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Mokrie Dela
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#1

Posted 19 December 2010 - 08:46 PM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 16 January 2014 - 10:15 AM.

Thought i'd upload this. Why not.

I may add more over time, so they'll all be here.

 

My Poems (click to read):

 

Who?
Requiem

Broken

Persephone

drawkcaB

The Storm
 

Thoughts comments etc....

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#2

Posted 19 December 2010 - 10:50 PM

I can never find the courage to write poetry. However I am a fan of accapella rap and such. I may upload some rap songs I could create and such.

Not to say this work is brilliant. It would fit well in any song. smile.gif

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#3

Posted 21 December 2010 - 09:41 PM

I think both of these poems are pretty good. They were really interesting, especially with those ending lines that really tied the knot with what the poem is getting across. I think they're pretty effective - when tastefully used - because it makes you take that retrospective view of everything you read and reconstruct it into a final, coherent message within the piece.

Mokrie Dela
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#4

Posted 22 December 2010 - 12:23 AM

QUOTE (TheJonesy @ Dec 21 2010, 21:41)
I think both of these poems are pretty good. They were really interesting, especially with those ending lines that really tied the knot with what the poem is getting across. I think they're pretty effective - when tastefully used - because it makes you take that retrospective view of everything you read and reconstruct it into a final, coherent message within the piece.

Thanks, the final lines were intended to bring closure to the works. In who it highlighted a futility - we all die so how are we different?
In the second one it was a sort of guilt trip, saying to people "you're responsible"
Thanks I may upload more of/when I write more

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#5

Posted 22 December 2010 - 01:11 AM

yeah i liked the first one (who) the best.
the second one was a bit darker.
I know that both had dark themes, but the first poem seemed to have more punch without being so in-your-face, if that makes sense.

i'd like to see more as well icon14.gif

Mokrie Dela
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#6

Posted 22 December 2010 - 11:14 PM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 10 January 2014 - 03:20 PM.

My general writing style, stories, poems, songs, is usually quite dark. I don't do joyous happy stuff.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Who?~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


This was actually published (and copyrighted) several years ago in a poetry compilation book.

 

Who be the person that sold my soul?
Who be the man that signed away it all?
Who was the coward, scared of the fall?
Who will be the hero that will hear my call?

 

When was the day, it all went wrong?
The story told, in neither poem nor song,
Who was it that said, I was wrong
Who can confirm, what I've felt all along?

 

How does one select their life?
How do they decide, for them, what is right?
But who's to judge the day from the night,
When, at the end of the road, we all await the fight?

 

So to laws and expectation I say no,
When told what to do, I tell them where to go.
And when I'm hunted, I lay low,
You'll never ever find me, because you're too slow!

 

Who be the man that writes our laws,
Tells us how to live, and who to adore?
Who is the orphan, struggling for more?
Ignored by all, because he is poor.

 

Who be the child, starving and crying?
Hugging her parents, who are slowly dying?
Who be their saviour, who be their king?
Be it you or me - how are we helping?

 

Who be their hero, working night and day,
Just to help them, and not to get paid?
Who devotes their life, to supplying aid?
Living with the poor, for many a decade.

 

Be you rich, or be you poor, old wounds now numb, or still open and sore,
Be you the blind man, or he who is deaf, whether old or young, all's the same in death.

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#7

Posted 25 December 2010 - 12:19 AM

QUOTE (Mokrie Dela @ Dec 22 2010, 23:14)
My general writing style, stories, poems, songs, is usually quite dark. I don't do joyous happy stuff.

I know exactly what you mean.

To be completely honest, I find writing in darker tones to be much easier than being "joyous." Everytime I try to write something mildly happy, it either eventually develops into a dark undertone or, if I do succeed, becomes cliche and ultimately cheesy.

Plus, I find it more entertaining and self-fulfilling. There's so much depth you can explore, especially from such a plethora of angles.

Though, that's not to say there are plenty of avenues one can explore with lighter works. I'm just not quite the master, or even close to becoming a master, of poetry and such, so I do what I can and dark is what I do, lol.

Mokrie Dela
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#8

Posted 25 December 2010 - 12:31 AM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 10 January 2014 - 03:23 PM.

indeed!

I have written a couple of "happy" things - a couple of songs, the odd moment/chapter in fiction.
I've even written a few love songs.

But my best work has come from reaching into the painful dark areas of my soul/mind.

 

~~~~~~~'REQUIEM'~~~~~~~

 

Another really old one. For lack of a better title...

 

Black clouds gather over me,
Casting rainy shadows in my eyes
Vultures above are circling me,
Waiting for their prey to quietly die.

 

My weary hand reaches out,
But is met by no other
With my last breath i shout,
"When will my nightmare be over?"

 

Time has eroded my once pleasant shores,
And drowned my hopes and dreams.
My world is empty, and cold to the core,
My mind is tired, and nothing's what it seems

 

Everyone has left, but I'm still here
Standing alone hearing whispers of yester-year
I hear the past weeping, and the future sobbing at it's tomb
The present's afraid, like me, as its sings a bitter requiem.

 

My fate has been cast, I have been forsaken,
In body and soul, in heart and in mind.
These words will be my last, and they're already forgotten.
I feel the victim, of an unjust crime.

 

My eyes are tired now, and my soul is growing weak.
And my many cries for help have fallen on deaf ears.
Lie me in the still waters, as my heart pounds it's final beat,
I fall asleep alone, and when I'm gone, you will shed no tears

 

Lie me down, gently in the water.
Let the waves consume me.
Close my eyes, watch me slip away,
Knowing that you're the one who killed me.

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#9

Posted 01 January 2011 - 04:31 PM

Your First poem i found amazing Mokrie simply because i agree with so much of it, it's quite open minded perticularly these six lines here...

QUOTE
How does one select their life?
How do they decide, for them, what is right?


I like those two lines especially because who is to say what is leading a good life and leading a bad life, for example drug dealers, who is to say that they are living a bad life and commiting crimes, did god write out what man should and shoudn't do, not really no evidence for that, all the laws are man made really, which leads on to these other lines.

QUOTE
So to laws and expectation I say no,
When told what to do, I tell them where to go.

Some people decide to say no to the laws that are set out by man today, and what this poem tells me is bassically, yeah why not, i mean really without any evidence of laws from a higher up, it's a free world...

QUOTE
Who be the man that writes our laws,
Tells us how to live, and who to adore?


Which finally leads on to this, who does write our laws, if all humans are equal then surley they should also be aloowed to do what they want aswell, just because a few blokes write down what we can and can't do doesn't make it official, because he is the same level of authority as us, he's a human only if there is a God must we actually listen.


Excelent peice!

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#10

Posted 03 January 2011 - 02:09 AM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 03 January 2011 - 02:17 AM.

QUOTE (Sanjeem @ Jan 1 2011, 16:31)
Your First poem i found amazing Mokrie simply because i agree with so much of it, it's quite open minded perticularly these six lines here...

QUOTE
How does one select their life?
How do they decide, for them, what is right?


I like those two lines especially because who is to say what is leading a good life and leading a bad life, for example drug dealers, who is to say that they are living a bad life and commiting crimes, did god write out what man should and shoudn't do, not really no evidence for that, all the laws are man made really, which leads on to these other lines.

QUOTE
So to laws and expectation I say no,
When told what to do, I tell them where to go.

Some people decide to say no to the laws that are set out by man today, and what this poem tells me is bassically, yeah why not, i mean really without any evidence of laws from a higher up, it's a free world...

QUOTE
Who be the man that writes our laws,
Tells us how to live, and who to adore?


Which finally leads on to this, who does write our laws, if all humans are equal then surley they should also be aloowed to do what they want aswell, just because a few blokes write down what we can and can't do doesn't make it official, because he is the same level of authority as us, he's a human only if there is a God must we actually listen.


Excelent peice!

thanks man, not only for a pretty good interpretation/analysis, but for helping me fulfill one of my biggest goals - writing something that is open to interpretation - that can be interpreted in different ways.

The "How does one select their life? How do they decide, for them, what is right?" part was actually written about careers - i was at school at the time, and it was "select your courses" time. How can someone at that age be expected to map out their life - i had no idea what i wanted to do. still don't. Ideally i want to be remembered, to make a difference - for my name to be known. With my talents that meant writing - and my ultimate dream is to be a musician i guess. But i settled for I.C.T - a rockstar is unlikely, and we need to get money in above all else. That's what that couplet is about. How the hell am i meant to KNOW what my "purpose" is?

But your interpretation is by no means incorrect - is it not a mark of good work where one can interpret in multiple ways - where it can mean anything, but never means nothing, if that makes sense.

Overall though, its a question at us all, i think - who are we. Who are you? Who am i? Who are we as a collective.
I like your point about who's to say whether the drug dealers right or wrong - and that is a point i intended also. We all live our lives - OUR lives - who's got any right to say we have to do this. We're forced to work jobs we hate, for sh*t we don't need (Fightclub &/or Papa roach anyone?). How many of us work for a w*nker of a boss? Who is he?
you get me?

But the ultimate meaning is, (spoiler for anyone who don't want it "ruined", and i'm gonna be vague too) : Who is <this person>? It doesn't matter - Muse have a lyric "When we bleed, we bleed the same", and this poem comes alot from the following (something actually i saw in an album CD ): "Who was the fool, who the wise man, beggar or king?Whether poor or rich, all's the same in death" - i interpreted that as: it doesnt matter who we are - we're all the same; how does one get elevated above others, or end up under the thumb of others? What makes us different? Who is he that makes him so special. Also i tend to inject alot of personal feelings into my works - some may not see them but anyone who knows me personally will understand the references.

Thanks again.

I'm also considering uploading the lyrics to a rap song i wrote too tounge.gif

Who be the person that sold my soul?
Who be the man that signed away it all?
Who was the coward, scared of the fall?
Who will be the hero that will hear my call?

Oh and cookies to anyone if they can answer these questions^

Edit 2:
QUOTE (TheJonesy)

To be completely honest, I find writing in darker tones to be much easier than being "joyous." Everytime I try to write something mildly happy, it either eventually develops into a dark undertone or, if I do succeed, becomes cliche and ultimately cheesy.


To come back to that - an idea i just had:
Why not write in dark tones, but to highlight the positives by contrast.

An inverted example is Rage Against the Machine's cover of Devo's Beautiful world*; "It's a beautiful world we live in...."
A song about how lovely the world is, was my thought, until the end:
"For you... not me." - all of a sudden this happy sounding song's meaning is now the opposite.

Imagine that, but the other way round. Get me?


*I am unsure if the original (if it IS Devo, i think it is) has the inversion ending, or whether that spin is a De La Rocha addition.

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#11

Posted 03 January 2011 - 03:59 AM

QUOTE (Mokrie Dela @ Jan 3 2011, 02:09)
Edit 2:
QUOTE (TheJonesy)

To be completely honest, I find writing in darker tones to be much easier than being "joyous." Everytime I try to write something mildly happy, it either eventually develops into a dark undertone or, if I do succeed, becomes cliche and ultimately cheesy.


To come back to that - an idea i just had:
Why not write in dark tones, but to highlight the positives by contrast.

An inverted example is Rage Against the Machine's cover of Devo's Beautiful world*; "It's a beautiful world we live in...."
A song about how lovely the world is, was my thought, until the end:
"For you... not me." - all of a sudden this happy sounding song's meaning is now the opposite.

Imagine that, but the other way round. Get me?


*I am unsure if the original (if it IS Devo, i think it is) has the inversion ending, or whether that spin is a De La Rocha addition.

That example is actually a great example of what I meant; although it refers to positive imagery, there still lies a darker meaning.

But, yes, that would be an interesting approach: a dark poem with a light undertone. So, for example, one could write a piece about, say, despair and pain, and then finish the work with it being a reference to a life he/she had before rehab?

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#12

Posted 03 January 2011 - 05:47 PM

QUOTE (TheJonesy @ Jan 3 2011, 03:59)
QUOTE (Mokrie Dela @ Jan 3 2011, 02:09)
Edit 2:
QUOTE (TheJonesy)

To be completely honest, I find writing in darker tones to be much easier than being "joyous." Everytime I try to write something mildly happy, it either eventually develops into a dark undertone or, if I do succeed, becomes cliche and ultimately cheesy.


To come back to that - an idea i just had:
Why not write in dark tones, but to highlight the positives by contrast.

An inverted example is Rage Against the Machine's cover of Devo's Beautiful world*; "It's a beautiful world we live in...."
A song about how lovely the world is, was my thought, until the end:
"For you... not me." - all of a sudden this happy sounding song's meaning is now the opposite.

Imagine that, but the other way round. Get me?


*I am unsure if the original (if it IS Devo, i think it is) has the inversion ending, or whether that spin is a De La Rocha addition.

That example is actually a great example of what I meant; although it refers to positive imagery, there still lies a darker meaning.

But, yes, that would be an interesting approach: a dark poem with a light undertone. So, for example, one could write a piece about, say, despair and pain, and then finish the work with it being a reference to a life he/she had before rehab?

yeah. Also, and this would be much harder, writing a dark poem, about despair etc but the overall message be a positive one.
Like, writing about how dark the world is, how cold empty and lonely it is but you no longer see/feel it because you're in a better place - in other words without that nice wrap up at the end

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#13

Posted 03 January 2011 - 11:25 PM

Well i have to say after your feedback and your excelent work on this poem, this is one of the many poems i have read in life and have related to. I generally hate poetry because so many that i read just don't relate to me in any way, and in english classes we read the types of poems i personaly don't like but this one really sais it all to me.

I mean i learned this from the Godfather the film, even though i knew it before but anyway when michael sais that his father is no different than any other powerfull man (Like the president) in which both have men killed and anyone who thinks that presidents and senators don't have people killed are very naive. Yet the president when seen will have crowds of people clapping for him and has public respect, somthing that sombody like michael's father in the godfather would never have and be frowned upon.


In this case both men have killed, who is to say who is right and who is wrong, good or evil.

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#14

Posted 16 January 2011 - 04:28 AM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 16 January 2011 - 01:25 PM.

QUOTE (Sanjeem @ Jan 3 2011, 23:25)
Well i have to say after your feedback and your excelent work on this poem, this is one of the many poems i have read in life and have related to. I generally hate poetry because so many that i read just don't relate to me in any way, and in english classes we read the types of poems i personaly don't like but this one really sais it all to me.

I mean i learned this from the Godfather the film, even though i knew it before but anyway when michael sais that his father is no different than any other powerfull man (Like the president) in which both have men killed and anyone who thinks that presidents and senators don't have people killed are very naive. Yet the president when seen will have crowds of people clapping for him and has public respect, somthing that sombody like michael's father in the godfather would never have and be frowned upon.


In this case both men have killed, who is to say who is right and who is wrong, good or evil.

Pleased you liked it smile.gif

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#15

Posted 06 July 2011 - 11:13 AM

The repetition really works for the first one, adds to the meaning that I'm still thinking about.

The second one has a fantasy feel with really nice language. They're both really good.

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#16

Posted 10 January 2014 - 12:06 PM

Awesome! Long epics. I haven't done this long enough to really critique, but just know I appreciate this.


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#17

Posted 10 January 2014 - 02:54 PM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 10 January 2014 - 03:35 PM.

Thanks, man. Much appreciated. I'll try add some more soon!

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Broken~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am a broken man,
Injured in spirit, physically impaired.
My body's like a crumpled can,
My mind in its questions, alone and scared.

 

The mirror shows me,

Someone with something missing,
The mirror goads me,
And I find my self vainly wishing,

 

If I could turn back time,
if my eyes had hindsight,
I would have walked a straighter line,
And I'd still be a man of might.

 

I am just beaten down,
Sapped of energy, deprived of will,
I wear a twisted frown,
Devoid of mercy, eyes set to kill

 

I was a man of power,
Behold My might! Stare and wonder!
Now I move, slow like a cripple,
So old, my fight, a wingless condor.

 

Bless me with healing, absolve me from the pain
Send a storm to moisten the riverbed dry,
And patch me up, make me whole again.
Let me pluck the sun from the sky.

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#18

Posted 10 January 2014 - 03:12 PM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 10 January 2014 - 03:39 PM.

~~~~~Persephone~~~~~

 

A dark storm is rising,
The fury of a silent but angry god.
A storm that carries no thunder,
It’s devastation, it gives no warning of.

 

Eyes are dulled and saddened,
Smiles muted by the hand of fate,
Every touch is greeted by numb skin,
But for hope, it might just be too late.

 

I am lost, at the mercy of luck.
A flip of a coin, the roll of a dice.
I can only watch, like I’m stuck.

Only chance has the power to decide.

 

Time stands ahead of me,
Like an unlit desert highway.
Where it leads, I cannot see,

But there simply is no other way.

 

Push the hands of the clock forward,
Jump ahead a month, a year.
Either a new dawn will be waiting,

Or another night I fear.

 

She is an empty shell,
A shadow of her former self.
Standing at the gates of hell,

I pray for her health.

 

I can not lose her.

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#19

Posted 10 January 2014 - 03:41 PM Edited by Mokrie Dela, 10 January 2014 - 03:43 PM.

~~~~drawkcaB~~~~

 

Look into the mirror,
And how it flips the world.
Distorted realms
And dimensions revealed.
Twisted and spun,
It's a reversed lie.
Where right is left,
And wrong is right.

 

Look into the mirror,
Look into your soul.
Look at all the lies
You've ever been told.
See the warped reflection
Of your entire life.
See the sunrise
In the middle of the night.

 

Ignorance is bliss.

 

And knowing is cruel.

 

There is nothing but this,

 

Just one golden rule.

 

Look at yourself
In ripples of the pond.
Where evil's self-help,
And being good is wrong.
See yourself
How others do.
Your ideals and values,
None of them ring true.

 

Look at yourself
On your skinless knees.
Kissing the feet of society,
You grovel and plead.
Acceptance and conformity,
It's the human dream.
But I've woken up,
In the midst of a scream.

 

Obedience is a crime.

 

Rebellion's a duty.

 

Don't toe the line,

 

Nonconformity is beauty

 

So:

Stand up,
Stand tall,
Rise up,
Don't fall.
Be strong,
Be wrong,
When they come,
Be gone.

 

You show them
All your wrath.
Just follow
Your own path.
In their race,
Be fast,
Don't save face,
Don't be last.
The finish line,
In record time,
The print is fine,
Right here you sign,
Your career track,
From front to back,
The contract;
Don't sign that!

 

Your perceptions are wrong.

 

Your fantasy's right.

 

The road it is long,

 

And with no guiding lights.

 

Don't sign your
Life away.
With sunrise,
Comes your day.
Now's your time;
Time to shine.
Rise to fight,
And fight to rise.
Destroy their army,
One by one.
In your name they'll pray,
When you're done.

 

Forgiveness is a sin.

 

And compassion a curse.

 

The war is yours to win,

 

This is their last verse.

Turn it round.

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#20

Posted 16 January 2014 - 08:01 AM

Wow this topic is amazing. I love your poetry guys. Its really deep. This is the first time I explored this forum.

 

I also do poetry but in other language. Its another thing I am really bad at it though :catspider:


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#21

Posted 16 January 2014 - 10:15 AM

Thanks for your interest!
 

Perhaps one day we'll see you poetry on these forums? I imagine it might be tricky translating it but hey :)

Another poem:

 

~~~~~The Storm~~~~~

 

Standing in a storm,
With light on the horizon.
Always out of reach,
I give up even trying.

 

In my heart is grey.
Not white or even black.
just obscurity, nothing.
A wordless epitaph.

 

What I feel for you,
Breaks my heart in two.
Where once you were my everything,
Now i just feel nothing.

 

The sunrise of my night,
Setting all things right,
Only papered over the cracks,
But now it's all come back.

 

The sun will never rise
no matter how fast I run
no matter what I try,
It's all cruelly undone.

 

The question I have asked,
For over a decade;
The answer's now come to me,
Alas, ten years too late.

 

The chance has slipped my hand,
And I am left behind.
Nobody understands,
What lies behind my eyes.

 

The road forward is blocked,
and there is no turning back.
Once love had spurred me on,
But now i have lost that.

 

How can i feel nothing, and mourn it?
How can my hope and dreams be stripped?
Were you ever the one for me?
Or was it just not meant to be?

 

Where did it all go?
Time, love, hope, us.
I feel sorrow, yet numb,
Things never look up.

 

One step forward, and two steps back.
When you call, i have a panic attack.
Face up to my fears,
Which I've held for years
If I confess my torment, will my life get back on track?

 

I reach out, I scream and yell.
But nothing escapes this dark and dreary cell.
Locked up in this cage,
A prisoner of this plague,
My breakout attempts are coldly repelled.

 

Standing in this storm,
With no way to turn
This world is so forlorn,
And my soul, it slowly burns.

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