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Share your feelings

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kmlwin.1996
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#1

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:09 PM Edited by kmlwin.1996, 13 May 2011 - 07:05 AM.

I want to open this topic because I want to share my feelings with everyone. Everyone on the forums can share their feelings here. I am very pleased to open this. Sharing your feelings can reduce your sad. So, everyone on the forums, just feel free to share with us.

I'm gonna share.

MY GRANDPA

He is not an actually my grandpa. But I call him like that. I usually call grandpa U Maung to him. He is my grandma's uncle and 87 years old.

He is now at hospital. I am so sad to hear his news sad.gif . He has Liver Cancer and the doctor says "He has only have a little months to stay alive."

But when I visit him at hospital, he is nearly dead. sad.gif He ain't dead but he can't see me well. He can't say well now. Once he was a great man with bravery and strength. But now, he is in bed. He can't move well and weak. He was proud of his strength but now he is very thin, battling with death.

I wanna cry when I see him. I love him and he loves me. We are like friends. He teaches me how to live well in human world. When I said about the internet, he looks at me surprisingly and said "You are master of it. Can you show me the internet?"

I always want him to show and tell about internet, but I use internet at internet cafe. When I get internet at home, he becomes not well and our family all becomes know he has Liver Cancer. He has to live in hospital till he is dead.

I always want him to go around the world and show him everything. But now, if I can, but he can't.

I don't cry outside but in my heart, there are tears. I want to cure him as I can. I want him to see Shwedagon Pagoda and say the prayers for his own good. We are Buddhists and we believe afterlife.

As our god Buddha says "If you lives, you will die". Anyone in this world will die oneday. Noting and no one can stop the death. The only way to freedom is Nirvana, where there is no life so no death, no pain, no trouble. There'll be no life.

Death easily comes. Buddha said "Before you stretch your bend hand, you can die." Buddha also died. So, I must know that everyone will die and I will cure my grandpa U Maung for his relieve of his pain.

U Maung will die one day. I will die one day. All of us will die one day. Noway to trick death.

So, every night, I say my prayers and tell to U Maung in my mind, "Live as well as you can".

This is my story of the day.

MY GRANDDAD DIED ON THE 11 MAY!!! I WAS VERY SAD ABOUT HIM! MAY HE IN HEAVEN.
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El Zilcho
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#2

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:18 PM

This was really touching. I can relate to this - although I never knew my grandparents directly as they died before I could get to know them (Grandma was the last to go, died when I was only 3). They were an inspiration to everyone they knew and I wish I had met these people, who had such tough lives and were always there for the family. Even without that contact I still respect these people so much. I really, really wish you can make your time with your Grandad as precious as possible. Be thankful you've got a good family, we can be too dismissive of our families importance and care in life. Thanks for posting this.

kmlwin.1996
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#3

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:25 PM

Thank you very much for sharing with me and telling me like that. Yes, I wish I can make more precious with my grandpa nervous.gif

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#4

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:25 PM

That was one of the most honest, heart-felt first posts I've ever read. I actually read it twice.

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#5

Posted 24 April 2011 - 04:28 PM

U Maung is he from Burma? Hey man, My dad was from there, and my grandfather his father also died of Liver cancer back when I was really young, never met him but saw photo's of him, obviously I never felt too emotional, but I hope your family and yourself recover well.

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#6

Posted 24 April 2011 - 05:26 PM

People with grandparents are lucky to have them, I never really knew or remembered my grandparents very well because my grandma died of senile dementia when I was very young, like about 2 and my grandad died with her in the hospital. But both of my parents were adopted as children so I have brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents etc. all over England, Scotland and Northern Ireland. sad.gif I just wish I remembered them more but I just can't. cryani.gif

But the person in my family I feel sorry for the most is my mum, both her real parents and her adopted parents were very cruel to her, "love thy mother and thy father"? My mum said that she would spit on her mother's grave that's how much she despises her. sad.gif

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#7

Posted 24 April 2011 - 10:08 PM

Thanks for sharing, nothing to add aside from what makeshyft said.

A little sincerity goes along way these days.

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#8

Posted 24 April 2011 - 10:26 PM

Wow man, sorry to hear about that, it's always tough losing someone you care about, and actually knowing what's going to happen before it happens can be a 2-way street, it's sad because you know he won't be with you much longer, but it's good because you can make sure you spend as much time with him as possible and make sure he really knows how much you care about him, which will make him feel that much better.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your story.

Otter
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#9

Posted 24 April 2011 - 11:22 PM

Take solace in the fact that he has had a long life, and seen a lot of things. We should all hope to be so lucky. The last test in life is how we spend our final days - regretting what we can not do or enjoying the love and support that only family and close friends can provide.

If we ever find a way to cheat death, we will do so at the cost of our humanity. That would be a terrible price to pay.

When my great grandfather passed away last year, we all took it pretty hard. To see a man who - even in his 90's - could kick your ass one-handed reduced to a frail body in a bed was pretty tough. But to know that after he had a chance to say goodbye, he could finally rest forever, we were grateful that he had the courage to stick around for those goodbyes.

Hang in there, pardner.

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#10

Posted 24 April 2011 - 11:38 PM

Thanks for sharing that man I feel your pain

I was alongside my grandfather when he died of lung cancer literally felt the life leave his body. It was a saddening yet awakening experience, U maung will be in our prayers bro

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#11

Posted 24 April 2011 - 11:49 PM

Thanks for sharing. I feel the exact same pain as you. My grandpa has something like that, not much more time to live. I'm so sad. I've learnt to live with it though, and the feeling I'm about to share has nothing to do with this. I just need to get rid of this... so here it goes:

SOCIETY
I hate how society is right now. I hate that people have to be some way to be loved and cared for in society. There's fat people out there with huge hearts, which people don't pay attention to just because they are fat. There's people out there who's face isn't as pretty, but their heart is huge. Yet society doesn't care about them. I hate the thought about people committing suicide because of bullying. I haven't been bullied, but I know how it feels like. I really do. I am not exactly the 'normal average kid.' I'm kind of anti-social and my computer is my best friend. I simply can not stand the fact that people discriminate others because of their sexuality, skin color, or religion. In my school, if you do one thing you don't want to, then you're gay, or retarded or something. I don't smoke, or drink, or do any type of drug. My friends do, and I'm up to the point were the peer pressure is just raging. I hate it that people just want to grow up so fast. They want to start being adults when they are not even close. I'm 14. I want to enjoy the 4 years left of my 'childhood.' I want to play sports, video games, and do stuff without having to think about problems. I just want to be me.

Wow, now THAT is a relief.

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#12

Posted 25 April 2011 - 12:05 AM

When my Grandfather was alive, I was a little boy. I'd sit on his knee and he'd always read me a lovely story about cops and robbers. One day, I'm round my grandparents house and he's telling my Uncle about this rash. Next thing I know he's in the hospital. And then, BAM! Dead. Just like that.
And I don't feel a thing, no, I don't mean that as some 'Look-How-Evil-I-Am' plea for attention, I really mean it. My family's all sad and I just don't get why. I have to feign sorrow.

Then, when my Grandmother dies, I don't just feel nothing, it's worse than that. When my own cousins are in the church, giving their speeches about her, I have to stop myself laughing. Their eyes are all red, their voices are getting all high and they seem so very laughable. I wished her dead, you know. Senile old woman, constantly getting in the way, meddling, guilt-tripping us. I don't know why I cried when I saw her dying or when I held her hand as she laid on the bed and couldn't even open her eyes, but I did. I had to get the f*ck out of there.

I get worried because I wonder how I'm going to act when my Mum dies or someone else close to me. I sometimes feel like the most disgusting piece of sh*t in the world who just wears the face of a good man to convince people I'm human.

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#13

Posted 25 April 2011 - 12:12 AM

QUOTE (Typhus @ Apr 24 2011, 16:05)
I get worried

...we all mourn in our own way.

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#14

Posted 25 April 2011 - 12:13 AM

Very touching. I hope your and your Grandpa can have some last good moments before he passes. Even thought hes in the hospital, you can still talk to him about things.

First good thread in a very, very long time.

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#15

Posted 25 April 2011 - 12:19 AM

@MY GRANDPA: I haven't had people that were as close as you were to your grandfather pass away but I feel for you and your loss and I hope he is where he wanted to be. Thank you for sharing this with us. sad.gif

@SOCIETY: Surprisingly, I haven't met too many people that have been so heartless as to do the things that you described. I can't agree with you that society doesn't care for these people because of this. whatsthat.gif

@Typhus: To be honest, sometimes I wonder if I'll be the same way when one of my close relatives do pass away. It's like I can empathize with others but I don't actually have feelings of myself to express in occasions such as these.

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#16

Posted 25 April 2011 - 12:34 AM

Actually a very touching post. If you mind me asking how old are you? I went through a similar experienc with my grandmother when I was 12 years old, she Passed away due to breast cancer. It wasn't the passing away that was the hardest part as well she was very ill for a good 7 months before she passed and had to be in the hospital for the majority of that time. Seeing her physical and mental health slowly ebbing away was painful to watch from a woman who I had always known to have a strong and vibrant personality. She had gone through so much pain in those last few months that I felt like death was a release for her. It was no life for her anymore and she has forgotten a lot of her memory as well. I remember the day she passed I broke down. But now I know she is better off I just wish it hadn't of happenedmto her, 9 years on and I miss her I feel there is so much I can discuss with her now I have matured, but she's gone now and I can never speak to her again. It affected my mother more though, it was pretty tough to see her grieve over her mother.

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#17

Posted 25 April 2011 - 01:05 AM

I got to say I thought I was the only one (referring to Typhus) because I can't relate to my Mother at all. I never even spoke to her til I was 12 and I can't being myself to love someone who is still essentially a stranger in all but name. She can't even communicate with me because I don't speak her language, and vice versa. Having lived with a single Father who has been all I needed as a parent all my life - acting the "happy family" now 'communication' has been restabilished is very hard. As I just said, it's simply acting. And it pains me.

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#18

Posted 25 April 2011 - 01:25 AM

QUOTE (El Zilcho @ Apr 25 2011, 01:05)
I got to say I thought I was the only one (referring to Typhus) because I can't relate to my Mother at all. I never even spoke to her til I was 12 and I can't being myself to love someone who is still essentially a stranger in all but name. She can't even communicate with me because I don't speak her language, and vice versa. Having lived with a single Father who has been all I needed as a parent all my life - acting the "happy family" now 'communication' has been restabilished is very hard. As I just said, it's simply acting. And it pains me.

I'm sorry for that loss you experience, I can see why acting it out must be painfull because you know she's you mother, but you can't really relate to her.

My Dad died when I was 6 from Alcohol, I knew him a little, not enough to make me weep though, although I do wish things could have maybe been different. I'm happy though I got a loving mother, used to have an awesome and loving grandfather, and I'm now left with my grandmother who is probably one of the only people in the world that I have felt great compasion and love toward because she's just so kind, I also live under the same roof with her, she's somtimes cooks me breakfast when I wake up too late, she's a really good cook, she looks after the dog and she doesn't deserve to be in any form of pain, ever in her lifetime. If it were me who could take a fall for a broken arm instead of her, I would not hesitate, beleive it. I would also say I would put my life on the line for her aswell, but I just know that, that would be somthing she would never ever want me to do.

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#19

Posted 25 April 2011 - 01:36 AM

Yeah man it's bad. Especially because I feel mostly indifferent towards her. I hate how cold I am but I can't help it. I can't force love.

----------

Grandparents are great. All the stories, the history.

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#20

Posted 25 April 2011 - 08:59 AM

QUOTE (kmlwin.1996 @ Apr 24 2011, 16:09)
When I said about the internet, he looks at me surprisingly and said "You are master of it. Can you show me the internet?"

That. Is. Awesome. About moved me to tears, bro.

Thanks for sharing your story. If I can offer you anything that helps comfort the sorrow you're feeling, it's that I understand where you're coming from. I lost my father to cancer when I was just 8. Needless to say, it was life-changing to lose someone that was so dear and close to me, and it wasn't easy to cope with the pain. But after time and reflection I learned that death is just a natural part of life as birth is. Despite my father losing his life, it was as if new life was breathed into me and my family at the very instance that he passed, only it took some time to realize and understand it.

Sounds as though your grandfather has led a long and meaningful life, and he's going to die a happy man. Don't fear his inevitable death. As he passes, his knowledge, lessons, and good character will continue to live through you and others who he touched. smile.gif

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#21

Posted 25 April 2011 - 09:18 AM

Nice topic, and glad to see people have taken the high road in sharing too, rather than the normal internet protocol of taking the piss. I feel for ya man, I lost my nan recently too.

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#22

Posted 25 April 2011 - 11:03 AM

I know how that feels. My father passed away two years ago. He was never at home too much because of his job; but whenever he was there he'd always show that he loved us. He didn't even need to say the words, he did it through his actions. I idolize him and love him ever since. He was the guy who first taught me how to use a computer. He taught me how to play Starcraft. He always played Metallica or Joe Satriani on his guitar. He'd cook the greatest food such as spaghetti and steak. He was also a car fiend, thanks to him I'm a fan of F1 racing. I also taught him how to play GTA: SA and Red Alert 2. I also introduced him to the music of Dream Theater, and he loved it. I also tried to make him listen to hip-hop, some of which he liked some of which he didn't. I love my father so much, because of him I' am the person I' am today.

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#23

Posted 25 April 2011 - 12:50 PM

@ Azriel: I am 15 years old.

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#24

Posted 25 April 2011 - 01:54 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your uncle being sick OP.

The only close relative I've had pass away was my step fathers mother. She was around since I was about 5 years old and was an amazing woman. She could be grouchy, but she had a heart of gold and loved buying things for my sister and I. She died about 2 years ago now. I remember trying so hard at the funeral not to cry, and I didn't. I guess I was too tough to show my emotions at the time, when in reality I really don't mind showing them. I didn't realize how much she meant to me, till she was gone. She meant more to me than my real grandmother on my dads side, who is still living and I don't speak to.

Life is such a fragile thing and at any moment any one of us could die. It's scary to think about, but that's the way life is.

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#25

Posted 25 April 2011 - 11:13 PM

kmlwin, be strong and be proud. Internet aside, I'm sure he taught you well in other areas. Grandparents(even if just by name) are the best - sometimes better than parents.

Not everyone gets the special thing of having grandparents.

I am forever grateful for my grandfathers. There is no way my father could have taught me the woodworking and electrical skills my grandfathers did.

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#26

Posted 25 April 2011 - 11:46 PM

Besides he is still alive and has lived a good life right? I'm gratefull my grandfather lived until he was in his I think early 90's, also without the help of my Grandmother my mum probably would have had to quit work or somthing at a younger age to look after me (She doesn't trust babysitters, Thank God too) But my Gran was always there and even though i'm capable of looking after myself now more, she still is always there, don't know what I would do without her.

You see when people talk about their family being awesome and what not, nobody really understands unless they are in the same situation as you.

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#27

Posted 26 April 2011 - 12:16 AM

I went through seeing my granddad pass very suddenly right before Christmas and its still very raw even after the funeral and everything. I know exactly how you feel. He wasn't my blood granddad since he passed before I was born, so to me he was the only one I've ever known. He basically had a minor stroke (my gran caught the signs early) and he was taken to hospital in October '2010. Within the first week or so he was healthy apart from getting a urine infection which made him go crazy (everyone seemed to think it was dementia) after that week of him getting better though, he seriously went downhill from then onwards. He first started to lose his vision in his right eye and then began to get bed ridden ect. He wasn't looked after very well in the hospital he was at despite there being plenty of nurses on shift when we went to visit, which was pretty much every day. He basically got moved down about an hour or so away from us all even though he wasn't getting any better. My gran did the best she could complaining about where he went (she'd never drive that far and didn't know the way) so we all had to do our part.

What shook me to my core and still does today is exactly what you've said. You've known these people be like your idol from when you were little and do so much with their lives. Then you see them go from being healthy to being completely bed ridden, thin as a stick and not even able to move (the doctors didn't know he had multiple mini strokes throughout his 2 months in the hospital) which basically left him unable to do anything. What scared me the most was seeing him in an elderly care unit sitting on one of those chairs, weighing about 5/6stone (he's about 5"9) and seeing that he couldn't even pull himself out of the chair let alone talk to any of us or eat. Looking at him right then (with the other old people in the room) he looked like he was on deaths door. Its still tough to talk about it and I think it always will be. What makes me angry is the fact my brother couldn't even take the time out of those 2 and a half months he was ill to come and see him. Not once, let alone be there for my gran. Not even a phone call.

All you can be happy about is the fact he was there for you, took the time to teach you some life lessons (as well as teaching him some things I'm sure) and that he got the most out of his life.

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#28

Posted 26 April 2011 - 07:29 AM

Thanks for sharing with me. Yes, I am very proud of being the grandson of my granddad.

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#29

Posted 26 April 2011 - 10:40 AM

I just received a PM from a Tattoo shop telling me that they've denied my apprenticeship position and given it to a woman.

Big shock there.

Now I've applied to Macdonalds.


How the f*ck do you think I feel?

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#30

Posted 26 April 2011 - 11:00 AM

QUOTE (Ziggy455 @ Apr 26 2011, 10:40)
I just received a PM from a Tattoo shop telling me that they've denied my apprenticeship position and given it to a woman.

Big shock there.

Now I've applied to Macdonalds.


How the f*ck do you think I feel?

Excuse the French but..
Selfish F*CK you are




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