines. Since the line re-opened in 2002, it has been booming with freight and passenger traffic. In the Übernahme Group's German nature, the company purchased and imported railcars of German Orgin, such as the Class 218
, which operates alongsideBi-Level commuter cars
and numerous freight cars.
-Ever since the Übernahme group purchased the "Tactical Solutions" private military company in 1999, it has since been converted not only as a PMC owned by the Übernahme group, but also as a Private Security Contractor and a military logistics company. It currently operates not only in Monroe C.D., but also in Australia, Russia, former Yugoslavia, and the Middle East. It is currently headed by Lucius Henschel, Edward's second son and Marcus's younger brother, violent by nature.Shaw Corporation
The Shaw Corporation was founded in 1991 by Ronald Shaw as a media conglomerate. Since it's founding, it owns numerous radio stations in the Monroe Metropolitan area, including City 7, which his daughter, Angela, hosts. They operate out of their head office in Crystal Valley
It consists of:
-The Shaw Corporation owns the largest fleets of taxis in the Monroe Metro area. They hire former convicts to save on costs and efficiency rates, since all their cabs have a bulletproof divider in the cab. Not for the driver's safety, but mainly for the passenger's.
-The media conglamerate owns numerous radio stations, such as "City 7", "Capitol Jam", and just recently took over "Radio Bloc", in order to please the Eastern European crowd, much to the Übernahme Group's disgust.
-Shaw Construction is a construction company that helped the Übernahme Group help restore the rail line before their falling out. Other than that, they helped construct the "Heat" stadium
in Colfax. They currently have plans to demolish half of Alexandria to make way for a housing development.
*It should also be worth noting that the Shaw Corporation has funded "Miniature Universe"
, one of the worlds largest model train layouts, located inside an abandoned warehouse near the U.S.D.D.Ammu-Nation
Thanks to Mayor Sciovaldi's loosened gun control laws (In favor of the Shaw Corporation)
, Ammu-Nation now has a large megastore outside Colfax that specializes in not only firearms, but Military Uniforms and other surplus items. Here, you can find:
-For a true American punch!
*Swiss Army Knife
-Every man in America needs this. After all, you just might get mugged while clipping your nails.
-Yes, even the everyman needs what is essentially an oversized knife.
-This Nazi German pistol can eliminate your enemy in a second, provided you can see the whites of his eyes.
-This Italian firearm can be yours, if you have at least one arrest record and an outstanding warrant in another state! Also used by the police.
-Wether you're into hardcore Civil War Reenacting or if you and your friends are making a low-budget cowboy movie, this is one gun you shouldn't miss.
-The gun of every single TV action hero. It can be yours too if you're into watching old "Angel & The Knight" or "Yuppie and the Alien" repeats.
-The standard shotgun for police officers.
-Wait a minute, if this is a homemade gun, why are we selling it in large quantities at a megastore?
-This American ripoff of a South African shotgun is used by Mercenaries either overseas or on home territory.
-This badass shotgun will put anything down that dares cross it's path. From cars and doors to orphans and third world dictators.
-This pre-silenced submachine gun has enough firing power to take out a family of four. Problem is, you have to be close enough to see the looks of fear in their eyes if you plan to do this.
-This Jewish submachine gun is easy to get a hold of. However, it's hard to get rid of.
-This German submachine gun has enough range to take out a guy on the other side of the street, but not enough power to stop him.
-This Russian firearm has been used to death. From movies to civil wars in African countries, you can't see enough of this gun. Which is why we're selling it to you!
-When it comes to generic firearms used by nearly every law enforcement agency, including the Army & the NOOSE, the M-16 can't be beat.
-This tricked out assault rifle isn't letting anything get in it's way. You've got your scope, you've got your grip, now all you need is someone to kill.
Shh...this firearm doesn't exist. Move along.
-This WW2-era bolt-action rifle is perfect for taking out targets from afar. Just pray that you can get the sights lined up correctly...and that you're able to see your target through the sights.
-Here's a compact Russian sniper rifle. Small enough to strip down and fit into a briefcase, yet it isn't big enough to take out targets at far ranges.
-An all-round sniper rifle. It's got power, it's got range, but it's got recoil.Conreal
A Real Estate company based out of Atlanta. They have a reputation for being some of the best property sellers in North America, and now they're trying to sell you their houses:Seminary Ridge Penthouse
: This up-to-date penthouse is just what every yuppie needs! Located in Seminary Ridge, this recently-renovated penthouse has lots of open space
with a view overlooking the Capitol. This is the place for you if you want to show your egomaniac-side off to your friends!Basement Apartment in Paradise Heights for Rent
Some communist German gun nut came to us, trying to get us to rent out his basement apartment. We accepted, and now we're trying to give you a place to stay! It's a win-win-win situation! The house may look like a modest bungalow on the outside, but in the basement, you've got a cozy bomb shelter!
That's right! If you need to survive the upcoming apocalypse, just hunker down in this bunker!Stately Allentown Townhome
Townhouses aren't just for Europeans anymore: they're for politicians and yuppies! You can have your own little slice of heaven wedged in between a dozen houses that look the exact same as yours!One-room apartment in Monroe Highlands
After the last owner mysteriously went missing, we got hold of this apartment, and we're passing it on to you! You get free cold water, eccentric neighbors, and a room to call your own, complete with meth lab.
Plus, frequent blackouts in the area guarantee that you can enjoy a good nights sleep!Luxury Mansion in Leonard
You've made it in the Capitol, and now you've made enough money to buy this mansion out in Leonard to show everybody that you did. Four bedrooms, pool, hot tub, and spacious rooms to show off with your friends.
Congratulations, you've made it.Indian Joes
A small ethnic restaurant in Federal Square. Jackson Ward's loves eating here and is friends with one of the waiters. Sometimes drugs for Ward are dropped off here, which the waiter would give to him later. Other than the drugs, it has gotten good reviews for it's wide range of ethinic southeast asian foods. Global Import Store
Located on the second floor of a shopping mall in Avariya, Global Import Store sells stuff from all over the world, 24/7. You want a counterfeit Loc-Down hoodie from Africa? Check. A laptop battery from Asia that failed quality inspection? You got it. Smuggled vodka from Eastern Europe? Knock yourself out. There are fake "Empress Cyborg Gumball" toys here.Skullduggery
This shop, which is open only at night in strip malls and other retail outlets sells clothes, CDs and other stuff for all you emos, goths, punk rockers, metalheads, and people who refuse to let grunge die. From flannel shirts to vinyl records to old 1970s bicycles, the store has everything you need to impress your friends and other people who refuse to get out of the '90s. Kurt Curtis and Megan Lockhart are loyal customers.Louisiana Northern
This Class 1 railroad was founded after the Louisiana Western, Atlanta & Mississippi Railroad, and American East Coast Railroad merged in 1977. Since then, they run freight all over the southeast and midwest, including Northern Virginia. They have a large yard
in Alexandria. However, since nobody seems to want anything to do with trains nowadays due to their connection with terrorists and autistic fanboys, they'll basically hire anybody just to drive a train from one yard to another. Just collect a work order and hop into one of their signature grey-and-yellow locomotives
.American Auto Trader
Do you need a car fast, but don't want to go to a dealership? Then purchase a copy of "American Auto Trader". The monthly publication has gained much controversy since it's first publication in May 1988, due to the fact that you're purchasing cars, not trading them, but also because that you can purchase non-American cars. Let's take a look inside the pages, shall we?
*1989 Albany Ariant
-This two-door car is built for the everyman: it gets you to your office, your home, and your court hearing over custody of your kids. Just don't expect too much out of it-$2,000
*1985 Declasse Diva
-This station wagon is...uh, can...wait no, will
....aw, f*ck it. It's not going to do much other than cart around your family, so I'm not going to waste my time explaining it to you-$4,500
*2000 Annis Kuruma
-Oh, a 4-door car, how special, like we don't get enough of those-$3,000
*2001 Maibatsu Monstrosity
-Here's a fine 4-wheel drive SUV you don't want to miss if you're either a neurotic soccer mom who tries to get congress to ban everything that isn't suitable by her standards or if you're a huge ego maniac who's lacking in certian parts-$5,000
*1974 Declasse Rhapsody
-Aw yea! Flashback to the '70's! Put on your bell bottoms, put your ABBA mixtape in the cassette deck, and you're ready to be transported back into a time of hippies, racial tension, and higher gas prices than today-$1,200
*2007 Gael Mallaig
-This 2-door hatchback was created in newly-independent Scotland after their independence from Britian. Sadly, they couldn't get rid of the 1980s styling until the following year-$560
*1984 Vapid Yankee
-This box truck can carry anything-from boxes to furniture to even half of Columbia, if you're into the drug trade-$6,750
*1998 Volmer R34
-This Swedish hatchback is for everybody: from the old lady down the street to that wigger next door who'll turn it into "Da best street racin' machine, innit"-$3,450
*1987 Croatie Novska
-This finely-built cargo van from Croatia features a leather interior, an oak wood dashboard, and a 5-gear transmission, if you bought it before the war. If you bought it after the war, it comes with a plastic interior, a plywood dashboard, and a transmission that were designed for hatchbacks-$4,560
*2003 Volmer V90
-If you buy this car, don't act like a smug faggot saying "I own a Swedish car". While the car may also be sold in Sweden, the one you purchased is most likely from the Volmer plant somewhere in Halifax-$6,500
*1976 Classique Idaho
-Nothing says "I've made it in this town" by an outdated luxury car-$5,000
*1991 Croatie Adriatic
-This Eastern European import was one of the best in the world, until the war. The previous had this one imported at the height of the war, which means a plywood dashboard, plastic seats, and shoelace-thin seatbelts await you on your daily commute-$1,234
*2009 Gael Iverness
-After the Scottish won independence from the United Kingdom in 2008, they dreamed of their country having a car company that exported vehicles all over the world. This is the result of having bad dreams-$900
-Wait, what? This is an auto trader, but we're selling trains!? Well, the Louisiana Northern gave us this, and I guess we'll sell it off to some white trash dude who's all like "They all have pickups in their yard, but I've got a f*cking locomotive." Congragulations RJ, you'll be the king of the trailer park-$15,000
*2007 Vapid Arrow
-Are you a soccer mom who carts her kids around all day in a boring minivan? Then why not drive this? Is it a minivan, or is it an SUV? Hell, we don't even know what it is! Why don't you buy it and see for yourself?Blue Dragon
A store located in a strip mall in Braddock that sells Japanese-related memorabilia and video games. Let's take a look at their selection, shall we? Yes...yes we will, regardless of your choice:
-A video game made by the Übernahme group, which takes place in 1989 Berlin. You play as Wolfgang "Wolf" Seiler, a thug from East Berlin who, after the fall of the Berlin Wall, immigrates to West Berlin, and falls into the criminal underworld of West Berlin. Apart from the shift from Communism to Capitalism, but due to the shift in the criminal world: Cars are harder to break into: Banks are harder to rob, and more people want him dead. Can Wolf survive?
*Duty Calls: Special Ops
-In this new installment of the "Duty Calls" series, you play as Vladisergi Petronovich, a Spetznaz operative during the 1970s. You go to Afghanistan to kill Americans, go to Vietnam to kill Americans, and even go to the plains of Idaho to kill Americans, until you realize that your Imaginary friend who fought alongside you was, well, imaginary. But who cares about the story? The important thing is multiplayer, where you can be killed by being stabbed in the foot over and over again while an 11-year old calls you every name in the book and replies to every statement with "That's what she said".
*Missionaries 2: Save Them Again
-In this poorly-made sequel to "Missionaries: Playground of Salvation", you play as Frank Phelps, a racist, intolerant, homophobic minister from the midwest who goes to San Fierro to "Exterminate the city of bible-hatting fags". The game was criticized, not because of it's homophobic, intolerant, racist content, but because of it's poor technical specs. Enemies don't appear until the player is a few feet away from them, the AI is as smart as a mentally retarded housefly, and the vehicles handle like they're on air.
*Rock Hero: Ballads
-Tired of weak songs that last only 3 minutes? Do you and your friends want to strum on a plastic instrument-shaped controllers for twenty minutes? Need not worry, because "Rock Hero: Ballads" is out. Can you and your friends get through all 20 minutes of "Alice's Restaurant"?
-In this exiting installment of the "Battlefront" series, join Dargan Radic, a Bosnian solider, on his quest for Bosnian independence, which is little more than going town-to-town, burning, looting, & raping villagers.Stevens Enterprises
This is the unofficial name of the ring of Nightclubs that Mike "Trey" Stevens owns and operates out of his Grandparent's basement. Here is the list:
-Do you prefer expensive shots over cheap drinks? Do you prefer pumping trance music over music enjoyed by regular people? Would you rather pump your fist and shuffle with strangers over watching the game with your friends? Well then Club OR-bit is the place for you, if fit the dress code. Can’t attend the party? Don’t worry, Club OR-bit broadcasts its own 24/7 radio station live from the club. The "Three Princes" use the upstairs office, overlooking the dance floor, as their base of operations.
-A Nightclub in Colfax that specializes in Eurobeat, Nightcore, and other fast-paced types of music. It broadcasts "Eurobeat" live from the club.
-We’re guessing that you enjoy getting wasted on drugs and moving your body to the same song for six hours, or worse yet, one six hour song. If you want to experience this, just wander around the docks in Alexandria, and you’ll be sure to "Digital Underground". Be careful though. The police might show up and spoil your fun. But that’s got to be the least of your worries when pills are being shoved down your throat and the music won’t stop. The radio station "Raver Soundsystem" is broadcasted live from this club.KT Ferry
Named after its founders Matthew Kelly and Paul Thomas, two Scottish immigrants, KT Ferry has been serving tourists and locals since 1979. It currently has 4 ferry boats: KT-1, KT-2 and KT-4. However, KT-3 It was shot by a rocket launcher by a member of the Scourge of Allah in 1997, killing all 109 on board, leaving only 3 ferry boats.Tragedy Films
A film studio owned by Uriah B. Kester. Specializes in low-budget action and horror films, mostly with a lot of unnecessary sex scenes, blood and gore. Here is a list of films.
*The Infamous Vice Squad
- about a group of East Coast vigilantes. This film is banned in 18 states and Canada.
- This gang-related film caused the death of two actors, who were to have sex in a burning building during the movie's climax.
*What Does Your Pocket Look Like?
- a documentary about street crime. Kester hired actual pickpockets and muggers for his film, and ended up having his money and even his car (a golden Ruiner) stolen.
*A Bosnian Film
- A documentary movie about genocide and rape in the Bosnian wars. This is Tragedy Film's bestseller, and since has produced many sequels, such as "A Second Bosnian Film" "A Third Bosnian Film"
, and their latest release in the series: "A Fourth Bosnian Film: Serbia's Nightmare"