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GTA IV: Balkan Valor

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Jedi.
  • Jedi.

    Now, shall we begin?

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#121

Posted 21 May 2011 - 09:44 PM

I wana see more Kaltrina. icon14.gif

Great job on the thread Cycrome, I like it alot better than the other on here.

Docfaustino
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#122

Posted 22 May 2011 - 08:23 PM Edited by Pedochu, 22 May 2011 - 08:56 PM.

Mission #7 - Femme Fatale for Kaltrina Krasniq

Previously: The family has broken off in to two factions: The Amiti faction, led by Daut and Pirro Amiti, who oppose the idea of a female ruling the family. And Besmir's faction, led by Kaltrina Krasniq with the support of Dardan Petrela and Bledar Morina, who support Preston's decision of having his wife rule the family. Kaltrina lured Pirro to her bedroom only to beat him severely, and ordered the death of one of his men. In response, the Amiti faction will try (and fail) to get Besmir to join them. No matter who comes out on top, one thing is clear, Kaltrina is running the family in to a ground with her high profile behavior, severe punishment for anyone who opposes her, and unwillingness to talk anything out.


user posted image


Kaltrina's Theme


Returning Characters.

user posted imageuser posted imageuser posted imageuser posted image
Besmir KrasniqKaltrina KrasniqDardan PetrelaKalem Vulaj
New Characters

user posted image
The Messenger

Dardan Petrela Sits in the front booth of the Belly Deli. He is having a good time, though the men that surround him, Besmir has not seen before. Next to him is his beloved brother, Kalem Vulaj. Kalem was never too bright. But he had recently won the crew's respect by knocking out two men who tried to encroach on their small bit of turf. The rest of the men are likely possible suitors here to see Kaltrina, Besmir thinks.

Dardan: Kalem, little brother. I just want to eat you up.

Unknown Man: Get a room, Dardan.

Dardan: What's wrong with you? He's got brain damage.

[Besmir walks in]

Dardan: There he is, the man who missed this week's tribute.

Besmir: Funny guy. I'm broke.

Unknown Man: Besmir. So good to see you. Can we talk?

Besmir: I suppose. In the other room.

Unknown Man: Look, kid. I know why you don't kick up to Dardan. You don't respect him. Dardan himself, is not respectable.

Besmir: Yes, yes, it's fun to hate on Dardan. Can I go now?

Unknown Man: Do you remember one 'Joey Becker'?

Besmir: What is this, some kind of joke? Guards!

Unknown Man: It's all in the past, my friend. We'd be willing to forget your past offenses if you could switch your allegiances to a more professional crew. The Amiti crew.

Besmir: You're even more treacherous than you look. Asking me to turn on my own mother? You some kind of maniac? Kaltrina is violent, yeah. But that's the way Preston wants it.

Amiti Messenger: The highest earning captains since '02 are Pirro and Daut Amiti. That's two world class earners leading our side. And who leads your side? Kaltrina is brutal. Dardan Petrela is a bum, and his brother's a f*cking retard. If some negro came in here and said, "I'm the boss now," Dardan would say: "Gee what can I do for you, boss?" He's muscle. You're better than that.

Besmir: You better show my mother the same respect I always showed the Amiti brothers. For now, you stay out of my way!

Dardan: What was that, Besmir?

Besmir: Your average bum. How you been?

Dardan: Better since your mother came around. She asked to personally accompany me on a deal for some hot merchandise. Our current boss wants to see me in action!

Besmir: [sighing, silently agreeing with the Amiti Messenger's characterization of Dardan]

Dardan: Kaltrina, ready when you are.

(Lyrics: Here she comes, you better watch your step)
Walking down the street, Besmir and Dardan working as bodyguards. Kaltrina silently smiles at the passerbys who are amazed by her charm. The trio are followed with a long tracking shot, a la Goodfellas.

(Lyrics: It's not hard to realize, just look in to her false colored eyes)
Extreme closeup on Kaltrina's eyes. At first, her gaze appears genuine, warm. Once all the pedestrian's have passed, her face turns to something more sinister. The eyes of crazed killer.

(Cause everybody knows, she's a Femme Fatale)
The trio walk in to a nearby store, and Kaltrina begins to harass the owner. After attempting to seduce him, he hands over a wad of protection money. They exit the store.

(Hear the way she talks) 1:11
The music suddenly stops. A sharp ringing noise begins, and a slow-motion splatter of blood across Besmir's face. The halting tires of a Vapid Redwood cause a sharp screech that only adds to the confusion. You can just barely make out the man behind the wheel. It's the man who insulted Dardan at the bar. He orders a gunman to shoot.

Amiti Messenger: Now's the time!

Kaltrina: [painful scream]

Besmir: MOTHER!

Dardan: These sons of bitches! Stay with me Besmir, Hold them off with a glock while I get some hardware from the car.

The Amiti gunmen speed away in the Redwood. A few men across the street disguised as ordinary civilians stand up and pull weapons. The hit was planned well.

Aim for the head to dispatch enemies quickly.

Dardan: I'm sorry for what happened to her, but goddammit, I'm getting out of here alive!

Besmir: You animals! You hit a lady!

Dardan: Don't ask any questions, this is the best I got! It's a flamethrower, don't waste the gas.

Hitman: You have no where left to go! That stupid bitch deserved to get popped, and so do you.

Besmir: [steadying flamethrower] f*ck YOU!

Dardan: Take cover behind the cars, that's the best we've got in an open street.

Press [LB] to take cover

Besmir: We've got more on the way, watch out for those trucks!

Dardan: Burn them out of the cars, I can't hit 'em from within there.

Kill the reinforcements .

Dardan: Besmir! I've got her in the Willard, it's time to go!

Drive Kaltrina to Bohan Medical and Dental Center .

Dardan: Drive!

Once at the destination, we cut to a brightly lit private room with a single hospital bed. Dardan paces around the room nervously, and Driton appears to be saying a prayer. Her husband is nowhere to be seen, but Besmir kneels beside her, nearly tearing

Besmir: How could this happen. How could this happen?



Femme Fatale Completed.
+Kaltrina Krasniq fate unknown.
+$500

fgcarva1
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#123

Posted 23 May 2011 - 02:08 AM

NICE! That's all I can say.

Mr White0161
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#124

Posted 23 May 2011 - 07:20 AM

Once again awesome job Crome.

Claude4Catalina
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#125

Posted 23 May 2011 - 08:34 AM

sweet, sweet brutality. top marks mate.

Tyla
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#126

Posted 23 May 2011 - 12:37 PM

Mean Streets and Goodfellas references in the same mission?? Beautiful!

I loved the tracking shot echoed by Kaltrina's theme. This is as much to me a movie script as it is a story, every scene playing through my mind as if it were live action. Your concept never fails to draw me in, Ped. Excellent work!

Jedi.
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#127

Posted 23 May 2011 - 12:48 PM

Awesome. icon14.gif

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#128

Posted 23 May 2011 - 01:16 PM

I totally agree with Tyla on this one. This topic is a true work of art.

Docfaustino
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#129

Posted 23 May 2011 - 03:17 PM Edited by Pedochu, 23 May 2011 - 03:20 PM.

If you check the mission table, I've listed the rest of the missions in the first chapter. Every chapter will be followed by a voice-over to clear up any confusion, figured its an easy way to break everything down for people who don't want to read every mission. Two fairly major plot twists are coming up, and Besmir will make a snap decision to try and desperately erase the burden he feels from almost single handedly keeping a crime family he didn't ask to inherit from becoming a sinking ship. Everything up through the 13th mission is sort of a standalone story, so if you read through all of that, you should still be satisfied without spending days looking through a whole concept! Glad everyone enjoys this, I'm always looking for suggestions.

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#130

Posted 23 May 2011 - 08:23 PM

Can't wait for the next mission! If only R* would really make this into a game sad.gif

Akavari
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#131

Posted 23 May 2011 - 09:26 PM

Great read, I gotta give you props for Kaltrina's character. It's hard to flesh out a female character like that and it feels like she's a throwback to Catalina! colgate.gif

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#132

Posted 23 May 2011 - 09:38 PM

Blood And a Four Leaf Clover is what gave me the idea to start this thread, so it means a lot coming from you as well as MOB. Do you mind if I send one of you a PM on IV continuity? Jedi, props for repping that Albanian flag.

Akavari
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#133

Posted 23 May 2011 - 09:39 PM

QUOTE (Pedochu @ May 23 2011, 21:38)
Blood And a Four Leaf Clover is what gave me the idea to start this thread, so it means a lot coming from you as well as MOB. Do you mind if I send one of you a PM on IV continuity? Jedi, props for repping that Albanian flag.

blush.gif

Continuity regarding what? Like the mission timeline? If so, I think MOB has better knowledge of it since he made the Possible Trinity and all.

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#134

Posted 23 May 2011 - 09:43 PM

QUOTE (akavari112 @ May 23 2011, 22:39)
QUOTE (Pedochu @ May 23 2011, 21:38)
Blood And a Four Leaf Clover is what gave me the idea to start this thread, so it means a lot coming from you as well as MOB. Do you mind if I send one of you a PM on IV continuity? Jedi, props for repping that Albanian flag.

blush.gif

Continuity regarding what? Like the mission timeline? If so, I think MOB has better knowledge of it since he made the Possible Trinity and all.

If that's what you mean then I'll try my best to help you man

Docfaustino
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#135

Posted 23 May 2011 - 11:11 PM

Sent you both a PM icon14.gif

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#136

Posted 26 May 2011 - 04:16 PM Edited by Pedochu, 26 May 2011 - 04:21 PM.



Dream 2

Pilgrimage


The dream begins with a flashback to Besmir's earlier years. His family was Muslim once. Besmir is haunted by the mission 'Femme Fatale', where he was forced to burn many men alive, and in his dreams, begins to come to terms with that, as well as his partial dedication to his one-time religion.

Kaltrina: We cannot take Besmir to a mosque! Every priest in this city is getting charged with rape, they must have wiretaps in the church!

Preston: I will not deprive of our religion because of a Christian scandal.

Kaltrina: No more of this praying to Mecca, Preston, we will never fit in to this country!

Preston: Is that all you care about? Fitting in? By all means, spend some more time at your white people country club. That should help.

Kaltrina: I love you Preston. But we do not bring Islam to the city of terrorist paranoia. Don't let it rub off on the children.

Cut to a plane landing in Mecca, the holiest city in Islam. Besmir exits the plane in traditional Muslim garb, before covering his head with a hijab. The crowd appears to be making the yearly pilgrimage to Mecca, to honor the prophet Mohammed. Beside Besmir is his friend and corrupt FIB contact, Marvin Walsh.

Besmir: What are you here for?

Marvin: My new broad's a Paki. She wanted me to experience this pilgrimage thing. Plus, I figured I could make up for my avarice.

Besmir: I cut down 7 men who attacked my mother. I used a flamethrower. They burned alive. I can't do this any more, Marvin. I was raised too long on religion. It really gets to me.

As Besmir attempts to come to terms with his sins, a voiceover appears over a black screen in Besmir's voice.

Voiceover: Muslim hell is a personal hell. In my hell, you burn for every one of your victims. All nine of them. And more on the way.

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#137

Posted 26 May 2011 - 05:10 PM

I'm sure there's a reason that I instantly feel jealous when I read something you write...
probably due to the fact hat your writing can't get much better, but in terms of the main page, I could help with the weapons modifications section if you wish and possibly try my hand at creating an icon for the AN-94.

Docfaustino
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#138

Posted 26 May 2011 - 05:13 PM

lol.gif A lot of Albanians are Muslim because of the Ottomans. I figured it was a good way for Besmir to express his regret for burning people alive. Imagine you reluctantly kill your first victim, and then a week later, you face 7 men trying to kill your mother with only a flamethrower at your disposal. Thanks for the compliments.

I had to use the closest thing to an AN-94. Would be awesome if someone could design it. Which reminds me I need to credit EdwardKoeleJuck...

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#139

Posted 26 May 2011 - 05:42 PM

Every mission is a great read, I can see this concept becoming very big.

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#140

Posted 26 May 2011 - 08:11 PM

Great job bro! Can't wait for more!

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#141

Posted 26 May 2011 - 11:59 PM

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. Does any one have storyline advice?

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#142

Posted 27 May 2011 - 12:33 AM

Crome, what you are writing so far is excellent, I have no advice that may make this any better, just keep writing like this mate!

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#143

Posted 27 May 2011 - 04:30 PM

That's fine as well. From now on Marvin Walsh will be appearing a bit more. Since I know this stuff gets complicated, basically he's an FIB guy who's laying low by helping out the organized crime force at the Hove Beach station. Remember, the hierarchy chart of Kaltrina's organization that Petrovic leaked to the feds are basically the diamonds of this story. And Marvin Walsh will be furiously trying to discredit this chart since the last thing he wants is for Besmir to get indicted. Marvin sort of knows that if Besmir goes to jail, he'll blame Marvin for doing a poor job as a corrupt cop, and he'll be killed for it. In the next mission, you'll finally see why Preston was protesting in the opening cutscene. More exciting than it sounds, I think.

In other news, a DYOM guy offered to make a DYOM pack based on Balkan Valor. Let's hope it goes well!

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#144

Posted 27 May 2011 - 06:08 PM

QUOTE (Pedochu @ May 27 2011, 16:30)
That's fine as well. From now on Marvin Walsh will be appearing a bit more. Since I know this stuff gets complicated, basically he's an FIB guy who's laying low by helping out the organized crime force at the Hove Beach station. Remember, the hierarchy chart of Kaltrina's organization that Petrovic leaked to the feds are basically the diamonds of this story. And Marvin Walsh will be furiously trying to discredit this chart since the last thing he wants is for Besmir to get indicted. Marvin sort of knows that if Besmir goes to jail, he'll blame Marvin for doing a poor job as a corrupt cop, and he'll be killed for it. In the next mission, you'll finally see why Preston was protesting in the opening cutscene. More exciting than it sounds, I think.

In other news, a DYOM guy offered to make a DYOM pack based on Balkan Valor. Let's hope it goes well!

Was it Satournfan? Because I got a PM from that guy regarding DYOM as well.

Mati
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#145

Posted 27 May 2011 - 06:27 PM

QUOTE (akavari112 @ May 27 2011, 18:08)
QUOTE (Pedochu @ May 27 2011, 16:30)
That's fine as well. From now on Marvin Walsh will be appearing a bit more. Since I know this stuff gets complicated, basically he's an FIB guy who's laying low by helping out the organized crime force at the Hove Beach station. Remember, the hierarchy chart of Kaltrina's organization that Petrovic leaked to the feds are basically the diamonds of this story. And Marvin Walsh will be furiously trying to discredit this chart since the last thing he wants is for Besmir to get indicted. Marvin sort of knows that if Besmir goes to jail, he'll blame Marvin for doing a poor job as a corrupt cop, and he'll be killed for it. In the next mission, you'll finally see why Preston was protesting in the opening cutscene. More exciting than it sounds, I think.

In other news, a DYOM guy offered to make a DYOM pack based on Balkan Valor. Let's hope it goes well!

Was it Satournfan? Because I got a PM from that guy regarding DYOM as well.

Me too. He's a pretty good mission designer. I'm designing DYOM missions too, take a look at my topics /advert

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#146

Posted 27 May 2011 - 08:27 PM

Crome, you should put up the Organization's hierarchy again.

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#147

Posted 27 May 2011 - 09:08 PM Edited by Pedochu, 27 May 2011 - 09:12 PM.

I forgot to repost that, sure thing. That will be pretty important.

Right, it was SatournFan. Sure thing, Mati. I don't have San Andreas on PC but I read the outlines occasionally. Editing it in to the front page, here's the current version. Pirro and Daut Amiti are the men who just shot Kaltrina. Daut is a longterm friend of Preston, and Preston being the 'fair' boss, he's used to being treated like a bigshot. Which is why he wasn't happy when a woman was named interim boss over him. Gez Istogu will play a pivotal role in the story, he is also a friend you can call up for activities and will next appear in 'Petrela Wars'. Other men on this chart play minor roles, but you'll still recognize them.

user posted image

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#148

Posted 28 May 2011 - 10:30 AM

loving it so far, especily the dreams/flashabacks of his life, this game shows how evil the albanians are..albanians are known for brutal methods like cutting peoples organs out why they still alive then sowing them back but repeat the progress to they beg for a quick death.

i wonder if in your story, the albanians buy a club or go in buissness with gay tony buying the maschette club and remaking the club then have as front for illegal activites.

will yill dusku be in any more missions and will ray bulgarin make a return.

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#149

Posted 28 May 2011 - 03:44 PM

Maisonette 9 won't be available as for the most part, this game takes place during the middle of Niko's story, not the end. However, a major part of it is about purchasing various interiors where you can buy cigarettes, shots, champagne minigame, play pool, etc. So that should make up for the lack of Maisonette. Read Mafia Management if you want to know more about that. Yili Dushku will play a big role, but not in the beginning of the story. In the end we will see a lot of him. Ray Bulgarin? I don't have him planned to make a return. If you have any ideas, though, by all means.

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#150

Posted 29 May 2011 - 02:00 AM

The new missions are fantastic. May I borrow your dream idea? There's some background about my character, and him almost being a victim of Organ Trafficing and watching people get slaughtered is one of the dream ideas I have.




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